East: 4. Cryogenic Vs 13. Trapezoidal

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Nebz, Aug 23, 2003.

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  1. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    4.Cryogenic Vs 13.Trapezoidal

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    test
  2. NAX

    NAX Bring the Pain.

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    i got mine done man.
    tell me when you wanna drop.

    trap has aim - aim
    pce.
    test
  3. NAX

    NAX Bring the Pain.

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    17. TEKNEEK:
    At the prom draped in your freshest suit and clean cut all around... you hold ya girl in your arms.. looking her into her eyes... and you reflect back on how it is yall came together....

    i never even thought it would come to this,
    you & me exist in a world of potential bliss,
    dispite relentless fists, the agony and pain,
    somehow we made it through the rain, dispelled the clouds again,
    we were, seven or eight when you moved in the hood,
    your presence made me feel good, from a boy misunderstood ...
    as a menace to society but you saw a side of me,
    most denied to see or believe, a simple lie achieved,
    all the bumps and bruises & your father abuses ...
    daddy's lil angel was just some pussy he chooses,
    my heart was full of hatred cuz he tested my patience,
    but i, had to be patient or i'd be a hospital patient,
    i was too young to face ya pops face to face, dispite that,
    sooner or later he'd have to face the facts ...
    at school you masked the punishment, sometimes i explained,
    to ya teachers she fell on the monkey bars again,
    they never came,
    to that startling conclusion, perhaps you were abused when,
    ya father beat you so bad you got a contussion,
    the hatred grew deeper but i was only 13,
    too weak to beat the man that seemed to shatter ya dreams,
    a crack fiend with an addiction to jim beam,
    he had a stronghold,
    and a strong grip that tightened upon ya self-esteem,
    by then my feelings for you grew deep in bond,
    heard you in every song & knew that daddy was wrong,
    to keep you safe from harm was my only concern,
    senior in high school's when the tables would turn,
    and love would burn ...
    we were sweethearts and such, perhaps the perfect couple,
    still daddy turned his little girl into a crumbling rubble,
    i showered her with gifts but her feelings stayed dreary,
    loved her dearly but she wouldn't even come near me,
    we needed to stop the acts of aggression ... im second guessin,
    either arrest him or teach an obvious lesson, that was the question,
    we went our separate ways, baby girl fell asleep,
    and before she went to bed she prayed her soul to keep,
    i could see her through the window, the look in her eyes,
    the sorrow and such, abrupt but never took me surprised,
    she was crying & almost screaming, it seemed like torture,
    and i saw her father, raping her daughter with no remorse or ...
    a hint of being ashamed, this shit just ripped my brain,
    thats when i cocked the glock and swore i'd hit him mane,
    ran out my door, across the street to save her ...
    from this sickening man and his devious behavior,
    ran inside her house, up the stairs and into her room,
    but i swear i couldn't even see the impending doom,
    the blood splattered upon the bedsheets, my heart dropped,
    with her pops face so solemn, i ran to call the cops,
    he stood there, dick in hand and daughter in the other,
    he killed his first blood and the blood of another,
    came back, and stood eclipsed, frightened with fear,
    he was holding two things that the pervert held dear,
    cocked the gat back and blew him away with the shotty,
    deposited two in his body & grabbed my girls dead body,
    last dance for mary jane & the prom was present,
    so i had to give her one last present ... it was a testament-
    -to what was left, in her last dying breath ...
    i looked into her eyes as we took our last steps,
    ran through another door and the people were shocked,
    when i brought her dying body, the tears and blood still dropped,
    and when we looked into each others eyes i felt a sudden calm,
    as the king and queen took their final dance at the prom.
    test
  4. KhemikaL*PhusionZ

    KhemikaL*PhusionZ Green+Need=Weed

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    in..

    sorry man i've been really sick..i've had a severe ear infection and have been in n out of the hospital but im'a show..so g'luck..
    test
  5. Kon$piracy

    Kon$piracy ```````````

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    lmao@ severe ear infection

    I'm sorry dawg, I know it ain't funny, but I couldn't hold back laughing when I read that.... *cries*
    test
  6. KhemikaL*PhusionZ

    KhemikaL*PhusionZ Green+Need=Weed

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    ummm ok, but if removing blood clots from my ear is funny..go ahead n laugh..
    test
  7. Kon$piracy

    Kon$piracy ```````````

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    everytime I got hurt or sick it was a joke to my friends

    I don't know who you grew up with

    didn't u ever hear the old saying?
    "its all fun games till someone gets hurt... after that its fuckin hilarious"

    no hard feelings cheif, hope ya feel better

    1
    test
  8. KhemikaL*PhusionZ

    KhemikaL*PhusionZ Green+Need=Weed

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    7. ATHEIST:
    You open your eyes, but it's pitch black. You try to move your arm and legs to stand up but you can't. You are trapped inside a container that only allows you enough breathing air. Suddenly, you feel a cold shiver slowly run down your spine, and you feel the cold air upon your face, as if someone is breathing on you. You are not alone in there..

    pitch black, all chances of vision distorted,
    gasping for air, strangled as if a cord did
    thoughts run wild, it's hard to determine,
    what's in store? i'm scared n still a virgin
    am i dreaming? am i dying? or am i dead?
    feelings woozy, blood rushing to my head
    i'm floating yet i can't move, this is strange,
    body twisted n mangled, yet feelin no pain
    yet i'm gonna get out of here, at any cost
    n get my mind right, so i won't feel so lost
    it's like i'm in neverland, how do i get back?
    fuck that, i got nowhere to go i'm trapped


