[DF:WK2] 2. TheReturn vs. 1. 3-Planes (VOTE NOW!)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by TheReturn, Jul 13, 2008.

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  1. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

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    [​IMG]


    Welcome to your match-up thread. Click Here For Rules & Regulations

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    Down To Business.
    This Match-Up is between:

    In Rank Order

    3-Planes
    Active Worth: 009pts

    Vs.
    TheReturn
    Active Worth: 007pts


    Good Luck Ladies.
    Prove Your Worth
    test
  2. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

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  3. 3-Planes

    3-Planes Cruel... and unusual

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    test
  4. 3-Planes

    3-Planes Cruel... and unusual

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    [​IMG]

    be the best damn sheep that you can
    - feed, reproduce, breed and expand
    just heed the beliefs and creed of the man
    obey his commands and eat from his hand..
    be a creature - on the fields of the land
    on pastures lined with the greenest of grass
    because freedom's a grand, construction of thought
    - a meaningless word worth nothing and naught
    seductive, get caught - how disruption is wrought
    - an abstract ideal corrupting the flock
    sheep need not worry what's beyond the lea
    - the path traveled by the summer breeze
    just graze happily at the sun's decree
    - because in the horizon thunder seethes
    independence leaves sheep to numb to feel
    - it's the ominous threat of the hunter's steel

    buried 6 feet deep away in the earth
    - disobedient sheep get flayed and interred
    a good sheep knows his place in the world
    - stays in line and never strays from the herd
    got duties that he never fails to observe
    - he minds his business with his face in the dirt
    a black pelage degrading his worth
    - a color lighter than gray is preferred
    if you abberate or diverge - you'll get callously tortured
    rejected quick - as outlandish, a monster
    herded en masse to the land of the promised
    - by men in white brandishing crosses
    the ever-vengeful hand of the father
    - sheep NEVER let their faith vanish or falter
    many a caracass panning the altar..
    as you're led.. like a lamb to the slaughter


    ..that's christianity's doctrine
    test
  5. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

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    .

    [​IMG]


    It's funny...
    The greatest works we'll ever know
    Are but footprints in the freshest snow,
    That unless it froze
    And was buried, would never show
    Forever lost in the universe's ebb and glow
    As infinitely as it can stretch and go.
    But somewhere...
    The footprints of an ancient beetle,
    Fossilized and sustained in features,
    Will remain, even after an Age of people
    Watch God erase the easel
    Of their accomplishments, with a waving finger
    And a single rage of ether.
    It's crazy that there will be a future generation
    To bear witness to the incineration
    Of the world's vengeful nations,
    Over trivial acts that could be obliterated
    With a simple statement.
    And little things like Edison's minions,
    Covering up the Tesla existence
    Because he was a negative interest
    To the flourishing electrical business.

    Who cares?

    I guess what I'm set to contend is...
    When the internet is obsolete,
    Left as a distant remnant,
    Whether it's millennia from now
    Or somewhere within it
    There's still a rock,
    And that ancient beetle's footsteps are in it,
    Outliving anything that's ever existed.

    Because you see...
    Some leave their footprints in the snow,
    Where they're covered and lost in Time.
    While others take the rocky road,
    And their footprints are fossilized...

    Making them truly immortal.



    What kind of person are you?



    .
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  6. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

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    Fucking hell, I do have a psychic feeling that this just might be the battle of the week.

    3-Planes: From what you did with the picture is good. You turned it into something that others thought was a mundane picture into an excellent topical. Thought the content and message was great, and with a good balance of flow, mechanics and rhyme construction too. What I got from it is that Christianity is subtly coercive, if only Karl Marx: "Religion is the opium of all masses" was in the quote section this week. lol. Not that bad for someone who doesn't use pictures.

    TheReturn: More good shit. Really interesting content and message, and I like what you did with the picture. I liked the philosophical stance of your verse this week. Have you been thinking a lot lately? It made me think of how you can make a solid, positive mark in history for future generations, enabling you to live on in memory - just from a fucking picture of a snow footprint. lol.

    My vote goes to the person who I thought conveyed the most interesting message in my opinion, and I also thought their verse was slightly better constructed:

    v - 3-Planes.
    test
  7. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    3-PA - I almost feel like TR wrote your verse because I know his sentiments on all of this are pretty much the same as yours so I thought that was cute...This felt like a well written, smooth rhyming piece that I've read many a time...the whole thing about the masses being sheep following christianity and all that...I think you definitely didn't have to dig very hard in your bag of creativity to pull this one out. None the less it was well written and short, not making me have to read a prolonged verse about something I've read many a time.

    TR - I forget who it was, but someone did a footprint in the sand piece prolly years ago now and it was killer...this on the other hand just seemed blah to me. Like I get what you were trying to convey, but it felt like it lacked purpose and a strong connection...your only glimmer of interest was with the Edison/Tesla bit but that bit was far to brief...it seemed that this piece lacked a connection to me as a reader...one other thing...why did you change ebb and flow to ebb and glow...it seemed pointless and all together your rhyming felt below your usual standard.

