[DF:WK2] 1. Got Life? vs. 3. Scatterboxx (VOTE NOW!)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by TheReturn, Jul 13, 2008.

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  1. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

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    [​IMG]

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    Down To Business.
    This Match-Up is between:

    In Rank Order

    Got Life?
    Active Worth: 009pts

    Vs.
    Scatterboxx
    Active Worth: 007pts


    Good Luck Ladies.
    Prove Your Worth
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  2. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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  3. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    "In Dreams They Come"


    "In Dreams They Come"

    Hunger pains and dust combust in my veins,
    As younger campaigns of lust are pulled by the chains,
    My pace slowed from a stomach full of remains,
    As I drag mangled sheep by wool, not by reins,
    Brushing past vicious thorns and the strains-
    Of unbearable darkness, it warns and maintains,
    A dreadful calm that tends to hold me over,
    Oh fickle fate…behold this four leaf clover,
    Seeking relief, as insomnia's clutch makes me rover.

    At the age of eighteen I surrendered to it first,
    That fucking thirst… what it rendered felt coerced,
    I felt cold and cursed, and so I dove headfirst,
    Into that warm sheep until finally submersed…
    Heart racing, pacing about this woeful terrain,
    Insane from mundane thoughts and champagne,
    Oh my bubbly jitters at the end of adolescence,
    Guide me ‘cross a field by the moon’s luminescence,
    Gone were cartoons and afternoons in the essence,
    I was left to the fate of my platoon’s indiscretions,
    Outcast in the army because of my dark desires,
    As they'd spark the fires burning her flesh, I prespire...
    It's dire...I want to bury myself in the sheep,
    Satisfying my thundrous lust so that I can sleep.

    I finally reached peace upon a barren terrain,
    Though that was until word of Mary hit Maine,
    She was my sister, the only family I had left,
    Tears streaked my face, losing my sanity; bereft-
    I longed to return, I had to see Mary before-
    The casket closed and the reaper was given his chore,
    To bring her soul across the dead river to Hades,
    Because God never did forgive little ladies-
    For aborting dead babies even if they didn’t choose,
    So as I flew, I painted in forbidden hues,
    Hoping to keep the devil’s clutch from my sister,
    My vigor undying, though each touch did blister-
    My hands, as I kept at a manic decree,
    Until we landed just past that satanic sea,
    Though I now stood still, feeling forever stranded,
    Lungs clasping, indeed they never fully expanded-
    On this desolate island where as a boy, I grew,
    Where I first gave into a ploy so taboo,
    That it hurled me into the deep, dark blue.

    My thoughts wandered as I stood at her burial,
    As the preacher’s words drifted off into the ethereal,
    For we were the only two there to embrace her end,
    Looking at her face I couldn’t pretend to comprehend,
    How this somber angel was left alone in this place,
    And like a vicious cyclone I tore leaving trace-
    All over the land, wherever I went, forever hell bent,
    Fixated upon one sole endeavor; repent!

    I was once again drunken and lusting in this hell,
    The taste of stale beer so disgusting I repel-
    Even the most loose and fickle women abroad,
    There remains no hope of clean linen, no bawd-
    Will even take money from me, for a night of mistakes,
    But tonight, the devil takes flight of my aches,
    And leads me to a Pasteur of ivory promises,
    My conscience gone, yet it would’ve admonished this,
    The lack of a conscienceness and astonished bliss,
    As I roamed through the fields to find and kiss-
    Upon Mary's little lamb, fleece as white as snow,
    An instatiable lust, I was shaking head to toe,
    There was absolutely no way of escaping it so,
    I accepted my deranged, crazed, love for sheep,
    In truth...it all started while counting them...lusting for sleep.



    [​IMG]
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  4. Scatterboxx

    Scatterboxx a.k.a. infinite truth.

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2008
    Messages:
    475
    {“the golden fleece”.}

    it’s the look of desperation
    in the bloodshot eyes of a mother.
    she hides behind the shutters
    in devastatin’
    tension, waitin’…
    it’s the mirage in the distance…
    the cause of all friction…
    the improbable wishes
    of the desolate child who suffers…
    it’s the rioting clusters.
    it’s that gut-shot awful feeling.
    it’s the stubborn, starved civilians
    waiting for that drop of water…
    it’s hardly offered,
    & creeps within the selfish & greedy.
    it’s the cries wept
    & mindset
    felt by the needy.
    it’s that certain something
    missing from all those hurt & sufferin’
    it’s the cursed substance
    that leads to the earth’s destruction.

