[DF:WK10] Blue Contenders : DiC GeTs GuLLy vs Eye-Rime (Vote!)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Lucifa, Sep 8, 2008.

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  1. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

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    [​IMG]


    Welcome to your match-up thread. Click Here For Rules & Regulations

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    Down To Business.
    This Match-Up is between:

    In Rank Order

    DiC GeTs GuLLy
    Active Worth: 016pts

    Vs.
    Eye-Rime
    Active Worth: 000pts


    Good Luck Ladies.
    Prove Your Worth
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  2. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    alternate.
    test
  3. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2005
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    2,962
    alternate..... just incase

    thanks Luci...... I appreciate that....
    test
  4. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Joined:
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    - Topic -
    Kaleidascope Eyes


    A precious delight with a beautiful glow reflecting the light
    Creating an eclipse of such radience, it envelops the skies
    Then sets off a bright shine; illuminating incredible sights
    Of horizons through the valleys that are embed in her eyes
    This is my life, I dedicate every action I make
    To having her safe and providing her with the happiest days
    Gabby's her name, I love her more than anything on this Earth
    Happy Birthday to a decade of life inspiring me in this verse


    When I was young, I didn't have a responsible dad
    In fact, I was so bad,
    I lived in group homes that could of sponsored that fact
    So my heart filled with fear and doubt of if I could rear my child
    Thought I was infected with bad genetics to be a weirdo louse
    But every time I looked in her face, I was put in my place
    To do what it takes and not stop 'til God took me away
    Whether living crooked or straight, being dirty or clean
    From suited in the London office to working the turf in some jeans
    I did it for her, every part of my life... I live it for her
    And if my life could make hers better, I'd give it to her
    This is my word and as I write this, my vision is blurred
    With tears while staring at some of her pictures from birth
    The salty streams from my eyes
    provide me a surprise
    As the sun flashes and light crashes colorful beams to my sight
    So beautiful as gold and blues just float in squiggly circles
    A kaleidascope that flies through smoke as it sends me some purple
    Senses just work slow as I reminise all the sentiments......
    It's been my gift
    Just watching her grow into a lady that's limitless
    Seeing my mini-me perform in plays:
    the torch is blazed
    Then passed and like a sitcom dad I'm forced to say..... HORRAY!!!!!
    Screaming it loud.... yelling,
    "Best believe that's my child"
    Blessed to see that smile as she looks back at me being wild
    A small production so Gabby had to play 4 different parts
    And did better than the 6th graders that tortured the art
    Naturally born as a star; that's why my vision's still hazed
    Shielded in shades whenever her smile is near to my face
    Feeling the rays from her cheeks glowing mystic displays
    Hurricanes are turned away when she blows kisses to space
    Gifted with grace, she's never acting a fool in public
    The Princess of Gabe, that's why she remains the coolest subject
    Even when doing the rubbish commonly seen in some youth
    She'll learn from her mistakes quickly after seeing some proof
    Silly girl that'll drink two cans
    of punch before I blink and then.....
    Here comes her tinkle dance;
    running to use it before she pees her pants
    She stopped doing the pee pee shuffle and as she slowly matures
    I've noticed her previous troubles are being thrown out the door
    Just goes with the course and like her daddy, flows with the force
    My shining light, flying high and keeps going for more


    A precious delight with a beautiful glow reflecting the light
    Creating an eclipse of such radience, it envelops the skies
    Then sets off a bright shine; illuminating incredible sights
    Of horizons through the valleys that are embed in her eyes
    0This is my life, I dedicate every action I make
    To having her safe and providing her with the happiest days
    Gabby's her name, I love her more than anything on this Earth
    Happy Birthday to a decade of life inspiring me in this verse

    - Topic -
    There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.
    William Hodding Carter Jr.



    [​IMG]

    HAPPY 10TH BIRTHDAY
    GABRIELLE
    9/18/98 - PRESENT


    test
  5. Eye-Rime

    Eye-Rime the intellectual.

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    659
    test
  6. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2005
    Messages:
    2,962
    test
  7. Eye-Rime

    Eye-Rime the intellectual.

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2007
    Messages:
    659
    something quick.






    "the honeymooners."


    Jim watched, aroused
    His breath tickled her private
    Left hand concealing a ring
    That resembled her iris
    The purest of emerald stones
    His body nervously shaking
    French kissing her pussy lips
    While she surges in places
    A virgin, elated
    But
    She’s conserving excitement
    Blinking and twitching
    As creamy liquid bursts from her hymen
    Cursing and crying
    For pleasure, in absence of pain
    Grasping his chain
    Sunk in the mood
    She comes on his finger, slips in his penis, then she comes on his pubes
    Lighting a match
    Now he’s lying back on his spine
    Beneath a plush, white linen sheet
    Both relaxing with wine
    And Jim watches
    Silently thinking of times they had shared
    Anticipating the day he might recline in his chair
    Watching his newborn baby climbing the stairs
    As pale kids run amuck in his house
    Then fucking his spouse
    Before off-roading his pick-up truck in the south
    Stuck on his couch
    With Sara slaving over an oven or spout
    Dreaming, he ashes his cig and puts the cup to his mouth
    But luck was in doubt
    Suddenly spilling the wine
    Then frantically grabbing his heart
    Feeling a chill up his spine
    Watching
    While vomit dripped from her chin
    Convulsing violently
    Drowned in yellow pus that ripped through her skin
    Fist clenched as he cringed
    Trying to piece together events of the perfect crime
    His poor Sara
    Lain naked, shaking and spurting slime
    Her once luscious figure
    Now open with sores
    Screaming
    But softly, as her body rolls to the floor
    Still.
    Ears alert to the ring's fall from her grip
    In complete unison, his body dropped and crawled to her hip
    A fatal attraction
    Totally unaware of his maiden’s contagious reaction
    The sickest infection
    Now he's finished, regretting
    He ever bought the emerald that her friend had suggested
    Crying
    But in the dark, Tom snickered with bitter timing
    Sighing, “Jim, I guess you should’ve considered diamond.


