Death

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Poetickz, Mar 30, 2005.

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  1. Poetickz

    Poetickz The Humble One

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    i sleep...with the memories of my past dwelling inside me...
    haunting me, surfacing as nightmares that may seem frightening...
    enlightening as im able to control my dreams to soothe the pain...
    the pain of being alone, isolated, cut off from the world...im drained...
    tired within my sleep...so i sleep some more to make it easier...
    but as i sleep the dreams resurface makin it more difficult...
    tryin to talk to a girl, repeatedly...once...again...again...but each attempt gets cheesier...
    these problems arnt going away im feeling fucked up...i fucked up...my emotions are at critical....
    and the stares are synical, laughing, teasing, pointing, squeezing the tears from my heart...
    i wish i could go back to the start...but ive lost control of what is, and im facing what was...
    im helpless...crying in a corner of a stall, because i stall...frozen while talking to stahl...jamie....
    praying to the porcelain god, giving my griefs, my pains...praying that it'll flush them away...maybe...
    im to hurt to wake up so i sleep some more...stuck in this nightmare so i weep some more...
    bleed from pores in my eyes...transarent blood soaks the pillow case...i taste the salt on my face...
    concious but unconcious not wanting to wake...but yet i face this unbearable quake...
    that tears at my insides...the shallowness of these...the way these judge on looks and skin...might as well kill whats within...

    I sleep to ease the pain...the pain wont go away so i sleep some more...
    the vicious cycle tires me...
    fatigued so i sleep...and so it beats me more...
    im in hell...death is among me...i bleed from pores in my eyes...
    transparent blood paints my face, i cant wake...i die

    hope yall like...felt like venting this is what i ended up with...holla back
    one
    test
  2. MarQuise*

    MarQuise* Can You Hear Me*

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    WHOA, D DOUBLE E P...

    You know wha, this was jerky, like i was readin it so fast, but i kept haulting, but i loved that, coz i was trying to get to the bottom of what feelings you were tryin to convey, and damn, it was just amazing, the whole poem was enticing, got me thinking you were talking about some girl, but then got me thinking you were talking about yourself and the way you are, your personality, the way you are quite possibly vunerable...

    It seems as though even when you dream you cant escape anything, in fact dreaming is part of your lifes nightmare...


    ewwww im readin this all wrong probably...

    Anywayz...

    Much Lv

    *S*
    test
  3. Poetickz

    Poetickz The Humble One

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    thx for peepin marquise...appreciate the feed....

    ehh you were kinda there but not quite....all good though good to see what ya thought was goin on.
    one
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  4. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

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    wooooooooooord up

    venting is good....thats exactly how this came off too.....tears from your pores!!....tears from your heart!!!...........all the stereotypes on skin color your soul is dead......crazy twist....each line had its own unqiue twist of words that caught me off guard which I REALLY enjoyed....emotions are at critical?!?!?!.....WHHAT....who talks like that it was so out of no where...and that was amazing...this whole poem did that in a sense...."cheseier"??...lol........rhyming "was-with-stall".....creative........



    poetickz uncombed
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  5. MisterEThoughts

    MisterEThoughts MysteryOfUntoldTruth

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    Death! i am scared of it... To be honest with you... The only thing I fear Is GOD... I worry about what is going to happen after death... You know you conveyed my feelings real nicely.... real nice man....
    test
  6. Poetickz

    Poetickz The Humble One

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    wooord, thx for the feed....appreciate it.
    one
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  7. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

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    hell nah you can't be dying on me



    :wink:
    death is def. something to talk/write about, but I think I've had more conversations with someone about it than I've written about it. I used to fear it, when I was young and didn't quite understand it (still don't to be honest, eh but you know). Losing people you're close to in your life kinda changes one's view about it. But this poem is a more one on one personal thing, sort of narrative. When I'm tryin to sleep at night the last thing on my mind is death, but lately I'm having trouble sleeping :frown: I don't know if its insomnia or what but that's beside the subject of my reply lol

    i sleep...with the memories of my past dwelling inside me...
    haunting me, surfacing as nightmares that may seem frightening...
    enlightening as im able to control my dreams to soothe the pain...

    ^thats another thing (don't mind me if I get personal) how do you know if you're really in control of your dreams? As much as to your extent I guess, I'm not sure. Some ppl. say the sky is your limit, but not to me. Man I haven't dreamt in my sleep in a minute lol. Even if I did, half the time I can't remember them.

    -Much Love
    test
  8. Bhitiah

    Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures

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    " wish i could go back to the start...but ive lost control of what is, and im facing what was...
    im helpless...crying in a corner of a stall, because i stall"


    "praying to the porcelain god, giving my griefs, my pains...praying that it'll flush them away...maybe...
    im to hurt to wake up so i sleep some more...stuck in this nightmare so i weep some more...
    bleed from pores in my eyes...transarent blood soaks the pillow case...i taste the salt on my face...
    concious but unconcious not wanting to wake...but yet i face this unbearable quake...
    that tears at my insides...the shallowness of these...the way these judge on looks and skin...might as well kill whats within..."

    ^^^ yeah, I liked that...Good shit man
    test
  9. Poetickz

    Poetickz The Humble One

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    Thx for the replies appreciate the feed.
    one
    test
  10. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Everything as basically been said. But the structure threw me way off. Really didnt like the way it was put together. Still a good read. Keep it up


    One luv
    test
  11. Poetickz

    Poetickz The Humble One

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    good looks on the feed mind, mos def appreciate it.
    one
    test
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