[DF:WK2] 11. Strike2 vs. 14. RICO (VOTE NOW!)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by TheReturn, Jul 13, 2008.

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  1. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Aug 24, 2006


    Welcome to your match-up thread. Click Here For Rules & Regulations

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    Down To Business.
    This Match-Up is between:

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    Good Luck Ladies.
    Prove Your Worth
  2. RICO

    RICO my daughter right there

    Feb 28, 2002
    damn im not sure how points work cause ive really never read how the points worked, also im drunkn as fuck right now....strike, good luck i love going againt vetereans.

    im in and alternaNTE////////ALLDAY....
  3. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

    Mar 11, 2001
  4. RICO

    RICO my daughter right there

    Feb 28, 2002
    justa quick spoken word shit......

    ''''' ''''' "beat beat, beat beat"
    '' '' '' ''
    '' '' <-----it was in the shape of a heart.....
    '' ''
    '' ''
    the only thing a heart does it beat.
    to beat is to pump blood, and pump blood is to help breath,
    and from there the body works by moving limbs and grinding teeth,
    also sitting and standing...grining and puffing your cheeks...
    to countless other things all from just a beat...
    it speeds up when your enraged, and slow down when your feelin blue,
    but never stops,
    as if its some kind motivational speaker, only speaking to you.
    cause when your day is bad, and you dont want nothing but to die...
    it keeps beating along, thumpthump...thumpthump, all through the night..
    but is it fair for us to put pressure on such a gentle piece...
    cause when your heart is broken it's such a suttle beat....
    like a whisper, you can hear. but cant recognize the voice.
    the heart weeps inside your chest but beats cause there's no choice.
    and to mend such a scar, only love'll be the cure
    but love's so hard to find, its difficult to know for sure.
    but still it beats and beats cause thats what the hearts there for,
    whats sad is
    the worst and baddest part of this is.....
    that its alone and theres no one around to care for.
    and it never chooses sides, cause it belongs to you alone,
    and will never leave your side cause your chest is all it knows...
    but when you sleep, it beats, and when you eat, it beats,
    and when you cry it beats.....
    but when you die.................it sleeps.

    Until It Sleeps-topic
  5. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

    Mar 11, 2001
    this is a spoken word type piece dunno if yell like it but I felt any man should have at least a chance to speak some last words... specially during his final moment of triumph...

    I told U didnt I..

    I told U Id fly trough the clear blue sky and be free...
    Free of my past free of my future and my life to be...
    My life to be...future, such foreign concepts now...
    while my future was laid in concrete by those who know how...
    a wife a child... preferably two and a dogg...
    With two jobs to afford, with not such a generous boss
    A wife to love cherish and honour...
    then Id be happy, just like on tv... they promised...
    But who are they to promise me bliss...
    who are they to know I even exist...
    who are they to know my emptiness...
    But u told me didnt you...
    From the cradle to the grave...
    my social security number named me a slave..
    taught to behave with new whips for new days...
    An old hustle in new form but still its the same game...
    But I told u didnt I... Im vacating the station...
    And ironic enough I fin'ly feel loved... while embracing the pavement...
    Love.. warmth and light headedness...
    And slightly wet sensations in awkward crevices...
    You may still wonder why i lay here to die...
    but I told U didnt I..
    I told U Id fly trough the clear blue sky and forever be free...
    Cause a 'slave to the system' can never be me
    So if you think of me ever... and you feel insides break...
    Remember I died.. with a smile on my face

    I might've been paranoid or even crazy... but at least Im free...
    and before the end..
    my friend...you will envy me...
  6. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

    Mar 11, 2001
    no problem man do yer thing
  7. RICO

    RICO my daughter right there

    Feb 28, 2002
  8. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Aug 3, 2005

    while i'm glad both of you showed...

    both of you disappointed.

    Rico - the whole heart beat could have been cool...if you talked about...this is my heart beep...as it pulses faster and faster as the cocaine drips...shit like that would have made it graphic and would have made it interesting to read...instead...I got a piece that had a decent idea behind it but wasn't executed

    Strike - I remember a few years back reading one of your pieces and how it had one of the sickest twists I've read...instead this piece just felt like you ranting without actually putting any effort towards what you put out there and you kinda bored me...maybe this piece would have delivered well as spoken word, but it was very dry on the web.

    all in all

    I will give this to strike for mechanics, but both of you guys need to step
  9. 3-Planes

