Cradle

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by K. Loye, May 8, 2005.

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  1. K. Loye

    K. Loye Po'Ethics

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    Cradle

    You don't cradle me like you used to.
    Ever since your arms became my straightjacket,
    you haven't let go.
    But you don't cradle me like you used to.
    I guess you're right.
    There's no closure in open arms.
    No solace in goodbye.
    And when your eyes close
    I'll still see the tears streaming down your face.
    You can't hide them.
    Can't hide behind them.
    Answers, like friends,
    are never there when you need them most.
    "Who was there when you needed hope?"
    "Who was there when I needed you here?"
    But you wo'nt cradle me like you used to,
    because you can't.
    When did broken mean souls can't be fixed?
    ever since your words became daggers
    held close to my throat.
    Ever since your light became darkness
    since rightous became unholy
    since birth we're unworthy,
    wordly,
    hold me.
    But you won't cradle me like you used to.
    I won't let you.

    Blind goodbyes.
    There's no closure
    when eyes are closed.
    And you don't see me,
    and you won't see me,
    again...


    Uppin for opinions on how people take this...

    All links will gladly be returned... Thanks in advance

    -K. Loye
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  2. Justin85

    Justin85 True Poetical Emcee

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    real good piece i liked it.. i thought the part when you said..

    "Ever since your arms became my straightjacket"

    was good.. it stood out to me..

    also

    "Answers, like friends,
    are never there when you need them most."

    really liked that line as well I can really understand and can relate..


    Keep writing.. and if you could i'd appreciate it if you could check out my piece..

    Thanks

    Justin
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  3. K. Loye

    K. Loye Po'Ethics

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    May 5, 2005
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    No problem man, just checked out your piece... Thanks for your feed on here... Appreciated...

    -K. Loye
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  4. J o o k

    J o o k Guest

    "Who was there when you needed hope?"
    "Who was there when I needed you here?"
    But you wo'nt cradle me like you used to,
    because you can't.
    When did broken mean souls can't be fixed?


    ^ deep, I enjoyed this piece, I think the depth could have been a little bit more elaborative. Other then that this was very nice. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.
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  5. MisterEThoughts

    MisterEThoughts MysteryOfUntoldTruth

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    Hey, I love this piece...


    Quote


    When did broken mean souls can't be fixed?
    ever since your words became daggers
    held close to my throat.

    I liked that a lot... Especially your words became daggers... Thats real nice.....

    I am liking your stuff....
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  6. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

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    oh word....this was deep K loye.....really dug the set up and the flow of this one...the way you went off on the cradle concept....and the power of words...arguements....then thought of closure in goodbyes....all of it was well written

    interesting poem

    thanks for sharing...and thanks for spreading the love in this place
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  7. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

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    word, i feel you on this, very sad....kinda makes me want to be held.....butchea the verse was maturely written and well worded, very nice, kind of slow progressing, but in depth interesting none-the-less

    keep doing it
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  8. Alexanderdahate

    Alexanderdahate New Member

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    this was a good piece only thing i wonder about what's the gender of the persona whose writing the poem send me thoughts on my other poem
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  9. Hart

    Hart POE-tic

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    Nice depth..I think you did well with the repetition..nicely worked...
    Overall real good quality..had a nice poetic flow..
    Stay writing..
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  10. headless verseman

    headless verseman JERSEY NUCCUH

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    hmmmm.....this is a good piece, but is still a little rough. for example, the use of the eyes closing......its been done many times before, and i dont think that the usage in your piece brought anything new, no new perspective....so i think it can be bolstered up with a little more thought and rewriting........but the overall feel is there, with superb lines such as

    You can't hide them.
    Can't hide behind them.
    Answers, like friends,
    are never there when you need them most.

    that message displays more emotion than any blunt writing about crying eyes, frankly because its all been done before....those lines stand out, they have a deeper meaning....they arent the norm


    pretty good piece




    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=886332- hit me up if u get time
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  11. babygrrl820

    babygrrl820 New Member

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    this is really good. almost had me choked up there.
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  12. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

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    26,748
    I really enjoyed having the chance to read this piece...very emotional..but also your use of words was great

    Ever since your arms became my straightjacket,

    There's no closure in open arms.

    Answers, like friends,
    are never there when you need them most.

    ^^Very nice lines.

    Thank you for sharing.
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  13. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Depressing piece.

    This piece was cool, but I really couldnt get into it. There was nothing that just jumped out and demanded my attention. Not taking nothing from it though. Uppin for you

    One luv
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  14. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

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    There's no closure
    when eyes are closed.

    this makes me think of some things. Like when you goin through it, and others will not even look at the situation to see where you're coming from but will quickly say, man just let it go, forgive but don't forget. Nah, its not that easy. You wanna get to the bottom of things, not just for your benefit because to get that closure you gotta scrape every corner of the problem. If you can't find a resolution at least try to find some sort of understanding. <--that right there, is my prob. I don't, won't feel comfortable with just having some sort of understanding. Dangit I want to understand it completely. Sooner though you just feel as if its a lost cause, and you put it off, without ever receiving that closure. It goes on when it shouldn't. Imagine how much weight could be lifted from your mind. But anyway-where you say "I won't let you" means to me you've grown from that last time, and you've gained a better insight as to why things have happened and have a will to carry your own self through things, but we all need someone. Dang this was nice, one of the better ones I read here today.

    -Much Love
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  15. rhino42

    rhino42 Ich liebe der Tisch!!

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    i ll come back and read i t later more cuz i am in class so i cant give it my complete attention peace good write
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  16. K. Loye

    K. Loye Po'Ethics

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    Thanks for all the feedback... It's appreciated...

    And in case anyone wanted to know This was directed as a prayer towards God...
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  17. da sein

    da sein feel influence

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    May 6, 2005
    Messages:
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    There's no closure in open arms.
    No solace in goodbye.
    ^^
    very nice

    When did broken mean souls can't be fixed?
    ever since your words became daggers
    held close to my throat.
    Ever since your light became darkness
    since rightous became unholy
    since birth we're unworthy,

    this was a very haunting piece...very attuned to the so called language of loss...

    ending was a bit nebulous and sentyimental but it works
    nice peiice
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  18. OutLoud

    OutLoud New Member

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