Egg of Dreams: Shattered Illusions

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by utsukushikumegami, Jun 16, 2003.

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  1. utsukushikumegami

    utsukushikumegami That's Ms. Goddess to you

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    this is just pure insanity...I wrote this listening to a really weird song and it didn't come out the way I wanted it to at all. Oh well, I'm too tired to do the usual rewrite. I'll figure something out later...tell me what you guys think:


    Listen…
    Can you hear it?
    The sound of loneliness
    Carrying me to this labyrinth of agony
    Only the moon can see the tears in my soul
    Illuminating in the sky like an Egg of Dreams

    Bathing this dead world in an eerie light
    Fragments of what were once dreams float like fireflies in the darkness
    Like a watery grave,
    I am submerged in this dark dream once more

    Tell me…
    Who are you?
    The one calling out to me with those forlorn eyes…
    Doves take flight on a river of words
    The moon crashes into the sea of memories
    The world is enveloped in darkness
    The black yolk of dreams spills from the moon into the depths of my mind
    And seeps in like a deadly poison

    Shattered egg shells of dreams litter this realm
    And drift in still waters
    Like pale white daggers in the night
    It’s cold and lonely
    Shattered worlds lay scattered on the face of the water
    Floating in despair on black waves of hopelessness
    Where are you, my white dream?
    test
  2. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    wow

    this was great....wish i saw more of you in here...dunno why everyones sleeping on this....
    so many lines were quoatable...but my fav was

    The sound of loneliness
    Carrying me to this labyrinth of agony

    really nice piece...would like to see more from you..
    test
  3. utsukushikumegami

    utsukushikumegami That's Ms. Goddess to you

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    thanks...I don't usually like sharing much of my poetry because half the time I don't like it. But since you asked, I'll post here more often!
    test
  4. mocha_licious

    mocha_licious New Member

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    omg.......im sorry that i have overlooked this...i dont recognize u, but i gotta say that this was very ill...i liked the wordplay and the dark and glossy tint it had to it...u gave it so much imagery...mos def a good piece....great job!

    ~one love~

    ~keep writin~
    test
  5. Kato88

    Kato88 .....dreams.in.anime.....

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    wow, that was really nice...i think its the first poem ive read of yours...you should definitely post more...
    test
  6. *GeMiNeYeZ*

    *GeMiNeYeZ* ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~

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    i listened to the song while reading it and i got this weird feeling all over... you truely are a remarkable poet so stop fakin on yaself! this was a beatiful piece and i can see how the mood of the song inspired the mood of the poem.
    test
  7. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

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    lonliness was really captured into it..the whole thing had a dark secluded feel to it. i really enjoyed this. great emotion in the words, great imagery as well.
    test
  8. Alyssa

    Alyssa Crash test dummy

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    i dont wanna say anything bad, t'is the forum of suckups who just wants everyone to say nice things about their poems... or maybe they just dont want to shatter someones spirit, either way...

    lets just call it constructive criticism, alright?

    honestly, to me it didnt really feel like it was even about something. To ME it just felt like an endless stream of "dark" adjectives.


    edit: actually, i forgot one thing... it didnt rhyme, i didnt even realize it. Which is a good thing. It flowed better than alot of poems that ive read that actually do rhyme.
    test
  9. utsukushikumegami

    utsukushikumegami That's Ms. Goddess to you

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    coming from you, this is certainly a compliment. But really, does all poetry have to be about 'something' in particular? Barely any of my poetry is ever about just one thing. Most of it is just expression of my emotions through imagery and vivid descriptions. I don't like being tied down with themes or subjects. It makes me lose my creative flow...
    test
  10. *GeMiNeYeZ*

    *GeMiNeYeZ* ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~

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    ^^ she's right
    test
  11. Alyssa

    Alyssa Crash test dummy

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    no, your poetry can be about whatever you want, ovbiously.

    and hey, you dont have to explain anything to me, i was just stating my opinion on how i viewed it, as is a common practice in this forum.

    im not trying to dictate you to write however i want you to write.
    test
  12. utsukushikumegami

    utsukushikumegami That's Ms. Goddess to you

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    point taken. Sorry, thanks for the criticism.
    test
  13. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

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    I liked this...when I read it, I think of the world collapsing around me, and all kinda wierd stuff happening...like everything I ever hoped for bursting into flames in front of me or something... I dunno [dunno] It was a nice read though.
    test
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