Gay Diary of Jeff Hardy

Discussion in 'Smack Down!' started by Nam Dekan, Dec 4, 2003.

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  1. Nam Dekan

    Nam Dekan i got a tip in my pocket

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    The Gay Diary of Jeff Hardy
    (As Seen on JasonRivera.com, October, 2001)

    Recently, Steve Jeffery and I were discussing wrestling conversation when Steve told me that recently he came across something interesting left behind in the parking lot of a recent RAW is WAR in Toronto. I was shocked to find that Steve had indeed found someone's diary... a diary that belongs to Jeff Hardy.



    Now we all have our su••••ions that Jeff is how shall we say... a flamer. I immediately asked Steve if the rumors were true, and Steve's response was sharing with me some of the revealing and incriminating entries in the journal... Take a look...

    THE DIARY OF JEFF HARDY, A 'RASTLER

    House Show
    Matt and ah lost anudder match, to of all people, Mideon & Viscera. Ah’m tired’ah this “paying our dues.” Later on that night Satan appeared to me and told me that If ah give up my manhood and mah immortal soul he’ll make Matt & I into stars and also give me the ability to fly and a super healing factor like Wolverine’s. Momma always said not tah talk to Satan but she’s dead now and he don’ seem too bad. Every time I jump off the ropes I hurt myself real bad. Healing factors sound good to me.

    I’m tired of these Rockers hand-me-down tights…

    House Show
    Gee-golly, I like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. It took me this long to realize that. I broke up with mah girlfriend today. She has boobies and ah din’t like them. Matt and I beat the Brood today. We also decided to start wearing really tight clothing – ah love mah new fishnet shirts. We also took out most of Edge’s teeth. They couldn’t figure out where all his teeth went so they added and entire extra row of ‘em. Some girl all hugged me from the crowd. I threw her off me. I hate girls!

    Jakked
    Boy, I’m sure getting tired of having to fight on Jakked ev’ry week. Back home in one of the Carolina’s (Ah can’t remember which. Matt got the brains, I got the indestructibility), ah used to know a guy named Jack. We didn’t get along to well because he was always talkin’ about girls he wanted to kiss. Ah used to talk to girls too, but only because some would listen to mah poetry. Here is a sample!

    “You're beautiful...but strange...
    So am I.
    You're smart...but still slow...
    So am I.
    You're impatient...but fast...
    So am I.
    You're tired...but still last...
    So do I.
    You're hot...but still cold...
    So am I.”

    That poem is about love and NOT about bum sex, no matter what Matt says.

    Sunday Night Heat
    Tonight we have a match on Sunday Night Heat against Kaientai! Finally, no more Jakked! Ah like wrestling on MTV because maybe ah’ll get to meet Carson Daly. He’s a real man, but I bet I could tame him. Ah mean, ah…ah could take him. In a match. With mah Swanton Bomb. Ah named that move all by myself. Ah like swans.

    Terri Invitational Tournament - Finals
    Satan told us that we had to team with Gangrel, on’ah his people. Ah hate teamin’ wit’ Gangrel – he’s fat and ugly. Ah hate fat. We just beat Edge and Christian because Christians need to die. We won a ladder match an’ since we won we own Terri Runnels. Ah heard she was married to a man like me named Goldust. Ah sure wish he still wuz’ wrestlin’ here. Ah like gold.

    Next Night on RAW
    Edge and Christian said they were our friends and have respect for us. We all took a shower together and Edge dropped the soap. Ah looked over. Gosh Edge has a big pecker. Ah wish mah pecker was big. Gangrel told us he slept with Terri and it hurt mah feelings that he was cheatin’ on me. Ah thought he thought ah was special, an’ his tongue-ring felt really good. We beat him up. The people in the back said that Gangrel won’t be allowed to talk to us anymore and they banished him to Jakked. Ah used to know a guy named Jack! We didn’t get along to well because he was always talkin’ about girls he wanted to kiss. Ah hate girls – they have cooties.

