East: 11. Prophetional Vs 3. Shock

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Nebz, Aug 31, 2003.

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  1. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    VERSES DUE Wednesday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST
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    Your Topics Are Here:
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?threadid=630397

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    YOU MUST MUST MUST -- POST YOUR URL'S OF ALL THE BATTLES YOU VOTED ON HERE IN YOUR OWN THREAD..

    VOTE ON 6 BATTLES!!!!!

    FAILURE TO DO SO RESULTS IN 3 VOTE SUBTRACTION!!!


    if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!!!
    test
  2. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

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    test
  3. solution!

    solution! shockgod

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    test
  4. solution!

    solution! shockgod

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    THe 4 Ways Of Life

    The Prostitute, The Drug Addict,
    The President, The Lawyer

    The Prostitute


    The Prostitute - representation of a world so dirty n cheap..
    the world of prostitution, a society grown n nurtured so deep..
    humans so worthless who sleep - with strangers for cash..
    std's, the culture, the background, its insane but i laugh..
    people used, abused, no one to help their dreams..
    people thru out the world forced to hold a low self esteem..
    a distinguished kind, a nation, treated like slaves..
    their world which left then defeated with age..
    a problem unsolved, with a lost solution..
    the industyr, the business, the dirt that is prostitution..
    human beins treated unfairly, no chance to show their bravery..
    prostitution - but i suggest - it was more like slavery..

    The Drug Addict

    The Drug Addict - a need for the drugs n the effect they take..
    an addiction which brings highs, lows, stress n hate..
    sum do it to look big, their collegaues can laugh, applaud..
    soon becomes the need to keep goin back for more..
    short term it may be coo' .. long term ppl become so insane..
    from the addiction that lies deep as it runs in their veins..
    a drug is what you wish it was..anythin of worth u crave..
    the destruction of your brain thta leads you to an early grave..
    the greed, the hate, whatever fuels your need..
    not neccesarily bein coke, crack, heroin, shrooms or weed..
    a danger to yourself and others around, one that decides fates..
    a drug addiction? its less of a substance, more of a mind state..

    The President

    The President - the king, the emperor, rulin the land..
    hatred , greed, emotions, all help fuelin the plans..
    the dominance, the power, no thoughtless decisions..
    everyday choices become those of important precision..
    representin total authority, the envy of others..
    but once granted the power, forgets his friends n his brothers..
    single minded, selfish, a complete control freak..
    very few have persistently kept their soul deep..
    the need to get what they want, corruption, damagin lies..
    the man who does it all for the hatred, n love of managin lives..

    The Lawyer

    The Lawyer - justice, fairness, the truth? yes..
    fightin for whats right, even if they have to be ruthless..
    representin the justice system, no one can actually touch this..
    not only in the courtroom - their is also a natural justice..
    aswell as the legal system, but what a true lawyer represents..
    is the fact that whats right prevails,fate was heaven sent..
    the reason we have society, sanity, orders n rules..
    the reason its remotely safe to send your daughter to school..
    the laws of the turth, n excludin the utmost highest of people..
    justice remains the thing that keeps our society equal..
    the balance that keeps those safe who are deservin of lives..
    rebellin against wrongs,terrors, murders n crimes..
    coz the legal system has flaws, it can be defeated, n' fail..
    altho i believe natural justice will never cease to prevail..

    The Conclusion

    4 different ways of life, each can be individually dismayed..
    but those same 4 ways of life are not whats originally portrayed..
    The Prostition - The ²²²s - the lowest of the low - hitlers prostitutes..
    fightin against their way of life - from so young - loss of youth..
    The Drug Addiction - One mans persistent addiction to hate..
    the emotion like a drug, livin deep in his veins..
    The President - Hitler - the one true leader of his land..
    the owner of a nation who would be on their knees to his demands..
    The Lawyer - The Justice System - Not Always Legal..
    the right thing, which eventually brought the downfall of evil..

    Topic 5
    Pick a famous martyr from history and tell how life would be different if he/she was never killed in the name of their respective causes.


    Hitlers terror potrayed in 4 opposite lives..
    ..i leave it upto the reader..
    to decide what it would be like if he wouldnt of died..

