Disintegrating Integrity...

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Vember, Nov 2, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Vember

    Vember New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2003
    Messages:
    4,403
    ...*...*-*-*...*...*...*-*-*...*...*-*...*-*-*...

    My reason to live is stallin, death callin with slayn angels fallin,
    Can't acknowledge the vital signs of my life-lines, breaths causin...
    Room for pain, I try to move the frame, but my picture loses aim,
    As i'm trapped in ruthless veins of unloyal demon's nudist fangs.
    My grip of reality can only hang so tight, and when it gets loose,
    These eyes see a parallel universe full of shackles,ash, and doom.
    Castin fumes of smoke that the reaper wrote inside my soul,
    Carved into a rose with petals turn cold, the stem withering old.
    Disfigurements in my brain strippin my ligiments in lanes,
    My body's just bitter with wine, & the shadows are sippin up champagne.
    Flippin with mad shame, Got no pride through illusive battles,
    Life travelin down a screen, but i could never choose a channel.
    Raw anger speaks in humerous laughter, i'm lost,
    Tossed into rocks and cinderblocks which made up the foundation of my drop.
    Down tall buildings no longer standin, my faith abandoned,
    Feel as tho im stranded on a desert planet, shiverin in panic.
    Each sentence connects with lungs breathin in death,
    Time limited, a paintin-but i never finished it...takin steps...
    Mouth full with a taste of vex, I'm cornered on all angles,
    by forms of a long rainbow, with a black border that spawns fatal.
    gaspin for breath, wrath takin smacks at the back of my neck,
    wishes stacked in my chest, no key to open the handles or belts.
    every time i turn it burns, why fight to light up halls,
    When i cant travel but so far before my legs thaw and then i fall.
    Questions i cant explain, trapped inside an endless rain,
    And since this day I havent been able to escape the trend of pain.
    I havent giving up, but I lost sight of pride as my wrist fights with knives,
    I'll never be complete, with worn effects of failed suicides.....

    holla, my first piece here
    test
  2. Downed Shadow

    Downed Shadow New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2001
    Messages:
    1,372
    flow was coo.. nice drop bro.

    pz
    test
  3. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    Started it off with a dope line and ended it even better with the last line. Amazing piece, word usage and flow were dope.

    one luv
    test
  4. Vember

    Vember New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2003
    Messages:
    4,403
    thanx, uppin this, GOOD REP ME PLEASE
    test
  5. Nebulaz

    Nebulaz fear God, not man

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2001
    Messages:
    950
    this had the makings of quality in every line. content, story, delivery, vocab. a nicely articulated piece.
    test
  6. Vember

    Vember New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2003
    Messages:
    4,403
    thanx, uppin for good reps and replies
    test
  7. TrufDXaggerator

    TrufDXaggerator New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2003
    Messages:
    329
    Whew good drop. Dis is mos def a style dat I'll be peepin.
    You got a good vocab and flow also i peeped yo wordplay. The visionary was tight wit detail. You had a vision and u followed it.Dope! Keep It Up like a viagara overdose!
    Truthfuly Speakin and Truf Fully Spittin OUT
    test
  8. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2002
    Messages:
    37,722
    yeah pretty much....

    i was feeling the wordplay im big on that......nice drop

    peace and blessings
    test
  9. Vember2

    Vember2 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2003
    Messages:
    865
    thanx, up ^
    test
  10. Vember

    Vember New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2003
    Messages:
    4,403
    responses?
    test
  11. mocha_licious

    mocha_licious New Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2003
    Messages:
    2,740
    first of all, i want to say wuz up...u are so talented..and it shows in every line u dropped...this was like a breathe of fresh air to me ..to read ur piece...i felt this alot...the imagery was intense...i know that no one should sleep on this at all...definitelly keep droppin...and thanks for sharing this ..~one love, one life, one father~
    test
  12. Vember

    Vember New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2003
    Messages:
    4,403
    ^thanx ma, I appreciate that alot, I most def. will keep droppin, holla at ya boy
    test
  13. *DowntownStar*

    *DowntownStar* ____________________

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2002
    Messages:
    2,866
    this makes for a good rhyme and the metas also qualify it as a poem. lots of great lines in it.

    My grip of reality can only hang so tight, and when it gets loose,
    These eyes see a parallel universe full of shackles,ash, and doom.

    Castin fumes of smoke that the reaper wrote inside my soul,
    Carved into a rose with petals turn cold, the stem withering old.
    Disfigurements in my brain strippin my ligiments in lanes,
    My body's just bitter with wine, & the shadows are sippin up champagne.

    that whole section was just nuts.

    Raw anger speaks in humerous laughter
    so true

    Down tall buildings no longer standin, my faith abandoned,
    Feel as tho im stranded on a desert planet, shiverin in panic.

    that was me after 9/11. i feel that.

    Each sentence connects with lungs breathin in death,...
    this goes on to say something else entirely but i like it on its own. hot stuff.

    why fight to light up halls
    when i cant travel but so far before my legs thaw and then i fall?
    Questions i cant explain, trapped inside an endless rain,
    And since this day I havent been able to escape the trend of pain.

    now that's realness.

    props on a nice drop, i'm glad you linked me to this. put this in open mic as well, they should feel it as well. and post up more often, i'd like to see more of your work.
    test
  14. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2003
    Messages:
    2,243
    "And since this day I havent been able to escape the trend of pain."

    Favorite line outta the whole piece, and I am diggin it...You've been here since september, yet you've got more posts than me, lol, it's ok, Im a busy man, but anyway, welcome to the Realm seeing that nobody else welcomed you, lol.

    I was diggin the hell outta this, the style of this one, with all the wicked flow, reminds me of my homi 49th Prophet, and if you're looking for aproval, seek him out...anyway, good drop, can't wait to see more...1
    test
  15. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2003
    Messages:
    798
    "Questions i cant explain, trapped inside an endless rain,
    And since this day I havent been able to escape the trend of pain.
    I havent giving up, but I lost sight of pride as my wrist fights with knives,
    I'll never be complete, with worn effects of failed suicides....."

    loved those lines. wordplay was great and the flow was very well done...nice work
    test
  16. Vember

    Vember New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2003
    Messages:
    4,403
    thanx, up
    test
  17. 49th Prophet

    49th Prophet Dark Magic Inferno

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2003
    Messages:
    1,110
    Damn...

    How come you never dropped here before? This shits on fire. Too many great lines to quote. Wordplay is off the hook in this one...

    Damn..

    excellent work

    much love

    peace
    test
  18. Vember

    Vember New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2003
    Messages:
    4,403
    ^thanx yo, i appreciate that, imma drop another piece soon i hope
    test
  19. eatemup

    eatemup New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2002
    Messages:
    2,805
    No doubt this was a awsome piece dam this shit is hot yo , you have mad talent nice drop
    test
  20. IvyG

    IvyG New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2003
    Messages:
    127
    I agree you are extremely talented.. I loved this piece... alot....
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)