East: 1. WWIII Vs 8. TeKneek

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Nebz, Aug 31, 2003.

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  1. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    [​IMG]



    VERSES DUE Wednesday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST
    VOTES DUE Saturday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST


    Your Topics Are Here:
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?threadid=630397

    LINE LIMIT:
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    16 lines - MINIMAL
    60 lines - MAXIMAL


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    No 2nd Chance Votes


    YOU MUST MUST MUST -- POST YOUR URL'S OF ALL THE BATTLES YOU VOTED ON HERE IN YOUR OWN THREAD..

    VOTE ON 6 BATTLES!!!!!

    FAILURE TO DO SO RESULTS IN 3 VOTE SUBTRACTION!!!


    if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!!!
    test
  2. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    I got one question to ask you WARREN....




    Correlate the name of the first Notorious BIG's album and yourself...






    get the picture???











    I MUST WIN!
    test
  3. WWIII

    WWIII It has begun...

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    I'm sure you'll find an excuse to duck me again, but I will be posting a masterpiece.
    test
  4. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    I'm sure u will but I ain goin down withot a fight.
    test
  5. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    WWIII.... ur end has arrived.

    3. DNA99

    You are homeless, go through a typical day.


    The morning rain added scars in my day as I came
    Overcast skies protruded thru the home where I lain
    Huddled folks left for shelter, I sat alone soaked
    Moved to find a shade to take away the rain when I toked
    I took a puff from the last of the Newports I had
    Squinted eyes to search relief in this morn gone bad
    Ran across deserted streets in this torrential rain
    To find precipitated windows where the odor had came
    Fresh bakery treats, although my pockets had none
    It was life that I would lose if I declined 2 ask for one
    I saw a nun in the streets just adjacent to the block
    Ran across to ask for cream till the monitors dropped
    Took a knife in my coat and made a lunge for dough
    She gave the cash as I jetted to the shop where I go
    Bought the pastries and anything that savored me so
    To make half to see me happy… 15 hours to go
    Its how I lived amongst the streets… just a day at a time
    The way that poverty increased… I had to get wat was mine
    Guns provoked the crazy times as the sign of the streets
    To see so many stand in line for a meal as a treat
    I stood alone… desperate… hard to maintain
    At when Ill find to see my time found engraved with my name
    In the street cemeteries just across from the courts
    Where the street thugs who sheltered all the bassheads for sport
    Many came… coated black in their own time to mourn
    While I was walkin thru the cities still into this storm
    12 hours surpassed with just half left to find
    To seek a shelter for rest with all my fellas left behind
    I scrapped the many different boxes that were used for my home
    In search for those who were together with me floatin’ alone (30)

    Dear God…

    I rest so I can kneel before ya feet
    And ask why my life became to see me left in the streets
    Its like sanitary scrapmetal thrown in the dump
    I got myself to have no home and I been nothin’ but drunk
    With tears… slowly sinkin from my eyes cus I tried
    To act in faith to find me outta this place where many died
    Without homes or food to feed cus they rapidly lost
    This situation at hand took my life as a cost
    Thugs roam and so many were caught in the midst
    Of unfortunate ties of where these crimes are adrift
    Without a chance to raise a family that never existed
    No jobs to bring stability my place to live was shifted
    From the house to the streets where the struggles increased
    Where majority consensus showed more death in the streets
    No chance to be a product that could raise thru survival
    My game of death was met thru my poverty’s arrival
    The sun sunk… as my eyes became faded to know
    That another day completed with nowhere else to go
    Had me sit alone in sweat to clutch the knife in my keep
    So alone… no comradries to have but defeat
    To my Father most High, the reason for this madness
    That sent me to my deathbed… sunk into sadness
    With my Bible and my candle I lay down to sleep
    As the blade that I had clutched collapsed into me deep…
    And as I sunk before the whispers of a hobo I seek
    I told him..that, “…the feathers of a bird sees the sleep…”
    With a last puff of breath I slept together but alone
    The way a home was where my heart was…


    Broken…. And owned.


    58 lines…
    test
  6. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    timecheck.
    test
  7. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    test
  8. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    here u go... do it Warren.
    test
  9. WWIII

    WWIII It has begun...