    2 months later..


    still locked in this cell, n i'm goin thru hell,
    n this ride isnt swell, i'm in for it, i can tell
    not having much luck, my life must suck,
    confused as hell, maybe it's time 2 give up
    lost thoughts cram'd in my head, im'a burst,
    feelings are horrible, can it get any worse?
    many times ive kicked, shouted n screamed,
    yet i can get nowhere, lost in a bad dream
    wanting to shed tears, sweatin n cold fears,
    no sound, cept this annoyin ringin n my ears
    but i can't give up, i'm cramp up in a bundle,
    maybe there's light, at the end of the tunnel


    7 months later..

    a slight chill rolls up my spine, it's the time,
    if i'm to escape it, this moment is my prime
    i'm tired of this shit for real, i got to get out,
    n if i'm to fight my way out, the time is now
    viciously punchin n kickin, n i hear a scream,
    this is all new to me, but what does it mean?
    somethin's gonna happen, what i don't know,
    i break lose n start movin, but where do i go?
    still dark but i'm merging, through a passage,
    i hit a wall, but my instincts say don't grab it
    i hear voices now, though they may be faint,
    knowin what to follow, i have no complaints
    struggled thru this fight, now showin delight,
    for at the end of the tunnel, i can see a light
    hands grasp me, out of the tunnel i'm lifted,
    n i'm finally out, i've made it, i must be gifted
    rescued atlast, but stop slappin my feet, shit,
    now you all know, the boring life of a fetus


    i blended the topic i stated with Cereal Killers topic bout being a fetus..but if i told you at the beginning that..it would've gave my whole plot away..my ear is hurtin(no offense taken Kon bout ur comments)..it's a lil rushed..but i'm satisfied..g'luck Trap..
    test
  9. KhemikaL*PhusionZ

    KhemikaL*PhusionZ Green+Need=Weed

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    test
  10. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

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    cryo took a nice twist with the topic props on that...and it wuznt obvious...to me at least how the story would end..where traps story wuz...however...trap even tho he wuz predictable had some mean ass imagery that couldnt do anything else but capture my attention...and keep me glued to an end I saw comin from start...I think its cause he didnt dwell and kept the right pace to the storyline...

    two nice stories...but traps is jus nicer to read to me..good shit..

    vote trap
    test
  11. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

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    like your ending said cry, the boring life of a fetus...
    the verse wasn't bad in terms of construction and what-not... but just not very exciting or emotional...
    trap
    had alot of emotion. pain anger hatered love....

    vote=trap.
    test
  12. Tha Talent

    Tha Talent , Tha Master.

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    trap:
    when i read this at prowlers, i had no clue that it was an rstl verse...you took this topic in a very original manor, and that gives you a ton of points...flow was a little awkward at points, but for the most part good...i liked the action sequence a lot, and i felt that the ending was very fitting...i also enjoyed the way you hit everything, yet dwelled on nothing, allowing your story to make sense without ruining the flow of events...the scene setting left a little to be desired...would have liked a little more wordplay perhaps...very good verse though.

    Cryogenic:
    first of all, the biggest problem for some textcees is they try to keep their lines even...DONT, because it may cause you to cut out words that are necessary, and generally creates a monotonous flow...the flow worked, but you should be more creative with it...you mingled the two topics extremely well...its just that nothing was going on...you kept it boring and dry...imagery was solid, but nothing special, same with writers voice...basically, you just need to spice everything up: flow, writers voice, imagery, plots...right now you have hit the wall of mediocrity, and you will win plenty of topical battles but never beat the better heads...trap is a better head.

    vote=trap
    test
  13. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

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    omg, omg...these verses were tight, cry brought, a nice poetic style verse with a nice ending, but, yes there's always a but, traps imagery was overwhelming, that shit was mad emotional, had me ready to cry, j'k, but it gave me warm fuzzies, both verses were tight, but i enjoyed traps more, props

    vote - trap
    test
  14. KhemikaL*PhusionZ

    KhemikaL*PhusionZ Green+Need=Weed

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    it's been good..g'luck trap..if you win this battle, win that tourney =)
    test
  15. NAX

    NAX Bring the Pain.

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    too bad us maryland homie got stuck together first round ... pce.
    test
  16. LDogg The King

    LDogg The King The High Life

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    cry had a nice story.. I was feelin it man.. the ending was coo. very original feeling to it.

    trap just had more of a writers voice to the story and detailed it great.

    vote trap

    good luck to whoever wins
    test
  17. W1CKED

    W1CKED . . of Gods & Earths

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    I was really feeling the emotions of trap. That was the best thing about his. I wasnt feeling much emotions on Cry's side and His flow and rhymes wernt really better or worse than trap so I gotta give it to trap.

    Vote: Trap
    test
  18. Mr.Perfect

    Mr.Perfect New Member

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    how the hell did trap take that topic...and turn it into that piece?

    good god you're original


    you also have flow, rhyme structure and imagery, all which helped pull your verse together for a win here


    Cry, came nice, not shitty at all, he was just really outclassed here


    Vote= Trap
    test
  19. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    Up over Ns's
    test
  20. HIGHRISE

    HIGHRISE New Member

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    lol yea trap..hold it down for MD

    this is Cryo..Mysterious is my neighbor he was log'd in on my comp..
    test
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