[Finals] 1. Got Life?(5-0) vs 2. T.a.C(4-1) vs 3. nom is dull.(4-1)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Tacky Jones, Oct 3, 2011.

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  1. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    AIM NAMES
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    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
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  2. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    test
  3. billy nomates.

    billy nomates. rain cancels play.

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    we act like the sunshine burns our eyes.
    test
  4. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    fuck it. heading out of town in the morning so i jus threw this together


    My older brother was my best friend
    Wouldn’t let anyone harm me
    But it seemed to suddenly just end
    When he enlisted in the army

    Suddenly he was gone for years at a time
    Left me drowning in the reservoir of tears I cried
    Hiding fear inside, praying each call was not the last
    Feeling like I too died the night of his chopper crash

    His body was flown home to be laid to rest
    Dozens of military members made the quest
    A Major blessed his coffin with a folded flag
    Tears welling up, fighting to hold ‘em back
    Knowing that they’re going to flow outright
    I excuse myself mid service to step outside
    Shoes squeaking as I walk down the aisle
    Seeing family and friends give a broken smile
    Grief has got me going wild, losing composure
    Across the street I see “Thank God for Dead Soldiers”
    Written on a picket sign with a shit design
    I close my eyes and visualize as I rip their spines
    Out, Asking myself why now, why today
    Why do these clowns have to laugh at my pain?
    Chanting their sayings, waving their signs
    Thinking to myself, one day they’ll pay the price
    Spitting in their direction then returning to my seat
    Closing my eyes listening to this military guy speak
    From here the rest of the day gets hazy
    My emotions start raging, the range making me crazy

    I couldn’t sleep that night
    Still couldn’t believe my eyes
    I decide to search the web thorough
    Concluding the protesters were Westboro

    My emotions raged, I couldn’t close this page
    That hopeless shame of a humans fucked, I know his name
    Goin’ crazed, I will find him, and I wont lend help
    My goal in finding him is the death of Fred Phelps
    I find the churches address, buy a plane ticket to Kansas
    I’ll fly in Saturday night, head to the church and canvas
    The surroundings, coming up with my master plan
    On how I will kill Fred and everyone in his bastard clan

    My plane lands at 10 pm, I get to the church at midnight
    Walking around the outside using my phone’s dim light
    I hear a sound, as a human silhouette comes in sight
    Approaching me cautiously, I can see his fright
    “Whos there?” I call out, fists tightly clenched
    Mouth watering at the thought it might be Fred
    “You first” He replies, shining his flashlight in my eyes
    “Uhhh…my name is Christopher”, I lie
    I catch a glimpse of his face, realizing it’s my target
    “Whats your name, Sir?” Immediately I start in
    He says his name, confirming what I was believing, so
    I ask him why he’s out, he says “just for an evening stroll”
    “Do you live with your family in the church?”
    “No, they live at the family home, sometimes I stay here alone”

    That was all I needed, fist bawled up, I beat him
    Knocking him down, stomping him, bleedin’
    He’s pleadin’, “Bitch, I’m your enemy
    You fucked with the wrong soldier’s memory”
    Choking him, knowing it’s this fucker’s end
    Until he stops moving, and I’ve got my brothers revenge

    My Brothers Keeper
    test
  5. billy nomates.

    billy nomates. rain cancels play.

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    And I still find your hair in my clothes
    When I look in the mirror just to stare at a ghost
    I see an affair that at most was a cheap trick
    Leaving me treading water in mud so my feet stick
    Now I know what a thief is, hold my hand
    And put your rifle on the ground where the soldiers stand
    This is my sober plan with a heart beating heavy thick
    Dance to its rhythm ‘til I start believing everything
    A chancer with a levied sin, pay him so they’ll let him in
    Take him to the very grin that broke the second they buried him
    So ferry him home, use my bleached bones as oars
    Put your faith in your pocket but throw belief overboard
    As a cheap clovered thought, luck is a rhyme
    Until I shot a man and blamed the sun in my eyes
    Let the bell toll as the punishment drives me home
    With my feet touching the concrete, tied to Rome

    And I still find your hair in my clothes
    Trapped in the soft underbelly of a tear in my robe
    I cherish your soul and hope you find happiness soon
    So I light Chinese lanterns attached to the moon
    Humming a passengers blues, an addict who bruised
    More skin for sins than a vagabonds truth
    Tapping the only rhythm I have the talent to do
    This brings a smile to this face with so vapid a truce
    Left only with the tactics to trace veins
    Wear my mask on the right side and face change
    I feel like I can taste rain as the heavens abide
    This white knuckle ride causes the terror to rise
    Write my name on a pebble and glide it as the lake sings
    That I shot my chance at happiness and great things
    The bitterness of this taste stings and drives me home
    Where my feet only touch the concrete tied to Rome

    And I still find your hair in my clothes
    From that day you told me you were scared of the cold
    With a stare that would turn stone into ice
    You thought I was the torch bearer because I was holding a light
    I was folding inside with every word you spoke
    My sentences came out absurd with hope
    A sermon that served to evoke love was lost
    In an atmosphere composed of drugs and shots
    That only serves to rust the cogs ‘til my guts are soft
    My heart beats melody is tuned to touch the lost
    So I dust the locks so you’ll think I’m house proud
    I’m house bound with fear as large as a house now
    Too tired to shout how I feel I’ll let the leaves descend
    And catch their butterfly kisses until I can breathe again
    Wolfs clothing, sheepish grin, tonight I don’t cry alone
    Because I’m tied to your body because I’m tied to Rome.


