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Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Feme Sole, Sep 16, 2003.

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  1. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

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    My body is prison
    my ribs the fragile bars~
    Soon they will suck the life out of me...
    and for my last meal,
    i'd like to have you,
    with a side of poetry...

    Here is the story...
    I loved the man loved hurting me
    and when i gave him what they say is free
    i forgot the hidden cost~
    now im lost in my body
    and my mind cant find the words
    to paint things as i see them...
    prisoner of my body
    thats me..

    i built so many memories
    on the beaches we never went to
    my tounge slipped when i said
    those three fraudulent words
    because i never meant you
    and something beautiful
    to be in the same world...
    you may have borrowed my pearl
    but its fine because im more of a diamond grrl anyway...
    test
  2. da_after_shock

    da_after_shock New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2001
    Messages:
    18,184
    whoa............now this is ill..the ending had me bugging..u know i've always liked ya poems..simple but abstract ..really really feeling this
    test
  3. 49th Prophet

    49th Prophet Dark Magic Inferno

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2003
    Messages:
    1,110
    Well Freya like I said...pure heroin

    as always I love your work.
    much love

    peace
    test
  4. Urizen

    Urizen Guest

    i built so many memories
    on the beaches we never went to

    SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
    line
    I love that line and just so you know
    I typed all those sicks not just pasted em

    4 real I like this one
    test
  5. Lost Prophet

    Lost Prophet 11/04/2000 - 06/19/2009

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    19,999
    The last lines put the whole piece in perspective. This was a great way to look at the past, and continue to move forward. Good luck with all your endeavors. And beautiful writing, like always
    test
  6. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

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    2,245
    I love all of your work, this would have to be like a castle in the sand though...cause I like it, emmm...lovely poem...quite touching...Get up, stand up...then stay up...
    test
  7. Ax Cess

    Ax Cess Huh...

    Joined:
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    wow....this was really good....I may not be a poet or know how to create a good poem but I know a good one when I see it...heh remember to show me more ;)
    test
  8. FukkedUPKidR

    FukkedUPKidR Guest

    "i built so many memories
    on the beaches we never went to
    my tounge slipped when i said
    those three fraudulent words
    because i never meant you
    and something beautiful
    to be in the same world..."


    Beautiful. I liked the last stanza the best :)

    I also liked this part..

    "Here is the story...
    I loved the man loved hurting me"

    I like the way you do that with your words...Though I don't know what that is exactly.

    j/w who do you share your poetry with? ...a lot of people, very few..?
    test
  9. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

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    I like the way you do that with your words...Though I don't know what that is exactly.

    j/w who do you share your poetry with? ...a lot of people, very few..?


    i dont know what its called either ms. rosa lol

    and in real life i dont really show too many people my poems......they know i write because sometimes i will just start writing lines while we are out or whatever but i dont share all that much usually......

    ive started doing open mics again at this one bar but only like once a month.......thats why my shit seems more focused on the way it SOUNDS now if you know what i mean......

    thanks yall [heart]
    test
  10. masterragu

    masterragu Sweep The Leg, Johnny!

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    Definitly a great poem
    The flow was awsome and you definitly were on point with the subject...

    Honestly when I read that I was really like holy shit, That was so well written it's almost not believable...

    You know I'm always lovin your poetry, but this one puts you on a whole new level... [heart]
    test
  11. DaJackle

    DaJackle ThoughtS ProcessinG

    Joined:
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    498

    ^^ that has so much meaning to it...what a deep piece, i had to read it a few times to get the full meaning of it and its really well written....the abstract images are well placed...i love it
    test
  12. MISSKEYdaQUEEN

    MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther..

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    17,838
    Wow.....you reading my mind...but you just said it better..lol

    Love and respect mah!

    Great piece!
    test
  13. V E R B

    V E R B Guest

    this was definatly a hot drop, i'm impressed feme, foreal.. ill piece scripted by you :)

    [kissu]

    my fav:My body is prison
    my ribs the fragile bars~
    test
  14. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
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    17,331
    damn i'm feelin the beginnin of this piece "with a side of poetry" lol i would have never thought of no shit like that. The ending was even a better...i'm with 6th_Plague on this one, all your piece read so simple but yet there so abstract...

    one luv
    test
  15. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

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    Jul 15, 2003
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    798
    wow this peice was heartfelt, i thought i had replied to it..but either way loved this peice and wont quote cos cant pick a fav bit from the whole thing, loved it all..
    test
  16. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
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    12,678
    beautiful piece feme.....

    now im lost in my body
    and my mind cant find the words
    to paint things as i see them...
    prisoner of my body
    thats me..

    damn...that reminds me so much of the poem i'm workin on right now...damn....

    loved every line of this.....always enjoy your work
    test
  17. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

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    Messages:
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    beautiful.
    test
  18. *DowntownStar*

    *DowntownStar* ____________________

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2002
    Messages:
    2,866
    this is really well put together, very beautiful.


    My body is prison
    my ribs the fragile bars~
    Soon they will suck the life out of me...
    and for my last meal,
    i'd like to have you,
    with a side of poetry...

    that image conjures up for me the last supper in the upper room. love truly is the ultimate sacrifice...

    Here is the story...
    I loved the man loved hurting me
    and when i gave him what they say is free
    i forgot the hidden cost~
    now im lost in my body
    and my mind cant find the words
    to paint things as i see them...
    prisoner of my body
    thats me..

    'i loved the man loved hurting me' is a great dovetail. those emotions do run together often. there is nothing free in love it's all or nothing. i have never believed in sacrifice or unrequited love; reciprocaton is necessary or you lose your identity. love can be the worst jail ever because penance is everlasting and repentance never suffices for the tragedy. how strange that you start out with someone and end up more alone than ever.

    i built so many memories
    on the beaches we never went to
    my tounge slipped when i said
    those three fraudulent words
    because i never meant you
    and something beautiful
    to be in the same world...
    you may have borrowed my pearl
    but its fine because im more of a diamond grrl anyway...


    why do we imagine things that never happened in love? there is nothing to regret in professing our truest feeling but it never feels that way after the fact. maybe love is truly a transformation anyways. either way, a gem is born under intense pressure.

    fantastic drop feme. keep'em coming, you inspire me! :)
    test
  19. GorillaThugMC

    GorillaThugMC Minotaur Orator

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2003
    Messages:
    1,074
    I think I understood this one! Unlike that one 88 keys thing you dropped...had me thinking you randomly chose the number 88 and shit..haha

    But yeah, I liked this one. You speak from the heart, and add sick metaphors in the process!

    My kind of woman.
    test
  20. Jamez Xavier

    Jamez Xavier In House Producer for FTS

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2001
    Messages:
    13,264
    LoL, half the alley posted in here....

    At any rate....
    "and when i gave him what they say is free
    "i forgot the hidden cost~"

    I LOVED that part....
    I feel it so much....
    And this is a good "I loved you, but now I'm over you" poem....
    I'm mos def feeling it....
    You write well Soul....
    test
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