[Grudge]Aesthet1c vs. patrown

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Shadow, Jan 16, 2013.

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  1. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
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    [​IMG]

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM PST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
    •Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent. Failure to acknowledge an extension request results in it being granted.
    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default. A no show in the tourney will result in elimination.
    •If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 3 voting links in order to claim victory. A failure to post voting links will result in a loss.
    •A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!!
    •If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote
    •Upon your second no show, you will be suspended for two weeks of competition. A third no show will result in a three week suspension and a fourth will result in a suspension for the remainder of the season. There is no suspension for first time no showers.
    • Competitors are limited to posting 3 times in their own match, which allows for checking in, posting votes, and posting a verse. For each post over 3 unless deemed necessary by the mods, the competitor will be docked one vote.
    • Each competitor may only post once in another competitors battle allowing for a vote and nothing more, if you would like an explanation or to explain as to why a vote was cast a certain way, you can pm them or point things out properly in the vote to begin with. Violating this will result in losing a vote in your match.
    • A verse can be edited if and only if it is the first verse to be posted and the other verse has yet to be posted or it is the second verse posted and a vote has yet to be received.
    • Members found constantly disruptive to the league will have their sign-in ignored.


    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Monday @ 8:59 PM PST

    •You MUST vote on AT LEAST 5 matches AND post links in your thread
    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
    •Voting on the Championship and Contender matches is mandatory
    •Champ and Contender links MUST be labeled accordingly
    •Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 FULL lines in length per verse in order to be deemed valid (Discretion given on incomplete verses)
    •Failure to vote and/or post LABELED LINKS will result in vote deductions in your battle
    •If your opponent fails to show, you still must vote on 3 matches as well as posting those links in your match!!! You WILL lose if you dont.
    •Voting is open until matches are closed. Deadlines are flexible!!!
    •Voting is open to PARTICIPANTS, RSTL MODERATORS, and PAST CHAMPIONS ONLY!!!
    •PAST CHAMPIONS MUST vote on a MINIMUM of 3 matches in order to be counted as a legitimate voter
    •Editing your vote for any reason must be done within the hour of the original post time. Otherwise, the vote will be null and void.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. Aesthet1c

    Aesthet1c The Morning Star

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2012
    Messages:
    431
    Love the drop!
    test
  3. patrown

    patrown student for life

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,177
    check.

    @cigma - you definitely called where my heads at. good vote man thank you.
    test
  4. Aesthet1c

    Aesthet1c The Morning Star

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2012
    Messages:
    431

    [​IMG]

    We are all destinned for greatness our stories are never told.
    The blood circulates heat yet everyones hands are cold.



    The weave of life blankets decisions.
    Fissions your visions like stabbing fates repetition.
    Your dreams are reality the essence of conditions.
    As I woke this morning too find life in ignition.
    I see beauty unscathed by poets definitions.
    The feeling inexplicable too continue the day.
    Thoughts moving stray yet idealism without sway.
    I pray for the day I reconstruct the fray.
    For the boundry of pay is limited to the brain.
    AS I notice this thought description's drop like rain.
    The matrix of paradox am I dreaming or is this pain?
    I look down upon my palms to find the universe gleaming.
    Seeming the seems are teeming like holes in a blanket.
    The stars, the milk, nectared ownership of this trinket.
    Stab my arm out of good faith.
    Now engraved in my brain floods images of false pain.
    Reality is fallacy no longer can I contain.
    In this thought I create architecture inperplexed
    Fractal images I cannot explain through verbal context.
    Multiplying and flexed, colors rain im vexed.
    Everything, emotional happiness sight in the plain.
    A flat grid of creation I need where too start.
    Like a harp, melody as I spring forth, aesthetic.
    become dull with life, high off this anesthetic.
    The ground I face, Rise to inperplexed taste.
    It stutters into place and shows nothing but grace.
    It's imperfections laced with a preface untouched.
    What it's too be natural, created I hunched.
    Stare ecstatic as I shift through this bodies attic.
    Static as I touch the beams of this thirst for abstract.
    Steadily I ignore emotions that I contrast.
    For this perfection must remain feral or else it's outkasts.
    Vision grows colors implicating the canvas.
    Yet I havn't painted anything...

    The sun looks dim slowly turning blue.
    THe horizon grasps definence.
    Trees and grass grows with deckedance.
    like photos of everyday video with prominence.
    The hills and valleys look anguished.
    So I birth them mountains and streams now painless.
    Take a plane of grass and notice how its fameless.
    Perhaps the frameless picture is why it's aimless.
    I conduct shameless acts of giving birth to earth.
    Snapping trees at the girth enjoying destruction.
    Enjoying construction, though;..
    Is what I ease too please.
    Noticing my devilish taste within this dream.
    Streams of color flood my vision yet again.
    Reminding my subconscious too mark it fold 10x
    reprimend all thought dripping from My pen...
    My own creation is a dream, not a friend.
    In my current affair I drop unto the plane.
    WHETHER OR NOT masters enforce slavery.
    DARKEST ASPECTS of life are feeling airy.
    Im as light as a feather now spinning reality.
    Like a fountain of ink filled with bloodless casulties.
    I understand my hands now, this is not a dream....
    It's a fallacy...