    A Commitment To Failure
    test
  6. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    A Commitment To Failure

    Imagine if you will, a place of thoughts,
    Where walls form the boundries and a way to stop,
    Think of it as Sagan's box,
    A place of learning, and encouragement towards changing cogs,
    But the gears in this school, while appearing to move,
    Only turn when the fools have played their pot,
    It's really not as odd as it may seem,
    It's really a sickness we're all dis-play-ing...

    ...A student takes his seat amongst his peers,
    His classmates see him for what he is, a half-brain,
    A lackadaisacal slacker, who spends,
    Half the day up in the bathroom with friends,
    In his early days, you would think that this dude
    was from the pearly gates, and I ain't thinkin' of Jude,
    He had the perfect ways, he worked hard, studied,
    Spent his extra time helpin' out his buddies,
    But as the days went on and his confidence wrought,
    From the A's that he got, he lost what he sought,
    He became the bully he defended against,
    Taking lunch money, had the competitive edge,
    Built up strong, had the pecks and biceps
    of an adonis, he stretched his dyed threads,
    By the time that he reached his senior status,
    His reputation had already been established,
    He used it to cheat rather than to achieve dreams,
    He knew he'd never see his grades like real life, 3D's,
    Stopped tryin' in class, stopped tryin' to pass,
    Got by on the top line, eyes on the past,
    Never did professors see the guise of his act,
    Only his peers ever tried to detract,
    He always got an A on the essay-
    He never handed in,
    His peers got that heavy-handed shit,
    Watching while he breezed, they worked and pressed,
    Feelings of jealousy, they cursed and stressed,
    When the meakest of the meak seeked to equal what they teach,
    The people in this beef were imperfect friends,
    The weak man stood in the hallway, waitin',
    The strong man stepped up tall and impatient,
    The weak man swung and the bleeding begun,
    But the strong man didn't even fall, the meak needed a gun...
    Needless to say, the weak man lost,
    But all of his friends said it was worth the cost,
    Even the victor's friends seemed to be feeling this way,
    But they kept it inside, didn't wanna deal with his rage,
    Some had even begun peeling away,
    Watching as the mighty crumbled a little everyday,
    Waiting for the mighty to learn the truth,
    But it's just not in the cards for this imperfect youth...

    If this sounds familiar, it should to you,
    America's the student, and the world's the room,
    The professor's are the wealthy, and the serf's, the doomed,
    To fall behind America, and curse it too,
    Valedictorian? It was once fully destined,
    Now we sit and grin from the bully section....
    test
  7. Nu'maaN

    Nu'maaN Anu'naki, Nuqqa.

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    25,669
    t.a.c
    you're very good with the stories, but it's the vocab that you lack.
    especially when you're up against two of the better vocabbed writers in the league.
    speaking of which, vocabbed is not even a fucking word but i used it anyway. but i did enjoy your story, it's always full of emotion, but it could've been alot better. you need to work on moving the narration along without quote marks and conversations. this is all.

    nomsky.
    can't say much that i haven't already said about your writing.
    i liked all three stanzas, and using the same lines for the opening worked.
    heart all of that.

    gotlife.
    you had the better concept out of all of the pieces this week.
    america being the student and the world the classroom was pretty cool.
    but i wonder if you hadn't put that in that the readers would've digested it as you planned.
    nonetheless, your piece was solid and damn strong but fully destined and bully section pissed me off, you could've had a lot stronger ending.

    my votes in order.
    1. nom for a thoroughly enjoyable read.
    2. gotlife close second, if draws were allowed i'd vote for both as number 1.
    3. t.a.c, no offense but it's obvious you didn't try because of who you were facing.

    good shit though.

    :numaan:
    test
  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    T.a.C. - Good job on improving your flow this week. The story was good but once again wording and forced rhymes hurt you here. 'Quest' was an awkward word to use in that line. I know it rhymed with 'rest' but it just didn't seem natural and that is the problem here. I have this problem as well but when things aren't natural, the flaw are blown up for the reader to see and make this harder to get through. Still the story is good and i feel like with a more natural delivery, you will be hard to beat. Good work here


    Nom - This was an impressive story here. The flow was on point and the rhymes were natural. I enjoyed some of the repetitive lines here when most of the times i hate it. I had a problem with this line, "My sentences came out absurd with hope" It just seemed like it was missing a word or two. Still, i enjoyed this story. I really liked the imagery here, especially with this "And I still find your hair in my clothes". This simple line painted a good picture. Nicely done you dull son of a nom


    Got Life? - I think the strongest thing about your story was your wording. lines like "Stopped tryin' in class, stopped tryin' to pass,
    Got by on the top line, eyes on the past,"

    were delivered very well. The vocab and the imagery were solid as well. The only problem i had with this was that the story was just so so. Nothing that was really entertaining to keep me intrigued but it was still pleasant to read.


    V/ Nom for a more entertaining story
    test
  9. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    nom wins 2-0
    test
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