    This was disappointing to me...I expected a good verse from TR considering 3-PA put up a very beatable piece and instead I need to go get a red bull because TR put me to sleep.

    vote = 3-PA for a better piece of writing that held my interest.
    test
  8. Saga

    Saga All Eyes On Me

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    3 planes - flow structure was very match on and that was the most stand out thing about your verse for me. Content wise, it nice for how short it was, and I liked the message you were getting across as far as followers to religion goes.

    the return - 3 planes had what seemed more organized flow, where as your flow was more in touch with carrying your lines over to the next line - it was a nice style and trying to base this match off flow alone would be stupid. 3 planes message seemed more common, but for some reason it felt like he covered his topic in a more complete way then you - like I wasnt satisfied with the amount of insight I recieved from you verse, yet it was interesting to read and I enjoyed it.
    could go either way but
    vote the return basically because I liked the more abstract insight being conveyed
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  9. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

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    3p excellent rhymescheme and multi's altho the abundance of em made it slightly unnatural to me if that makes sense... the topic was nicely done... but I do feel it would have worked better if you haddnt tried to show the meaning at the end... it was pretty predictable after a few lines and after those few I was already waitin for the end cause the rest was basicly filler.. in short the build could have been better imo
    still mechanics were great and I can see why people expect big things...

    Return well I can keep it short good mechanics not as good as 3p but stil nice, the concept and the way you did it tho Im feelin a lot. I also felt the fact you didnt try to force anything like a plot or summin similar and jus stuck with yer idea and let it play out naturally in the end thass why I enjoyed your piece more..

    vote return
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  10. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

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    19,109
    3-P - this was straight .. the flow and structure was solid and the content was decent .. when I thought about what I may do if I was to opt for that sheep pic .. it was the same thing .. a social commentary on how people follow things like a herd and flock towards other things etc. .. so I'm not sure how it scores on being original since that was my 1st idea .. you did it well though and it was a good little read ..

    TR - I really liked the summing up at the end of this piece .. that was a pretty dope wrap up .. the main chunk of the verse however didn't leave me as impressed .. I think it lacked some of the elogence your pieces usually carry with them .. but saying that .. I don't think it fell flat either .. it struck a middle ground for me that kept it above average as writing skill goes .. just didn't add the pinache you are capable of adding ..

    tough choice .. hmm ..

    Vote = 3-Planes .. I really can't say what the exact aspect is that has swung it in 3-P's favour for me .. I really liked TR's ending and that was almost the factor that swung it his way .. but on reflection of both pieces I think 3-P just edges it on an 'overall feel' .. pretty solid throughout whereas TR's piece took a slight dip IMO .. close man .. but 3-P gets my vote here ..
    test
  11. .:Pain:.

    .:Pain:. Futurely J. Keeper

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    3-Planes - Flow was pretty dope. I really dug your concept too, I really just thought it was gonna be a piece on generic puppets walking the earth, but you flipped on Christianity which I thought was really dope. Rhyme scheme came and went, but was on and incredibly sick in most parts. I wish it was a little longer, maybe including a couple more concepts that have double meanings with sheep and Christianity, but this did the trick. Very nice piece, I just wish you explored the concept more thoroughly.

    The Return - I thought this was really dope introspective piece. You did a real cool job of comparing the life a human being or the life of humanity to a fossil. I think you could've done it a little better, I can't help but feel like someday we'll be fossils too and be just as immortal as the beatle in your verse. Then again, I probably shouldn't argue the concept. Structure wise is was pretty good, I wish you flow better, your lines are too short, and I can't fit it to a beat. Rhyme scheme was real good. Overall though, I think 3 planes edged you in the catogories of flow, concept, and execution.

    Vote - 3 Planes...
    test
  12. Bonnie Bathory

    Bonnie Bathory New Member

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    It seems 3 Planes plans to consistantly challange my brain with his advanced vocabulary... however, I was spared as far as abstract topic, and am surprised, and almost disappointed, that for your apparent ability for deeper-thinking, you chose such a predictable topic for the picture as following the herd. I sort of expected a topic that would blow me away, but I guess it's like my mom says, have no expectations and you'll feel no disappointment, that's really only my bad... anywho, your mechanics were spectacular and the execution of your sadly predictable topic was stellar also, so, your piece was short, sweet and well done... and the only thing I didn't like, was expecting more creativity from the picture from you that what I received... which I can't force myself to be that mad at when the piece you presented as a result was particularly exceptional over the others who've used the same picture and more creative topics

    TR - For you, I could say just the opposite... you brought a fresh and creative approach to your topic, and it was appreciated... and though your mechanics were technically flawless, they came across sub-par to what 3-planes exhibited in his piece before yours... however, I'm not so quick to completely degrade simplicity when it's effective, but I do feel it caused your piece to suffer this week when matched with such well-executed complexity. Had your verse led or been against another, it would probably get my vote, however, since you posted second, I do feel you had the opportunity to step it up a notch and you didn't take advantage of it.

