Get Wit it

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by bagglad, Feb 2, 2012.

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  1. bagglad

    bagglad Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2005
    Messages:
    748
    Get Wit it

    My art brisk and have a sharp twist like a curve ball and
    This serve all with knowledge from college with a plan
    Innovative and creative with significant things on my sleeves
    Different bling and on microphones many inferior spills MC’S
    Must have superior skills keep my car interior filled with CD’S
    Soften my words as their often served on bread even birds fled
    When this stuff flocked together stay hot forever to the misled
    As for me my art act is like a heart attack cats can’t breathe
    Learned that from Fabulous, and some fall to their knees
    Need help still proceed except for an occasional rap song
    Feel trapped along the edges of life on ledges of strife wrong
    In my presence, but feel good as I ever did always been
    A clever kid and never slid into crime, that’s a no win
    Situation, lame time remains for crimes of the brain no end
    Headache, confirmed my plot is clog can learn a lot from
    A dog like how to bark in the park at dark then goes dumb
    And chew a bone after my crew is gone then prowl to get
    Sex piss on trees and howl when it’s complex become a threat
    To Tom Cats, drink rum and wine but sometime drinking make
    Fools of folks so I’m here to school with quotes but in a lake
    Of fakes need tools and a boat, cool enough to float on all this hate
    test
  2. bagglad

    bagglad Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2005
    Messages:
    748
    Rattle heads in battle threads touch crazies when I use
    Such phrases as produce chickens while my loose
    Noose quicken and tighten kicking and fighting for a truce
    In the habit of rhyming but a rabbit is climbing up my box
    Of cereal, “hey dude trixs are for kids” silly wabbit you no fox
    Cats game need practice ready to take aim at whackness
    Many Rhymes lame and factless can’t maintain and tactless
    Look I’m in the fog having fun trying to accustom my dog
    To a gun so I can stunt in this world and hunt squirrel in the fog
    Not a yuppie clown because I got a puppy hound that bark
    Fight with bravery, write gravy like what be in beef stew start
    To brief my crew, jump over moons for dates but in my room
    Dust accumulates put a CD tunes on and concentrate then boom
    Got to go out now here at the Seven Eleven looking at chicks
    See a girl’s beauty dominates and bright my body cooking quick
    Will she accomodate me tonight on a cake date can watch flixs
    Ready to rap make fuss then adapt and adjust to her love this girl
    Is on track and ballistic using facts and statistics love talk is hurled
    test
  3. K0mPleX

    K0mPleX New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2000
    Messages:
    198
    As much as there is substance, both post actually lack quality.

    I had to read your post over and over. Im sure if you put more time into what you write, it'd come out more polished.

    Reading the verses, I find nothing meshes together, its just bar after bar. You seem to be too focused on rhyming and forget to tell a story or paint a picture of what you are trying to say.

    This is not hate, just being honest. Have fun with it, but focus on certain things.
    The positive is that you have the ability to write, just get creative with it and things will come out more naturally.
    test
  4. bagglad

    bagglad Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2005
    Messages:
    748
    thanks fo rthe critique for real
    test
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