fuck it, i quit... its not as safe for some people

Discussion in '420Lounge' started by junio sixnine, Jul 27, 2005.

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  1. junio sixnine

    junio sixnine hasta la victoria siempre

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    i will always think weed should be legalized, but thats not the point of this thread. the stoner everyone always knew me as is dead. i always thought it was completely safe..and for some people it is, but ive come to realize weed has been changin my life.. for the worse, and if im ever to be happy again ima have to say bye to the leaf. and its changed alot of people too, but usually they dont talk about it and not many people hear about the bad effects it does to your brain.

    first off theres canabis psychosis, i got some of the symptoms from this. psychosis is basically a mild form of schizophrenia. you lose touch with some aspects of reality and you can get things such as thought disorder, social complications like for example s.a.d., anxiety, mild delusions or hallucinations. i got everything here except hallucinations. and i aint talkin about this shit happening while you were high...this is when im sober, ALL the time. its slowly destroyed my personality over the years.

    i remember the first time i got high...i was BLOWN away, it was undescribable. it was the first time i experienced an alternate form of consiousness, which I didnt even realize how powerful and amazing it was. it was fun to laugh at stupid shit that noone understands, to just eat and crash, to listen to music and think of how the notes blend with each other. to hear my thoughts out loud, and have the whole world move around me slow and distorted. to think deeply and philosophically in another realm. i had entered the dreamworld, possibly forever. the more i smoked weed the less difference there was between when i was sober and when i was high.

    a few years ago my IQ score was 142, i always had high A's and was naturally advanced. but i was never a dork, i was still normal for a kid in a sense that all I wanted to do was chill with the kids I knew and hook up with chicks...but over the years that shit changed.

    This past year I failed all except one of my classes. I don't do anything, I'm not smart at all...everyone knows im a dumbass, I'm fucking slow as hell. The David everyone knew is dead, I'm not me anymore...I'll get to that next..but..before I never had trouble with people, was always friendly and chillen with friends was simple...my IQ score now is 106, down 36 points in less than 4 years. now I've been diagnosed with psychosis, ptsa, obsessive compulsive disorder, social anxiety, manic depression, chronic depression, adhd, paranoid personality disorder, narcisstic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and most importantly derealization and depersonalization.

    if you have never heard of those two, dr/dp, well you should look them up. after all of this mental health bullshit ive learned the hard way...doctors dont know SHIT about mental health. i know that noone can rightfully say what is or isnt good for your mind. they give you pills and expect to solve the problems in your life. bullshit. mental health is a bunch of guessing games. call someone crazy, lock them up, talk to them like kids and give them pills, maybe they will get better. the mysteries of the mind will never be completely understood.

    anyhow dr/dp, look them up. i have chronic dp/dr, and its gotten worse since i started blazing. im not gona even try to describe it because ive failed too many times. doctors didnt know what the fuck i was talking about until i met someone with these disorders and they described them to me. basically the way to describe it to a person with a healthy conciousness is being in a bad high all of the time. but its way more than that. some people describe it as losing their souls, and only being a living body. people describe it as watching life through the eyes of someone else. if you look it up they will say its like being in a dream, or rather a nightmare. imagine having a dream and realizing that it really isn't a dream...thats kinda how this is. its like i dont know my family and friends anymore, and i dont understand anyone. im trapped in a fragment of my damaged mind. its very serious. its impossible to express at anytime what is truly in my mind. people with chronic dp/dr cant understand the concept of living easy or living a fulfilled life. it feels like im literally in a nightmare, and i want to fucking wake up. imagine looking back at your family and friends from far away and losing touch with them, like they dont really know you're there, or your not connected normally, imagine how scared and sad you would be. thats how this is. the mind is the loneliest place in the world.

    i decided no more fucking weed, at all. for the first time in 4 years i havent smoked in a whole month. ive painfully turned down my friends hookahs and bongs and fucking qp's and blunts....PAINFULLY, just imagine that shit. but if im ever gona get my soul back, and feel normal, and know how to live, i gota stop smoking.

    just wanted to share this story and tell yall about these ideas. and dont ignorantly assume that its safe, because it isnt for everyone. marijuana induced mental problems are way more common then you realize and i learned that the hard way, by stepping in the world of mental health. its a living hell. if you're happy, then keep on smokin your trees and livin easy, but if you ever...EVER notice anything abnormal ...stop smokin IMMEDIATELY. because our mind is the only thing we have, and we gotta keep it as intact as possible. i wouldnt wish these problems on my worse enemy.
    test
  2. Odysseus

    Odysseus a marvelous muthafucka

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    I've noticed a change in my personality since I started, but its actually for the good.
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  3. Drschmalzy

    Drschmalzy Active Member

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    I don't know if weed is the only factor in ur situation. It sounds like u have a depression background or something else. I'm sure the weed doesn't help matters but maybe just all the stress and shit I don't know...

