Freedom

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by allnakey, Jun 19, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2003
    Messages:
    2,938
    freedom huh....??? there’s a laff for ya
    some one tell me what freedom is ...... anyone
    remaining silent i see , and rightfully so, freedom doesn’t exist
    never has and never will.

    i feel as though to only be a servant in this world
    i know it’s not slavery but i always see myself saying no sir and yes sir
    i’m not free, no one is ,we are all bound by one force or another
    slavery never ended and who’s to say when it began

    we all are slaves to one thing or another
    weather it be money , love or depression
    everything has a boundary
    and everything keeps us in place in one form or another

    we all go to work everyday or go to school and for what
    MONEY...???to be successful..???
    who gives anyone the right to judge success from failure
    we are trapped in a world of laws a world of bullshit

    Well if this is all life has to offer
    why not bury me in my casket today
    maybe death is the only feeling of freedom we have
    in death you are not obligated to this world you just remain

    Untouched, a big do not disturbed sign is placed over you
    maybe that is freedom when you are laying there
    not able to move, maybe the silent prison of death
    is the only time we will ever feel freedom



    just something i wrote one night when i was high as fuck, dont really know if its any good but i thought it was. tell me what you think yea i know its alittle wierd and doesnt flow all to well but just peep it and give me some feedback
    test
  2. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2003
    Messages:
    1,734
    It's a decent piece...I can dig it. True freedom is being able to wiggle your fingers and toes...You figure that one out. And remember, a person only has as much power over you as you allow them to have.
    test
  3. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2003
    Messages:
    2,938
    yea i know it aint the best thing that i have posted here but it's something right?

    im not as good as most of the ppl in here but i do have some important messages to get across and i think this piece did it for me. it didnt have a real great flow and it wasnt really in a traditional poem format but i like i said it was something i wrote one night when i was mad high. i thought it was good enough to share with you guys i know it needs a lot of work but thats where you guys come in. you guys can give me some pointers some tips to help me make my work the best it can be


    ayo thanks for the love

    MUCH LOVE TO YA STAY UP AND PEACE!
    test
  4. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2003
    Messages:
    1,734
    Don't worry about being better than somebody else...you don't need anyone to validate "how good you are". Just do your thing...Do what YOU feel.
    test
  5. FukkedUPKidR

    FukkedUPKidR Guest

    I liked the ending to this..really felt like you got out what you were trying to say..and that in itself is a good thing... cya round
    test
  6. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748
    i really like the ideas you thru out there..i can really relate to the whole aura of this poem..definitly feeling it at this point in my life, especially when my life is work work work...just so i can survive. true freedom would be not slaving everyday just so i can have a roof over my head..and food on my table...and yeah...i liked this :)
    test
  7. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    i sleep on your work...dunno why..

    this was dope...ending was my fav part.....keep doing the damn thing....
    test
  8. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2002
    Messages:
    37,722
    this is the second piece ive read from you and so far i really like what i see......you have very good content......i totally feel what youre saying although i believe that people do have the ability to be free, most people just dont want to.....

    like your stuff man :)
    test
  9. varentao

    varentao New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2003
    Messages:
    765
    A quite straight forward piec ein how it was...like a voice raw, almost void of poetism...just letting it out...was that done on purpose? Cos if it was, may i say, i've done it before....and indeed it's effective if not mis-understood...

    ...anyway, good points made in a strong way..

    ..resp.
    test
  10. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2003
    Messages:
    2,938
    yea i didnt really intent for it to be in a traditional poetry formate i just started writing how i felt.

    its more like a thought process
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)