East: 6. Strike2 Vs 11. Prophetional

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Nebz, Aug 23, 2003.

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  1. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    6.Strike2 Vs 11.Prophetional

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    if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!!!
    test
  2. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

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    I'm hea

    18. TEKNEEK:
    A man sits in an alley.... covering his face hiding himself from you and everyone else.
    test
  3. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

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    test
  4. Strike

    Strike packin that metal

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    test
  5. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

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    18. TEKNEEK:
    A man sits in an alley.... covering his face hiding himself from you and everyone else.


    Me= regular text
    Guy = “text “
    Narrative me = text

    Yo..dude wuz the problem did someone rob you…
    Put a glock too to yer dome and had it cocked too…
    He replied: "naw duke…I got deeper fights man…
    See my worlds darker…then a KKK nightmare…
    I’ma die man… I used to play on that spot right there…
    In the garden…and I wish I could go right back…
    To where it started…cuz now its all crooked…
    Gods is hardened shootin everywhere without lookin…
    Killin gods harvest..but I’ll be the one to end em all…
    I wish I didnt have too but their deaths paid in full…”

    Man this dude is psycho.. he really needs some help..
    Cuz all this ranting cant be becomin to yer health..
    Well maybe.. we should chill out and get a drink…
    So you can jus kick back relax and get some breath in…
    Son you jus dont realise I got to destroy ya....
    see no dont exist when the godfathers ya employer…

    Destroy me ?nicca I dont know you or yer crazy don…
    But its what you owe duke..its too late to pay em dogg…
    you wont even lay in a morgue… yell prolly fall in a cave…
    when every things startin to shake…and ya heart falls in dismay..
    Remember I’m sorry but the god warned you everyday…
    On tv at the door trough ya moms who you always cared for…
    Or the christmas servive but now it hardly matters anymore…


    I wuz moved and confused left without a clue …
    All I knew is when this dude will rip.. all hell will break lose…

    Then duke got of his bench…and said I hope god bless’s ya..
    Brother please dont hate me..I’m jus here to be the messanger…

    His final words were a blurr
    I didnt understand why we couldnt make a deal…
    Untill I looked up and saw the man with wings breakin a seal…
    test
  6. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    1,685
    crazyhappyvoicewithasmile
    mama
    greesy leesy

    "what up big D? ---E? lil paulie my friend!
    willy T, mystery, how the fuck a ya'll been?
    johnny on the spot? sorry, heard about brother ben.
    we all hurtin dog, men just keep on holdin them chins,
    high boy, why? know he had the shit comin soon.
    doomed, ever since he dieseled wit a spike and a spoon."

    (johnny through a hook) ducked, "yo i'm sorry but dude.
    you my boy i'm tryin' ta keep it real, not make it a feud.
    where's the food? ya'll got 2nd's i ain't even get firsts.
    so stop bullshitten jerks i'm tryna git full as the moon."
    i'm smellin' mama dukes's ox tails just fill up the room.
    that's outside too "yo momma dukes!" she stopped what she do
    "AW BABY, aw lawwwd, HOW YOU BEEN ALL THESE YEARS?
    I HEARD YOU OFF AT COLLEGE NOW? BOY GET OVER HERE YOU!
    LEMME LOOK ATCHU. LAWD, YOU BECOMIN' A MAN!"

    grabbed me tight choked me with a hug all tight on her boobs.
    "LISA's GRAWN UP NAW! AND SHE's OPEN FOR BIDS." mama!?
    "HUSH NOW CHILD 'FOR I BUTTON YOUR LIPS!
    DON'T CHU 'MEMBER WHO THIS IS? GiT AND GIVE THE MAN HIS!

    "yeah, he's the one who used to stuff me in the couch as a kid.
    push the cushions back on top and all his friends used to sit.
    ontop, like the crush i had until he left like he did.
    so how you been pro?"
    froze, musta shown cuz they know.
    mama's always talkin, nope; turned and jus hadda go.

    "lil lisa? naw, for real? this is gotta be jokes?
    for real for real, baby girl, you a dime and i'm broke!"

    she just smiled, little blush, almond eyes had a spark.
    glow up on her skin, glisten'd i just wanted her mo'.

    "can't be lil greasy leesy" when her stature just changed.
    hit me with a greasy ham-burger splattered mah brain.
    my new fitted stained! zo jerz.. "DAMN, IN THE PARK?!"

    "so what? fuck you! you ain't all that! you better show.
    a lil resepect! cuz n-gg- know dis bitch ain't a hoe!
    while you was gone, i'm a woman now, they call me a shark
    cuz i don't take shit, fake shit, or fuck wit chu bro's/ who think you too cool.?"

