East: 2. Jowelz Vs 15. Poe Wetic

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Nebz, Aug 23, 2003.

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  1. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    2.Jowelz Vs 15.Poe Wetic

    [​IMG]



    VERSES DUE Wednesday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST
    VOTES DUE Saturday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST


    Your Topics Are Here:
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?threadid=626594

    LINE LIMIT:
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    16 lines - MINIMAL
    60 lines - MAXIMAL


    VOTING:
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    YOU MUST MUST MUST -- POST YOUR URL'S OF ALL THE BATTLES YOU VOTED ON HERE IN YOUR OWN THREAD..

    VOTE ON 6 BATTLES!!!!!

    FAILURE TO DO SO RESULTS IN 3 VOTE SUBTRACTION!!!


    if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!!!
    test
  2. Poe Wetic

    Poe Wetic New Member

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    time to get serious...good luck jowelzy
    test
  3. JOWELZ

    JOWELZ Bah Fangooly Da Bear

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    test
  4. Poe Wetic

    Poe Wetic New Member

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    17. TEKNEEK:
    At the prom draped in your freshest suit and clean cut all around... you hold ya girl in your arms.. looking her into her eyes... and you reflect back on how it is yall came together....


    You asked for it…

    Let's get it on...



    It was may 29th…the day was so nice, I
    laid up at 5 to seven, dazed from the night, my
    brain was excited cause today was the prom
    I’ve been waiting so long, then I gazed at the bong
    Lit it up took a few hits my face looking calm
    I got dressed, brushed my teeth, then went straight to the john
    Shook the piss from my tip, and laced the flaves that I bought
    Layed my tux out, then went to school, blazed from the chron
    My girl janie’s the bomb, she’s attractive to the T
    She’s so distracting that to cheat, would be irrationally bleak
    So when I tell her ima love her, well I practice what I preach
    It’s the happiness she brings that hides the bachelor in me
    Im confident that she’s the one, and yes I fathom my beliefs
    She manages to teach me pleasure with her passionate degree
    Now from class and up the street, to the dance and when we meet
    I look into her face…but when I glance it gets to deep
    I put my hands upon her cheeks, and look back to the day we met
    Her friend bonnie hooked us up, our first date, the greatest sex
    She made me vexed, cause soon thereafter, well the lady stretched
    All the boundaries that we had when she mentioned baby steps
    Nice and slow was the verdict, take our time, make the best
    Of the things that we have, see the future, pave the steps
    Basically, have fun, learn each other, and make her wet
    But be sure to wear protection cause we don’t want a baby yet
    Janie let, me take her breath away…the first date
    It was thursday, dinner, a movie, then first base
    Second base, in the car, we started the flirt stage
    stepped up to the plate, swung for the wall, and hit third base
    to her birthday, she changed from the outfit she had
    When I laid her body on the couch bed at the pad
    I doubt anything bad, would mess up the moment we shared
    Connection was fast, and we became a harmonious pair
    No loneliness bared, she was like my angel in the flesh
    And the reason that I got her name engraved into the chest
    We’ve been together for a minute, and still taking baby steps
    Safe sex, but a not a lot though, she claims it’s for the best
    Its all good though, im horny, but can wait if she suggests
    Cause im hoping we elope to change her name and her address
    So im face to face with stress, but the way she fits that dress
    Well, its making me forget, cause our engagement has been set
    It’s prom day, im getting sex, I brainstormed a romantic theme
    After prom, take her home to a room where the candles gleam
    Rose petals on silk blankets the mood has been planned and schemed
    After making love, I’ll crawl into her heart on hands and knees
    Gradually, read her a stanza I wrote to expand our dreams
    Then guide her into the living room next to the mantle piece
    Have her creep with her eyes closed and then extend her hand to me
    Amnesty from lust she blushes as her finger grabs the ring
    Happily, her eyes open with glee, she’s soft spoken but screams
    Cause thoughts floating in dreams, unlock, open, and free
    She walks over to me, and talks, gloating that she
    Was not choking, but she, could not focus or breathe
    She’s hot hoping that we, can make love on the couch
    Intimate vibes are causing small quakes under the house
    Two lovers about to join within a covenant vowel
    Intense, fingertips, she shivers, as im rubbing her down
    My tongue in her mouth, I can taste the chardonnay we drank
    After a few hours, we made the decision to take a break
    We stayed awake for hours talking how our future may be paved
    Then she fell asleep in my arms, we woke up the next day at 8
    Engaged with a hang over…I left bed yawning
    Took a piss and went down stairs for a fresh egg omelet
    Came back to ask jaine…”you want break-fast mommy”
    And I gasped cause it wasn’t her but her best friend bonnie
    test
  5. JOWELZ

