[DF:WK2] 13. MetaSin vs. 15. rocket (VOTE NOW!)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by TheReturn, Jul 13, 2008.

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  1. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

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    [​IMG]

    Welcome to your match-up thread. Click Here For Rules & Regulations

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    Down To Business.
    This Match-Up is between:

    In Rank Order

    MetaSin
    Active Worth: -002pts

    Vs.
    rocket
    Active Worth: -002pts


    Good Luck Ladies.
    Prove Your Worth
    test
  2. rocket

    rocket New Member

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    Nov 24, 2003
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    Im here alternate and I need till the morning to finish 6am EST please
    alternate when I finish
    test
  3. MetaSin

    MetaSin I Don't Believe In You...

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2002
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    2,082
    test
  4. rocket

    rocket New Member

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    "A day like most presented itself to one, Mr. Yost
    he was a proud man always the first to a boast
    and now today on this, the day of his Roast
    we find more reasons to give this guy a toast
    we all found a friend and we like him a lot
    but if you knew what I do about this crockpot
    you wouldnt give him a dime to invest in stock"

    the laugh I hear I know their all in good jest
    but who the fuck invited this fuckin pest
    all I wanted was a simple party with friends
    instead I get insulted, slagged and incensed
    by this guy who I hate with all of my sense
    look at him blowing hot air up their asses
    how dare he speak with such impudence
    God, that dumb bitch better end his speech
    cuz Im bout to go schoolyard on this leech

    "Hahahah folks my friend here is such a card
    such a kidder, he and I have stomped the yard
    shut down bars and you wouldnt guess he's diehard
    you'd never realize how much we've sparred
    drunkenly, I admit but still we're unscarred
    the things we've done with our reps unmarred"
    Why the fuck wont he shut up? The retard!
    how could he say such things with so little regard
    I feel the rage building I cant believe what he's done
    touted my affairs to everyone spoken so dumb
    I'll teach him and he'll succumb to my lesson
    so sad that this is what I called friend once

    "I just keep talkin and you're all wracked with mirth
    but did you know we met almost right after birth?"
    yes we did but you'll never even prove your worth
    you may be my twin but you're the scum of the Earth

    topic: scum of the earth
    test
  5. MetaSin

    MetaSin I Don't Believe In You...

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    2,082
    Her eyes glistened under florescent lights,
    Ignoring would have been the best advice,
    But eye contact is a weapon… sight often is a deadly vice.
    Her caramel skin yearned for my kiss
    As she made her curvature lift…
    Her form, reminiscent of calligraphy… cursive in script,
    Submersed in her lips… apple red and distinct,
    It gave me the sudden urge to dip my pen in her ink…
    And maybe her pals’… I’d take her, and then them…
    Using my protractor to outline her circle of friends.
    We’d get to know one another, tho I was hardly a stranger
    We interacted daily, no harm n no danger.
    I hardly feel anger, only lust, and some love
    Because it’s obvious that God himself had sent a slut from above…
    Or rather… an angel with no halo, yet beautiful features,
    Who eye fucked me every day, and dreamed of screwing the teacher.
    We never acknowledged the relationship,
    She was my faithful bitch,
    And in my heart and mind I knew that I could wait a bit…
    Until the time was right; we would have had the nicest night…
    I’d do whatever this minor liked, including minor bites
    And nibbles… just a little… taste her privacy
    Let her return the favor…. Then get inside her deep.
    I could’ve spent time with her… hours upon hours….
    Then hit the showers after devouring her flower…
    ‘Could’ being the appropriate word;
    now I’m full of regret…
    Because although it’s absurd, I feel I should be upset…
    I had waited so patient to play, day after day…
    Thinking of way after way to take her before my fate was betrayed.
    Before the deed was done by the hands of another…
    Before the amber alert…. before her family had suffered….
    And as I miss the thought of her body and touch…
    I wish I had been there to follow her off of the bus…
    so now i look to the next prospect, hoping I'm able to take her...
    instead of being stuck in this school... grading these papers...


    "Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do."
    -sartre
    test
  6. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    Rocket - this was pretty horrible...there was barely any clarity behind this piece...and then you reveal they're twins...so essentially they're roasting each other...but there was no comedy behind it...the dialogue was shaky...it was just a terribly executed piece...though I guess the concept could have been decent...I dunno dude...it's like you refuse to listen to anyone and expand your writing...meh...

