Fall Topical Tourney:: l-dogg \/ pinnacle

Discussion in 'the Onslaught' started by Vern Acular, Nov 8, 2003.

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  1. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2001
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    verses due 11:59pm eastern Tuesday
    votes due 11:59am Saturday

    Rd 1 is open mic week, create your own open mic, it can be about anything, just make sure it's good enough to impress your voter

    ::line limit::

    20 bars min :: 40 bars max

    no more no less

    there will be no extensions, bitching, or bull shit tolerated

    if you want to win and think you can win, show up on time, follw the rules, and post a quotable verse

    good luck to everyone

    test
  2. Downed Shadow

    Downed Shadow New Member

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    Mar 23, 2001
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    1,372
    checking in..
    test
  3. P i n n a c l e

    P i n n a c l e sucks frog penis

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2003
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    2,502
    test
  4. P i n n a c l e

    P i n n a c l e sucks frog penis

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    2,502
    my fuse is quickly burning, towards the explosion of my mind
    a spark sailing down the wick, leaving a trail of ash behind
    cos we find that one mans temper can only stretch so far
    until the elasticity of fury reciols, back to where u are
    rather be in control by far, but no man is capable of that
    it's unreachable, trapped, and my minds windows painted black
    blinded by the boiling rage, but only the outer edge is bubbling
    and in an instant the pot is knocked, and now the bubbles doubling
    and as if like a surging hollow tip, rushed right out of the hole
    a coaster ride cold, white knuckles fold, bone to skin scolds
    then a sudden stop of the train, or the rain, poured on flames
    back down to calm, can now refrain, from baring angers pain

    as i plead for respect my soul bleeds with regret
    and it feeds my upset i jus need to forget
    all the torment an torture boiled up in my head
    i was a blue sea but now i run red
    my head was in pain but seeped thru my brain
    if it persists to maintain my fury won't be contained
    and anger will rain down upon them and you
    and i will face turbulence cos they jus wont see my view
    the wrath of the anger the pain of the rage
    the path out of danger lies ahead of this page
    so i attack demons not physically, but with words
    to wipe the slate clean, and, make peace with the world
    and live oh so tranquil just with me and my mind
    and jus let poetry flow and let my trouble unwind
    test
  5. LDogg The King

    LDogg The King The High Life

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    16,941
    The feelings Of A Broken Finger



    baby bursting panic, a crazy exerted rabid rabbit
    the feeling of 'you have to have it' including an emergency attachment
    you see its hurting in knees, through jackets, applaud at cures
    only time my fucking fingers played with like this, is during manicures
    its like seeing manikin tears, e mailed ya nerves..had them send fear
    start day dreaming, seein penguins an think Billy Madison’s near
    eye opening surprise like Christmas, but hide the wish list
    like u do a wife’s forgiveness if she ever finds ya mistress
    the unexplained pain, that drifts down streams of change
    bad times _chapter ect.. read the page.. its means engraved
    impact of a panic attack, thinking white when really Santa was black
    the sorrow of greed when u had it and was handin it back
    drinking out of a Mexicans flask.. complexed again.. pass
    hand out experience through liquid and mouth it in mass
    numb the worries with rum an hurry until im spun an hurling
    cuz its fun and curling my toes back.. like an old mase track
    sit back and think back to when we listened to blacks make rap
    ignore the bent structure and be glad your the conditions mint fucker
    maybe blaze a bowl.. an let it take control, until the day goes dull
    then play the roll, of a sonic tumble an daze into a Sega stroll
    see with a broken finger I break the mold, an don’t think controlled
    its that way im told, due to the stable hold, that my brain has sold
    in exchange for gold, to the insane an old, pain aka an anal probe
    weeks later I can hop in my whip, grab tha wheel without my Popsicle stick
    unwind the tape and dropping that shit like ass an color of Mexican sprint.
    test
  6. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

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    upping for votes...

    thanks to both of you for posting...
    test
  7. Hatred

    Hatred 9-2 6KO'S

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    l dogg took this easily....fresher concept,better multi's n storytellig overall...pinnacle u gotta lotta potential dawg but ya inter bar rhyme scheme is still basic...most of ya multi's were simple 1 or 2 syllable counts mostly at the end of your lines...story was aight it was jus lackin tha fundamentals of a winning verse....vote:l dogg....pz
    test
  8. jweaksfromdapike

    jweaksfromdapike The Pain and the Poetry

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2001
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    11,028
    Judge:

    coo battle..nothing special from either writer...pinnacle solid verse...but you really lacked in any kind of story structure....you write well and have plenty potential but your weakness was in the story...you didnt create anything within the verse to pull me in and make me wanna read more...but otherwise...i was feeling what you were doing with it..just came up a lil short...l dogg...solid verse...flowed well..and we all you know your a good writer....you took this with basically better content and a lil more interesting topic then pinnacle...came a lil fresher...but still nothing amazing...kinda dissapointmented....i know you can do better..but still..

    vote=l dogg
    test
  9. HighPawTheCyst

    HighPawTheCyst New Member

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    523
    winner: l-dogg
    test
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