The Gay Diary of Jeff Hardy (As Seen on JasonRivera.com, October, 2001) Recently, Steve Jeffery and I were discussing wrestling conversation when Steve told me that recently he came across something interesting left behind in the parking lot of a recent RAW is WAR in Toronto. I was shocked to find that Steve had indeed found someone's diary... a diary that belongs to Jeff Hardy. Now we all have our su••••ions that Jeff is how shall we say... a flamer. I immediately asked Steve if the rumors were true, and Steve's response was sharing with me some of the revealing and incriminating entries in the journal... Take a look... THE DIARY OF JEFF HARDY, A 'RASTLER House Show Matt and ah lost anudder match, to of all people, Mideon & Viscera. Ah’m tired’ah this “paying our dues.” Later on that night Satan appeared to me and told me that If ah give up my manhood and mah immortal soul he’ll make Matt & I into stars and also give me the ability to fly and a super healing factor like Wolverine’s. Momma always said not tah talk to Satan but she’s dead now and he don’ seem too bad. Every time I jump off the ropes I hurt myself real bad. Healing factors sound good to me. I’m tired of these Rockers hand-me-down tights… House Show Gee-golly, I like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. It took me this long to realize that. I broke up with mah girlfriend today. She has boobies and ah din’t like them. Matt and I beat the Brood today. We also decided to start wearing really tight clothing – ah love mah new fishnet shirts. We also took out most of Edge’s teeth. They couldn’t figure out where all his teeth went so they added and entire extra row of ‘em. Some girl all hugged me from the crowd. I threw her off me. I hate girls! Jakked Boy, I’m sure getting tired of having to fight on Jakked ev’ry week. Back home in one of the Carolina’s (Ah can’t remember which. Matt got the brains, I got the indestructibility), ah used to know a guy named Jack. We didn’t get along to well because he was always talkin’ about girls he wanted to kiss. Ah used to talk to girls too, but only because some would listen to mah poetry. Here is a sample! “You're beautiful...but strange... So am I. You're smart...but still slow... So am I. You're impatient...but fast... So am I. You're tired...but still last... So do I. You're hot...but still cold... So am I.” That poem is about love and NOT about bum sex, no matter what Matt says. Sunday Night Heat Tonight we have a match on Sunday Night Heat against Kaientai! Finally, no more Jakked! Ah like wrestling on MTV because maybe ah’ll get to meet Carson Daly. He’s a real man, but I bet I could tame him. Ah mean, ah…ah could take him. In a match. With mah Swanton Bomb. Ah named that move all by myself. Ah like swans. Terri Invitational Tournament - Finals Satan told us that we had to team with Gangrel, on’ah his people. Ah hate teamin’ wit’ Gangrel – he’s fat and ugly. Ah hate fat. We just beat Edge and Christian because Christians need to die. We won a ladder match an’ since we won we own Terri Runnels. Ah heard she was married to a man like me named Goldust. Ah sure wish he still wuz’ wrestlin’ here. Ah like gold. Next Night on RAW Edge and Christian said they were our friends and have respect for us. We all took a shower together and Edge dropped the soap. Ah looked over. Gosh Edge has a big pecker. Ah wish mah pecker was big. Gangrel told us he slept with Terri and it hurt mah feelings that he was cheatin’ on me. Ah thought he thought ah was special, an’ his tongue-ring felt really good. We beat him up. The people in the back said that Gangrel won’t be allowed to talk to us anymore and they banished him to Jakked. Ah used to know a guy named Jack! We didn’t get along to well because he was always talkin’ about girls he wanted to kiss. Ah hate girls – they have cooties. Pay Per View (ah forgot which one) Tonight Jeff and I (Oh wait, ah’m Jeff, he’s Matt – sometimes ah forget) fought the ACYLYTES. Did ah spell that right? Well, ah tried to fly and Bradshaw clotheslined me out of the air and even though it look like it hurt it don’t I love mah invincibility. It means ah’ll never be a cripple like Shawn Michaels or Christopher Reeve. Ah took mah shirt off and girls started cheerin’ ah don’t know why. Ah demand silence durin’ mah matches. RAW Jeff and Matt and ah have a rematch against the Acolytes tonight. Matt doesn’t like fighting them because they hit real hard. Ah kinda like it, but ah don’t tell Mr. McMahon that. Sometimes Bradshaw gives me a Samoan drop and it turns me on, but ah don’t think that makes me weird. Ah think that I’ll write a poem about it later. SMACKDOWN! Ah dyed my hair tonight. Bright purple with blue streaks and yellow streaks. Mah head looks like a rainbow. Ah like rainbows. Ah was told that we’re having a ladder match on PPV coming up soon. Standing on ladders makes me feel like a princess. 2 Days After Wrestlemania Edge and Christian turned into meanies. Ah’m heartbroken. Christian was kinda cute. Mah favorite actor is Christian Slater so ah kinda took tah Christian. They made fun of us on RAW for not talking’ very much. Ah just sometimes forget how tah talk. I’d rather let it be Matt’s problem. The Dudleys put me through a table. Ah love fighting the Dudleys because their WAZZUP move is cool. D’Von’s head feels good in mah crotch. People tell me chocolate is better’n vanilla. Ah don’ know what that means. RAW Matt and Jeff and ah won the tag team belts tonight. Ah still like gold. Sometimes ah wish mah bed was filled with gold petals. That reminds me of the poem ah’ve been writing. We both want to be... A forever seen star. I have to say...a lot in common is what we are. Ah love you Bradshaw It’s a work in progress. SMACKDOWN! Pat Patterson asked me and Jeff if we could help set up the ring tonight. Ah said sure because he offered me a surprise afterwards. Ah like surprises. Mah brother said no, he doesn’t do that anymore. And ah said, well someone has to set up the ring and get the insert the poles correctly. Mah brother warned me that last time ah helped set up the ring, that ah couldn’t ride mah dirt bike for a week.