    Meta - Shame that this verse was wasted against Rocket...shit was actually pretty clever...a teacher lurking after students...obviously more could be developed with this, but that clearly wasn't necessary against your opponent this week. Glad to see you back in action homie.

    vote = Meta.
    test
  7. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2001
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    19,109
    rock - I did read GL?'s vote (have to check the 2 line thing) and I think he's being a little harsh on your verse by saying it was horrible .. ok .. it was flat and the interest level was pretty low .. but I wouldn't slate it as horrible .. I have read better from you though and this lacked in reasoning to some extent .. I don't really get where the hostility between them came from and the twin thing just suddenly came about and didn't really add much for the reader .. it was a below par verse IMO but it wasn't terrible ..

    Meta - lol @ the take on the quote .. nice .. I liked that .. how you wrote the piece around that concept worked pretty well and I enjoyed what you gave us to read .. and hey .. it actually felt complete too! .. lol .. but yeah .. nice work man .. good to see you showing with a competitive verse .. pretty much blown your opponent out the water though ..

    Vote = MetaSin .. it was an all-round better verse IMO .. the writing .. the flare .. the rhyming .. the concept .. everything was above the opponent in this match-up ..
    test
  8. Scatterboxx

    Scatterboxx a.k.a. infinite truth.

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2008
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    475
    rocket.
    i dunno man. not a great verse. i mean, your flow was certainly on. but the whole verse in nearly every other way was hardly above elementary- the rhyme scheme, vocab, linguistics, poetics, content, originality, entertainment value, overall mechanics, etc. certainly not something i'd post against meta. so... if you don't know meta, now you do.

    meta.
    tight. very clever take on the topic. poetics, linguistics, style, originality, mechanics, rhymes, flow - everything was on for the most parts. i mean, it had slip ups in wording at times in my opinion, such as a couple of rhymes that could have trying wording better; seemed a bit forced at times, sacrificing the content of the rhyme itself in order to maintain flow, which you mos def did 85% of the time. one of the tightest drops i've seen from you in who knows how long. ill shit, son.

    v- meta.
    far better verse.
    period.
    test
  9. _KDP_

    _KDP_ Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2008
    Messages:
    1,004
    impressed. metasin got that weight in the battles plus with the rstl. that was a tight verse meng. good twist with the angle that you were the pervert teacher (you're not really a teacher i hope, at least don't post this from school grounds lmao). same way i tried to flip my verse looking like a love story and turning into a crime of passion. rhyme scheme was on point, flowed like a rap.
    rocket, your rhyme scheme could be stepped up a bit. i aint no expert but that seems like the easiest way to improve your writing. see if there are any words you could substitute that will let you still get your idea across.

    vote=metasin. good battle guys.
    test
  10. 3-Planes

    3-Planes Cruel... and unusual

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Messages:
    549
    rocket, this verse lacked any type of appeal i'm looking for in a verse.. it was poorly worded, the plot/twist was akward and felt very unnatural (not vampires and ghosts unnatural, rather incest unnatural), the mechanics were piss poor and this piece studdered from beginning to end through forced endrhymes and 3 bar rhyme sequences, through weird plot turns and finally a pretty unimaginative twist.. meta, very descriptive and vivid piece here, this fervor came through and was conveyed to me as a reader.. mechanically pretty polished - a rhyme segment or two were you tried to experiment and it didn't come across as tight, but nothing in the way of a hiccup, just a few edges.. overall i felt it could've been a little shorter, but then again you make sure to drive home the vibe of this piece very thoroughly.. cool stuff

    vote: MetaSin
    test
  11. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
    Messages:
    480
    rocket - Ryhme scheme seemed simplistic to me. I've read other verses from you and they've been much better. I found the story a bit boring because I thought the imagery and emotion was under-developed, it was a good idea and you had scope to develop it into an enjoyable read. Unfortunately it didn't cut it for me.

