Fall Topical Tourney:: formal logic \/ trapezoidal

Discussion in 'the Onslaught' started by Vern Acular, Nov 8, 2003.

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  1. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2001
    Messages:
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    verses due 11:59pm eastern Tuesday
    votes due 11:59am Saturday

    Rd 1 is open mic week, create your own open mic, it can be about anything, just make sure it's good enough to impress your voter

    ::line limit::

    20 bars min :: 40 bars max

    no more no less

    there will be no extensions, bitching, or bull shit tolerated

    if you want to win and think you can win, show up on time, follw the rules, and post a quotable verse

    good luck to everyone

    test
  2. NAX

    NAX Bring the Pain.

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2002
    Messages:
    186
    when autumn leaves fall, that year i just fell /
    desperately seeking solace inside a living hell /
    it was august and such, a blessing,
    became a college freshman /
    invested session & session 2 learn the obvious lesson /
    always questioned, goals & dreams,
    hopes & aspirations /
    heart racing w/ my stepfather testing my patience /
    im testing my patience ...
    the liquors relates when, tempers flare /
    midterms or coke & rum ? an adam & eve affair /
    miss remy got the best of me, with every sip /
    and as my grades slipped,
    i slipped ... another wasted trip.


    snow captured the tone of my being /
    cuz when i dropped out of school,
    i wasn't a human being /
    just a, lost cause with flaws & weight attached /
    when fate collapsed in my lap,
    you & me were just a perfect match /
    hated by my parents for making mistake after mistake /
    moved back to bmore for a while,
    developed a passion for hate /
    living check to check ain't the way to survive /
    in the pit of my heart i was keeping dreams alive /
    a scheme relied on touch & feel, how it used to be /
    months passed,
    my parents asked if i would come back to see / ('em)
    spring was calling, and i had been through so much /
    even after the hardships feelings were such & such /
    now the snow had disappaited,
    i could only relate with ... /
    ... no snowflake is the same, my lifes the same,
    and god i hate it.

    april showers brought a flood of regrets /
    because,
    to them i still didn't gain an ounce of respect /
    just stop the neglect, i deserve a second chance /
    the rules changed,
    the game had no room to advance /
    at second glance, i ... need a way out,
    another painless route /
    worked two jobs, ashamed at the way i was played out /
    remained stout & gained clout,
    my parents were vexed i just /
    left one early morning and made it an exodus /
    the rest is just ... making it out of a hell-hole /
    this road seemed wider, i thought i could stand-bold /
    pale as a damn ghost, but man, i withstand most /
    the surface seemed alright ... when summer approached.

    jazzy jeff & fresh prince bumping outta the deck /
    summer parties came & went, but the feelings never left /
    still stressed,
    over bitches & brew, a witches stew /
    made the mixture much different, and some people astute /
    to the reasons i knew, i wasn't feeling alright /
    and to most in my life, i was living a lie /
    it all became clear, the seasons would never change /
    they just get rearranged, or restraind by peoples pain /
    and my pain,
    i remained on a downward spiral /
    and one scorching summer night, i decided i'd die too /
    the disease had kicked in, i'm through with this tirade /
    ever since,
    last year i've been diagnosed with a.i.d.s /
    i know it seems strange & without any reasons /
    but i needed to tell my story w/ the changing of the seasons.


    pce. g'luck formal.
    test
  3. FórmÅl LôGíc

    FórmÅl LôGíc Black Listed

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    I need an hour extention, I know there is known, but Im leaving, and driving 10 hours home. So please, I need the extention to atleast show.
    test
  4. HighPawTheCyst

    HighPawTheCyst New Member

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    test
  5. FórmÅl LôGíc

    FórmÅl LôGíc Black Listed

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    My DSL went down last night at like 11, had my friend post uner my name so that I could let yall know. I had it done at 12, so dont think I stayed up all night writing, but Ima drop anyway. So, please understand where Im coming from.
    test
  6. FórmÅl LôGíc