    & it’s the sinking feeling felt
    in a missing child’s mother;
    that same very woman
    that hides behind the shutters.
    she feeds off inhibition,
    coke addiction,
    tunnel vision,
    & the crumbs inside the cupboards.
    daddy wonders why he loves her…

    it’s the sadness sung by the broken hearted;
    the hopeless darkness
    of the rising smoke that arsons
    the rosebush garden…

    it’s the bumps of blow-
    cut & powder white,
    while substance & pain
    rushes the veins
    of the doubtful coward’s life.

    evil lies
    in the destruction of our families.
    freedom cries.
    it’s lost its love in the insanity.

    & so,
    redemption & salvation,
    indeed, our souls do seek…
    & so,
    we sacrifice each lamb
    in search for that golden fleece.



    [​IMG]

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  5. Scatterboxx

    Scatterboxx a.k.a. infinite truth.

    Joined:
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  6. .:Pain:.

    .:Pain:. Futurely J. Keeper

    Joined:
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    10,365
    Got Life? - While this shit was kinda hard to follow, it was still a fuckin' dope concept. I like how you flipped the topic honestly, that was my favorite part of your verse. Your flow and your rhyme scheme continue to improve, they were especially sick right here,
    Real nice. Anyways I wish this shit was a little easier to follow, your wording was shaky, and that was kinda unexpected. Just seems like an off week for you in some aspects, and on in others. Real dope piece though, I enjoyed it.

    Infinite Truth - Another piece that was slightly hard to forward. Your mechanics were better than GL?'s, but that was expected, I think your mechanics are tops in the league, besides mine of course ; ). I liked what you did with the topic, it's probably what I would've done honestly. All in all it was a cool verse, it had a cool theme to it, but I didn't really get much out of it. I wish you put more emotion and meaning into this piece cuz it woulda been dope if you developed the concepts more.

    Vote - GL?
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  7. Bonnie Bathory

    Bonnie Bathory New Member

    Joined:
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    13,374
    GL? - as always, you consistantly prove you are a well-practiced writer... with your exceptional creativity in concepts... and tho you always exhibit a strong sense of a more advanced vocabularly, at the same time, it's not overly abused and still remains scattered about and simplistic enough to keep your story easily understood. If you ever tried to write anything but RSTL rhymes I'd like to read it, as I find your abilities to convey emotion and to paint a vivid picture at the same time are often well done. You also seem to write with a very appealing style to my own tastes, I've always preferred the darker points of view. So, overall, as usual, I cannot offer suggestions to improve on your mechanics, but can say, that like 3-Planes, your topic was painfully predictable... especially considering your preferred style in your concepts. I could've won serious money betting that of everyone using the sheep picture, you'd write about fucking it.

    IT - I'd have to say that I usually predict GL will win, and even after reading his verse was pretty sure he'd have it this week. However, I didn't feel your piece was lackluster in any area at all, and infact was quite the opposite. Your imagery was advanced, mechanics beyond on point, and I found your approach to the topic very creative and well-executed. Like GL, you were able to come advanced in your writing and rhyming and still keep it simple enough to be easily followed and understood. You also have a fresh approach to your structure which I appreciated as well. I was pleasantly surprised with this match going from great to greater, I truly didn't expect that.

    V> Scatterboxx... for the more unique and relatable approach to his topic. I feel both writers are pleasant to read in general and both felt me wanting to read more of what they've got, on these topics and others. Two completely different styles, very good match, I'd predict MOTW as far as a great display of skill and capability in such contrasting approaches.
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  8. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
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    GL? - feeding before reading Inf's piece .. this was pretty nice as regards to mechanics go in general .. good vocab use and the flow was very smooth to read .. although "Satisfying my thundrous lust so that I can sleep." was a line that stumbled the read for me .. other than that this was well written from a reader friendly point of view .. although saying that, I did google "admonish" as that was a new one to me .. having known you'd used the sheep pic I straight away knew this was about some good ol' Welsh Sheep Shagging .. but it was an enjoyable read .. the ending was a little weak IMO compared to the rest .. which didn't leave on a high note but it is forgiveable given the read for the most part was to a good standard .. solid verse ..

    Scat - I read this 3 times .. and I still don't 'get it' .. :eek:( .. I loved the read .. it was genuinely a very impressive little verse .. all up to the final few bars .. so all through the verse the "it" = "golden fleece" .. but I don't see the link within the descriptions of "it" to the metaphor I think I'm missing with the "golden fleece" .. what is the golden fucking fleece? .. argh! .. I know how creative and shit you can be so I know it wasn't just thrown in as an after thought .. but I'm definitely missing something and it's pissing me off .. lol .. all of the descriptions were written beautifully man .. and the "it" was building up to be something I imagined to be "soul crushing" in essence .. I mean .. "& it’s the sinking feeling felt in a missing child’s mother; that same very woman" is some heavy "it" .. this is hard to crit for me because of the confusion I have with the piece/concept .. very enjoyable right up until the final 4 (technically 6) lines .. that although written well itself just didn't wrap the piece up for me and sucked a shit load of enjoyment out of it .. :eek:/

    Vote = Got Life? .. I have to give it to fatboy .. clarity is possibly the deciding factor in my vote .. as both (although different) had very good mechanics and style to their pieces .. Scatt's was the more impressive to a degree .. but more because of his uniqueness in writing like this .. a really good match-up .. I just can't see the 'link' in Scatt's verse to using the sheep pic and the how the 'golden fleece' made for the transition between text and image .. something didn't click for me there .. great writing though Inf .. but Eugene gets my vote cos he did very little wrong IMO ..
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  9. Scatterboxx

    Scatterboxx a.k.a. infinite truth.

