End Of ''Daze'' (freestyle)

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by mr.redeyez, Aug 6, 2012.

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  1. mr.redeyez

    mr.redeyez Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2007
    Messages:
    838
    blood in my eyes, Hate on my mind
    sweat on my face, muggin' tha sky
    army fatigue, blade in my jeans
    run in my nightmares, pray in my dreams
    life is a mirage, so I, stay on my knees (pause)
    i'ma ghost amung beings,
    It makes it easier to hunt down, enemies
    gorilla in tha midst, survival of tha fit
    half tha world obese, so half of it decease
    momma said its war time baby,
    kissed me on tha cheek,its your time baby
    whos world is this?, its mine baby
    hand me a A.K 47 AND A 9 BABY
    bet i make bullets curve like a fine lady
    tha world is gonna end, have u seen tha crime lately?
    shot up a cinema, next it was a temple
    it's simple, we workin' with a smooth criminal
    can't u see tha subliminal?
    read between tha lines, you DUMB FUCKS
    especially if u alive, its dumb luck
    they manipulate tha sky, not enough?
    hurricane katrina ,9/11,& tha swine, not enough?
    written in stone 500 million lives,
    its right before our eyes, raw & uncut
    murder then disguise, nip tuck
    America is full of lies, hope it dont lead to our demise
    tha truth will set u free, i'd like my knowledge super sized
    history books R full of shit, like a bunch of fucking flies
    why all tha prophets died way before there time?
    but tha evil survive,
    so many soldiers gave there life so that eagle could fly
    lets even tha odds, i'll call it an ''eye'' for an eye
    for dessert i'll take a slice of that american pie
    this some of tha shit i be thinkin' when high
    test
  2. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2001
    Messages:
    29,663
    This was OK. The first 6 lines reminded me of "drop the World" Lil Wayne's verse. Lol. You need to work on your bar structure, though. Get the syllables matching up to create some sort of flow, because it's all over the place. I understand what you were trying to do, but the way it's written is the way it will be spit - and it's off.

    Keep elevating, homie.
    test
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