Do you write? Do you like reading writing?

Discussion in 'Overtime: Off-Topic Discussion' started by MisterE, Apr 12, 2012.

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  1. MisterE

    MisterE Look @ His Face Now!

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    Yes, another one of these. Post your bars, verses, whatever. Music too, if you post lyrics. Plz try to make it more than 2 bars. Lets promote feedback a bit more in this one. If someone could use some work, let em know how. If someone's dope, don't just post your shit after it without commenting on it. The talented inevitably get props, but lets actually communicate in here.

    I'll be back with one in a couple days.
    test
  2. MisterE

    MisterE Look @ His Face Now!

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    Or now

    I’m fucking top models crashing swamped brothels
    Your mom oggles, your hitting rock bottom like Aftershock bottles
    You aint the boss type, hog tying ya customers
    Copping Polar fleece don’t mean you dealing soft white from Columbia
    Mach 5 when I’m rushing ya, I suppose that my psych’s fried
    Cause I’ll choke you till I die, holding Loctite on your jugular
    You should probly drink lye and breathe live asbestos
    Your known for cheap lines and peace signs like Craigs List
    I’m Steve Buscemi, vis a vis, the beady eyed fiend
    Pipe clean, lime green on the screen like a CGI scene
    My dream?, keep my grind scheming and hook grouper
    You’ll be slinging Ice Cream, lacking the Good Humor
    I take powernaps with my slag’s and tag nympho’s
    The last hour glass figure you smashed was a black widow
    I sip a sour mash mixture texting with Amerie
    You lack info…you just bag Bimbo’s like a Mexican bakery
    Obsessive when assembling fashion, I’m devilish handsome
    Your professional in Kenneth Cole, but never get a Reaction
    A mack with reckless abandon
    Fucking Jessica Rabbit in a cats bed to keep all my eggs in the basket
    Wake up, half drowned in a soup of haze and G O.E.
    …Passed out on the stoupe like a JMT roadie
    My famous credo be, live life to the fullest
    So I shotgun Coor’s, I been biting the Bullet
    I might get clipped, styling a mullet
    Smuggle Triumph inside of the pulpit at a dog show and get Pug Life inscribed in my gullet
    Ask what that means, and I’ll probly ignore you
    So fuck rhyming, your moms a fag that suction cups pussy
    I been smarmy, the fifth party Reich, skip REI
    Dead shot, you’ll lay in Red Cross like a Swiss Army knife
    Prize fighter with chrome knucks, throw gloves with lead finger’s
    You’ll get yolked up for that gold cup like Egg Beaters
    test
  3. illipsis

    illipsis Ill Collector

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    Dope shit MisterE. That black widow line was cold haha. Here's a sixteen I just cranked out after seeing the thread...


    Search and destroy, getting blitzkrieg-ed in timeshares/
    You Siegfried and Roy, this is Siegfried and Nightmare/
    My sixteens are Sistine, grip fiends in tight snares/
    Of pristine penmanship, deading shit on a white mare/
    It’s not Pegasus, I'm guessing that your type scared, I’m right there, devilish nemesis penning eloquence/
    In Times Square, laughing as you lie there, covered in the elements and excrement I never said I’d fight fair/
    Pessimist, smiling cuz the glass is half empty/
    Hillbilly, whiskey sipping Jack to Black Betty/
    In the background, sit ‘em back down with the last round/
    Crack the glass in half if bastards had to act heavy/
    This is master class deadly, shit I leave ‘em in the aftermath trembling with agility that acrobats envy/
    In my habitat, frenzied, I have to stop and pass the pot/So potent it’ll turn a Lancelot into an astronaut
    test
  4. pill grim

    pill grim CHRONNIE SPARKO

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    illipsis is obvs dope. its a given.

    here's some not-so-new shit

    a clean shave ain't planned, beginning to freebase
    as sleep aids fade in this teenage wasteland
    i replay beat tapes for three days straight, man
    and don't ever seem to drift to the dreamscape
    somber as can be, on a path of peace
    yawning passively then fallin' back asleep
    loafed out...don't do very much - fact
    recline with cheap wine, blueberry blunt wraps
    how's my day off handled? Netflix and 'ket trips
    check this, next spliff, my brain's all scrambled
    so why try and fake when my mind's astray
    usually lose the remote five times a day
    fumes from a bowl got me used to the smoke
    you call it being a slob, to me it's beautiful though
    in the truest sense of the word, procrastinator
    yeaaah i get reality checks but i'll cash 'em later
    test
  5. illipsis

    illipsis Ill Collector

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    Fucking dope. Repped.
    test
  6. Ravenous510

    Ravenous510 Well-Known Member

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    Every post in here is dope as fuck, tbh.