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    Messages:
    475
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  10. 3-Planes

    3-Planes Cruel... and unusual

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    549
    the classical match up of topical vs. sheepfucker-piece, awrkay.. got life, mechanically this definately had some highlights where i felt you dared to let it go and just went off.. and then you became timid again and retreated back to your comfort zone which made me bite my knuckles like "ARRGGGGHGHGH"... the story as such was straight and a pretty clever take on that picture IMO, it had me guessing where it would go and the plot turns were unexpected yet welcome.. and your whole piece actually resonated with that picture, something i can't say of many that chose to write to it this week.. nice piece, but without that extra pizzazz in the mechanics-section it's like this nice meal but without any seasoning.. scatter, rapidfire topical written with flair, though i don't understand why people insist on using the half-bar format, as reading such a piece can easily become like navigating a labyrinth.. regardless, this piece accomplished alot in a few lines, something i'm always keen on, as repetitive pieces can lessen the overall impact it makes (better to leave the reader wanting more than vice versa in my book) and this piece was a simple concept centering around this mythological tale but written with more somber and modern examples.. this was a high calibre written and i tip my bonnet to you sir

    vote: Scatterboxx

    the more effective writer in this bout, his message resonated with me too.. probably match of the week
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  11. MC Guttso

    MC Guttso Fingers in Pies

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
    Messages:
    480
    GotLife? - As I got into the first two paragraphs the rhyme scheme and multis were above average. It felt that the flow could have been a bit weak in some places, but overall no complaints. The content was pretty original. I can't say I've ever read a rap about the enjoyment of sheep fucking. Although it could be a potential hit for Goldie Lookin Chain. lol. This topic had potential to be funny but your imagery successfully made it into a dark, serious piece in a good way. Only thing I didn't like was that it felt you forced your wording to an extent in some places.

    Scatterboxx - I thought your imagery in the verse jumped out at me more than GotLife?'s And I felt that you developed emotion in your verse to a real high extent. The mechanics and rhyme structure made it a real easy read for me. Short lines seem to work for you. However I didn't really get what "it" was either and that nagged at me. But it didn't matter, coz it was enjoyable and I decided to say fuck it and create my own take on it.

    So in essence, fucking hell, this was a real tough choice for me to make. GotLife? had better multis and a well developed unique story. And Scatterboxx had superior imagery, emotion and a better flow. SHIIIIIIIIT!.....

    V - Scatterboxx - the imagery and emotion just tipped it for me.

    Another potential for battle of the week. Reps to both of you.
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  12. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    gl?- damn. another great story from you. just like usual you were on another level than most of the people here. the rhyme scheme was dope. your on a level of your own in that category. the story was good, not one of your best, but up there. nice drop. i was feelin your shit.

    scatterboxx- this is the first time in the few weeks that ive been here that i can honestly say i think someone beat got life?. nice verse. story, rhymes, all of it was dope. i had to click the wikipedia link to really understand the verse. my only advice i could give is maybe make the transition between the link and your verse more clear. but good job

    vote- like i said this is the first time ive ever seen got life get beat. this was a tough battle to vote on, but i think scatterboxx came better
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  13. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

    Joined:
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    15,984
    well... Ive read so many sheep stories I thought Id scream a hole in reality if I had to read another... but these were easily 2 of the best takes....

    GL
    the flow was close to perfect as the whole verse was quite a few step ups from last time I read anything from you, wich was when we faced off...
    Either way the imagery and metaphors were great but it got a bit much at the end both imagerywise as lengthwise... still... great verse but ehm thass all the critique I can really give without kissin ass

    Inf
    It might jus be the high but this really struck home for me... the message in the end reflecting over the piece and the excellent writing skillz.. you didnt have as much per line as GL but the yer piece never suffered for it... read perfectly balanced

    So in the end it feels kinda like storyline vs content.. cause storytelling wise GL was better but I tend to go with what I feel the most... and for me that was Inf
    So vote inf and props on this match to both
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  14. DaAlmightyDolla

    DaAlmightyDolla Greatness

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    gl
    u ol sheep fucker u. ur deranged and i love it even if i hate u. ur writing is always above average. from the vocab to the imagery in it. i can always tell wats a got life verse because of it. but i wonder if u could write anything besides a grim tale cuz the constant darkness gets a lil boring. kinda like this verse. good use of the topic though and 4 the original concept ill give u a a better rating. 8/10

    scatter
    just to show u dont have to be complex to be good. enjoyable verse to say the least. ive said this word alot this week but it was a smooth read. if u look at both verses u would think gl won just cuz of his structure and length but they say good thing come in small packages. i read ur verse multiple times cuz it boils down to entertainment. the emotion in this verse was entertaining enough overal 8.5/10

    v- scatter
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  15. MetaSin

    MetaSin I Don't Believe In You...

