Firestarter

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by TheIlliterate, Jul 18, 2011.

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  1. TheIlliterate

    TheIlliterate Well-Known Member

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    i reached for a match and set it on fire

    i stared into the naked flame and she stared back at me
    the flame began to flicker as it slowly began to speak
    it spoke directly to my face as it said it:
    you've grown accustom to my warmth,
    you can't live without my presence
    but the fumes began to gather and i began to choke
    the light the flame provided wasn't enough to see through the smoke
    i crawled on hands and knees, tried to make my way to safety
    but the flame caught up with me and i asked it not to take me
    my bitter lungs were trembling but i firmly shut my eyes
    knowing that the 5-alarm inferno was about to take me alive
    i sucked in my last breath knowing I'd have met with death soon
    but to my surprise my eyes were open and i was alone in my own bedroom
    for a short while my memory was blank, not knowing what had happened to me
    but from that day forward i've been dripping wet with gasoline
    i still feel it, smell it, drooling off my skin everyday
    if you don't believe me, there's a puddle pooling on this very stage

    but not to worry
    i won't come close to fire.

    I've learned my lesson well, break the egg before it hatches
    and since that day i have never played with matches
    test
  2. TheIlliterate

    TheIlliterate Well-Known Member

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    some spoken word shit i wrote for school.
    tell me what ya'll think homies. plain and simple.
    test
  3. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Not a bad piece of work but the wording in this is a bit odd and messes with the imagery, imo. The flow wasn't bad and the rhymes were a bit simple but a nice little piece of writing
    test
  4. Carpe Noctem

    Carpe Noctem Neos Helios

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    Drug dependency theme?

    I really don't like rhyming poems because they constrict more than they add. This is an example.

    Good idea, good imagery. Would've been better to me if you had just let the words unfold without the need to rhyme.
    test
  5. h.wood

    h.wood IMAGINATION SUPER STAR

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    but from that day forward i've been dripping wet with gasoline
    i still feel it, smell it, drooling off my skin everyday
    if you don't believe me, there's a puddle pooling on this very stage

    I thought it was nice. a few bumps in the flow but still nice
    test
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