Eloquent Poet vs. King Tony

Discussion in 'Writer's Block' started by lpoet, May 7, 2004.

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  1. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    ......................
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  2. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Pick 1 out of the 5 Topics listed

    1. You escape from prison. Where do you run to?

    2. If you could be a teacher for one day, what would you teach and why?

    3. Your parents are in the next room arguing, suddenly you hear 3 gunshots. What do you do?

    4. You are a flower. Tell us what it feels like to blossom

    5. It's 3:25 a.m. And you awake to somebody beation no your door. When you open it, the devil is standing there. He tells you it's time to go. What do you do?


    Min=16 lines
    Max-64
    No Show=4 lines

    Sign in by wednesday, May 12th! Verses Due Friday, May 14th!

    You must vote!!! It will count against you!!!

    Voting Due Tuesday, May 18th!!!
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  3. iLL Script.

    iLL Script. ~Poetic~

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    signin' in
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  4. ~Eloquent

    ~Eloquent Narcissistic....

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    signing in
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  5. iLL Script.

    iLL Script. ~Poetic~

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    A single red rose,
    Alone in a field.
    All by itself.
    Nothing to shield.

    Tha sun is shining,
    In tha summer sky.
    Tha heat is killing.
    Tha world is dry.

    Winds from tha east.
    Dark clouds hover above.
    People have lost,
    Tha romance in love.

    One couple together,
    Tha last of their breeds.
    Tha man picks the rose.
    It's what she needs.

    Two hours later,
    Tha world heard a roar.
    A car out of place,
    Hit her passenger door.

    He tries to revive her,
    A battle with fate.
    No change in condition,
    It seems he's too late

    He looks down beside her.
    In her hand is the rose.
    Tha rain starts to pound,
    And tha wind fiercely blows.

    As they lowered her down,
    Tha very next day,
    They asked for his speech,
    There was nothing he'd say.

    A single red rose,
    alone on a hill.
    Tha sun's in the sky.
    Tha heat's sure to kill.




    4. You are a flower. Tell us what it feels like to blossom

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  6. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

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    Aight, I see you took the idea I helped with and ran with the shit...Good job too...Can't vote just yet, but I might not need too...
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  7. ~Eloquent

    ~Eloquent Narcissistic....

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    4. You are a flower. Tell us what it feels like to blossom



    Growing between these crevices....
    where the sky blissfully cries,
    oxygen inside my lifeless limbs...
    sprouting an inch....
    only to feel it all come to another brutal end....

    cuz im a rose from concrete....
    ends of tennis shoes scuff my frame...
    if only they would let me breathe,
    live,to finally be free....

    the dehydrating summer breeze leaves me in a ridicoulous drought...
    i am still just barely...breathing
    until the refreshing raindrops...
    dig deep into my tattered roots...
    and i sprout another inch...

    i havent felt the same since...
    i love it when the sky cries...
    vibrant drops of strength...
    i am now again the fetus...
    the reinassance revisited...

    finally no ends of tennis shoes scuff my bleeding frame...
    the tropical depression,now in the air, is to much to bare,it drives me insane...
    to finally satisfy my hunger
    for the suns rays...
    i wait days...
    the sun intertwined with god's tears is the perfect form of praise...

    lopsided....petals
    i sprout,
    thruout the torture of being the rose that grew from concrete...
    my frames in doubt...
    but i stay strong
    until the sky cries
    gentle showers...

    but lately,
    the breeze from this tropical depression shows to much aggression...
    i hate those days when the rhymitic passion of the skies tears begins to beat on me to mercilessly...
    i reminds me of shoe bottoms diggin deep into my soul...
    and sending my petals into a disoriented transfusion....

    the gentle brisk breeze,follows the summer rays...
    i was waiting for days...
    for the skies tears to quench my ridicoulous thirst...
    mother nature showed mercy on me today...

    so finally i spurt...
    more than just an inch...
    intense....passion
    intertwined in my arrival....
    as finally the envy of all plants that are trapped between concrete crevices...
    "the rose that blossomed from the concrete"




    ---just somethin quick really i thought i had more time to drop somethin...
    really though i dont think my verse was to bad...
    i had been thinkin about writing somethin about a flower blossoming for a minute now so it kinda worked out....
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  8. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

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    Aight man, you lost cool points for quotin Pac in this one, and I'm not even remotely a fan of his.