    The End
    test
  5. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

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    12. Prophetional

    as the reverend/minister of a bad neighborhood church... describe your life and daily events... what you see, go through, put up with, etc...



    *bowing his head in his chambers, stress on his face
    the revrend R.T. Benson shed his tears in this place

    oh lord, dear lord, here i am i'm your child.
    hear my cries as i find it even harder to smile
    walkin mile after mile, shoes soles are worn thin.
    i begin to harbor doubts, what's my purpose within
    these walls, these halls, bein' appalled by the vile
    exiled to this wasteland, hurt from my chin
    to my toes, and in the middle like a cancer it grows.
    a heart torn, reconciled, you're the only who knows?
    where i should go? what to say, only you have the plan
    for once upon a time Lord, even you were a man.
    justified in your mercy, and wrath on the land.
    oh lend a hand, hold me up, give me mercy and strength.
    to go on. to push through, gain a glimmer of hope.
    cuz last week across the street the thugs was hustlin' dope.
    mrs. johnson's son was found slaughtered rips in his throat
    sacrficed like a goat. police blotters were wrote?
    but what was done. try'n to love and keep my faith in your son!
    but 'round here even deacons puts their faith in the gun.
    revelations come but service only had 21
    15 were under 16, and 3 were some bums.
    congregations, contemplations, all are pointin' to none
    the devil makes puns and while i stand in valleys of death
    i wanna run but hold my breath for you said better it gets!
    you said to be meak, turn my cheek, pray and confess.
    well i confess that i'm braking under wait of this stress.
    skinheads made a mess, hell's fire, burned down our school.
    brother baxter got arrested for a pedifile rule.
    17 year old prostitute, lust is the fuel
    sucked him off in sanctuary, Lord i'm losing my cool!
    insufficient funds, roof leaks, soup kitchen starved.
    now persistant journalism points their fingers and charge
    us for being part, our parking lot surrounded with barbs
    just because the thiefs insistant keep on stealing our cars.
    i love you God, Jesus hung, now forgive me for sins.
    i've done commited and conspired, and the envy within.
    i'm fed up, Fuckin' pissed off, so hear the bells ring
    12 o'clock midnight, they shall worship the king!
    for every knee shall bow, every tongue confess that your Lord.
    feel the mercy of forgiveness or the sting of the sword
    i'm making it my biz-ness.. prophet of a new dawn!
    beautiful is any sound that praises you in accord.
    so bless my feet, bless my heart, bless my bullets and bombs,
    and as your blood spilled, so shall theirs be spilled on their lawns.
    for we know not what we do when we're doing what's wrong...
    ah-men. for men today shall sing a whole different song..

    *downtown philadelphia was rocked today, as a tragic morning erupted with violence.
    explosions and enough gunshots to resemble armageddon finally ended around 9 am in a deathly silence.
    police say the reverend R.T. Benson, a respected community leader, was shot dead today after opening fire on officers
    but not after he had went on a 9 hour rampage, appearing to target drug dealers, gangsters, and high ranking mobsters.
    "some unearthly force musta possesed him" said LT. dan lestirious.
    reports say it took some 75 rounds of ammunition to take him down, this is very mysterious.
    the final tolls have yet to be tallied, including 12 explosions that have yet to be connected.
    but our reports say some 62 have been killed, 75 wounded,
    unofficially, but this reverend just wrecked shit!
    for channel 6 news. signing off.
    test
  6. Atheist

    Atheist Storyteller

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    Vote: Shock.


    The way he took and developed his piece was like evolution, it was so much further along the dope and elevated scale than Proph's was. No offense to Proph or anything, his verse indeed was dope, vivid and flow like water, but Shock was just on a whole nother level. How he moulded everything into Hitler was good. My favourite segment was the Drug Addict and the Lawyer, the descriptions in each were great, ESPECIALLY the drug addict about the veins etc.


    Good battle.
    test
  7. Tha Talent

    Tha Talent , Tha Master.

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    Prophetional:
    i'm kinda mixed about your verse...it was well done...but nothing happened in the actual rap...it reminds me of "One Love" in that the actual rap wouldn't really be a story, but it had a story type concept...the concept was nice, but nothing incredible...you did have a very nice writers voice throughout, one that was believable for a priest...flow was nice and smooth most of the way...as i said, the plot was nothing special but it was a nice read.

