freewritten flow of feeling

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by patrown, Dec 6, 2011.

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  1. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    theres pressure on the glass feel the ceiling collapsing

    shards falling in our throats injustice fingers grasping

    so hard to find a calling when this trust is only there

    placed behind myself when i try falling down my stairs

    crawling through the path i chose in ways keeps my blind

    not seeing chances when they're there or what to leave behind

    while mental wheels turn i spray the tire with a hose

    then wish for jack frost to freeze the ground to my toes

    i dont wana take a step again cuz everyone one ive made

    has made me feel another peice of who i am just fade

    ive been dying from my birth and worthless to my mom

    who gave her life for me still hear the crying in these walls

    im sorry mom i didnt mean to be the man i am

    trust me when i stay i hate myself more then you can

    a mans a provider oh ive collided with fate

    ill never be that father figure putting food on the plate

    my own self is melting wilting tilting downward with progression

    only way i liked myselfs intoxicant ingestion

    id confess to lift weight off chest but scared to death of priests

    a glory hole confession booth not far from news i see

    fight tooth and nail with worned down shoes to grasp a place to stand

    those imprints in the sand, when i thought god held me

    a divine walk away from a soul not quite worth helping
    test
  2. Mikaella Ocean

    Mikaella Ocean Well-Known Member

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    not bad.


    good luck with your issues
    test
  3. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    thanks. i was bored. no luck required, that's what hip hops for.
    test
  4. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    You need to work on your grammar and spelling. This will always hinder a good poem/piece of writing. Otherwise not bad
    test
  5. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    Thankyou. I'll go over my next post a bit more.
    test
  6. Mikaella Ocean

    Mikaella Ocean Well-Known Member

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    hip hop is the devil that will keep you in a rut.... impressing one another with who's got the shinniest bling and what ones willing to do to get it
    test
  7. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    Well, if I drove around bumping lil wayne going "yeeeaahhh" "hhoookaaay" i might have something to worry about. my values were firmly set in my childhood by good old rock and roll and i never paid attention to that newfangled hippityhop. until i heard sage francis live on accident.
    test
  8. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    ( i dont listen to that shitty music your talking about )
    test
  9. Mikaella Ocean

    Mikaella Ocean Well-Known Member

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    okay, carry on then

    without the luck
    test
  10. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    Thank you anyways.
    test
  11. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

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    my first post? i hope this is your last.

    for the sake of everybody's eyes.

    stop writing you fucktard.

    :numaan:
    test
  12. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    as unbearable as it was for you, i got something out of it.
    inspiration. to not write horrible things.
    test
  13. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

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    i'm playing man.

    it was a decent read.

    i honestly can't remember posting the above.

    :numaan:
    test
  14. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    oh thanks. it had flow but no substance. ill be on this. theres a lot of good material here.
    test
  15. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    lot's of good material, just it's unorganized and before a bar resolution is made another line unrelated starts, but still, on the same theme. I feel this though and know the situation, the depth of despair. I had thought I commented on this already, but nope.

    Stay away from priest. Stay way from the Catholic Church. Pagans.
    test
  16. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    hm. LP = troll? doesnt seem like it.
    i dont want to be catholic i want to understand how people who have faith are happy.
    so i ask them questions about stuff that i dont understand and get few answers.
    normally referred to bible. occasionally get insight
    test
  17. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    catholicsm introduces the worst kind of guilt in someone.
    they think no matter what they are guilty.
    i really do not approve of this brand of manipulation.
    test
  18. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    i see a lot of views on this. must be the name, the forbidden fruit.

    but i really poured myself out into this one. like you said, not trying too hard. just doing it.
    test
  19. Mikaella Ocean

    Mikaella Ocean Well-Known Member

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    get off yourself
    test
  20. patrown

    patrown student for life

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    i know this is complete trash.
    it was mostly free write.
    i was commenting on how it's strange i have so many posts on this one
    and it must be the name
    the second line was directed towards coup detate.
    he told me not to try too hard. im just going to do it now
    instead of producing crap like this.
    really? i mean, my first impression of you was ok.
    i'm so far away from self absorbed.
    I'm just trying to take an active role in this forum. We don't have to communicate to do it. If I have my "luck retracted" because I like hip hop,
    then I need to get off myself because I was suprised a shitty poem with no structure has so many damn hits? What's your problem with me?
    They keep going to it because I changed it to don't waste your time reading this. Apparently I need to change it to something like "carpet."
    I'd rather people read something someone put some time in to.
    test
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