drunken poem. the wackest shit ive ever wrote.

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Shiftee, Jun 1, 2003.

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  1. Shiftee

    Shiftee I SHOT YA

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2002
    Messages:
    172
    ego the size of mount everest
    cut down by the coldest
    dagger in the heart
    stabbed from behind by my closest
    thought we were friends forever
    all is finished now
    will it ever be the same again?
    never
    no loyalty
    cut throat liars and shady individuals
    alone, left by myself
    only trust that which is me, no one lookin out for my life
    climb through nature and regain
    the way i felt before all the pain
    loved when i got something, ignored when im down
    cant stand the sound
    of ringing, a fake person calling my phone
    so i know i gotta stay strong and hold my own
    test
  2. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    me again....lol...this was a straight piece.....rhyming seemed a lil forced at times, but i think everyone can relate to someting like this........


    cut throat liars and shady individuals

    like that right there......

    up again....

    and if you want more replies to these pieces make sure to show love to the other poets....
    test
  3. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    Decent concept here, seems as if you actually stayed on topic, instead of how you came amongst your other piece titled, "Ramblings". I thought this had an alright rhyme scheme, yet needs work fast. If you want to elevate your talent and skill of becoming a better writer of poetry or anything else, just stick with it. You have the potential, just use it to it's capacity, yam sayin'? Nothing more to say, except it needs work, but overall, it had one okay line, which was the "Shady individals" one, as homeboy lpoet had commented on. My blessings..
    test
  4. unspoken1

    unspoken1 Revolutionary Wordsmen

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2002
    Messages:
    758
    well this was decent piece.....especially if you were drunk while writing it
    test
  5. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2003
    Messages:
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    What was wack about it?? [dunno] Kill that noise...that's all I'm saying.
    test
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