    JOWELZ Bah Fangooly Da Bear

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2001
    Messages:
    7,776
    . PROPHETIONAL:
    doing good with yourself, whether business or hustle (one in the same anyways) you return to your home town and neighborhood after 8 years but it's all gone and different now... still a hood, but not the same hood you remembered. row homes were tore down to build apartment complexes. the mini mart is now a pizza place, the pizza place is now a bar. the bar is a car lot. shit like that.
    ->one thing that is still there is the basketball courts. you see knuckleheads hangin out there just like you and your peeps used to back in the day. so you grab a ball and go to shoot around for old time sake. suddenly amongst the new faces you recognize some of them as old friends. however your old friends are junkies though, buying shit off the young cats that seemingly took the hood over... what happens, how do you react?



    My Kenneth Cole soles roam the roads that I'd grown on
    I noticed rows of homes were totalled, seems that everything I'd known's gone
    Now things had changed, but stayed the same, and selling drugs remained the game
    But now the younguns thug with guns, when I was young we swung blades n chains
    The Mom and Pop shop on the block, where as a tot, I'd cop my Pop Rocks
    Was a chop shop, the barbershop was now a Chinese joint called "Hot Wok"
    I'd swapped my Swatch watch for a Rolex, kicked my Keds for 'burban kicks
    While these cats struggled to make low rents, split, were dead or servin bids

    8 years had passed since I'd last cast glance upon the crazy streets that raised me
    Cuz I could catch and pass and run real fast, that's how the savior saved me
    My scholarship had led to dollars, received degrees in art and business
    And I'd sworn that I'd come back to help, and now I have, God as my witness

    But more perplexing than the changes is that I don't recognize one face
    And the streets are cold and dangerous, don't wanna jeopardize my fate
    Cuz if I don't look familiar, then I'm not safe, I'm not their neighbor
    And if home is where you hang your hat... I'll tip my cap and check y'all later...
    So I'm about to ditch my visit, thinking that I'd play it smart
    When I realized that if my peeps were here, they'd all be at the park...
    I really hoped that I would find it, all this bullshit was so hectic
    Desperate to make a reconnection... Yes! The park's just where I left it!

    It was just as I remembered, hustlers hustling, junkies fiending
    Bitches watching from the fences as the men stood in between them
    I proceeded to the black top, where a game was still in progress
    And watched a fat guy block the lane, knocking a skinny guy unconcious
    So this four on four needed one more, I stripped my shirt and took the court
    Six foot four, and primed to bring the hurt... I'd never felt so good before...
    All my moves that I'd forgotten came right back... Like riding bikes
    And I glanced back at the fences, and recognized a guy named Mike...

    He was dirty, dank and wretched... Damn, he was Prom King of our grade
    And I felt a wave of sympathy... Cuz that's what happens when you stay...
    I looked around, saw madd cats like him, I started shaking out of anger
    And then I saw Mike get approached by six punks in grey bandanas
    The little punks bum rushed him, throwing fists and kicks quite freely
    Nobody moved to try and help him, I turned and hoped he didn't see me...
    I didn't provide assistance, the hood has rules, these hoods had tools
    I wouldn't step in with no weapons for some dude I knew in school...

    My guilty concience mocked me through the night, I tossed and turned
    Had I forgotten where I came from, had I really lost my nerve?
    I thought about it long and hard, knew I had to do something
    Which was more important, my cozy life, or the peeps that I grew up with?