    Pay Per View (ah forgot which one)
    Tonight Jeff and I (Oh wait, ah’m Jeff, he’s Matt – sometimes ah forget) fought the ACYLYTES. Did ah spell that right? Well, ah tried to fly and Bradshaw clotheslined me out of the air and even though it look like it hurt it don’t I love mah invincibility. It means ah’ll never be a cripple like Shawn Michaels or Christopher Reeve. Ah took mah shirt off and girls started cheerin’ ah don’t know why. Ah demand silence durin’ mah matches.

    RAW
    Jeff and Matt and ah have a rematch against the Acolytes tonight. Matt doesn’t like fighting them because they hit real hard. Ah kinda like it, but ah don’t tell Mr. McMahon that. Sometimes Bradshaw gives me a Samoan drop and it turns me on, but ah don’t think that makes me weird. Ah think that I’ll write a poem about it later.

    SMACKDOWN!
    Ah dyed my hair tonight. Bright purple with blue streaks and yellow streaks. Mah head looks like a rainbow. Ah like rainbows. Ah was told that we’re having a ladder match on PPV coming up soon. Standing on ladders makes me feel like a princess.


    2 Days After Wrestlemania
    Edge and Christian turned into meanies. Ah’m heartbroken. Christian was kinda cute. Mah favorite actor is Christian Slater so ah kinda took tah Christian. They made fun of us on RAW for not talking’ very much. Ah just sometimes forget how tah talk. I’d rather let it be Matt’s problem. The Dudleys put me through a table. Ah love fighting the Dudleys because their WAZZUP move is cool. D’Von’s head feels good in mah crotch. People tell me chocolate is better’n vanilla. Ah don’ know what that means.

    RAW
    Matt and Jeff and ah won the tag team belts tonight. Ah still like gold. Sometimes ah wish mah bed was filled with gold petals. That reminds me of the poem ah’ve been writing.

    We both want to be...
    A forever seen star.
    I have to say...a lot in common
    is what we are.

    Ah love you Bradshaw

    It’s a work in progress.

    SMACKDOWN!
    Pat Patterson asked me and Jeff if we could help set up the ring tonight. Ah said sure because he offered me a surprise afterwards. Ah like surprises. Mah brother said no, he doesn’t do that anymore. And ah said, well someone has to set up the ring and get the insert the poles correctly. Mah brother warned me that last time ah helped set up the ring, that ah couldn’t ride mah dirt bike for a week.
    test
  2. Nam Dekan

    Nam Dekan i got a tip in my pocket

    Joined:
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    SMACKDOWN!
    Dad… ah mean Matt is fighting a guy from Mexico. Ah think Mexico is like in Florida but ah’m not sure. I think is name is Essa Rios. Ah think it means Ass Rich. It sure sounds like it. I like asses. I like rich asses a lot. Essa lost and beat up his girlfriend. Ah like the way she dresses she’s cool. Ah wonder if she’ll go shopping with me later. Ah like thongs and the way they look on me. Ah gotta go dye my hair turquoise now.

    RAW
    This guy named Dean Malenko has been stalkin’ Lita. His friend Saturn wears dresses so he’s ok but Matt doesn’t like these Radicalz stalkin’ her like that. There’s another Mexican with them too. Ah like mullets. Anyway Matt beat Dean and Lita kissed him. It was gross. AH heard they didn’t show it in Canada because kissing girls is how people get cooties and you can die from cooties.



    RAW
    Ah won the anticonstipation title tonight from Triple H – it’s an impotent belt and it was a tough match. I copped a feel on Hunter’s ass and he ain’t like it much which I don’t understand because he got buttraped by Chyna and seemed to like it so he beat the shit out of me last night and took his belt back. Matt and I used to play Monopoly at home on Friday nights but he’s in the bedroom making babies with Lita. If Matt has a baby I hope he names it after Bradshaw I think Texas guys are cute. Ah’m gonna go paint mah fingernails, listen to some Depeche Mode an’ go tah’ bed. I love you diary.