    We are all destinned for greatness our stories are never told.
    The blood circulates heat yet everyones hands are cold.



    Your dreams are simply reality, everything you can think of is a possibility. Really the things poets cannot scathe are in your dreams, yet dreams are real.. Because you have them...
    test
  5. patrown

    patrown student for life

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,177
    fak editing in momentarily

    aesthetic: deep drop meign.
    test
  6. patrown

    patrown student for life

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,177
    [​IMG]
    feet soaked in concrete run through construction zones
    leaving mirrored prints in a world later painted with chrome
    life's waiting for blue prints wet ink yet to dry
    discerning one's distance in this instant in time

    its hard to tell if the rat race even started
    why's the angel playing harps in limbo
    my violin's at home..
    how do you know when to restart?
    time's sliding away on it's own

    when will power alone devours certainty
    the jaws of the beast urge us all on fervently
    until you rest in piece a merchants greed's given in breast feeding
    and moments to admire grass growing are long past needing
    living beyond one's means needs to stay in the scope
    each wrinkle's a trace of the past
    and the beginning of future growth
    each line on our faces just a trace of a past we have to know
    because forgetting life's lessons makes a road less traveled home

    oceans of the times erode each emotion in faces
    waiting for the moment hearts were frozen like lakes
    life buds, opens and closes
    turns in to roses and breaks
    when stamped to the ground by opposing vices and faith
    violet pieces drift around the world breaking all the same
    it's where the petals land we build foundations and frames

    each line on our face just a trace of a past we have to know
    because forgetting life's lessons makes a road less traveled home
    throw the savings in a fountain drink watch it dissolve
    working to lives a serpent with fangs dripping liquid resolve
    it's the wicked that calls out the sick in us all
    cant live in withdrawal for anything but the health in our hands
    chasing tomorrow's a mistake most will never understand
    leaving soul's wandering as images burnt in the sand
    test
  7. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2002
    Messages:
    12,377
    Aes...

    "I look down upon my palms to find the universe gleaming.
    Seeming the seems are teeming like holes in a blanket.
    The stars, the milk, nectared ownership of this trinket.
    Stab my arm out of good faith."

    Your spelling needs work, it should be seams, which if you are trying to do wordplay, you gotta be more polished, I know what you're doing. But I really enjoyed this part and what it consisted of from words to meaning. But the construction needs work. Blanket and trinket, not really smooth slant rhymes. The syllables aren't even either.. good raw material needs to be shaped better.

    Your writing style and and the areas of the spirit and mind you probe are in the same kingdom that I sometimes like to dwell in rumination. You say many smart things. Clever words.

    The imagery is strong at times and the questions are provocative.

    Yet, there is something off putting to me. I want to go with you on this journey but for some reason in the depth of my being I feel a numbness, a lack of authenticity.

    "Trees and grass grows with deckedance.
    like photos of everyday video with prominence."

    It's lines like this, which really ring hollow.

    You are only using the outside form of this style, which might fool the uninitiated, but to those that have been to the inner sanctum, it's a diluted.

    So as far as writing and vocabulary, wordplay, creativity, they are very strong..

    well you said it yourself..

    "Like a harp, melody as I spring forth, aesthetic.
    become dull with life, high off this anesthetic."

    That is how I feel about your verse. Every line was a temporary high.


    Pat...

    "each line on our face just a trace of a past we have to know
    because forgetting life's lessons makes a road less traveled home"

    Probably my favorite line of the battle.

    See every word is powerful... A word can bring an image of something, Some words can even bring a whole story to mind, Some words can bring back a lifetime..

    "life's waiting for blue prints wet ink yet to dry
    discerning one's distance in this instant in time"

    I'm saying man you have depth in your writing. When I read some lines it talks to me, it has a conversation with my history and I see where you've been and I what you hope to do, it's a communication.

    "its hard to tell if the rat race even started
    why's the angel playing harps in limbo
    my violin's at home..
    how do you know when to restart?
    time's sliding away on it's own"

    I really try to stop being cliche now, even though I know it gives common ground. I think you don't have to do it if you have a clear idea of what you want to express.

    Tough call for me. I liked glimpses of Aes, and his writing was more ambitious and also very strong with imagery, but then Pat used the language of the common man to say more in less space of words and also went deeper with his subject in parts, while Aes gave the illusion of going deeper with bold proclamations but he was heading towards something, while Pat I felt had bursts of grown man insights.

    I slight the W to Aes, though cuz he was trying build a house, while I think Pat was getting things off his chest more.
    test
  8. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    pat you are really elevating man


    "it's the wicked that calls out the sick in us all"


    so true, gotta put on the whole armor of Elohim, Abba YAHUWAH to stand against the wiles of the wicked one.
    test
  9. TheInkwell

    TheInkwell New Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2011
    Messages:
    736
    i'll post my vote tomorrow.. i'm not sleeping on this!
    test
  10. Aesthet1c

    Aesthet1c The Morning Star

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2012
    Messages:
    431
    @Cigma

    Phenomenal vote man and mostly spot on in terms of my perception of weakness thank you!

    I gotta work on my spelling lol, getting too use to this autocorrect; Aint been too school in ages.
    test
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