    Ask my bro he's a psychologist.
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  4. justbov

    justbov great

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    im high right now man, and wow. sometimes i get tired or something but im not a brunout, but i did just let all of the water evaporate from my oddles of noodles on the stove. btu theyr gonna be so good..
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  5. junio sixnine

    junio sixnine hasta la victoria siempre

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    ^thanks for being relevant to the topic
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  6. IllWithTheInk

    IllWithTheInk New Member

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    you were a GENIOUS!?
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  7. junio sixnine

    junio sixnine hasta la victoria siempre

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  8. RichY RiCh

    RichY RiCh f.C.k 4ever

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    word, i feel like that once in a while..but i figure it's cuz i'm sober and just getting depressed lol...
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  9. toquiktahandle

    toquiktahandle New Member

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    just stop smoking read a book get your shit together. You have got to just realize who u are without a vice weed is one of them. If u do this u have a good chance of being right again. but obviously living in Boston weed is everywhere so only if your such a string willed person will u never smoke again. Yet good luck and you'll prolly realize it aint the weed doing it to ya
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  10. hand jive

    hand jive New Member

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    basically my take on it, its all good, but if it aint for u dont smoke it a lot, at the end of the day its your choice
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  11. wyn 23 QB

    wyn 23 QB New Member

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    wow good luck dogg sounds horrible
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  12. smkn123

    smkn123 well alright

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    i think i got alotta da shit u talkin bout but ima keep tokin cuz i dont give a fuck....i had to go to a shrink be4 and shit too but fucjk it
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  13. junio sixnine

    junio sixnine hasta la victoria siempre

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    i suggest you start giving a fuck bro, before your life turns into a living hell that you cant even imagine. dont make the same mistakes about not caring that i did.
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  14. Pace Beats

    Pace Beats Doesn't Feed The Trolls

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    ahah rc you burn out , fuck that your high 24/7 shut up lol...
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  15. *NativeTongue*

    *NativeTongue* New Member

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    thats crazy

    if its best for u, u gotta do it
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  16. Mr ExZ

    Mr ExZ evolved

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    damn man.. that shit sucks.. i aint gonna pretend to be a phyco. therapy type doc or nothing but if i can help, its the least i can do.

    As far as your detatchment from every day society, i wouldn't solely attribute it to smoking weed. What I would attribute the weed to, is bringing thoughts from the back of your sub concious to your present state of mind. In lamens terms, what you fear.. ie: social rejection, distance with family and friends, change etc.. all these things every person feels whether they know it or not. And not so much that you necessarily fear these things, but you think about them. As like most people, unpleasant thoughts such as these get pushed to the back of your brain and put aside. Heres where the weed comes in. Like you described, the weed pulls these thoughts from the depths of your mind and you slowly begin to think of the problems you described. I would go as far to say that 70% of the problem's you describe are strictly mental insecurities. As far as your family not being there.. your friends leaving you out.. and you having no where to turn. Where your disorder comes into play is that you take these accusations and thoughts to be fact. You don't go the extra mile to look into these situations, you just assume that you're correct in thinking so. What I mean is.. what you think, you automatically assume is how it is. When your friends and family could truley be there, you think otherwise. My advice to you is go the extra step! I'm not saying be some sort of sobbing bitch, and pity yourself.. far from it. I'm saying whenever you feel the depressional thoughts entering your mind share them with someone. And if you don't feel comf. doing that.. write down what your feeling. Then watch a movie, take a walk, hang out with friends.. but whatever the activity is don't think about what you wrote down at all. Then when your done whatever it is you did to take your mind away from the current problem.. go back and read what you wrote. Observe, with a clear head, what you were feeling and how you may feel diff. now. You seem to always, i don't want to say pity cause i don't feel thats the case, but, for lack of a better phrase, ' aim low '. You seem to just accept what has happen, and seem almost content with letting it continue. But if you feel weed is the problem, your making steps in the right direction to change. From what I read, you describe your problem as a condition that cannot be un done. Granted, you may have dumbed yourself down a little bit by smoking, but the brain is like a never ending book. You can continue to keep writting new pages, and learning new things. Don't think that now you're burnt out you cant still excell.