    3-Planes Cruel... and unusual

    Oct 16, 2007
    two spoken word efforts, neither executed with the witty wordplay or callbacks typical for the genre.. RICO, courier isn't the most "organic" font available and the aesthics of it was in stark contrast with the theme your piece.. my ears (or rather my eyes) are finely attuned to poetic and spoken word-type deliveries, but i felt you just babbled on here - the lines were too wordy and there were no switch ups in the pace of this piece, something that is crucial to make something like this impactful.. conceptually i thought the idea behind this was workable but to be honest the writing felt pretty bland.. strike, i'm really tempted to just copy-paste what i just wrote for RICO as it basically applies to you too (well sans the font thing).. try more sarcasm, personification, whatever - there's a whole bag of literary devices waiting to be used, this piece was just.. boring, repeating many cliché sentiments and thoughts that i've read a million times before, but with better delivery and execution

    wow, this was hard as fuck to vote on

    vote: RICO

    by the fraction of a hair, because his piece had a decent concept to it
  10. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Jul 14, 2001
    not an epic .. but mad close ..

    RICO - the idea here was pretty good .. a workable concept that opens up many avenues to the approach you could have taken .. I don't think you really anywhere near as far as you could have though .. it was a decent little read and there was an interesting factor to it .. but the overall feeling after reading it was one of underwhelment .. basically down to the fact that the concept had lots of potential that just wasn't tapped in to here ..

    Strike - this too felt like it wasn't pushed to potentials as far as content goes .. a quick verse that read smoothly but without much ado about much .. the emotion needed to be layed on thicker than you did to really lift this piece given the subject of suicide .. it was a decent verse regarding mechanics and I didn't have a major problem with it .. just that it was a shame you didn't really go deeper with it ..

    Vote = Strike2 .. a close call but seeing as neither really excelled in content and both left me underwhelmed by their approach .. I think mechanics come in to play here in a deciding factor and Strike had the better flow and vocab .. RICO had the better concept but I don't feel it was executed well enough to gain my vote here ..
  11. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

    Jun 22, 2006
    RICO - A few spelling mistakes put me off straight away, even though I know what you were trying to say, I guess it might be important to some in text battling, considerin it's written and not vocal. I'm trying real hard not to be a hypocrit and spell something wrong now lol. In parts I thought the verse was kinda simplistic in terms of ryhming. BUT I thought you had some sick lines in there that caught my eye, e.g. from "but is it fair..." all the way through to "...only love'll be the cure". I don't know how many times you used the word beat. I know it was about the heart, but far too many in my opinion.

    Strike2 - I got into the flow and rhyme shceme of yours easier than RICOs. And I preferred your content. Enjoyed the lines "my social security number named me a slave, taught to behave with new whips for new days" Kind of funny too - haha at the awkward crevices line - maybe that's just my sick and twisted mind. Good title to this verse - Dying to Break Free? Dunno. Maybe. BUT I do feel you could have developed your story more.

    v - Strike2 - close though.
  12. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    rico- i think the thing about your verse that i liked best was the font.. jus kidding bro. the story had a lot of potential. it wasnt bad it just wasnt great. just keep working on it. to me the verse was really deep, but it wasnt very entertaining.

    strike- the rhymes were very basic. im not hating, jus sayin you should work on that. the story had potential to be dope but it was just kinda underdeveloped. to me this story was more of a prediction of your life. im not sure what your topic was or what it had to do with it.

    props on it jus being a spoken word thing. thats tough to do in this league.

    vote- strike
  13. DaAlmightyDolla

    DaAlmightyDolla Greatness

    Jul 26, 2005
    puerto rico-
    good attempt. u get points 4 attempting spoken word. i think it could have been executed better. the structure was off 4 me. i think if u thought this out more u would have dropped some hotness. i like simple but this was too simple. i did enjoy the closer though. very poetic. overall 6.5/10

    same goes 4 u. this verse had potential cuz of the concept. my dieing words would be more powerful but i did like the ego behind urs. that i can relate 2 lol. comparing both verses u did have better vocab and flow. being a rebel against the system helps ur cause. overall 7/10

    v strike
  14. MetaSin

    MetaSin I Don't Believe In You...

    Jan 20, 2002
    Rico... this was a very workable topic... In fact, I thought you had a chance to take it when I began reading it... What you need to do is sharpen your mechanics man. You repeat a lot of words needlessly... and the rhythm never seems SHARP... For what this was, it was aaaaaaite.... but again with a better sense of mechanics it would've been much better

    Strike2... Hmmm... You seem to have a better sense of mechanics, but this was just so boring to me. Like... I know you could've did more with this... To me if you choose to do a generic topic (suicide/dying a happy death) you have to go into good detail, or provide more emotion somehow... I'm a fan of some spoken word, but this seemed a little lack luster... It wasn't baaaaad, but it just seems as if i've read/heard this same verse a million times before.

    In the end, the slightly more appealing verse was Strike2, but barely... I think Rico's idea was better, but Strike's execution was more fluid, and polished.

