[DF:WK2] 5. DaAlmightyDolla vs. 6. MC Guttso (VOTE NOW!)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by TheReturn, Jul 13, 2008.

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  1. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

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    [​IMG]


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    Down To Business.
    This Match-Up is between:

    In Rank Order

    DaAlmightyDolla
    Active Worth: 003pts

    Vs.
    MC Guttso
    Active Worth: 002pts


    Good Luck Ladies.
    Prove Your Worth
    test
  2. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
    Messages:
    480
    test
  3. DaAlmightyDolla

    DaAlmightyDolla Greatness

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2005
    Messages:
    24,904
    test
  4. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
    Messages:
    480
    Topic: Scum of the Earth
    Quote: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt.



    Pizza of Death

    Interviewee: “I got a good feeling about this pizza business Mr Kwaku!”
    Interviewer: “Cool son, hit me with your application young man!”
    Reads as follows:
    “I’m your hurt Kwaku, like a fucking blood blister,
    More deranged than the Ripper or tyrannical Hitler,
    Before you finish this letter - I’d have cut you up and chopped out ya liver,
    Motherfucker I’m bigger, so I’ll cut your dick off to put in a blitzer,
    Mix it up and force feed it to your retarded old sister,
    Then I’ll fuck your religious mum in a threesome - with the church minister,
    I’m sinister, I deal coke to youths to sniff and administer,
    Verge of death an’ I’m makin ya read, go figure –
    Then ima drag you in the freezer to quiver an’ shiver!”

    SLAM! (Freezer closes)
    I’m a ballistic killer, but now my main cover’s a pizza deliverer,
    I’m a lucrative winner, but cash ain’t my main motivator,
    I jus blew Kwaku’s brains up – I’m a life dictator,
    And to all my avid haters and traitors,
    I’ll slit your throat and choke you with ya girl’s vibrator,
    Till you suffocate and your last words sound like Darth Vader’s,
    Name’s Oscar and that’s just my fucking introduction,
    To hear the rest of my tale, you’ll need some head liposuction,
    These pricks should’ve fuckin’ seen me comin…
    In their dreams, coz I’m the nightmare of London,
    I hear a scream, and a feint sound of the freezer buzzin,
    I drag Kwaku out, all messed up and bludgeoned,
    I slice him up nice, and put him on pizza to shove in the oven,
    A fresh smell of salty flesh, tomato and cheese,
    The Oscar Special will make you melt to your knees,
    I’m pleased – disguised, I head over to Pear Street where the Stallions live,
    Invite myself in, with a tear and share treat to give,
    Their weakness is pizza; they travel the globe to test all the varieties,
    Those Mafia fakes, give so much charity, to mask what they are in society,
    Delightfully - they comment that it was a scrummy creation,
    I pulled out a machete, now YOU can use your own imagination,
    I swung for their boy; head flew off, to end this wrongful federation,
    And as I ripped out husband Angelo’s heart, his wife phoned the police station…
    She stood their shaking, I stand their contemplating and waiting,
    Shall I chop her up? New recipe of bitch, cheese, chicken an’ bacon,
    I drop my guard, crouch down and start to powerfully cry,
    The pigs bust in, and witness the rate of my crime,
    Benita vomits on the floor at the sight of the blood,
    Our eyes meet, and man I know I’m in love,
    She reminds me of my wife, that’s now in heaven above,
    But now I’m in prison doin’ life for that job.
    During this killing spree lesson, I failed to mention,
    That 15 years ago Kwaku had a restaurant suspension,
    He became my supply teacher, gave me after school detention,
    His intention - was of the sexual, a fucking paedophile,
    He said I had a bad attitude, style – and meanwhile,
    He viciously fucked me, up against that class cabinet file,
    Yeah motherfucker you didn’t think I’d remember –
    WEDNESDAY the 23rd of SEPTEMBER –
    Now I’m back and it’s your head I’ve dismembered,
    And fed you to those pathetic gangster leeches,
    I killed them too you should’ve heard the screeches,
    Angelo and his hypocritical preaches - punished me,
    For disobeying vital contract Mafia breaches,
    He hit an’ run gunned down my wife and son on the street, with his crew,
    After that I laid low, but my torn and twisted heart didn’t have a clue what to do.
    But I’m locked up now, shouting fuck the world and fuck you,
    Adieu I say as my victims ride off in a hearse,
    And ya might think I’m the scum of the Earth,
    But ya know even Devils frowned at the dirt of their birth.
    test
  5. DaAlmightyDolla