    wooow.. thats preety long, i hope i helped a little though man. I feel bad for you, i've got a lot of friends just like you.

    if you ever want someone to talk to, or someone to listen or somethin my aim KGoTHEoDoG... lol in a non homo sort of way, just someone to help you out when times get tough nah mean

    good luck
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  17. MisterE

    MisterE Look @ His Face Now!

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    i definatly feel whut your sayin.....those disorders are fuckin retarded though man....every little personality trait will eventually be considered a "disorder"......its fuel for the medication buisness.......soon, waking up grumpy in the mornin is gonna be considered a disorder, and the greedy ass companys will have another pill to sell you.....honestly....i'm thinkin about quittin too man



    and i DO NOT GIVE A FUCK WHUT ANYONE SAYS......weed makes you lazy, or at least less active.....if you argue that, your lying to yourself......



    life is too short for me to sacrifice success and pride-giving accomplishments, for a good high.....



    i may not quit entirely, but i'm damn sho cuttin back......
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  18. RichY RiCh

    RichY RiCh f.C.k 4ever

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    LOL I try to take a break once a month...

    BUT DAMN IS IT GONNA SUCK SNEAKING IT WHEN SCHOOL STARTS :( Drug tests every month for 1 semester :(
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  19. Mr ExZ

    Mr ExZ evolved

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    goooood asss point i forgot to mention that-- i don't believe in half the shit they say, shit, i don't even believe in A.D.D.-- if you don't wanna pay attention they give you a pill lol.. i think its just a cop out


    and hell yeh, weed makes you lazy.. it also lowers your intiative to wanna get up and do shit. i quit cold turkey from smokin every day exactly two months ago today after smokin for bout 4 years maybe 5.

    just get drunk
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  20. junio sixnine

    junio sixnine hasta la victoria siempre

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    -xzerous- : i appreciate your insight in your post but ima have to say what you said is mostly wrong. you said i dont take the extra mile and i just assume things. over the years of decline trust me i have tried my hardest be and look at things optimistically. its the only way you can go on. ive literally lost all of my social skills with an anxious struggle to hold on. ive lost all of my friends struggling to hold on. the only people i have are my tightest boys, besides that i have nothing, and im now their crazy friend. they don't understand so noone is there for me. i know i can always go to my family any time of day, even now...

    but what you need to realize is that my problems arent being sad that i feel like i lost my friends and family, its the distortion of my conciousness. i literally can try my hardest to talk to my family about feelings and it still literally feels like i've lost my soul. i really feel like a zombie and inhumane, and i really feel like my mind is inside of another realm and im loosely associating with the world. its not something i can control. writing things on paper help me like writing down something in a nightmare would help you. taking a walk and hangin with friends is still a lonely struggle in the dreamworld. im not there with them, im watching from far away. its impossible to make anyone understand my state of conciousness, i can only describe what it feels like TO ME, when you imagine yourself with problems like these you imagine your healthy mind feeling wierd.. you cant conjure up these feelings out of the blue.

    and im glad you people realize the inaccuracy of the medication business, but im not taking any pills for these "fuckin retarted" disorders. they dont help that with medicine, they help that through psychological analysis. while it may be true that some of the disorders are false or inaccurate, what I have is very real. it all stems mostly from severe psychological trauma combined with brain damage. ADD is nothing serious, it definitely does exist though. the only reason im trying to treat it is because it makes all the other things harder to cope with. trust me, im not paranoid or obsessive compulsive because a doctor told me i might be. im not in a life of unimaginable living hell other-realm type shit just because people are trying to give me medicine. what i go through is very real. most of my conditions are weed-related, PERIOD. and i'm far from the only one that things like this have happened to. you're just not gona hear any of your boys or anyone at school talk about their mental problems they got from smoking herb.
    test
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