don't no (not titled)

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by chillone, Jun 14, 2003.

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  1. chillone

    chillone New Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2003
    Messages:
    12
    a dream lefted open

    The sun sets in the middle
    of day..
    Gray sparks sweep darknesss throughout
    the landscape.
    There is no escape...
    " The end maybe near",
    People shout out, cryin' out
    in fear
    They're tryin' to gather their love ones
    and answers, but their are none.
    So they walk aimlessly yelling at
    a swelling, swollen moon.
    The Boston skyline aint the same
    no more
    Only the infected tragedy echos
    throughout the 6 boroughs.
    Codmans Sqaure screams and bleeds
    as it is broken into crushed leaves.
    Crushed seeds of man lay adandon at
    Ashmont Station.

    They were waiting on the #5 , 22, and 28 bus

    Then I woke up....
    test
  2. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    welcome to the realm!

    stick around....i think you'll like it here

    this piece was nice...flow was nice...wish u coulda made it a lil longer...but still good......i also hate...hate...pieces without titles...haha.[funny]...good titles make me wanna read pieces...

    They were waiting on the #5 , 22, and 28 bus

    Then I woke up....

    like that...seemed to tie everything in well together
    test
  3. mumblez

    mumblez New Member

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    Sep 20, 2002
    Messages:
    131
    str8 peice, dont disappear, like someone, caugh caugh, i aint sayin no names :)
    test
  4. chillone

    chillone New Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2003
    Messages:
    12
    Thank u... It was a dream I had early this morn. and I could
    not understand it until I wrote down.. Anyway, thanks for the
    veiw...

    one-
    test
  5. Tha Crippler

    Tha Crippler New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2002
    Messages:
    832
    nice piece, keep it up
    test
  6. varentao

    varentao New Member

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    Apr 24, 2003
    Messages:
    765
    This really dragged me into it all..

    ...the way you put it all together...in a kind of raw flowing way...

    It just had a certain essence to it. So with that, i wont give any critique as such.

    ...resp...
    test
  7. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    Nicely writtin, everything flowed well. Liked the way you ended it too...Keep it coming

    one luv
    test
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