[Grudge]Cereal_Killer vs. Cigma

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Shadow, Oct 13, 2012.

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  1. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    [​IMG]

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    test
  2. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
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    test
  3. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

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    You gon' get this work ;)
    test
  4. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

    Joined:
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    Political Science
    ..

    [​IMG]
    ..
    From local visits to the children’s euthanasia prison
    I’ve choked on the vision of building social Darwinism
    I’ve harboured and I’ve listened
    I’ve existed without laughter as my armour for what’s witnessed
    At Eichberg’s edge I persist with this one primal source of business
    That Hitler was right to believe it is just survival of the fittest
    ..
    Lost and polluted, my morale had tumbled once too often
    When I found refuge past the mounting burial of my coffin
    With my development doctrines in medical achievements
    I departed that dawn to a province with rationale and freedom
    Practically defeated, acting sporadically this radical genius
    Casually conceded the truth for the tools you need to dream with
    A smoke screen extremists, I did what they wanted for a reason
    To deplete a disease that devours the blessing of breathing
    From a fetus, epileptic seizers can repel the properties
    Of a well portioned presence without Corpus Callosotomy
    A procedure so perverse yet still commonly engineered
    By carving your brains white matter track that connects the hemispheres
    It’s brutal and it’s barbaric but for right now that’s all we’ve got
    Shocked, I must seek out a cure before they formally haul me off
    Rotting from the inside, I am a time bomb with a prime dead line
    Because my grandson goes under the knife once I sculpt my next slice
    Tired, stressed, frighten and wrecked, my life is in a lab, coated in sweat
    Choking down meds, I’m frozen and hopeless ‘til my focus resets
    Then like a poker it wrenched a revelation so damn immense
    From electro techniques we can reach the futures degree of defence
    At birth the first gene has been found which can now hold ground for debate
    How could we shave down a child’s brain when an ultra sound stimulates
    Best believe this gene could move mountains through any fools argument
    I harbour the data of outlined proof and then call parliament
    I claim in vain yet they cut my funding and request my research
    Forced to hide my notes, I send them to the most obsessive experts
    Flustered and disturbed by congress stomping on a process that works
    I honestly hurt as my grandchild begs for help that’s consciously worse
    Absurd yet when there’s no other option you must sever the nerves
    With pressure I perch a scalpel through his skull and measure my worth
    After three days under he opens his eyes to a pillaged practice
    From cabinets to pride with savage delight i watched these villains damage
    I sit with him to express with distain what remains to be left
    See population control is no longer contained by just death
    It is now sustained by the torment in torture, fortune and debt
    If the government cured everything what would be taxed at our expense
    A tear falls from his eye like a portal to the future victims
    As physically he can no longer speak to voice his opinion
    ..
    test
  5. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
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    I've been told this world is black and white
    yet I never thought that quite right it's rather morbid…
    And how is this a fair fight, like abortions
    when we're spoon fed portions of poisoned medicine
    umbilical invisible amorphous wounds from the womb
    that's poor bred/bread brethren!

    Pre-set perceptions of life n death rhetoric,
    whining n dining on a diet of dying crying delicate
    it's a crime happening all the time babies vs dynamite…

    Well I'm a blast of light let me pasteurize and bask your eyes!

    TIC TALK lines do we KABOOM before we cut Wires of Liars?
    Means to a meaning where we're born into debt dablouns… capitalized
    Led by fools human beings being used like tools quarantined to gloom,
    these defects birthed become ILLs legitimate if we elect buffoons.

    So don't be doomed, to move like Looney Toons panicking...
    When they see ACME anvils falling, Dummies stand still
    un-illuminated not acting Trill like real Men will but Mannequins,
    whimsy children displaced pods akin to lil lost Skywalkin Anakin
    upon a sordid board of Hoarded Hoary schemes
    an unseen Entity's decrees seeks to sap our energies, inner G-O-D
    pervasively distorting a Heavenly pedigree... if only we let it be.

    Pawns with kings within their DNA dreaming escape to freedom
    being released from old agreements created by guardians/demons
    at one time necessarily heeded, a basis but now no longer needed,
    because let's face it in reality those ideas are too base and basic
    for the transformation to a grander nature, why God made YOU.