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    10. Vern Acular

    you're a single mother growing up in a rough neighborhood, one day you meet that guy that you think is that one that'll help you get back on your feet and bring your son the father he never had, everything starts going good, your smile comes back to you, til that one day, you come home and your son is gone, you call your new guy friend, and to your surprise, his number has been disconnected
    lights out! my son gave a slight growl he’d resist concern
    with quite doubt, a night owl who would twist and turn
    the gist to learn, patience is virtue a much needed trait
    bad relations will hurt you, not lead to a succeeded fate
    but heed debate, a heathen state has no place in this home
    God’s taken his throne, & my child may he make him his own
    Shakin’, fits prone.. Michael was known to start trouble
    Achin’ with moans, until he passed out from heart trouble
    Inside a large bubble, most of his time was spent hurtin
    Behind a bent curtain, quarantined while a vent spurtin
    Clean air, wasn’t meant certain, remedy for slowing cancer
    Or these growing plants were, ‘special’ cures even flowing chants sir
    Sure knowing answers, would be better than hocus pocus
    Or lotus, roses, look closely to see what the joke is, notice?
    True focus poses, questions at the closest sections sessions
    Reckon the oppression left him when God’s corrections blessed him
    They’d inspect n check him, but then he was later cleared
    We prayed & cheered, as I saw a man with the longest layered beard
    So gray appeared to be ancient at least, but dressed in a pressed suit
    Vest & the best boots, he sanctioned a feast we as guests couldn’t protest to
    The fun fest proved, quite a story the man had shown me tons
    As his deep tone begun to change to that of a lonely one
    For his only son, had died, it’s the soul reason why mine will live
    My mind will lift this name on high for his final gift
    I walked with this gent, got lost in his scent, came to know him well
    Aimed to show n tell, everyone how life was goin’ swell
    Not because I owed him hell he loved me, my family n friends
    He cared vastly, for aunt Claire, Cathy, brothers Stanley n Ken
    The manliest men, showed him respect and uncommon courtesies
    My son learned a lot from the mans psalms n words to me
    Months passed, such calm then burglary, was quickly caught in panic
    No lights were on, mike was gone but he had often vanished
    Gave it a thought then ran quick.. to the phone to call around
    Maybe he’d roamed & fallen down, or left home for the mall in town
    But then I realized, even when me and the man went our separate ways
    Michael left for days to spend with him and always kept in praise
    Of his depth, his phrase, amazed he stayed in such high hopes
    When I feared his spirits would fall like mine but mike copes
    Even though he’s sick again and witnessin his fast death is rugged
    For a single mother who would give her last breath to sub his
    All she has left beloved… a collection of doves split from her window seal
    And in those heels she darted to the phone for some info still
    None came, one ring after another.. each time I’d shake n groan
    As each moment slowly went then silence would break in tone
    No service, as I heard this I knew he was stolen from me
    And worried myself sick over him being cold n hungry
    I had watched half the sun set against the backdrop fast
    One last hot gasp as I looked past the black top cracked
    And that wrought fact, my boy was ill, diseases breakin his bones
    The truth all along was God almighty had taken him home
    I’d forsaken alone, Michael followed til the end then prayed for a beckon
    The lord’s number was never disconnected I just strayed for a second
    test
  10. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

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    WW3, deep sun.. deep.... tek, you dug a hole, warren blew a mine shaft...

    vote - ww3
    test
  11. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    what kinda vote is that PRO? - u forgot how to vote? - where's ur details? - that ain credible...
    test
  12. jweaksfromdapike

    jweaksfromdapike The Pain and the Poetry

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    wow..this is one of the best battles ive seen in a while..both dropped great pieces...tek...wonderful job on your verse..the flow was good...and you really did a great job conveying your emotion and painting a vivid picture of your life...it kept my attention pretty well..though some spots i thought it dragged..but still all in all a good read...and the ending i really liked...great job on this....WWIII...also a fantastic verse...your flow was excellent...it topped teks flow in my opinion...you also did a great job with emotion and imagery..really pulled me into the whole story...it was very easy to visualize the whole scene through reading your words...there was no twist..but i believe that was your intent...its easy to tell how its going to end...but its all how you presented it...you did an excellent job with the ending i thought..i really enjoyed it..

    this is a tough call..but im gonna have to go with WWIII..i believe he edged tek out this time...

    vote=WWIII
    test
  13. Richard Corey

    Richard Corey battle like a savage

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    I don't think we really know what we want in a verse. I mean, we know what we like, but no one has ever put it into words exactly. But I have the answer. I know what everyone on this site looks for in a good story (and what most people who read look for in good books, poems and stories).

    LAYERS.


    When you can write a story that has more than one thing going on, or means more than one thing, you are on to something good. That's why we're all obsessed with the metaphor and the "twists" at the end of our stories. We're really just looking for the most "layered" story. The story that's the most complex that has the most going on it, but isn't too complicated and garbled.

    WWIII just had the more layered story. It was beautifully written to (1) chronicle the last days of a dying child and his heart-broken mother, (2) chronicle the "love affair" between the woman and the stranger, (3) explore the wavering faith of a woman who has to watch her son die. That's three things off the bat right there. That's awesome, and that he did it with a near-perfect flow and multies only adds to everything.

    Tekneek wrote an ill verse too, but other than (1) the day in the life of a homeless man, there's nothing else really going on. (That I can see, always allow for the possibility that folks won't get what you're trying to say.) It was beautifully written as well, with great imagery and dark societal commentary, but it was still rather simple.

    WWIII just came with the nice multi-layered story. Even the twist at the end wasn't too contrived, it slowly developed rather than spontaneously exploding into existence (as some people have their twists do). And that's why I liked it better.

    vote: WWIII


    pz to the masters.

    I'm out.
    test
  14. WWIII

    WWIII Guest

    test
  15. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    test
  16. WWIII

    WWIII Guest

    Oh well.
    test
  17. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    im so demoralized.
    test
  18. J.Christ

    J.Christ Registered User

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    ahahahahahahaha

    Vote - WWIII

    Pretty easily

    Tek came nice, no doubt about that

    But WWIII was sick as usual
    test
  19. Text

    Text Dot Dash

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    vote- WWIII

    Tek your verse was hot, it had pretty much everything it needed, flow, a great story nice content and imagery but WWIII damn he just outshined this match in my view, his verse was very touching, and the deepness to the story was ill.

    Vote- WWIII
    test
  20. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    WWIII wins
    test
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