[Grudge]Storyteller vs. TheInkwell

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Shadow, Oct 13, 2012.

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  1. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Monday @ 8:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
    •Failure to vote and/or post LABELED LINKS will result in vote deductions in your battle
    •If your opponent fails to show, you still must vote on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match!!! You WILL lose if you dont.
    •Voting is open until matches are closed. Deadlines are flexible!!!
    •Voting is open to PARTICIPANTS, RSTL MODERATORS, and PAST CHAMPIONS ONLY!!!
    •PAST CHAMPIONS MUST vote on a MINIMUM of 3 matches in order to be counted as a legitimate voter
    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

    Joined:
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    checking in. Storyteller, you can choose the topic for me to write on =] let me know what you want.

    this will be interesting
    test
  3. Storyteller

    Storyteller .:Your Fav. Mc's Idol:.

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2012
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    Just do whatever topic my friend


    @The Inkwell
    This is your pic the pic I'm writing to is the wheel chair handicap stairs
    [​IMG]
    test
  4. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

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    so i haven't had a chance to think about this matchup at all this week.. and i dont wanna soil your RSTL debut with a bullshit verse.. mind giving me an extension until saturday night? probably post afternoonish
    test
  5. Storyteller

    Storyteller .:Your Fav. Mc's Idol:.

    Joined:
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    test
  6. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

    Joined:
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    [​IMG]

    It's April 16th.

    Polishing my sister's tombstone
    Wiping off mud where there once was tears...
    Flowers are for apologies...
    I brought her roses.
    She'd dry them between diary pages...
    Before today, years ago.

    The flora from my last confession
    Still stands, like a sundial...
    Natural and mechanical.
    Ticking off my absence.
    That was always the issue, wasn't it?
    Pricking at my conscience...
    Only from this distance...
    Between my ground and your heaven

    I'll see you again in one year...
    test
  7. Storyteller

    Storyteller .:Your Fav. Mc's Idol:.

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Give me a little over the deadline please once I get off work I head home and finish off my ending please!!! @TheInkwell
    test
  8. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

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    fine by me, post whenever
    test
  9. Storyteller

    Storyteller .:Your Fav. Mc's Idol:.

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    142
    [​IMG]

    A metamorphose- drowning in clout of the weak,
    Scissor wounds deep carving a kaleidoscope speech.
    Trembling feet, a shadow of deaths fatigue,
    Searchin' but in preach- ive only charred myself incomplete.
    Ashes deplete, clouds with black smoke- figure me lines,
    Creating artistry mimes to dance alone In The night.
    Manciple jaws bite the hand that strides the darkest of woes,
    A Caspian clone mimicking through the valley of cold.
    Casted a rogue, a plague that just deepens its end,
    Finding mirrors to reflect sin that dampens the state I'm already in.
    Shivering tide rolls passed a centrality sigh,
    Groping goodbye- hands broken with a heart thats been openly dried.
    Feasting away all the cries that mock me to sleep at night,
    Gasping for life, floating my tears to the loneliest skies.
    enshrined a golden mind that sputters belief
    But beneath that speech- a lucid tourniquet weeps-
    Guilding its reach through vile tubes and vast clots,
    Slitting every knot that's left me in this chair to rot.
    Defined a fumed truffle with chipped edges and fragile,
    Helpess- a cattle preyed upon yet strapped with a satchel,
    So if i'd move its disaster yet I stay i'd lose a battle
    Alone- concrete jungle yet this remains my castle.
    For my effort is nothing, the doctor motioned me dead,
    In the near future but i'd rather have it now instead.
    Yet, I'm a ramose being left in shards of my past,
    Ive handed death first hand but it was my way of breaking bad.
    So let me see the other half that ive dealt to the innocence,
    I killed the cat that was curious so prepare my deliverance.
    Secret oblivious, butchildrens hearts ive always feasted,
    But this time I fight the devil my self- his own demon.

    "The screams meant little but my time has come,
    I killed them for a living and that cant be undone"
    test
  10. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    Ink - I thought this started off a bit rocky. The wording seemed a bit off in the first two lines.

    "Polishing my sister's tombstone
    Wiping off mud where there once was tears..."

    'Wiping off mud from where there was were tears' sounds a lot clear imo and adds more to the imagery. Even if you didn't use all of that. I only knit pick that because you only wrote 16 lines (or so) lol. Other than that, the imagery was great. You flowed well as the story progressed. I just wished you developed the character. It was a bit of a tease here. Still a nice piece of writing to kick the dust off. Good work.