    Decisions with divisions our oppressive religions we live with
    become obscene un-inter-esting since, a wisdom and an infinite
    intelligence paid to me a visit maKING impressions more Majestic
    than any peasants "I'm only human being…" sentiments or two cents.

    It's derelict to acquiesce dispossessed when we're upset,
    In our distress we'll let the Man win, how He assumes we'll lose it…
    but to grow immune you'll have prove smarter than your hardship!
    Harvesting picking up sunshine drinking down rain with Donovan
    Earth Wind and Fire "Fantasy" piloting farther Jefferson's Starship
    Especially when the MAN Upstairs made u 2 b loved, beloved perfect!

    when the Man wins…. No I said when the mAN wins!!!
    when the mAN wins anything can happen

    [​IMG]

    birds swim in an ocean filled brimmed not so grim sky
    artificial colors dyeing pale in comparison to divine vision
    The current scene of green of currency is curtains, See…

    Accept my wait/weight loss as an apology, but I'm not bulimic
    I was eating without meaning getting defeeded unbelieving
    when the only reason for this season was gaining strength
    for a transition... napkin and excuses left at the table now I'm cooking
    grown n able with technique n recipes fire up the kindling in the kitchen
    once again I'm dishing out nutrition acknowledging this shoulder chip,
    motivation to finally make a world of difference, the older I get...
    I won't forget these hard earned lessons that made me realize life's infinite blessings.
    test
  6. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    60,689
    CK - Like usual, an utterly delightful read. You seem to love the complex writing style and it really works for you. You did what some other people fail to do which was keeping it consistent. I did enjoy it although the problem i have deeper topics is that, depending on my mood, my mind tend to drift a little. :) still a solid piece of writing


    Cigma - I loved when you used alliteration in your stories. You do it so well. 'human beings being' was cleverly placed here. You tend to write with a lot of clever wording this go around. At points it was a little difficult to follow but for the most part it wasn't. I liked how you placed the picture. I started off not really knowing what you were going for but things made sense once i got to the picture. Nicely done Cigma!


    V/ CK, his verse was a bit clearer to read. Cigma was a bit more clever with his wording but at times it made things a little cumbersome to read. nicely done!
    test
  7. Storyteller

    Storyteller .:Your Fav. Mc's Idol:.

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2012
    Messages:
    142
    Ck- this was just a wondrous drop man.... highly insightful and straight to the point of emotion and content binin all the right areas and really setting ablaze your verse with fire through out the verse

    Cigma- your emotion and attention to detail was wonderful and just top of the li e presence along with your alliteration bring forth the creativity. You endulged with great scraps of intelligence my man,


    This was a great battle but CK had more of a appeal to my liking this topic he had done was just great.
    test
  8. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    Ck-

    Hot rhymes in areas, fast paced, somewhat convoluted but a good stream of thought. Not much story to anchor in, this was in your face which left me asking myself at the end what did I just read ? Confused in areas but always developing, I still liked this. Strong point were the line sets and rhyme. Weak point was the watered down progression for sake of rhyme.

    Cig- I enjoyed reading your first two sections...good plays on words. Without much direction and pre knowledge where all this wordage was going this felt a bit stitched together because you did not tie anything together. Other than great lines that stood up well individually, but as a whole this was for me incomplete. The lines were clean in some areas but messy in others...polish this up and give it reason added with the feeling given already then we got something.

    V ck
    test
  9. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    736
    CK- typical level of excellence from you.. some of your off rhymes were pushing it a bit too far though, (reason / breathing). solid piece and you kept the flurry of rhymes throughout, and though some of the word choice was a bit comical to me, it worked for your piece and it's proabably just my strange sense of humor..

    cigma- without a doubt, one of my top 3 fave writers here... there were alot of smart things you did here with the words you chose and where you placed them that i really appreciated. some of them were just humorous in a good way. personally i prefer when writers don't make their wordplay etc. so obvious (all-capsing it, using slashes or parenthesis to show the wordplay, etc..), but i can understand not wanting people to read over and miss them. the lines were great when i break them down individually (which is usually not the case), but when i look at the whole thing, it feels like you had all this excitement, but couldn't keep it under control.. the rust on your pen is pretty visible, but i know it wont take long for you to shake that off..

    vote- CK, had the more solid and consistent piece in this one..
    test
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