Dumped! The surprising reasons guys call it quits

Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by !ron HorSe, Jun 18, 2005.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. !ron HorSe

    !ron HorSe New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2004
    Messages:
    17,743
    1. You play it too cool.
    Playing hard-to-get can be an extremely effective device, but you might scare a guy off if you abide too strictly by The Rules. “I went on dates with this woman my buddy set me up with and we had an awesome time: Great conversations, great kisses. But then she wouldn’t return my calls or emails for a couple of days. And it seemed like she always had other plans if I didn’t book a date way in advance,” says Jim, 29, from Bennington, Vermont. “My buddy kept telling me she was into me, but I couldn’t help but feel like she was stringing me along until she found something better. So I stopped calling her. She called me a week later to make sure everything was O.K., but I just broke it off before she could dump me.”

    Tip: A vital part of the playing hard-to-get game is dropping enough clues (especially to shy guys) that you can be gotten. When you do go out, let him know that you had an amazing time. That way, when you don’t jump all over his offer of a last-minute date, he won’t think you’re just blowing him off.

    2. He feels there’s something amiss on the s-e-x front
    Too soon. Not soon enough. Too willing. Not willing enough. The truth is, men have lots of issues with bedroom compatibility. “When you jump right to sex, you skip a lot of the bonding behaviors that intensify a relationship,” explains Dr. Pat Love, author of The Truth About Love: The Highs, the Lows, and How You Can Make It Last Forever. “I tell people to try and enjoy the ride a little. Don’t skip over that romantic, electrifying bonding period.”

    Beyond bypassing the bonding period, sex can throw other obstacles into a relationship. Chris, 32, from New Haven, Connecticut, broke things off because, he explains, “My ex-girlfriend and I were compatible in every way except sex. I like to ****e things up, but she wouldn’t go for it. After a while, I just felt rejected. It all went downhill from there.”

    Tip: If you are presented with a mattress maneuver you’re not comfortable with, don’t just say “no,” suggests Dr. Love, “say what.” Meaning, to avoid making your guy feel rejected, suggest an alternative that would be pleasing to you. This way the guy knows that you’re not put off by him, just by the idea of pouring hot wax on his chest.

    3. He feels he can’t measure up
    Ask a room full of single guys if they’d be interested in dating a successful woman with a Beemer in the driveway and a sizeable stash in the bank, and 9 out of 10 will trample you to get to her. But while the fantasy of having a woman who takes you to fancy restaurants and picks up checks bigger than your weekly salary sounds nice, lots of guys can’t handle the emasculating feelings that arise. Says Kevin, 30, from New York City, “I met someone at a friend’s wedding and we really hit it off. She was a financial executive; I was, and still am, a production assistant just scraping by. She said it didn’t matter to her and I tried not to let it matter to me. But whenever she slapped down her platinum card, it just made me feel kind of pathetic.”

    Tip: So what is a successful single woman to do? Dr. Love advises talking about it honestly—and briefly. “If you want to go out somewhere you know is out of his reach, just say, ‘I would like to treat you,’ and try not to make a big deal out of it. The more you talk about it, the more he will feel emasculated.” And remember, you’re not his financial advisor. Let him grab the check every now and again. It might not be good for his bank account, but it’ll do wonders for his ego.

    4. He feels like he has two mommies
    He spent half his life listening to one woman tell him the brown belt doesn’t go with the black pants. He doesn’t need you to keep at it. “A woman might think she’s taking care of her man, but he thinks he’s being controlled,” says Dr. Love. “When men feel like they are being mothered or being talked down to, it can be very demeaning.”

    Tip: Want to improve your guy’s junky jeans and crappy T-shirt style? The key to success is properly phrasing your fashion policing. Don’t say, “Honey, you’d look so nice in an Oxford shirt.” Say, “Oh my God, you’d look so hot in this!” If he thinks buttoning-up equals sex appeal, you can be sure he’ll do it.

    5. You’re moving too fast
    When fellas feel like the relationship has gone from zero to “let’s move in together” in three seconds, most guys slam on the brakes. “There is a biological reason why men and women move at different speeds in relationships,” says Dr. Love. “During sex, both men and women secrete a hormone called oxytocin, which intensifies feelings of love and the desire to nest. But in men, testosterone counteracts its effects. So afterwards, the woman is lying there feeling like they’ve bonded for life, while he’s wondering what’s on ESPN.” A woman may feel so connected as a relationship blossoms that she’s thinking long-term; the guy, however, may not feel as committed to a future together.