    Metasin - As soon as I started reading I could see that the rhyming structure and overall mechanics were far superior compared to your opponent's. Descriptive and imaginative throughout. The content was interesting, fucked up piece and reading the quote at the end made me laugh.

    v - Metasin.
    test
  12. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    rocket- yo gl? was being harsh, but thats the way you learn. take his comments into consideration next time you write. my opinion, it wasnt as bad as hes making it out to be. my advice for next week is try to work some multis into your rhymes for next week, and just keep elevating. nice try bro.

    meta- damn. deep story. i liked this, it was a real peice. its fucked up that this shit really happens. i liked the story, i had to read it twice to make sure i caught on to everything that was happening. the rhymes were dope, really stood out in this battle. good job.

    vote-meta
    test
  13. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2001
    Messages:
    15,984
    rocket...I can see what you were trying... but if yer gonna use a twist or a plot... make sure the twist is something more then it is now...this story mightve worked better without.. I think.. the flow wasnt really smoothe you could work on that but it wasnt bad either.. jus a lil predictable at times... overall I never read anything before so I dunno if this is yer worst best or whatever... but yer gonna have to spend more time on the detaills..

    Meta good verse great natural flow altho the big words at a few times seemed to be there just to be there...but just a few overal I really enjoyed readin it and I like how that is what you came up with after that quote. The mechanics were great... storyline itself wasnt mind boggling but when you tell it right it doesnt have to be...a trip to K mart can hold yer attention if someone tells it right...

    either way no surprises here vote meta
    test
  14. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Joined:
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    6,893
    rocket - This verse was just bad. The rhyming was simple, the twist was stupid, the roasts weren't funny at all, you basically said he doesn't know how to invest stocks. Ok, and? I couldn't get interested in this at all, I'm sorry it just wasn't good.

    Meta - On the opposite end of the spectrum here, started out with some crisp rhyming, a good flow, and progressed well, never bored me or made me lose interest, and when the quote at the end popped up, that shit had me rolling. Makes me wonder if that's what Sartre meant when he said it, haha.

    VOTE = MetaSin
    test
  15. nom de plume.

    nom de plume. rumbrave.

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    8,233
    rocket - as im sure has already been said. this just wasnt a particularly good verse. completely mismatched against meta. it was just a bad story told badly, nothing to really interest the reader at all. i had to really force myself into getting through this. hopefully you'll put up a better fight next week.

    meta - basically just completely out classed rocket, making this an easy win for you eh. shame you havent been showing this level of competetitveness recently until you faced off against rocket. not really too much that i can say about this verse, it was pretty good over all.

    vote - meta
    test
  16. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Messages:
    1,685
    hands down, meta-sin....

    rocket's verse was simplistically structures, nothing mind blowing in terms of rhyme sequences, multiple rhyme schemes, just a simple one two one two... and the scum of the earth was just a brother talking a lil shit... not feeling the concept either...

    metasin's verse had more creative schematics, semantics, clever and well put together structure, and his scum of the earth is a peverted child molesting teacher... there's no question it was a better verse... not to knock on rocket, but this one should be a shut out... i'm just saying...
    test
  17. tbone

    tbone Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2000
    Messages:
    7,552
    Vote metasin


    Metasin- Ya shyt was good to read and i liked how it flowed all together. I didn't think you could of done it. I mean from the RBL to the RLST, but i see you versatile with it. So it was good to see you in the mix doing ya thing.



    Rocket- ya shyt was par not so so, but par, it had a few lines i liked. BUt I aint trying to send you down the rabbit hole, i'm just attempting to get my votes in right now. So with the advice of others, i hope you take it and do well next week.
    test
  18. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 1999
    Messages:
    1,517
    rocket - your verse came off kinda newbeeish, lol, let me explain, you had some awkward wording like -
    "I just keep talkin and you're all wracked with mirth
    but did you know we met almost right after birth?"
    wtf@mirth, lol, and your flow wasnt fluid-it was consistant but choppy at the same time, and that really takes away from the verse you are presenting, as for the message, decent but not original in my eyes


    meta - easy win, mechanics good, flowed well, diction was nice, and even tho you are a certified pediphile- i was really feeling the message to your verse, lol. i'm not sure if that makes me as sick as you or moreso in comparison but your verse felt like a piece written by sacrifice, nto sure if you changed up your style for this topic or what but that style is like his, not bad tho, considering how well he did in the league, keep droppin, dont NS again


    vote - meta
    test
  19. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

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    MetaSin wins 11-0. Votes from T.a.C and tbone do not count.

    MetaSin
    Win (2 points)
    3 valid links (0 points)

    2 points total for week 2 (0 points overall)

    rocket
    Loss (-1 point)
    0 valid links (-1 points)

    -2 points (maximum weekly negative possible) total for week 2 (-4 points overall)
    test
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