    The end.
    test
  8. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    19,109
    Alternated.
    DiC advances to Contendership via no-show of Jimmy Eles.
    Split up 3-way to create open thread and allow DiC some feedback.
    Points and Record work as standard alternated match-up.
    test
  9. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2001
    Messages:
    19,109
    DiC - I was going to use the beach pic and that quote to write a similar piece to this .. there are a couple of parents in this league .. myself included .. but the thing about writing a piece of this nature in this league is that personal pieces don't always win favour .. I also feel it's hard to express yourself at a consistent pace with this content too .. and I do feel you suffered that problem .. some parts were heartfelt and other felt corny .. it's harsh to say it as even the corny stuff is true feeling as a parent but it doesn't help when presented in a verse that is up for critique .. the mechanics behind the piece weren't terrible but I found myself stumbling the read a little too often to say they were good .. again .. I find it hard to point out the negatives in a verse of this nature but I have to give a balanced opinion .. the positives are there .. I mean .. it was a heartwarming piece in general and it's clear she's the center of your world .. and I did like the "inspiration" couplet .. I just think that the verse could have been refined and improved with regards to it being a competitive verse in a league ..

    Eye-Rime - I enjoyed this verse .. it was a smooth read and the structure made it a fast paced story that didn't lack in detail .. hard to do with that structure but you did well with it .. it flowed well with the rhyming hitting nicely during the read that just lifted the piece for me .. the content/story was decent .. it had commical value and I was entertained by the piece .. saying that though .. it wasn't all that creative or new .. I've read a bag of verses where one lover kills the other over some crazy little reason .. (usually cheating) .. but I did find the motive here quite funny and rather fresh itself .. nice read ..

    Vote = Eye-Rime .. I wanted to vote DiC before reading this battle because he voted me and Eye voted against me .. lol .. joking .. but I did hope Q came weak with the shorter verse after reading DiC's piece .. because of the personal and relateable content of his piece .. but his execution wasn't as high calibre as most of his work I've read and Q came very consistent in his writing and produced a solid compact verse that was entertaining to read .. that tipped the scale for me ..
    test
  10. Scatterboxx

    Scatterboxx a.k.a. infinite truth.

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2008
    Messages:
    475
    wow. i really didn't feel like reading this. blah @ this.

    dic.
    horrendously basic rhymes. any "advanced" vocab was forced & unnecessary. there was literally no "natural" presence to this piece. while you're more talented than most, you're not poetic or in any case original at all - rhythmically, rhyme scheme, stylistics, conceptualization, etc. this piece was no different. it was entertaining, as you rhyme in multis, but cliche shit that i did when i was 16.

    q.
    every time. every fucking time. sex. do you write about it because you're unfamiliar? she comes? then he sticks her dick in her? & she comes right again? stfu. flow was AWFUL. rhymes were nice. you're much less poetically retarded than dic, tho you're a bit forced at times, pushing the attempt to throw in complex stylistics were almost always unnecessary. luckily, you didn't pull that unnatural shit nearly as much as dic,
    so

    vote- q.
    test
  11. Hades.

    Hades. Jog on.

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2007
    Messages:
    70
    Eh, this is a weird 'un.

    I mean, one hand you have Dic, (by the way, lmao @ Dic), writing a heartfelt and meaningful piece, that almost anyone in any league could relate to & on the other, you have Eye writing what seemed like a rush job, about sex..but, the thing is, people LIKE to read about sex. People don't wanna read about some other dudes kid mixed in with a lot of cliché bollocks. At the same time, I personally enjoyed both verse, ..just on different levels..I liked Eye's because of the fast flow, & quirky rhyme-scheme, it helped the story progress due to the helpful line lengths, the story itself was dreadful though, I didn't like it as I've read it 1 million times before. Dic's more traditional structure/approach was playing second fiddle to his emotion, the lad really tried to make his emotion as strong as possible in this with lines such as the torch one & shit. But he rambled on quite a bit too ( like me now, ha), his drop could have ended at anytime & I think thats what gets him the L here. There was no intro, climax, ending..it was too monotonous as a whole. Q's piece, however unoriginal, had a hint of technical superiority & for that reason I vote

    Q.
    test
  12. Lucifa

    Lucifa Viva La Eva

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    3-0 Eye.
    test
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