    I look forward to seeing more work from you strike, as I feel you can do better than what you displayed here... Rico, if you just elevate your mechanics you'll see how much of a difference it will make in the reception of ya verses.

    Vote Strike2.
  15. Mic-illaH

    Mic-illaH aka paisano

    Nov 7, 2001
    Rico - First, I thought this was a real dope idea to write about....so simple, but so easy to convey a great message to the reader. Thought your mechanics were very basic but that could have been to help related to the message. I really enjoyed this - tho - as MetaSin said - I think you could have been a lot more graphic and delved into the idea a little better.

    Strike - I found this piece to be extremely lackluster. Thought it was going to go somewhere the whole time and it never seemed too....Thought you had a good idea with your topic, but the whole piece just seemed very bland. Mechanics were so so and the the flow was choppy at points.

    V/ Rico - more enjoyable read to me and I loved the idea that he presented.
  16. .:Pain:.

    .:Pain:. Futurely J. Keeper

    Dec 4, 2005
    Not the best match in the world, lol, wish you guys woulda tried harder.

    Rico - I am a stickler for mechanics. In other words, the verse was a god damn chore the read. On the other hand this shit was clever as fuck IMO. One of those verses that really just needed more developing, I mean, there isn't really much to say about your verse, you know what you did wrong I think, keep it up, it's obvious you got skills, just fuckin take advantage of them.

    Strike2 - Your mechanics were a lot better. While your concept wasn't as clever as Rico's, you verse was soooo much easier to read. It was really only took me about thirty seconds to read this, it wasn't much, but it was enough to win if you ask me. Work on developing you verse and you'll be good, you did enough to win though.

    Vote - Strike2...
  17. _KDP_

    _KDP_ Active Member

    Jun 30, 2008
    pretty even battle here. Rico, maybe there was a hidden meaning or something involved here, but there wasn't much developed here IMO. i'm pretty sure i read it correctly though, an ode to the heartbeat. not to be critical, just wasn't an interesting read for me.

    strike2 - i wasn't into your piece all that much either. however, the rhyme scheme used came across better than your opponents. For that reason, you get my vote this week. it wasn't a bad read, just nothing that jumped out at me as a reader.

  18. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

    Jan 24, 2002
    this was another good one... i liked both verses...

    rico... deep heart fealt shit, really, quite literally... the heart's a crazy place, and you put it in good words to describe metaphorically waht's goin' on there...
    and you touched on a lot in not so many words... definately a great piece here, classic material...

    strike... really liked the concept, and the last 5 lines were what put the icing on it for me...
    this is a tough decision to make, both rhymes were heartfelt from my perspective, both we well thought out and well constructed...

    my vote = i'm not gonna vote on this one... that's my vote...
  19. tbone

    tbone Well-Known Member

    Feb 17, 2000
    Rico-ya shyt was par not so so, but par, it had a few lines i liked. BUt I aint trying to send you down the rabbit hole, i'm just attempting to get my votes in right now. So with the advice of others, i hope you take it and do well next week.

    Strike- Ya shyt was aight, nothing to much i can speak on. As i am speed reading through these poems and raps. But i felt ya shyt more, it had a better reality to me. If you get what i'm trying to say. Big ups on ya verse.

  20. Scatterboxx

    Scatterboxx AKA danny saturn AKA infinite truth

    Jul 4, 2008
    weak battle fellas.
    you both can do much better.

    i like your approach to the topic. you're exactly right. it was spoken word. i read it [or tried] as a rap, & it just didn't work at all. but, as a spoken word piece, this was great. the detail you put into the characteristics of the "heart" was above average, though nothing great. some vivid imagery & enhanced emotion would have been very nice. & while the linguistics were far from anything special, they did the trick. reading the piece as a poem, it's powerful. it has truth, depth, & a level of consciousness not many can achieve in the rstl. so daps to you there. mechanics were all over the place. no flow. no rhyme scheme. well, there was, but, it was weak as fuck. still, as a spoken word piece, i could see this performed at a cafe on some slam poetry nite. & i respect the hell out of that, cuz i used to be into that shit. with the right delivery, this is a proper piece of intellect.

    uh. no. what happened? you used to be nice... stick around awhile, shake the rust off, & learn from the top heads in the league as to what's expected nowadays. for instance, if i dropped the same verses i dropped when i 16 & went 16-0 nowadays, i'd be shat all over. this verse was... empty. it had content, but not substance. everything you said was said in the most obvious way possible. there was an extreme lack of poetics. the mechanics were slightly better than rico's, but still piss poor. had you developed this piece, & added real substance to it, it would have beaten rico by a long shot. however, due to a verse that seemed to be a consistent read of filler & nothing more...

    v- rico.
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