First Black NHL Player...

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by Ferocious Fists, Feb 7, 2013.

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  1. Ferocious Fists

    Ferocious Fists Surprise Bitch...

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    Willie O'Ree Jan.18 1958...

    Can't believe they drafted me, NHL here I come
    I leave the venue, than to the parking lot there I run
    Fans protest, throwing debris... I'm feeling sick-and-rotten
    They scream, 'Stop playing hockey... go back to picking cotton'
    I wish my skin's forgotten, and we were looked as all equal
    Look at Jackie Robinson in baseball... Come on people
    My teammates lookin funny, gotta check my hotel rooms
    Can't sleep on the road, waking up hoping I don't smell fumes
    Cause they hate me like the fans, they just know how to hide it
    I'm just ready for my first game... and goal-I'm-excited
    They announce my name... boos from the stands, I just hope I rip
    Get on the ice... My fuckin teammates gave me a broken stick!
    I get another... Illegal hits from the opposite team
    To most this would be hell, but to me it's-not-it's-a-dream
    To them, I'm a runaway slave skating all on the ice
    They pick fights, but I been fighting my whole fuckin life
    Fight against racism, fight for the right to play hockey
    95% blind in my right eye, not a night I'd play sloppy
    Played a few seasons scored some goals, but I take heed to say
    That now there's 25 black players that's in the league today
    • Hot Thread Hot Thread x 1
    test
  2. Orange407County

    Orange407County Well-Known Member

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    good shit

    Sent from my ZTE V768 using Tapatalk 2
    test
  3. Chase Murda

    Chase Murda hostile enviroment

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    not bad couldve been put a lil differently but it still was decent
    test
  4. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

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    I was expecting big things from the title, it drawn me in.

    I come in and was let down. I get it, but it's hollow.
    test
  5. Alphabat

    Alphabat New Member

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    Overall: I think this is an awesome topic, i think i would have liked it more if there was a touch more humor in the piece.

    "Fans protest, throwing debris... I'm feeling sick-and-rotten
    They scream, 'Stop playing hockey... go back to picking cotton'"

    "I wish my skin's forgotten, and we were looked as all equal
    Look at Jackie Robinson in baseball... Come on people"

    If this was pure key style: 7/10
    If not...: 5/10
    Flow: 7.0
    Topic execution: 3.0




    I'm new. These are just opinions.
    I hope to read more of your work soon.
    test
  6. Scram Jones

    Scram Jones New Member

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    Feb 23, 2013
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    Decent Flow Good Topic need A Lil More metaphors but overall good shit
    test
  7. Exxxxis

    Exxxxis .......................

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    Fans protest, throwing debris... I'm feeling sick-and-rotten
    They scream, 'Stop playing hockey... go back to picking cotton'

    ^^Not bad.

    You stayed on topic but content wise it's lackin'...what I quoted was in my opinion your best bar.This had potential but failed to deliver to the fullest of it...I see what you were tryin' to do...yet it fell short and stumbled it's way to the end.

    ...Stay upwards.
    test
  8. Katastrofik

    Katastrofik THE SOUND OF L.I

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    Decent drop homie.. sick topic though..
    test
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