Coup...

Discussion in 'The R&B Haven' started by lyricalpriest, Dec 7, 2010.

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  1. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
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    i would have voted for u!


    A rag of Pawns have yet to reveal
    to you, my Queen, their subconsciousness;
    a storm system forming near your rein of consciousness.

    (very calculated approach. i could sense u setting ur verse up like chess)


    Their tears bleed acidic rain drops, eroding away thought.

    (rhyme scheme is maturing, very descritpive)

    Their unity hails the size of imagination, pounding away logic.

    (put very poetically)

    And their stealth, a bolt of lighting, splits a second behind
    the crackle of their ensuing thunder.
    My Queen, it will unsettle all contemporary foundations.
    Let it rain, let it rein.

    (wow.. its like the narrator is showing of his narration skills..with ease.)

    I warn you, my Queen, that

    A Pawn laughs as he calculates and mixes in
    acid rain and bubble gum fixed as medicine...

    (subliminal.. i bet over nigga's heads)

    Loading subtle guns for some fast chance to jettison

    (nigga's probly didn't catch that line)


    life of rank and file to go stencil in ten SOS Messages

    (rhymes are viscous and still very descriptive and poetic)

    signaling distressed shot instances kept Checked to mate Chaos
    in bloodshed plotted premises.

    (intracate word play)

    At all costs, in spite of
    red blemishes caught painting a real horror to lives lost

    Listen closely everybody,

    (this is my favorite part.. where the narrator really reaches out to his audience.)


    His pills send surreal dopamine hand cranked, telescoped
    in and out, until reasoning is totally maliced by dope
    ripe against discreet tyrannical positions of power
    knife in check, masterful in his grand finale hour

    (like what are you talking about haha)


    All waiting on some Trumpeter to bugle the call
    of war under one blood banner flying high the fall
    of Kings, tightening a noose around the Queens bed

    (climaxing)


    Splitting her long legs loosely, stabbing her seams red
    finger nails scraping out her orifice, raw slush
    blood picked teeth lick flesh, dry fucking to flush
    out all direct claims to the Virgin Mary

    (gruesome descriptive)

    Certain to burn any seed inside that may carry
    the next line of unhealthy ego, next of kin with
    a mirror mirror on the wall, sworn in existence with
    rusty slit wrists pinned to orange tinted crucifixes

    And you, my king, come closley,

    (this is one looong climax my goodness)


    You and your royal ties will sever for ever
    your rein of tax and terror will face a mirror
    and the look back will demonstrate all the hate,
    however pastel painted, you retain in lieu of me
    It's hostel, raided by youths in fox holes both dying
    and surviving orthodox souls simultaneously

    Simply because,

    (heres the last drops from the facial)

    All is kept silent of which is alienable in open water-
    never too far off are jaws of intercept, inept on
    all attainable truths spoken for barter

    Live. Let. Outlet for the onset.

    Let. Live. Onset for the outlet.

    Check mate by Coup d'état.

    (victory)



    you deserved this...
    test
  2. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
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    Thank you very much Lpree for the breakdown and for your insight on my verse. I appreciate it ten fold my nigga.
    test
  3. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    yup.. not the best critiquer but (sp) i know what words mean, and their power, and the importance of their placement..
    test
  4. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    that you do :p
    test
  5. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    24,093
    you too..


    real recognize real.
    test
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