    "yo chill, you know i'll smack out that bark!
    come here and show me love, damn girl, one." and it starts.

    with a hug close, hands on her hips, breathe on her neck.
    fealt her body shiver, pull away, but held her a sec.
    let her go, when our eyes met, it had an affect.
    hangin' with the fellas, gettin' down on homecookin's best.
    talkin' bout who was who, and who was laid up ta rest
    the boys in the hood, blest, wear it proud on our chest.
    some were doing what they should, some were doing what's less.
    "willy T" was now a marine, that ni--a was wreck!
    'fore he left, now he's calmer'n a a gay n-gg-'s wrists.
    "hollywood" was kickin' dope, 3 months since a fix.
    "slick-rick" moved to the bricks and "E" done moved to the sticks.
    "trail" was out on bail-lookin' at jail. minimum of 6.
    the conversation, knew i'd just get caught in the mix.
    within a day or two i'd be back out runnin' the block.
    lisa stayed close all night, just showin' her sense.
    i clicked the watch, saw the sun droppin' bout to get lost.
    i said "this jock's, gotta get home," and peaced to the flock.
    i whispered something in her ear and left her cheek with a kiss.
    went over to the spot 'n gave respect to mama where due.
    then to the old heads, rocks. "FOR the times and the food."
    got to the car and shouted loud, "yo, it's one love yall!"
    back on the road n' back to college, lisa suckin' my balls. off the waaaaaaalllls! mmhmmmmm


    16. TEKNEEK:
    Honies, food, homies, basketball court, DJ, and memories.... its all you can think about as you arrive at the picnic wit all ya folks... ya boys... ya girls... the locals... and everything is fine.... --- then you reminisce on how times changed from how u were as a little kid goin to these cookouts and how the folks around u have grown...
    test
  7. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

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    not bad up up
    test
  8. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

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    no doubt baller, your ending had me like "WHA" [wow]
    one sun. whatever the outcome...
    test
  9. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    Up over Ns's
    test
  10. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

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    thanx homie..now we should get votes and stuff
    test
  11. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

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    test
  12. bigKEN

    bigKEN Hoosier Daddy??

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    vote- Prophetical

    damn well told story, great how you followed the story line and told of how everybody turned out, flow was a bit choppy and rhyme scheme was kinda simple, but it got the point across

    Strike- never verse as well, nice flow and multi's the end was cool too, kind of predictable tho. Just not detailed enough to compete with Proph's story.
    test
  13. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

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    thanx fa vote 1-0 proph up
    test
  14. W1CKED

    W1CKED . . of Gods & Earths

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    Strike:
    Flow wasnt perfect, but ight.
    It got choppy on parts of the dialog.
    I was surprised at the end.
    I was feeling the story...
    But I wasnt really feeling it until the end.
    It pulled everything together.
    Should have been a little longer.

    "His final words were a blurr
    I didnt understand why we couldnt make a deal…
    Untill I looked up and saw the man with wings breakin a seal… "
    ^Feelin it.

    prophetional:
    The flow on this also wasnt great and got choppy during dialog.
    Story was aight.
    I didnt like tha last line.
    It was ok, but I thought that you would flip the topic a little. Instead you just came str8 wit it.

    I think the verses were pretty much even flow-wise and rhyme-wise. Both had choppy dialog. Strike flipped his topic and mad somthing from nothing. I was just really feeling the end. Nothing was very great about prophs story. I just gotta give it to Strike for creativity, and i just overall felt his story more.

    Vote: Strike2
    test
  15. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

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    woohoo 1-1 and about the flow if I had recording equipment I'd proove it flows when i spit it...but thass coo homie thanx for votin
    test
  16. Tha Talent

    Tha Talent , Tha Master.

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    3,588
    Prophetional:
    by no means the best i've seen from you...your flow was a little choppy, but somewhat complex rhyme schemes were thrown in occasionally, and you kept it a float enough...your style is very raw, but i like it a lot...you did go a little overboard with the dialogue, but i read it through a second time and it came together much nicer...you really went into depth, and used a true plot, complete with good falling action, something many RSTL writers don't use, because some voters(a la W1CKID) believe that a true twist can only be found in the last couple lines, which isn't true...i liked the verse, but i would have expected more.

    Strike2:
    you are a very polished writer, that is the best way to put it...flow was great throughout, maybe one or two rough patches but no more...you came at the topic very well, but your whole verse revolved around a last line identity twist and yet you blew it by incorperating toooooo much foreshadowing, specifically in the dialogue...imagery was nice, and as i said before, your writers voice was much more polished...i am not sure you gave this your all, but it was good.

    vote=Prophetional
    he just told a well rounded story...though i was expecting better from both...this is an interesting battle between a very polished verse and a raw but intruiging one.
    test
  17. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

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    Vote Prophetional...

    It held my attention more and the story was written in a way i could appreciate more...

    Strike had a good verse, it just didnt hold I vizzles attention...
    test
  18. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    Prophestional wins..
    test
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