    DaAlmightyDolla Greatness

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2005
    Messages:
    24,904
    The Kool Kids

    Since first grade until now, we were more brothers than friends
    our inner circle was unbreakable, "Kool Kids" to the end
    clubhouse was full of mischief and games of pretend
    we took over the world, from the dragon's lair to the lion's den
    Danny had the shotty, Mickey the rifle with the scope
    I had the Thundercat sword to slash our enemies throats
    we carried the grenades in our Jansports & the knives in our coats
    we would rise in our boat and salute the flag
    until we reached shore and we ran toward the grass,..
    pass out and watched as the clouds slowly passed
    we made them race. my cloud always kicked some ass
    I threw it in their face, flex some muscle and then laugh
    thats when they would jump me and execute a DDT on the grass
    I would retreat to a shaft, shout out and declare war
    Mickey ran to get the backpacks that we left on the shore
    but mom came out the house and said we couldn't play anymore

    A decade goes by and we about to finish high school
    and those Kool Kids from back then, still remain cool
    from rocking shades indoors and flashing a "KK" tattoo
    had the cheerleaders wearing our jackets so ya knew who they belonged to
    Mickey had the blond, blue eyed she-devil
    I had the brunette with red lipstick, a real rebel
    Danny settled for the shy red head with the cute freckles
    we chilled in the parking lot, bumping hip hop or heavy metal
    to us Big Pun was an icon and Black Sabbath a monsta
    then switched up to some Marley while smoking that ganja
    thats marijuana... for those people who don't know
    we puff puff then waited for the last person to then blow
    as we French kiss our chick in the mystic mist of the grey smoke
    looked back to our first time when we fell victim to a frail choke
    we all laughed our asses off even if it was a stale joke
    thats when the fat guard came over and the whale spoke
    "You kids cant do that here, please leave the school grounds"
    as we walked off, we told him to fuck off and loose a few pounds

    Another decade goes by and the Kool Kids are kids no more
    all we do is reminisce of parking lots and wars on shores
    I've grown but my boys have yet to let go of the past
    they even married their high school sweethearts, who gave everyone ass
    I knew better, I let my girl go before doing me wrong
    but it turns out 1 of my boys was doing that all along
    I thought as long as the Kool Kids were together, we'll always be strong
    and here I thought "mo' money, mo' problems" was only a song
    the more I made, the more they thought I was a sell out and a brown noser
    we all worked at the same place but I got promoted and got a lot closer...
    to financial freedom. they must have thought I would leave'em,...
    so they gave me a cold shoulder..
    I looked at the tatt and let it pass for a few days
    until the boss walked in and said "You're fired. get your things out today"
    so as I'm stressing , I'm guessing I was ratted out by a Kool Kid
    cuz only Mickey and Danny knew what this fool did
    that 1 night I had the bosses daughter hot and bothered
    which 1 of my boys is the wolf in sheep's clothing w/ white collar
    could it be just 1 or even both playing a part in this masquerade?
    I knew I should have found new friends back in the first grade

    Topic:
    [​IMG]
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  6. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    Guttso - This verse started out kinda cool...the tone almost seemed commical to me and I could fuck with the random gore...hell I could even fuck with the serving people some really fucked up new pizza recipes, but this week your rhyme scheme and flow were worse than they had been in weeks past...also I feel that your piece started to falter due to a lack of clarity...it seemed there was to much going on and the motive that you revealed wasn't all that clear and/or motivating...i unno...maybe it's just me but this seemed almost like a mindless gore piece with some randomly pieced together reasoning to try and show why.