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    2,082
    So..
    GL... good verse. I mean as far as sheep fucking go... lol. I liked your scheme this week... You kinda put some effort into it for once, instead of sticking with a more simplistic rhyme scheme the entire way... Good job. The story moved a long at a good pace, and I felt it was a solid showing overall.

    Inf. It's very easy to get caught up into how dope your mechanics are, and totally disregard what the fuck you're talking about, lol. I liked the wording a lot, and the transition throughout the verse as well. I think it was a good piece, that had me a bit confused (like Lucy)... I read the wiki link you posted and it makes more sense now.

    All in all a good battle. I actually think GL takes it though. I think that IT's mechanics will always appeal to me more than GL, but this week I think Ima go with the crazy sheepfucker story, over the metaphorical topical from my favorite writer in the league.

    Vote: GL
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  16. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Joined:
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    Got Life? - This seemed sort of dragged out to me. Especially the whole Mary part, I was like what does this have to do with anything? Then you kind of went back to it when you talked about fucking Mary's little lamb, but it still seemed like a bunch of wasted lines just to tie into a nursery rhyme. I will say that the counting sheep idea was something that caught me totally off guard so that was cool, and the imagery was good, some comedy to the piece, but really felt drawn out for the most part.

    Scatterboxx - This was a pleasant read, I liked how you interpreted the myth of Jason and the Golden Fleece into modern times by likening it to drugs and destructive things and what not, ending with the sacrificing of the lambs, was definitely a good choice. Not as fleshed out as Got Life's but the mechanics were spot on, and the message delivered was better for me. I feel like this will easily be battle of the week.

    VOTE = Scatterboxx
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  17. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

    Joined:
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    hmmmmm....

    got life... good flow and wording... had a lil trouble with the imagery early on but it defiantely tied itself together... it took a while to get there, but in the end it did.
    i wasn't really feeling the story itself, but i was definately feeling the way it was written... obviously talented

    scatterbox... i was definately feeling the content of the rhyme, but the flow was alil choppy to read at parts...
    not too bad though, maybe/prolly it works for you and i just wasn't catchin' it... all in all though i liked it. it was solid.

    my vote = both came to win, both came tough, i gotta give it to scatterbox though.
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  18. _KDP_

    _KDP_ Active Member

    Joined:
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    GL - Although the topic was disgusting as fuck lol, i can't hold that against the work that went into the piece. it was a little wordy to me, as alot of lines went more into keeping with the rhyme scheme and didn't work towards the development of the story. basically i think you could have achieved the same effect in half the lines. overall a very solid piece though. you don't really stick it in sheep do you? lol


    Scatterbox - nothing personal bro, you can obviously see that you are a talented writer. i just wasn't feeling your verse on this one too much. i don't know if it was I couldn't get into the rhythm of your writing on this one or what. I actually thought about not voting because I can see that other voters clearly took something from your piece that I've missed. Maybe as I become more familiar with your style I'll be able to dissect it better.

    vote=gl?

    good battle yall.
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  19. DeadKing

    DeadKing The Perfect Method

    Joined:
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    god damn at rewriting this cause of lame ass RM servers erasing my reply................

    this is going to be short........

    gl - your verse was written really well, diction, flow, mechanics were there but your verse didnt elaborate on the visual side of things, and i felt that you should of, especialy with how your verse ended, there should of been some sick ass visuals to back up a person that is fucking sheep, but other than that a good drop

    scatter - your verse was like scapegoat by atmosphere, the mechanics were nice in the fact that it made for a quick read that flowed really well, and i understand where the pic falls into line with your piece but it doesnt make much sense to me, it just seemed like your verse was random thoughts and forced to a pic


    vote - GL
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  20. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

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    Scatterboxx wins 8-5.

    Scatterboxx
    Win (2 points)
    Sheep pic (1 point)
    10 valid links (2 points)

    5 points total for week 2 (10 points overall)

    Got Life?
    Loss (-1 point)
    Early post (1 point)
    Sheep pic (1 point)
    10 valid links (2 points)

    3 points total for week 2 (8 points overall)
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