For women who don't think the husband is the "head" of the marriage...

Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by Ignorant, Nov 13, 2005.

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  1. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

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    ...were you or do you plan to be "given away" at your wedding?


    I ask because it's quite contradictory to participate in a traditional wedding where the bride is given away by her father or parent for the husband to assume the leadership and provider role, only to have the wife deny that in her heart.

    I understand that people are taking out the word "obey" in their vows these days, so why hasn't that gesture been removed as well?

    It just seems that traditional weddings are big lies these days... where people undergo these gestures, symbols, and promises that they either don't have the foggiest what they mean or they could care less about living them out.

    Your thoughts?
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  2. UnbrokeN

    UnbrokeN Well-Known Member

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    i think those women need to see ''The Shining'' to realize what happens when they dont obey to their master
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  3. LA_JCain

    LA_JCain Royalty and Purity

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    I am the traditional girl who things that the husband is the head of the household, and I will support him on decisions. But the only thing I won't do is ask him permission to do things such as spend money or go out with the girls occasionally.
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  4. samii so sexii

    samii so sexii ..sunkist siren..

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    So, just because it is tradition, does that mean it should be continued? what's wrong with progress, or changing things?

    Back in the days that those vows were written, women were property...that's why they said "obey"....so that shouldn't be changed, b/c it's tradition??

    When you get married, are you gonna tell your wife that she cant wear a white dress just b/c she's not a virgin, and that would be sooo trite, and contradictory.

    Why would you focus on the miniscule details of a ceremony that in the grand scheme of your relationship is purely symbolic and means nothing. The bond itself, not the wedding ceremony, is what's important.

    my point: get over it.

    pz & <3
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  5. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

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    A lot of women are changing tradition and not being given away by their fathers these days. I can totally understand that as well. Many feel that the giving away symbolizes that they are property and they don't want that to be part of their wedding day. Some also feel that their fathers don't deserve the honor of walking down them down the aisle so they choose someone else..an uncle, grandfather, or even their mother. Some walk with both their mother and father. Some walk down by themselves. Some husband and wives walk down together.

    I really don't think so many people look at the "giving away" thing anymore as a man giving his daughter to another family as property.

    For many that I have talked to and heard from..and myself included...it is more about honoring the people who have helped you get to the point that you are in your life.

    In many weddings I have been to..it's not just "who gives this woman to this man" and the answer is "her father"..it becomes "her mother and I". I don't see it as a giving away of property. To me I see it as, she is not our little girl anymore, we are not the ones anymore who will provide for her, ect. And yes, I do attribute many of the traditional head of household duties to the man. I am traditional in many ways when it comes to my concept of marriage. However the man is not the almighty ruler of his wife.

    Using "obey" in vows is so old school. Obey. Just think about. I'm going to obey this iperson for the rest of my life. Okaaaay. So by those standards everything a husband told his wife to do..she would HAVE to do...and everything a woman tells her man to do she must do (or is obey used in the man's vows to his woman..I haven't the foggiest)

    Anyways..I'm writing my own vows and they borrow from tradition but they also aren't so old school that they make me sound like a piece of land that is getting handed over.

    Same thing with the ceremony and things taking place within it. I want them to have meaning.

    There is one thing I read about recently that seriously pisses me off..people taking "till death do us part" and variations of it out of vows. Now if you don't want to have it in there..fine that's your choice..but what pissed me off was that they were replacing it with other things ...totally random shit like like until a day come where we don't love each other anymore or some crazy shit like that. Why even bother getting married..seriously..if you're going to commit your love like that sheesh
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  6. Speedy Gunzalez

    Speedy Gunzalez Awareness is my Alias

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    Interesting thread.

    As skandelous lala touched upon, perhaps "giving away" has had a meaing transformation symbolizing a transfer from "family first" to "husband first" oriented-ness.
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  7. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    I don't plan to be given away, although I'm sure my parents would welcome the opportunity to give me away so I can mooch off of someone else for a change! I have to agree with lala and speedy, though... I think much of the fact that some non-traditionalists still continue the practice has to do with the change in what it symbolizes today... and I'm sure there are just some people who haven't given it much consideration, either way.
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  8. Hidden_Poetry

    Hidden_Poetry New Member

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    My dad gave me away to my husband. I don't think it means that now my husband has control over me, or is who I must "obey". But rather he is now my care giver and the one that will support and love me. Such as my parent's (father) did. My Dad did not give me away at my wedding to be controlled or ruled by someone.

    Plus in a marriage things are equal. No one to this day tells me what I can and can't do and I don't tell anyone what they can and can't do. What I do for my husband (clean, cook, take care of the kids) is out of respect. Not because he wants me to, or because I feel it is my "job".