    I wrote this a while back....I guess I can part with it...

    I’m from Cali, cold goons and gang warfare/
    No room for lames or squares/
    Rookies keep believin’ It’s sun and surfboards/
    But looks can be deceivin’, it’s guns and turf wars/
    Old wounds and pain, mourned peers/
    See, I suffered from violent hunger comin’ up when I was younger/
    My pound? What a damn formidable threat/
    Live rounds from the can bore into your chest/
    Understand? Torn ventricles stretch/
    Like rubber bands, fuckin’ transform a minimal pest from a man to poor miserable wretch/
    So give me a reason to start, if he’s preachin’, I’ll call his bluff/
    Carve his guts/
    Leave him leakin’ and scarred, breathing is hard as fuck/
    Seein’ demons from Tartarus eatin’ your carcass up/
    I’m too real, a brute built like a beast, an armored truck/
    My inimical position’s invincible/
    This kid’s pitiful, he’ll just get ripped, split in two/
    Killed or left in critical condition/
    I’ll come to war with nothing more than six syllables, so listen/
    You should start deferrin’ to your health, 'cause I’m damn hard to cripple/
    Your name’s officially ancient history, you can start referrin’ to yourself in the past participle.../


    (I tend to write battle verses...)
    test
  7. MisterE

    MisterE Look @ His Face Now!

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    Illipsis, that was seamless, and dope. Good work man.
    Pill Grim, I always dig your shit. Perfect closer.

    Ravenous, that was nice. Tons of internals.
    I'd suggest breaking the bars into a more standard, bar by bar format though.
    It would be easier to catch the rhythm if each line wasn't broken up.
    test
  8. Ravenous510

    Ravenous510 Well-Known Member

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    I reformatted it....not that anyone is really gonna care...
    test
  9. Orangez

    Orangez V.I.P. Member

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    Bump. Every post has been dope. I wish I can write lol.
    test
  10. MisterE

    MisterE Look @ His Face Now!

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    ^you can if you keep at it man


    Some dope shit in here. Hopefully DP shows up with something
    test
  11. TheRealWarlock

    TheRealWarlock Top 5 In The 505

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    bars from the intro to my new cd @ The Warlock

    Hey yo its The Warlock & I'm up in this shit with somethin' to give all you muthafuckas again
    & I use a permanent marker to be servin' up art a certain word searchin that I'm urgin' to spark up
    cuz I'm tired of just sittin' back & kickin' raps yo I'm like fuck freestyle I'm all about these written tracks
    but both are a gift I've tapped into I'll separate you from your bottom half it's true like a slash with a fast ginsu
    or a high from serious drugs so yo hear this stuff because yo I think that it's clearly the
    most personal record that I've put out so by the end of it you should have a good outlook how
    I'm not like the norm yo I'm the type who's born to get a mic & ignite what I write to form
    songs that are brilliant I'll never break down cuz I'm resilient & yo I'm always killin' it
    so i hope that when you bump my shit & you're feelin' it cuz that was the main reason I rap & yeah still it is
    but yo the concept of this cd's diversity & that's somethin' all these other rappers can learn from me
    cuz I refuse to be one dimensional cuz that shit's wack & yo I'm unconventional
    test
  12. illipsis

    illipsis Ill Collector

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    Warlock, that's pretty dope...I'd recommend structuring it like Structure did just to emphasize which schemes you're using at certain points. Anyways, bumping with another sixteen.