    Dolla - I continuously have problems with your pieces because your rhyme scheme is extremely simplistic and your flow is decent at best...it's not that hard to incorporate some better rhyming into your pieces to make them flow better...also the whole part where you tell the reader what ganja is...there's no need for that in the RSTL...everyone knows what ganja is...it's a matter of not addressing your audience correctly...this also felt very disconnected with the topic...I get the whole wolf in sheep's clothing, but it comes about so sudden...you just instantly mention that you did something with the bosses daughter and alas you're fired...there was no development there...it made the topic seem more of an afterthought...plus the last line...that didn't fit the piece at all...it was just kinda thrown in there...i unno...you have good ideas somewhere in your head, but your delivery of them is not very good...you should have put more thought into this.

    I really expected this to be a better battle...instead it wasn't all that great, but to boot it's hard to decide which verse I disliked the least.

    I guess...

    vote = MC Guttso for better imagery.
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  7. Saga

    Saga All Eyes On Me

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2000
    Messages:
    2,757
    guttso - I dug the verse for the most part. It did kind of read random and I remember thinking you should have broke the verse in spaces for each new thing about to happen so it could stand out more, like when u introduce the guy halfway in the verse. Besides the organizing issues i had, I felt u came with some creative lines and story at that

    Dolla - the first thing that i liked more about your verse was the flow of it compared to guttso. the lines just read more clear and in terms of making a story interesting, i felt you started strong but didnt finish as good the ending with the picture relation should have been better developed I thought.

    tough match to vote on but my vote is for dolla for having a more organized story with better developed flow structure
    test
  8. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2001
    Messages:
    19,109
    Guttso - this was quite an enjoyable read .. the plot wasn't a fresh idea but that didn't really matter as I had fun reading your take on it .. some good rhyming in there and although not a great flow it was steady enough to read with some sort of rhythm .. I dunno what else to say really .. I liked it .. it wasn't outstanding but I can't really pick much fault with it myself .. good shit ..

    DaD - first up .. I'm gonna have to take away that bonus point .. cos that shit didn't tie in to that pic at all for me .. using that wolf in sheep clothing line doesn't justify it either .. and considering you did use another topic originally and edited it out is just as weak .. (that's like Baron swapping his post time around on PR to try and loophole the recycle rule after he'd been found out) .. I know TR advised it but it is very apparent you just added the pic to get the point and didn't write with the pic in mind .. sorry dude ..

    as for the verse - it wasn't too bad .. lacked the Dolla spark that I'm a fan of though .. the mechanics were sound enough and I can't complain about the read itself as it was pretty straight .. it just didn't really capture me in any way outside of simply appreciating a decently written verse ..

    Vote = MC Guttso .. I found his verse to be more entertaining .. a straight forward story telling piece with sound mechanics and written with a little bit of flare .. Dolla needs his mojo back man .. I'm missing the old spark of imagination you used to bring to pieces ..
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  9. 3-Planes

    3-Planes Cruel... and unusual

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Messages:
    549
    so we have coming-of-age piece going against a demon-barber-of-fleet-street:eque ordeal going against each other in this one.. awrkay, pwray ball.. i thought DAD's piece started out pretty decent, both the mechanics and the narration, but as it progressed the wording got worse and worse and so did the flow.. it felt like a creative constipation and the tie in with the picture felt ultra forced, so what showed at least some promise quickly degenerated into a very forgetable piece (i liked last week's effort alot more, even if others didn't).. guttso had a pretty crazy vibe to his piece, the mechanics were more on point this week than last week (however, i don't like lines crammed with mono-syllables, it makes the flow "bouncy"), the plot also felt a little chaotic and jumbled but you tied it all together and delivered a piece that was pretty enjoyable to read, especially ••••ed up with some pretty nifty imagery

    vote: MC Guttso
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  10. Bonnie Bathory

