[dsjfajhg] - name of poem

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Member., Jan 2, 2004.

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  1. Member.

    Member. New Member

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    Life's mirror shattered, and ripped along a scar
    Grave reflections manifest to wish upon a star
    Drifting through experience's eye which is in fact blind
    The little dipper catches tears until the constellation flat lined
    Midnight rolls by while thinking "you've took the best of me"
    When a truthful wish is written in books of destiny
    The yesterdays and tomorrows are hidden in pages
    Without you, my dreams turn to nightmares; the vision enrages
    Hanging in the hereafter; there dangles the reasons
    Desire is camouflaged within the angels and demons
    But becomes easy to find when good can define evil
    And you're a need, not a wish; to remind people
    So now life's door opens once you twist on a key
    Dream becomes reality when life will wish upon me

    weeeerd... this is peice i did last night... its for a friend.. she's having trouble in the love department and she's a fan of my poetry.. she asked if i could write a poem about [wishing]

    feed back is appreciated, drop links and i'll check them out
    test
  2. eatemup

    eatemup New Member

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    this was a nice piece structure was good nice flow to it nice drop welcome to the realm
    test
  3. Member.

    Member. New Member

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    this is my second poem.... but thanks anyway
    test
  4. Saph

    Saph New Member

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    This was okay, there were things that i like about it in the beginning, but toward the end it fell into confusion...

    Hanging in the hereafter; there dangles the reasons
    Desire is camouflaged within the angels and demons
    But becomes easy to find when good can define evil

    there is either a line missing or you should have used a pronoun --it becomes easy to find-- would have been better because in the flow the line reads like --But becomes easy to find-- which is true, lol, but not really what you were trying to say. good drop, though.
    test
  5. Member.

    Member. New Member

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    werd... yea, i tend to skip words and stuff... i understand what you mean, thanks
    test
  6. RythemotiX

    RythemotiX New Member

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    Nice...I Think I Read This At RapSheetz...But I'll Reply Again

    I Enjoyed The Closing Lines, and The Line That Said "Defines Evil" This Was a Very Good Piece Of Poetry and Its Cool You Dedicate Your Shit... Not as good vocab as you usually have but its still good vocab... this poem made you think and that was cool


    Peace

    [[czar]]
    test
  7. Member.

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    werd, thanks man.. the feedback is much appreciated
    test
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