    More braggadocious than Axl Rose is/
    Haphazardly lacking focus I’m crafting the magnum opus/
    Back to the magic moments, burned into memory/
    Bursting with energy/Since the turn of the century
    /See I learned the necessities, working class progeny/
    Turned to rap prodigy, the third to last prophecy/
    Says that I’m something iller, while you’ve never been blessed/
    And I’m a motherfucking killer like I’m Oedipus Rex/
    Get your edifice wrecked whenever metal connect, like a patch cord, I keep a black sword in the back stored/
    It’s getting complex, open fire at these watered down common clowns, have ‘em on the ground, any elements left/
    Shit, I air ‘em out, apparently I’m paramount, I have ‘em parasailing through the air without a parachute/
    Prepare to lose, parrot out your paraphrases parasites, I’m erudite in paradise, I do this to embarrass you

    Yeah, DP always has shit that makes me wanna up my game haha
    test
  13. Ravenous510

    Ravenous510 Well-Known Member

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    My whole game is incisive, mincin’ and maimin’ its victims/
    Since some bands of ancient Egyptians scrolled names on papyrus/
    This can strain a weak system, no lames are invited/
    See, I might attack ya, an evil livid fuckin’ outraged felon/
    Lines erupt, light him up/
    Like a firecracker, or people livin’ under Mt. Saint Helens/
    See, you’re unequipped to remunerate/
    You’re fuckin’ with a freak, a ruthless ape/
    I seek humans to eat chew and scrape/
    And each sutured face represents recompense for he who escaped/
    The piece mutilates weak useless traits/
    Muzzle heat prior to musketry fire and siege fusillades/
    Then appear with dastardly grenadiers/
    Load the strap casually and blow you back magically to yesteryear/
    Families shedding tears/
    They grieve, ruminate on your bleak gruesome fate/
    Eventually these memories do abate/
    Homie, don't panic, but I'm sociopathic/
    I can’t seem to relate........../
    test
  14. theSomnium

    theSomnium Soliloquy

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    Dude, some sick imagery in this. I'd try to replace the ape/scrape bars as it comes off as filler. Other then that, t'was dope, sir.


    I'll take up into the sky on my flyin' lion
    I'll make it out with my dreams, or I'll die tryin'
    For the sake of the one whose eyes are cryin'
    I will forsake my safety and try to find 'em
    I'm always ready to fight like I'm Mike Tyson
    Their ears have nowhere to hide 'cause I'm fine dinin'
    No destination in sight with lion guidin'
    But I don't really mind 'cause I like ridin
    Was found in rough shape, the kind that'd make you think
    About which road to take, so you could avoid my fate
    Then out of nowhere there were signs of violent change
    The ground was shakin', was sent flyin' out of my grave
    Now I'm on a path that's lackin' any superstition
    On a majestically winged beast, and a simple mission
    To love everyone as best I can
    Especially the one I ride with 'cause it's what love demands
    test
  15. larry word

    larry word get sauced n dip

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    just wonderin, what years did most of yall write these
    test
  16. Lackadaisical

    Lackadaisical Well-Known Member

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    Peep mah sig. It's the best thing I've ever wrote. I retired from writing after I came up with that too, lml.

    On a serious note; everything so far is amazing in this thread, real good shit.
    test
  17. TheRealWarlock

    TheRealWarlock Top 5 In The 505

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    most of mine was written in late 2010 or early 2011 i dont remember some was new 2012 shit mostly the first 2 bars & last 4 bars though just sorta piecing the bars together & making it a proper intro track for the album
    test
  18. sixtyn9ne

    sixtyn9ne Member

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    Wrote this at like 4am a while ago when I couldn't sleep lol:

    She ain't seen her daddy since he split and left
    Mama with the kid, the rent -- didn't send a single cheque
    Didn't think to message that he missed them, 'cause he didn't; she accepts it
    But still hangs his picture there, a reminder of shared genetics
    'Cause that habit of deserting would resurface if she let it
    Facing daily her aversion to the person who's protected
    By the pane within the frame above the GE gas/electric
    A faded silhouette in his baby's kitchenette
    test
  19. LionsHelmet

    LionsHelmet New Member

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    Erroneous charges got me locked in this cell block.
    I dropped cock at three o'clock just to watch the kiddies.
    Their itty bity tiny tiny titties, their pretty. You with me?
    I once got fucked by a midget at denny's to get pennies.
    Pancake syrup up in my ass crack, baby we could go laps for that gooch smack
    Run around til you tap my flap jacks. Your back fat trembles like a half cracked hi hat
    you got plastic burns from my bath matt bitch where's the laughs at?
    test
  20. LionsHelmet

    LionsHelmet New Member

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    Repped. Gooch Smack>>>
    test
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