    Story - Impressive story here. I don't remember reading anything from you before but this was a pleasant surprise. The mechanics were solid for the most part. The one thing i would work on for next time is the wording. lines like "So if i'd move its disaster yet I stay i'd lose a battle" didn't flow well to me. Perhaps there was a missing comma or something. Wording can make or break a story for me and although if wasn't a chore to read, if could be if you aren't careful in the future. Nicely done tho.


    V/ Story for having a more completed story. Good work guys
    test
  11. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2002
    Messages:
    4,146
    ink:
    poetically sweet with a bitter end. So I believe the old romeo n Juliet story is in play here, he plans to kill himself to be closer to her. Its lovely full of emotion with some solid description. This piece was more like an intro to a lot bigger story but still held its own. Dope piece.

    story:
    You've clearly done this before, you are a magnificent writer who delivered such potent work here. With the hard hitting metaphors and wordplay describing the characters feelings and motives to the actually progression of the story itself you didnt falter. I was getting worried that there wouldnt actually be a story in here just all emotion but you laced it up by the end. Your vocab was strong and your structured the piece to have a nice flow. Nice one.

    vote = story

    his verse was more developed, more polished and overall he outshine ink.

    dope verses guys and g/l
    test
  12. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    ink- I gotta feeling you wanted to come out and beat a new guy in a manner that took no real effort by you. lol You underestimate others I think. Besides the obvious lack of any real identifiable rhyme scheme, I felt this was well worded and placed. But the content, being as it is, needed to be fresh and different from this famous theme. Not bad, but not impressive. Was not doing anything for me to be honest.

    ST- I felt this to be the verse of the week, and was surprised. I like the good balance of rhyme, flow, story narration and pace. It was coherent and fresh. Good job bro. This was not overdone and read really well.

    v-st
    test
  13. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2002
    Messages:
    12,377
    The flora from my last confession
    Still stands, like a sundial...
    Natural and mechanical.
    Ticking off my absence.
    That was always the issue, wasn't it?
    Pricking at my conscience...
    Only from this distance...
    Between my ground and your heaven


    This is the type of writing that strikes a chord in me. It doesn't have to be too clever or artistic to have depth, imagery, and truth. Although when you can do it.. that way leads to mastery.

    I'm there man, you brought me to that moment and everything that surrounded that reality for a brief while.

    I'm a much better 'from life' writer than a create from nothing author and I think when it comes to poetry, it's especially vital that it comes from your being.

    A small offering from you but still appreciated.


    Storyteller -

    Man I dig it, being vivid and descriptive, with your imagery and vocabulary...

    If people can perceive the phrasing and how each word in the sentence or bars are a progression of an idea... it's the economy of words to convey massiveness.

    A metamorphose- drowning in clout of the weak,
    Scissor wounds deep carving a kaleidoscope speech.


    drowning in clout of the weak huh... that's a theme i've been touching on recently... how we allow ourselves to be governed by tyrants basically

    i read this line like, us changing for the worse under the influence of retarded bullies and it's so deep it even affects our basic speech patterns, and with that, the lines of reasoning to talk that speak of fabrication...

    you read my verse this week so you can see the similarities...

    Ashes deplete, clouds with black smoke- figure me lines,
    Creating artistry mimes to dance alone In The night.


    The uncommon imagery makes me heart warm lol, and i see how 'figure me lines' pairs with 'artistry mimes'... but the 'dance alone in the night' is just off a little bit and makes the rhyme drop abruptly. Faltered cadence due to slant right.

    You have a strong writers voice, it's not overbearing or off putting at all, it's there without being present, if that makes sense.

    case in point Manciple jaws bite the hand that strides the darkest of woes,

    Shivering tide rolls passed a centrality sigh,

    I like that subtle rhyme pattern and how the sounds flow, like it's all off the tip of your tongue

    Well written piece man, lots of scenery, I think you dwelled in some spots, it satisfies my right brain, but the ending with the half ditch effort to put some story criteria I could do without.

    I mean there's nothing wrong with just writing off the picture and being a topical, like you have a subject matter and go from there.

    It feels like you compromised.


    Enjoyed the read guys Vote Storyteller.
    test
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