    Shock:
    that's quite a concept you have there...infact, overall, one of the best i've seen in the RSTL...i didn't see what the point was originally...i mean, you took a great concept, and then added another...if only you had written it better...you got VERY redundant in the Prostitute verse...and really could have and should have written the others better aswell...perhaps allusion, wordplay, and deep, graphic imagery would have been the tools to use to make this piece perfect...you are very creative in battles, and you must now make the transition to open mics if you plan to suceed in writing...oh, flow - you had good, consistant flow, but the rhyme scheme was quite simple...anyway, good piece.

    vote=Prophetional
    this was EXTREMELY close...i expect Shock to win, to be honest, because his verse will appeal to the RSTL crowd...i am not a typical RSTL voter, and i just think that Prophetional, while his concept was not as good as Shock's, came with a much more well written verse.
    test
  8. solution!

    solution! shockgod

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    kid always votes against me
    test
  9. J.Christ

    J.Christ Registered User

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    Vote - Shock

    Broke that shit down like evolution of man almost, showed the aspects of each character, and what they symbolized in the long run. Original piece indeed.

    Pro came nice, but he lacked the originality it takes to beat what Shock posted, not saying it wasnt original, but it wasnt set to contend with Shocks piece.

    Dope match.
    test
  10. solution!

    solution! shockgod

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    over no shows
    test
  11. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

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  12. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

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    couldn't drop a vote while you were here? what the.......
    test
  13. Richard Corey

    Richard Corey battle like a savage

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    I'm going to have to go with proph on this one..his verse was just more cohesive. It just came together better. I mean, I don't think shock really knew what he was going to do with the four different ways of life until he got to the end. Of course I think he planned that, which is why he didn't put the topic at the top of the page, but still...

    I mean, if you switched the "conclusion" up that whole piece could have gone with any other topic you picked. There was no cohesion or connection. It was like reading four different stories that went no where, and when you get to the end you realize they weren't supposed to go anywhere. Eh...

    the odd thing is that it wasn't a bad piece. Lyrically it was nice, flow wise it was cool... I just think Proph told the better story. Albeit it was rather simple, listening to the rambling prayer of a preacher gone mad as he gets angrier and angrier. It was still, in my opinion, the better story..

    vote: prophetional

    no beef, pz.
    test
  14. solution!

    solution! shockgod

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    i planned thta shit out

    funny hwo peeps who vote against me are the same oneas that do so every wedek..

    ppl bene hittin me up wit props on thta verse

    2-2
    test
  15. FórmÅl LôGíc

    FórmÅl LôGíc Black Listed

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    Vote - Shock

    Pro - Very good verse, impressive flow, good concept. I liked the how you developed the verse to have that ending. A very good verse, but at times it sorta fell off, but not much.

    Shock - Great verse, very well developed, and like Athiest said it was like evolution. I really liked how you incorprated everything into the fact that it was about Hitler. Flow was water, an enjoyable read.
    test
  16. WWIII

    WWIII Guest

    Shock, me and you go way back.. but I don't think you won this...

    Here's why: Your concept was sick. After you explained it.. See I consider myself somewhat intelligent, but there was no real connection seemingly between those verses. Sure maybe I could see it after the end, but the story just had nothing pulling it together through the main sections. I've seen the double topic pulled off better before. You've got a sick flow. The type I can easily follow and get into. Some nice lines. You just lacked the story for me.. and that's what this tourney is about... as far as I know.

    Pro, you had an entertaining verse. It was easy to read and follow. I enjoyed it, which I can't always say after reading someone else's verses. It was just simply the better story.


    Vote- Prophetional

    Sorry solution! Hit me up on aim though. We should talk, for old times sake.
    test
  17. solution!

    solution! shockgod

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    3-3

    iight warren i'll get at u

    whas ur aim
    test
  18. solution!

    solution! shockgod

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    test
  19. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    I read both verses 2x over... and i come to see that the person who won had a unique approach to exemplifying different scenarios... and then pinpointing the correlation to these scenarios and narrating an ending as to what the significance was... the winner utilized specific descriptions and focused on giving dimension to the roles.... and made it a closeup documentary type feel...


    that winner is SHOCK.
    test
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