    FórmÅl LôGíc Black Listed

    Joined:
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    .Drunken State

    It all started early; surely this was a night with no fear,
    And as the quote goes liquor before beer you're in the clear;
    But you hear stories, but I was sure we'd all be fine tonight.
    Light leaving and night coming, hoping everything would be all right.
    The night began, and it was Jose & me, we chilled for a few;
    & if you brew up the confidence, he was obliged to meet you too.
    Two shots went down fine, with the cast of a woman & limes.
    My mind moved slower, my composer leaned over after some time.
    The line to meet Jose was long, only the strong, were able to drink,
    Id think about my problems, as Mr. Cuervo's insides began to sink.
    In the blink of an eye, Jose moved along, & was gone for the evening,
    Leaving me, to find a new friend to send me home later on heaving.
    He was deceiving, Mr. Cuervo stayed inside my mind, kept talking,
    Stalking my thoughts, he brought about, when we were walking.
    Chalking down digits, in this Jose was behind it all; I said thanks.
    Chants rang out, shouted to take a shot in an upside down stance;
    And by chance that’s when me and Jim Bean, became a team.
    A fiend, Jim came off as a Southern Comfort, but he's not what he seems.
    Things became stronger; he had 100 proofs, if you didn’t believe it,
    See, Bean couldn’t see shit, so, I decided to take off, & just leave him.
    Teased with more liquor, the shots went down quicker, loving each,
    I shot a Wild Turkey, drank with Captain, then me & a girl had sex on the beach.
    My feet felt numb, but none the less I kept on pace, drinking more,
    The Four Horseman gathered, & sure enough a surfer on acid washed ashore.
    The floor was rotating, not quite spinning, but I felt someone was missing,
    Fishing for the thought, a Sea Breeze caught me, it was Johnny Walker,
    And Johnny's a hell of talker, telling Brandy, how The Hulk is a monster.
    Goldshloger brightened up the place, and that’s when I saw her face,
    I raced to meet her, my feet were stumbling over my untied shoe lace.
    The chase began, I introduced myself a with a slur, a bit of a stutter,
    But she was a bit tipsy too, & paid no mind, to all my racket & clutter.
    She was like no other, a sweet name, she was just plain gorgeous,
    More or less, I stroke gold, and this Window Pain, kept my soreness.
    A shore less Malibu kept our cups full, to help me pull this fine dear,
    Merely along with her Bud, and old friend of mine, Mr. Belvedere.
    Everclear played loud, on the speakers, and through out my glass,
    & as fast as I met her, my goal went from talking her, to getting ass.
    At last I had chance, so I carefully tried unzippering her pants quietly,
    She silently said no, but to no avail, she lashed out, screaming violently.
    Mindingly, I got out and left quick, this chick, might go tell her friends,
    So then I grabbed, Jack Daniels, tickled a Fuzzy Naval, & met the Kentucky Gentlemen.
    To lend a hand starting my car, Jack, took the keys & didn’t for me.
    Surely enough he managed, and handed me the wheel, accordingly.
    I read that I was going 43, but you see, my speedometer read one-ten.
    And then right, there, my despair hit me, along with the horrid liquor blend.
    So in the end, the quote was, liquor before beer, not quite in the clear,
    Because when I passed out, Jose, Jim, John, & Jack, didn’t know how to steer.


    .Sad But True
    test
  7. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

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    thank you both for posting, upping for votes...
    test
  8. jweaksfromdapike

    jweaksfromdapike The Pain and the Poetry

    Joined:
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    11,028
    Judge:

    good job fellas..i enjoyed reading both of these..and this is a really close match...lets get to it..

    trap...nice piece no doubt..had a lot of poetics involved in it..and you know me..i like that...came through with a lot of emotion and the imagery was solid...you whole concept with the seasons was great...going through the last year of a dying man...fantasic...and i really liked this line...

    those are some great lines...now the thing about the verse being how good it is..it still wasnt a jaw dropper..or a "wow" type verse..but it was a wonderful display of a writers talent...lyricism...writers voice...and the emotion really carries this verse...which is not a bad thing...job well done trap..

    formal...nice job on your verse as well..your flow was solid...but your lyricism and creativeness is what was the highlight...using all the different drink names within the verse to create a story was a nice touch..had good imagery and kept the story moving along nicely...you provided a great writers voice in this...and the ending was nice...nothing spectacular..but an appropriate and cleverly woven ending for a well written verse...

    wow fellas...this is really close...this is basically neck and neck and im not sure who to vote for...both of you came with some fantastic reads...but im gonna go with trap....i was feeling his content and the emotion used to fuel the whole verse more then formals concept...which was done very well i might add...but i feel is a bit cliched these days...but formal pulled it off greatly...but i think that trap pulls this one out barely...

    vote=trap
    test
  9. Hatred

    Hatred 9-2 6KO'S

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2003
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    very nice battle ya'll...i also enjoyed both verses..but in tha end ima hafta go with trap...i liked his seasons concept more than tha dui story bcuz i've read them b4...both had nice skillz ..portrayed imagery well,very clean precise verses bu i thought trap brought a lil more to tha table n i jus FELT his verse more...good shit ya'll...pz
    test
  10. HighPawTheCyst

    HighPawTheCyst New Member

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    trap moves on...
    test
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