    The next day I came back early, knew I'd find the same crowd waiting
    They'd be right on time for work, and getting high's their occupation
    Most of them were strung out, but still, I sensed a glimpse of recognition
    And I knew I should do something to improve their pitiful conditions...
    Today was different, now I'm dressed in sweats and packing a .380
    If these punks tried lumpin Mike today, I'd be down, no ifs or maybes
    The plans a little crazy, the price is life if you get in these brotha's way
    But I'd survived these streets for twenty years, I'd survive another day...

    I waited for an hour, hanging out, exchanging stories
    With the people who remembered me, while the other cats ignored me
    Then it happened, 4 of the cats were back, slingin crack and kickin raps
    Then one bitch slapped this cat named Max, my finger snapped my trigger back
    It shocked the block, the kid I shot clenched his chest an dropped his rock
    The other three had drawn their glocks, but pop, pop, pop, them cats got knocked
    I was happy and ecstatic, sure that they'd eventually die
    But I really hadn't thought that they'd have sentries on every side
    And gunshots burst throughout the air, that scattered every cat who's there
    I'd fought the fight because I cared, and now my brains and blood matted my hair...

    I'd pushed my luck too far, should have stayed gone once I left
    Because there ain't no way to stop the game that's paid and played through death...
    test
  6. JOWELZ

    JOWELZ Bah Fangooly Da Bear

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    i'm not commenting...

    this is outta control...
    test
  7. Mac Flow

    Mac Flow Die

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2000
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    24,093
    hahha oh shit

    Props to Poe Wetic first of all, very nice display of storytelling man, with a very enticing flow....faily simple scheme, but point well made and point well taken. Against anyone else this would have been top notch shit...

    but....

    Jowelz, once again, stepped up and kilt it.....man that was one of your better stories Goaty...I was realllllllllllllllllllll impressed, cuz I was so enthused to read this match with all the hype from both sides, and neither let me down by ANY means..... Jowelz, the flow and scheme were ridiculous, but the story itself is mos def what won. fantastic unraveling of the whole ordeal, and the ending was the wonderfully flavorful icing on the cake man.

    Incredible match up...

    vote = Jowelz

    much props to both ... good luck to whomever wins
    test
  8. Poe Wetic

    Poe Wetic New Member

    Joined:
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    and you technically edited after i posted, your verse was above mine, and now it's below me, you wanna bitch then lets go, if i get d'qed over my bar limit then whatever..i went over by 4 lines, suck me off fag
    test
  9. Tha Talent

    Tha Talent , Tha Master.

    Joined:
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    3,588
    fuck rules...who needs 'em
    anyways

    Poe Wetic:
    very fluid flow and consistant multi usage...just the style of verse i like, reminscent of vern acular actually...solid story told, and you tried nothing special to tell it...ending was nice, but nothing too incredible...just a good cap to a good verse...writers voice was alright, but you told the story in a way that let the plot dominate, which is alright but i prefer more vivid and creative imagery...still a good verse, and props...if you sign up for the RSTL, that is - if you aren't in it already, you will probably do well.

    Jowelz:
    reminded me of something you would write when you were using the name Turbulance...very well told story, very interesting, and ironic...powerful as well...i loved the flow, you have improved a lot in the RSTL, even if, as some claim, you are the best in it...your alliteration was outstanding, yet you kept the story flowing and the plot twisting...some nice wordplay thrown in, and some solid imagery as well...a well written verse.

    and being that i pretty much always vote on the more polished verse, Jowelz gets my vote...he also had a slightly better story, though flow went to Poe Wetic by a small margin.
    test
  10. the unorthodox

    the unorthodox New Member

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    test
  11. LDogg The King

    LDogg The King The High Life

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    I enjoyed both stories.. but poetic didn’t catch my attention as much as jowlez did. both verse had good rhyme an depth but in the end I must say there was more of a signature exclamation feeling I was getting from j's verse

    vote jowelz

    good luck to whoever wins
    test
  12. Poe Wetic

    Poe Wetic New Member

    Joined:
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    damn...3-0

    saw it coming though...

    go jowelz...
    test
  13. HellRzah

    HellRzah PurE EviL

    Joined:
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    fuckin nice battle!!