    Tip: How best to handle this chemical imbalance? Lay off the Bride’s magazine subscription for a while and follow his lead. Let him refer to you as his girlfriend before you call him your boyfriend. Let him suggest your first weekend getaway. If you’re with the right guy, his heart will eventually catch up with his hormones.

    Dan Bova is a writer and editor based in New York.

    msn.com
    test
  2. cj mandarin

    cj mandarin CJMandarin Productions

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2002
    Messages:
    4,985
    on point for the most part
    test
  3. -[InfaMouz]-

    -[InfaMouz]- || M.Maestro ||

    Joined:
    May 18, 2005
    Messages:
    4,257
    Yeah, and we get no replies from the women.. lmao and they wonder why hahahaha
    test
  4. LooseLeaf2004

    LooseLeaf2004 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2004
    Messages:
    146
    this was a nice read


    I kinda agree with it...

    but I dont' think these reasons are all necessarily always true in every case scenario
    test
  5. b'

    b' New Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2001
    Messages:
    2,780
    good read, lol @ no female responses.
    test
  6. yastrugglin

    yastrugglin New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2004
    Messages:
    528
    Notice that the one woman who did reply had issues with what the author said, i.e. she was probably in a relationship, did some of this stuff and still thinks it was the right thing to do.
    test
  7. -[InfaMouz]-

    -[InfaMouz]- || M.Maestro ||

    Joined:
    May 18, 2005
    Messages:
    4,257
    And the women who wasn't in the situation can gain some knowledge... for the future.. but nah..

    Because most of those reasons are true.
    test
  8. MISSKEYdaQUEEN

    MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther..

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2002
    Messages:
    17,838
    I'm feeling that for the most part. Well...actually it's all pretty true. Especially the first one. I've seen females do that..thinking they are putting him in check, and he basically just loses interest,lol!
    Hahaaa

    Anyway..my thing would have to be the controlling/mothering thing. I was out with my peeps once and my boy Pooh says.."Dayum stop being a momma. Calm down, you are out with us. It's cool the kids aint here. Let loose"

    I was like..."WTF???"

    I didn't realize what others may percieve about me.
    test
  9. -[InfaMouz]-

    -[InfaMouz]- || M.Maestro ||

    Joined:
    May 18, 2005
    Messages:
    4,257
    Tha mothering shit, I hate.


    I was taught once, I don't need to be taught again.
    test
  10. MISSKEYdaQUEEN

    MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther..

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2002
    Messages:
    17,838
    ^^^Wipe that crumb off your shirt baby...There you go! (*Queen fixes his collar*)
    test
  11. -[InfaMouz]-

    -[InfaMouz]- || M.Maestro ||

    Joined:
    May 18, 2005
    Messages:
    4,257
    /\ I hate it with a passion... well actually.. its cute when a chick does it once in a while.. but... not constantly.. that shit is annoying.
    test
  12. Hidden_Poetry

    Hidden_Poetry New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2004
    Messages:
    29,316

    Actually, my reason is because I don't have time to read something so long LOL When I get teh chance I will. ;o)
    test
  13. samii so sexii

    samii so sexii ..sunkist siren..

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2004
    Messages:
    1,632
    mos def a good read...my boyfriend sent me this article...i think he was trying to give me a hint lmao jp

    real shit @ that chemical and feelings shit...that is interesting...imma have to do some research on it b/c i have been in positions like that b4...where i'll be having feelings of love, and he's just not on that level.

    that also ties into the fact that men reproduce sperm daily, and women can only get pregnant once a month...biologically we're not on the same page
    test
  14. -[InfaMouz]-

    -[InfaMouz]- || M.Maestro ||

    Joined:
    May 18, 2005
    Messages:
    4,257
    Understandable.
    test
  15. MISSKEYdaQUEEN

    MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther..

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2002
    Messages:
    17,838
    ^^Sweety understandable is not a sentence so you don't need the period. (Queen licks her finger and gets the corner of his eyes) There you go baby!
    test
  16. -[InfaMouz]-

    -[InfaMouz]- || M.Maestro ||

    Joined:
    May 18, 2005
    Messages:
    4,257
    test
  17. I'll be standing on the corner thinking all his cool and i'm guaranteed to have something pointed out whether its a crack on my lips or something on my face, or "did you moisturise? your skin looks dry" I know its helpful..but cmon, I was having a good day until you pointed out my flaws lol
    test
  18. -[InfaMouz]-

    -[InfaMouz]- || M.Maestro ||

    Joined:
    May 18, 2005
    Messages:
    4,257
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)