    SMACKDOWN!
    Ah lost the anticonstipation title tonight to Triple H. He said backstage that he didn’t want any “pussies” holding the belt. Ah said, “What About Goldust? Or Chyna?” He said there was nothing pussy about Chyna whatsoever. Ah don’t understand. But ah miss mah gold. Ah guess I’ll have to write a poem about it later. Matt’s been spending a lot of time with Lita. Trish Stratus came to talk to me and showed me her bra after the show. Ah wonder where I could get one like that.







    Saturday Night
    The WWF doesn’t have much for me to do right now. They gave Matt the European belt. He gets the belt, and the girl, and all ah get is injured ribs Ah need a companion too. Ah hear this new guy, RVD is coming here soon, and he likes ladders and jumping off things just as much as ah do. Maybe we will be best friends. Maybe we will be much more.

    Ah wrote a poem about RVD

    You're amazing...but weird...
    So am I.
    You're yourself...but still feared...
    So am I.
    We both want to be...
    A forever seen star.
    I have to say...a lot in common
    is what we are.

    I hope you like boys too.

    Monday
    Big Show looked like he was gonna rape Trish in the middle of the ring so I said that being raped by a big man looks like fun so I tried to sacrifice myself so that I could get some action. Show said once on stern that anal sex can’t happen because his dick is too big so I felt dumb because I came out here for nothin and Show didn’t want me. I wrote another poem

    Hey you’re big…
    I’m not…
    Hey you’ve got a penis.
    I do too.
    Hey you were hardcore champion.
    So was I.
    Hey you’re really fat
    But I can fly.

    I have a purty mouth - Rape me.

    Monday
    Trish kissed me now I have to go to the doctor and have myself tested for cooties. This boy that was a lot like me caught cooties once and got all this boils on his skin and then he caught a cold and died. Trish is following me. Lita is mad that Trish kissed me too because she knows I don’t like it. Matt thinks I like Trish but Trish’s butt isn’t hairy enough for my taste. I was worried and I started itching I think from the cooties so I asked Pat Patterson what to do. He told me he’d give me a full body massage.

    I felt better later.

    Invasion PPV
    Ah won the Hardcore belt again, and had to defend it against RVD at the Invasion PPV. We both got to climb ladders, and I bet he felt like a princess too. We rolled around a lot, but he kicked me in the face too much. Why does he push me away, when all ah want to do is love him?



    He won the match, and afterwards ah asked him if he wanted to shower with me. He said “Everything’s cool when you’re R-V-D, except for that”. Maybe ah will be alone forever.

    WWF RAW



    Ah didn’t wrestle tonight. Ah thought I was invincible, but those ladders hurt a bit from last night. Vince gave me the day off. Ah was watching WWF Excess, and they showed clips of me riding mah dirt bike around and doing stunts. The Undertaker ran into me today and said “I saw you on Excess riding around, boy. That’s what they call a homo-cycle”. Ah think he likes me.


    Wednesday
    Trish’s ankle broke like a wishbone so she’s not my manager anymore. Maybe now I can get a guy manager. I wish Pat Patterson was my manager.

    SMACKDOWN!
    Bubba Ray put me through a table. It’s startin’ to hurt. Ah don’t feel so fresh I went to the doctor later on and they told me that my brain is all messed up from my bumps but I told them that’s Perry Saturn’s gimmick. One time Perry Saturn had this guardian angel/ranger gimmick in wcw and he started to wear dresses like a princess. He had a leash too. Ah like leashes. Ah rode my dirtbike later on and Undertaker threw a beer can at me and told me one day we all gotta go. Ah thought he was inviting me somewhere but he wasn’t I wonder if a penis can fit into Kane’s mask. Maybe I’ll ask Kane and find out.

    House Show
    I asked Kane if I could stick my penis in his mask and he chokeslammed me and when I woke up I saw Liberache but Liberache is dead. Is this heaven?