    Poe: nice show of storytellin..very creative verse with solid flow and vivid imagery..I realy like ya piece...95/100

    Jowelz: Amazing..the story was even greater then Poe's..the flow was great..the ending was hot..nothin wrong to say about this piece..99/100

    Poe came with a piece that could kill anyone..anyone but JOWELZ..his piece was even more exciting and the ending was better...so vote =Jowelz
    test
  14. JOWELZ

    JOWELZ Bah Fangooly Da Bear

    Joined:
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    holy shit... when Hellrzah votes for me, you know it's a good verse...

    nuthing but love Vern's friend Poe Wetic...

    you should join the RSTL... that is if things don't turn the other way quickly and I wind up losing.
    test
  15. genitalwartz

    genitalwartz New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2001
    Messages:
    392
    hmmmm....

    pretty nice battle here...i don't think it's as cracked up as everyone is making it out to be...it was good at best.

    But onto the verses...

    Poe--I liked your scheme/flow better then jowelz's...For a while at the beginning of the verse, i thought the twist was gonna be about weed being your prom date or some shit like that...which could work out nice, but about 3/4 down your verse, i figured out what would happen. However, you did flip the topic nicely (especially when all the topics this week sucked balls)... So a pretty good verse. could be tough to beat.

    Jowelz--eh...the beginning of your shit was boring for about the first 8 bars or so...However, you have time to recover from that. Which you did. You brought some nice lines, that "junkies fiending/inbetween them" couplet flowed real nice. good stuff. there were some nice lines, some ewwww lines. but i didn't like your flow as much as Poe's...I don't know why, but yours was still good enough to tell a story. the story was pretty good, as well. the end really wasn't a twist...i'm not sure what people are talking about. But i'm not going to downsize your story, you did an alright job.

    This was a fairly close battle. But...i felt both the stories were very close in aspects, with jowelz edging it out.
    i felt poe had a nicer scheme/flow. a few of jowelz lines went long due to multis...but thats okay.


    (short breakdown)
    Poewetic:
    overall schemes / flow= 7
    overall story=7

    Jowelz:
    overall scheme/flow=6.5
    overall story=7.5

    Due to story holding more weight then flow, in this case...
    Vote=Jowelz

    peace. goodluck to you both.
    test
  16. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

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    15,985
    not bad not bad...poe had an ill ass rhymescheme but he tended to dwell I mean ok you love the chick you have hot sex...we get it...move on...I feel like that killed yer verse cuz the technique wuz off the hook no doubt...

    jowelzz ill flow too not as brilliant as poe but still good nonetheless...he had more speed to his writin tho..to keep you intrested...wich is important when you tell a story...

    so vote jowelz..more enjoyable read...
    test
  17. Copywritten

    Copywritten Copy Me

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    nice battle, both good reads :)
    test
  18. Vadik

    Vadik New Member

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    Peril....you bastard
    test
  19. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

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    ouch.... this is tough.... both were tight as hell.....
    my man poe... i really believe you love that girl...?
    jaw jackin' jowels... i really believe you know where i come from...
    this is nice for my 1st read to vote on....

    tie....?

    i think i'ma go find 6 others to vote on.
    test
  20. Art Writaz

    Art Writaz The Brokken Knukkle

    Joined:
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    Poe: nice story.. i enjoyed how u built up.. it wasnt what i was expectin, the topic seemed more "romantic love" rather than "sexual love", but thats just how i portrayed it as.. however, u did a nice job at layin the guidelines out and comin to a pretty nice twist.. great rhyme scheme and structure, very nice.. nice multis too..

    jowels: great rhyme scheme and structure, i could flow to it easily.. u had some good vocab and word usage.. ur story was really nice, built up very nicely and finished strong.. it made me wanna keep readin..

    this was a close call.. but im gonna go with jowelz.. cuz i felt his story just impacted me a bit more than poe's... great job from both, piece 1
    test
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