    Bonnie Bathory New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 1999
    Messages:
    13,374
    guttso... it was good for what it was... a gore piece... but i have to say ive listened to a lot of horrorcore in my day and found this lackluster as far as explicit details. The story was strong and came together in unusual but good places, it wasnt the mundane a, b, c, d of a story, which i appreciated. The lines seemed a bit stretched... overall... the concept was cool, execution was slightly above average for what people with your post count usually put up...

    DAD... contrary to the popular vote here, I actually think your piece was pretty enjoyable. I was wondering when the sheep pic would come into things however, and found the concept to be a bit forced in the end, like maybe you had started writing this for another topic and wrote the ending to suit this one... a su••••ion not easily proven tho, so I will give you the benefit of the doubt and say instead the execution of your concept could've been better... other than that, the mechanics were on point and I didn't find myself struggling to follow your story or flow at any point

    I'm going to give this to > DAD... because I though I liked both storys, and though Guttso had consistancy in his execution of his storyline... DAD's story appealed more to me and I was easily able to relate to it, his mechanics were stronger and overall just seemed to post a fairly well-polished piece that said 'more seasoned writer' in it's overall presentation... the only real complaint I could find with it was the su••••ion of a forced ending to suit the topic, otherwise, it was quite enjoyable in all other aspects IMO
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  11. _KDP_

    _KDP_ Active Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    1,005
    MC Guttso- I can definitely appreciate the angle you took in approaching your piece. the gory shit works, i find alot of humor in it. It seemed to be more of a collection of gory thoughts put together to rhyme though. i had trouble picking up the story aspect of it, but it was hella descriptive.

    D.A.D - I really liked your story. The mechanics weren't really there as you didn't incorporate alot of inter-rhyming in the piece, put yours was definitely well thought out as the story progressed as i read it. Didn't seem like filler as almost all lines developed your theme.

    vote- D.A.D.
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  12. Mic-illaH

    Mic-illaH aka paisano

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2001
    Messages:
    425
    Guttso - I agree with KDP above, all in all the verse was pretty enjoyable to read, but had trouble in finding the storyline - but liked the way you described the certain events. As far as mechanics, they seem to fall off about half way through....but in parts some good rhyming - but a little stretched in parts. Overall decent drop man.

    DAD- I agree with Lucifer - it seemed like a very far stretch for your piece here to be related to the picture. Flow was alright, choppy in spots but nothing bad. Keep improving man....your concepts are there, and you are getting better.

    V/ Guttso
    test
  13. nom de plume.

    nom de plume. rumbrave.

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Messages:
    8,233
    dad - i found this to be a highly engaging and interesting piece to be honest. as i've said before i'm a fan of your writing and this just highlighted why i enjoy your writing. perhaps not the best example of your style i found it be good. the picture in relation to it was a bit of a silly thing to do and only really dented the piece.

    guttso - over all this was a pretty good piece that i found quite easy to get into. but then, oddly enough i also got lost toward the middle in trying to work out where you going with it. this was a pretty good piece and it flowed nicely. look forward to seeing some more of your writing.

    vote - dolla.
    test
  14. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Messages:
    1,685
    great matchups this week i must say...
    alot of evenly talented verses...

    mc guttso, fun story to read... flow was sounded a ll forced at places, not too bad though... the thing that got me was the end...
    the scum of the earth wasn't really scum at all, just fucked up and seeking revenge... hmmm, i just thought it'd be a lil more scummier then that... idk, the ending to me was a lil disappointing after where it was going, that's all... just me though.

    da almighty, i really enjoyed reading your story... very sentimental, in a sense even hitting close to home as i get older and stay in touch with old friends...
    it was written well, flowed well, imagry was solid, creative... i had no trouble catching a flow while reading it...