    SMACKDOWN!
    We’re fighting the Hurricane and Lance Storm and I am happy bout that because Hurricane wears tights and I can see his penis. He’s from North Carolina too and he can fly – I bet he feels pretty when he flies like me. Edge pulled Lance Storms pants down and I saw his underwear it’s Power Rangers like mine and I like that. I tried to pull his pants down but I missed and Ivory whacked me upside the head and we lost I got to look at Hurricane’s penis though, and wrote another famous matt I mean jeff poem

    Flying through the air
    I can do that too
    Wearing tight pants
    I like to do that too
    You’re a man
    I’m one too
    Can I tug on your cape?
    I want to be Hurra-raped!

    SMACKDOWN!

    Ah asked The Hurricane if he wanted to play superhero with me. Ah said that ah’d make a great Wonder Woman. He said no. Ah wrote a poem about how ah felt about it.

    Shot through the heart
    And you’re to blame
    You give love a bad name
    I play my part and you play your game
    You give love a bad name
    You give love a bad name

    Ah showed Bradshaw, hoping that he’d think ah was sensitive. He said to me “you stole that from a Bon Jovi song, you faggot”
    test
  3. Nam Dekan

    Nam Dekan i got a tip in my pocket

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    Ah like Bon Jovi.

    Sunday, WWF New York
    Ah get to be at WWF New York today. Ah'm scared they might bomb this place but i have my own type of bomb a swanton bomb that will make it better. Wow these people like me a lot there's this boy walking around with tight leather pants liek the ones Test wore after he got rid of his pink booty shorts which I bought for him and smelled it once. I think ahm gonna get his number. He looks kinda young though but i think thats ok - Matt once had sex with an eight year old when but she was an older eight year old like she was eight ten years ago but she's still eight so I think its still wrong but i guess since matt did it its ok but hes the brains i should aks him but he's not here hes with lita having sex. I guess i should take a chance like ah always do besides HARDY BOYZ ALWAYS LIVE FOR THE MOMENT!!!!
    test
  4. EdJames

    EdJames I'm Ed James Bitch

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    LOL, certainly made me laugh if nothing else!
    test
  5. Macabre

    Macabre Guest

    Ah liked this post.
    test
  6. The_MRB

    The_MRB infiltrate your border

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    lmfao classic shit
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  7. Serge dot T

    Serge dot T Guest

    this even serious?
    test
  8. Nam Dekan

    Nam Dekan i got a tip in my pocket

    Joined:
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    its from a website

    The Gay Diary of Jeff Hardy
    (As Seen on JasonRivera.com, October, 2001)
    test
  9. 6th_plague

    6th_plague More then meets the eye

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    Does it sound serious?
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  10. M-theory

    M-theory Saint Esprit

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    I remember reading this a long time ago and don't feel like reading it again at the moment. But I remember Top Dawg and I had some pretty great conversations on AIM.

    UNDAHTAYKAH!!! YAH BATE MAH AHSS!
    test
  11. Scienc3

    Scienc3 New Member

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    lmmfao, all i gots to say
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  12. dirt mcgirt

    dirt mcgirt New Member

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    test
  13. Macabre

    Macabre Guest

    You rolled on the floor twice?
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  14. dirt mcgirt

    dirt mcgirt New Member

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    yes, yes I did
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  15. I bE dOpE

    I bE dOpE New Member

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    lol. Nice. :p
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  16. Tremendous

    Tremendous New Member

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  17. Macabre

    Macabre Guest

    "nothing pussy about Chyna whatsoever"
    I just noticed that lmao
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  18. Ragu is a Soldier

    Ragu is a Soldier New Member

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    ahahah this shit is great!
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  19. Nam Dekan

    Nam Dekan i got a tip in my pocket

    Joined:
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    lol this is still great
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  20. Macabre

    Macabre Guest

    Yes, yes it is.
    test
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