    "i wait days...
    the sun intertwined with god's tears is the perfect form of praise..." that made up for it though, lol...

    But, I read Tony's piece in the Realm already, and here it is, and I love that piece...not only does it spark something inside about life itself, but it reminds us that death is just as much apart of life as living is. Good drop ya got there Tony...

    Vote; Kingtony because of the difference in growth...
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  9. MISSKEYdaQUEEN

    MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther..

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    EP..I feel what you are saying ....and you said it so..."eloquently" ironically enough! But the whole rose from concrete idea is so over used nowadays, IMO. I truly liked it but...King Tony made a simple heartfelt piece that had so much more impact without being so ....hmm...sensational and glamorous in his wording...

    2 great pieces and poets..however...my vote:KING
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  10. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Vote=Elouqent.

    I think people gotta look past the little tupac quote shit. Find me a piece of poetry that isnt over used in some type of way?

    Anyway I was really feeling king's piece. Shit was just on point. From the first line to the last line. I just dont think it was as strong as Elouqents though. He had more raw emotion in his piece. And that's what got my vote
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  11. Sporadic

    Sporadic New Member

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    I tip my hat to both poets here, but I honestly think Eloquent took this one. He stayed true to the topic more, I felt, and better than Tony did. But what REALLY took it was, "i wait days...
    the sun intertwined with god's tears is the perfect form of praise..." good shit from both sides, but there must be a winner...keep doin ya'lls thing...duece trey like MJ
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  12. I think Eloquent has been slightly hard done by here, His piece although containing something that tupac said ages ago, did display some very good lines, and was creative. But it seemed like because of the tupac reference, it took the light away from the rest of his piece and people seemed to judge it moreso on that..but thats the way it goes I guess..

    Having said that, Tony's poem was really good, very nice rhyme scheme and the intertwined heat and red in the rose did it for me.. captured the subject very finely indeed.

    vote King tony
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  13. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

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    I didn't take away from his poem for him Quotint Tupac, not at all. I just said he lost cool points, lol...But, I just happened to like King Tony's piece more than his as far as sticking to topic more and poetically...
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  14. ~Eloquent

    ~Eloquent Narcissistic....

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    hmm....he was allowed to edit his verse?(change topic)
    i guess whatever's before the deadline....
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  15. iLL Script.

    iLL Script. ~Poetic~

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    ^it was edit hours before tha deadline
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  16. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    I wasn't feeling the whole tupac quote thing, kind of made the piece revolve around those quotes, it was a good piece and imagery was on point, but not feeling it as much as tony's piece. Vote Tony
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  17. ~Eloquent

    ~Eloquent Narcissistic....

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    the thing is what did i quote of tupac?
    tupac wrote a poetry book called the rose that grew from concrete,i kinda used that idea...
    but what in my poem...is a direct quote from tupac....
    anything?
    dont think so....
    not that im mad about being voted against but i definitely didnt bite anything
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  18. quotive

    quotive 3

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    Vote: Eloquent Poet, easily won...

    King Tony's was... dull. He didn't stay on topic, and if he did, I do not see how it connects to "You are a flower, tell us what it feels like to blossom."

    Eloquent Poets piece was brilliant. I love that Tupac poem, truly a brilliant poet himself. You didn't lose any "cool points" for using his line, kind of got me into your poem. I got lost in it, the shyt was dope. This is what really got me though;

    "tropical depression,now in the air, is to much to bare,it drives me insane...
    to finally satisfy my hunger
    for the suns rays...
    i wait days...
    the sun intertwined with god's tears is the perfect form of praise..."

    I don't see how you couldn't vote for this piece, the shyt is great.

    "the gentle brisk breeze,follows the summer rays...
    i was waiting for days...
    for the skies tears to quench my ridicoulous thirst...
    mother nature showed mercy on me today..."

    Its nice your a rose, and your kind of expressing hurt, and pain and struggle from the rose's perspective. The only thing that I didn't like about your poem was the forced vocabulary, and the ending. It was plain rushed. Go back and fix this man, this shyt is wonderful.

    Eloquent Poet.
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  19. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    3-3 so far....tony i'm sorry but i'm not counting xeros vote it seems biased....i dont want either one of you to take offense to that..but i really feel that way...if mind or allnakey think different i may count it
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  20. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    ^Yeah I already made a thread about that in the intercourse.
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