    vote goes to da almighty.
    test
  15. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    mc guttso...

    i really didn't like the mechanics of the verse, the lines were stretched and the rhyming was simplistic, this seemeded as if you were just rambling, the imagery was cool, the theme was bland, all in all the verse was average, but nothing that really had my jaw touching the keyboard

    dad...

    ok i liked this and i didn't...it was a see saw battle for me, at the end the sheep picture just made me feel like i got ripped off...you could've done without the picture honestly, but the verse itself was nice....as for the see saw refrence in some parts your mechanics and actual rhyme are great, but in some areas it's just average, the good thing is you never really go below average so it works out in the end


    overall...

    vote dad...although mc guttso's would've been a better short film, i did get into dads better....lol @ thundercats....not a bad battle, just personally liked dads better
    test
  16. Scatterboxx

    Scatterboxx a.k.a. infinite truth.

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2008
    Messages:
    475
    hm...

    see...

    neither of these were bad verses at all.

    guttso.
    okay. i liked this a lot in some ways. but... also hated it in others. vern's right. your mechanics were terrible. the rhyme scheme was blah... nothing complex at all. your rhymes, while "original" at times, seemed forced. &, for what reason? there was hardly a flow to your piece, & thus, it doesn't seem like it was a necessary "sacrifice" you had to make. i feel you could have either simplified the rhyme scheme very minimally, or done the opposite [advanced multis, etc.] - which would have obviously been better. your linguistics, as with last week, are superb. waaay above average, which, while certainly not a smooth read, it's an enjoyable one. i can always appreciate good writing. the whole killer thing... eh. played. i've done that shit countless times. your "horrific details" would have been far better had you investigated them in further detail, including gory, yet gorgeous imagery... if that makes sense. you're good at what you do... you just need to spiffy up your mechanics & tell an original story or post a revolutionary topical. at that point, you'll be one of the greats. i can tell.

    dad.
    you're getting better & better, i must say. only beef i had with this piece was the simplicity of your writing style. you tell a great story, & with great details. it was gripping, reminiscent, creative, & far more original than guttso's. that alone won it for you. so, while, your linguistics, rhyme scheme, & poetic presence was incredibly lackluster, your flow was on point. thus, it'd make a great audio. so, kudos there. the story was chill as fuck. i was loving it. & i loved that last line. great way to end it. i'd go into more detail, but typically, when i do, it's criticism. & i already stated the negative aspects i found to exist within this piece. above average story-telling, below average mechanics & writing techniques.

    due to the entertainment of dad's verse, i can't help but vote for him. it had me from the getgo.

    v-dad.
    test
  17. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 1999
    Messages:
    1,517
    guttso - interesting read, mechanics were ok, and your story had some nice visuals, but what really doesnt sit well with me is the forced rhyme scheme you went with, example -
    I’m a ballistic killer, but now my main cover’s a pizza deliverer,
    I’m a lucrative winner, but cash ain’t my main motivator,
    deliverer and motivator is really forced IMO...... and it just seemed like alot of rhymes in your verse came across forced and i think thats the biggest drawback from your verse, but a good drop


    dad - i think this is an obvious battle in my eyes, your verse was a smoother read and the story was there, kept me interested, mechanics solid, it wasnt an amazing verse but it was a solid good read and i'm amazed at all the sheep pics i have read this week, but i think of all the people who flipped that pic, i like yours prob the best, good shit


    vote - dad
    test
  18. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    6,893
    DAD wins 8-4.

    DaAlmightyDolla
    Win (2 points)
    Early bird (1 point)
    Sheep pic (1 point)
    5 valid links (1 point)

    5 points total for week 2 (7 points overall)

    MC Guttso
    Loss (-1 point)
    Early post (1 point)
    10 valid links (2 points)

    2 points total for week 2 (3 points overall)
    test
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