    IMO there isn't one "head" in the marriage. But rather two :eek:)
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  9. Zero-EX

    Zero-EX New Member

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    ^ her husband must be happy

    but thers sum bitches who are like "u cant tell me wat 2 do muthafuka" and they dont cook or any of that shit and they expect u to work and get the cash . . . fuckin stupid ass bitches make me so mad X( . . . they think they only job is to give u sum pussy and sit and chat wit 'ther girls'

    . . . not chattin from experience im only 18 but other ppl who i knows experience (wud neva stay a day wit a bitch like dat)
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  10. Lyme

    Lyme Guest

    I pretty much control our relationship... he expects me to make all important decisions so I stay happy...

    He knows were equal but he still just falls to my mercy.. It's exhausting
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  11. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

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    So in order for you to be happy he must comply to your demands? But it's exhausting for you?

    Something seems off there..but then again..maybe that's just me.
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  12. MISSKEYdaQUEEN

    MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther..

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    I think it's all about the respect factor..while the masses of you guys fall into tradition like Santa Claus and Easter Bunnies, I'll be given away because i want the owner of my heart to give me their blessing. i plan on having 2 people give me away, my Father (the self righteous bastard that he is) and my best friend Bear. they both have done what they were supposed to do!!

    They took care of my heart, and in giving me away they are entrusting another with my care. My emotional well-being, not reliant ON, but more as a f**king way to show blessing. Nah mean. Fuck what the "book" says..OH and I won't be jumping no broom either. That's a pathetic ritual!!
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  13. Lyme

    Lyme Guest


    Thats what he feels anyway.. it seems as if its easier to just let me make all the decisons instead of him stepping up and possibly getting the cold shoulder, etc. And I find it exhausting because I dont want to dominate all the time....
    these are trials we need to succumb to grow together........ So we feel equal.....
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  14. MiSt_Of_CoNfUsIoN

    MiSt_Of_CoNfUsIoN Ray of Sunshine

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    " Until I cheat on you and you file them papers claiming half of what I've got" awwww.. how romantic. lol

    My daddy will give me away. Its out of respect for me and out of respect for my future husband. Its basically saying that my dad trusts this man to honor and take care of me the way he has been until this point.

    For other people.. let them do whatever they wanna do.. Its their wedding.. sheesh.
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  15. samii so sexii

    samii so sexii ..sunkist siren..

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    @ Lala: I def feel what you said...u know back then, you couldn't even get married to a chick unless you paid her father in silver, or cows or w/e...i think it's called a dowry. And that whole head of the household thing gets taken soo far out of context.

    Litterally, the root words for "marriage" in Latin, means to fuse, or become one. So how can there be a "head of the household" per say if in a marriage, you guys are supposed to be one in the same?? Like someone said above, marraige is a group deal, and to say that one person is over the other defeats the purpose. In marriage, you shouldn't even be worried about that....you wanna spend the rest of your life with a person, and you're worried about some petty power struggle.

    you just gotta put some things in perspective sometime. And i def agree with how the walking down the aisle thing is more about giving honor to someone who has meant alot to you. Like, my dad isn't in the picture, and i dun have any older brothers, so if I had to pick, I would have my 1st cousin walk me down the aisle...he was like the big brother i always wanted...

    aaawwz this marriage talk makes me feel all sentimental and junk...lol real talk
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  16. XxPuReInnOcEncexX

    XxPuReInnOcEncexX New Member

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    I personally don't like women today who are all about 'women are just as good as men if not better'... i think the oldfashioned way... of course women should have a say in thing,, but ultimately the man should be the provider & be in charge. And the woman DEFINITELY needs to take the man's last name. My history teacher jus got married and didnt take her husbands last name and shes all like i dont wana be known as him, im not willing to give up my identity .. im like wtf,, to me that shows she dont love him.
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  17. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    not taking his last name showed she didn't love him while her taking a vow to be with him for the rest of her life didn't show that she did..?
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  18. XxPuReInnOcEncexX

    XxPuReInnOcEncexX New Member

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    Well in todays society vows don't really seem to mean much to anyone. Everyday you see a new couple that is ruined because of cheating. Like yeah you can say words, but i think if you're truely in it for your life why not just take his name and be proud to be his wife
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  19. ~S*T*A*R*M~

    ~S*T*A*R*M~ Goddess

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    I've never really cared for the whole "give the bride away" hoopla. Maybe if I was still 16 and still had someone to wipe my butt, sure hand me over to my new care-taker. The day I became my own person, made my own decisions, created my own way of life is the day that I'm in charge of whom I give myself to. If my life is no one else's hands, why should my marriage be dependent on anyone else? It just seems illogical for anyone who considers themselves as independent and emotionally capable to want to be "given away." It's cute and all.. but it doesn't mean anything. When you think about it, it almost symbolizes passivity in the woman, like the woman has no choice; she's being passed on without a say in matters. I want to do it like Will & Jada and walk up the aisle with my soon-to-be husband. To me, it symbolizes 2 free individuals who have united and chosen to take this next step in their journey. In my eyes, we're coming into it together, and we're leaving together.
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  20. ~S*T*A*R*M~

    ~S*T*A*R*M~ Goddess

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    Speedy Baby!!! [kissu] How you is!
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