    V > 3 Planes... for the more advanced execution of his topic. Both stories were fine as far as being clear and easy to follow, I didn't particularly relate to either... and neither appealed to me personally... so in this specific match, I'm forced to give the vote to whom I think shined in other ways, and this week, it was 3 Planes for his more advanced use of writing and rhyming mechanics.
    test
  13. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

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    3-Planes...
    nice concept....good way to finish it up....brownie points for choosing the sheep picture...first stanza was great...loved the rhyme scheme then it just went down hill in a mechanics point of view....all and all this was short and sweet, nothing to overwhelming, at times i was hoping for way more than there was presented but in the end im just glad this didn't turn out to be like that horrible movie "black sheep" and not the version with chris farley that was my shit...anyway slightly above average


    the return...

    short and sweet, loved the rhyme scheme, not gonna say flow cause it all depends on how the person reads it, but for me it read smooth and i like that, didn't really catch on to the whole beetle concept, maybe i missed something, maybe i didn't either way, i was digging it, the ending was great imo, but the beetle part urks me, but overall nice approach to the picture and like i said the ending is what did it for me, good job

    overall...

    both pieces were short and sweet, so i cant really say one had more substance than the other, 3p took an interesting approach with the sheep picture, but so did TR, it was hard to pick here, but i'm gonna vote for TR, strictly on personal preference cause this could definatly go wither way, but props to both
    test
  14. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

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    3rd post to bring this over no-shows. I don't think I can count Strike's vote as it stands now though, after that spiel about no exceptions on vote length.

    I got 5-2 in favor of 3PA at the moment.
    test
  15. 3-Planes

    3-Planes Cruel... and unusual

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  16. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    3-planes- damn. nice rhymes. the story was pretty dope. when i was picking a topic i saw that pic, and you took it in a direction i woulda never thought of. i dont get why you changed font color in the middle of your story but its whatever. the only real negative i can see in your story was it was kind of short.

    thereturn- i liked the footprint in the snow idea. the rhymes were dope. this was a nice peice. i gotta give you props your topic had less potential ideas than his. i gotta give you that, but in the end that hurt you in my opinion because it left you with less possibilities,and less directions to take your story.

    vote-3-planes. good battle here
    test
  17. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

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    ^^not two lines of ciriticsm

    like one and a half
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  18. DaAlmightyDolla

    DaAlmightyDolla Greatness

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    3p
    i dont go 2 church but i felt like i did reading ur verse. ill give u credit 4 that. i like the message given from the verse. nothing really stood out. everything was as i expected from u. good flow and vocab. it wasnt complicated. i guess its a trend this week 2 have short verses. overall 7.5/10

    thereturn

    damn son what happened lol. i expected more from u. i know i took ur idea but ur smart enough 2 do better than this. did u rush 4 the extra point?. ill give u credit for the concept. the footprint and fossil thing did show off ur brilliance but its the only thing i cared 4 or should i say caught my attention. lie 2 every1 and tell them this was a key. since it made me go "hmmm" cuz of the concept u get a 7/10.

    v 3p
    test
  19. MetaSin

    MetaSin I Don't Believe In You...

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    3P. I thought about using this pic along the same lines... but I probably wouldn't have executed it too well... You on the other hand were pretty smooth with it. The mechanics were good, as I felt the flow was solid, and I also felt that for the most part word choice was also good. I hated that last line, cuz i didn't think u needed further explanation of ur topic. Overall a very solid piece... not the most original, but I liked it in conjunction with your pic, and specifically attack christianity a bit... Good work

    TR. I liked this. I don't understand the problems ppl have with your flow... I think if u read it fluidly, and pause in the correct spots its very smooth. The thing i liked about this piece is it felt almost like a conversation with you, and your pov actually interested me... a think the ending was perfect for your approach on the topic.

    In a close battle, I baaaaaarely give it to TR.... The end of his verse just left me immensely (sp?) satisfied. I don't know what it was either... just something of the vibe that enjoyed a lot about that verse.... 3p dropped a dope verse as well... but after reading both, I just slightly liked TR's a bit more...

    Vote: TR
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  20. nom de plume.

    nom de plume. rumbrave.

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    3-planes - i was wondering how different people were going to execute the picture. and yours came as a pleasant surprise. the mechanics and blah blah blah were all there and correct and there's not much place to criticise on that level, sometimes it felt a little bit multi cluttered if you get what i mean, but thats just being overly picky. over all i thought this was a tasty little morsel.

    ret - your flow is pretty. and is pretty much what carried me through this piece so effortlessly. sometimes i find your wording and word choice to be a bit bland but it all stuck together very cohesively in this piece. over all i just found this nice and an easy read.

    vote - ret.
    test
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