Cop a Free Feel (4 min. freewrite)

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by augee.ali, May 29, 2003.

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  1. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Cop a free feel
    Of my thoughts
    With your heart open
    And your mouth shut,
    And maybe I'll open up
    More often...
    Let your hard image soften,
    And I may be able to mold your
    Worries away like putty
    In my fingertips...
    Cop a free feel,
    And make your zipper jump
    Because you're so excited,
    And you can't hide it...
    Let people look at it
    When they walk by it,
    And get your mind out the gutter--
    I'm not talking bout your dick
    You nasty motherfucker. LOL
    Cop a free feel,
    And feel me out...
    Hear me out...
    See me out
    The screen door
    Of a submarine
    Marooned on a beach
    Trapped in the sands of time,
    Trying to sink back into the depths Love's ocean.
    Cop a feel and feel free
    To express some emotion
    Without causing the slightest commotion...
    Shut up and listen for a change.
    test
  2. mocha_licious

    mocha_licious New Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2003
    Messages:
    2,740
    I LIKED THIS...LOL...IT MADE ME LAUGH TOO...I LIKED YOUR WORD USAGE AND HOW U WERE TO THE POINT..


    ~BIG UPS TO YOU~
    test
  3. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

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    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    Interesting? Ofcourse not your best piece, because of a fast freewrite, but whatever. Not really anything to say about it, except decent rhyme scheme, somewhat funny lines, such as..

    "Let people look at it
    When they walk by it,
    And get your mind out the gutter--
    I'm not talking bout your dick
    You nasty motherfucker. LOL"


    I was smiling at that, thought it was pretty funny. Anyway, decent piece, sonnie. My blessings..
    test
  4. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    Messages:
    12,678
    i likes..would like to see somethin from u that just wasnt done

    off top....this was good though...creative..made me laugh 2...

    flow was easy for me like always.....keep it up.....glad u back

    and postin again
    test
  5. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

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    Messages:
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    Thanks for checkin' me out yall...most of what I post here is freewrite because it gets slept on anyway...plus freewriting lets me express what I'm thinking right then at that moment.
    test
  6. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    excuses excuses excuses......

    lmao....j/k
    test
  7. *GeMiNeYeZ*

    *GeMiNeYeZ* ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~

    Joined:
    May 19, 2001
    Messages:
    11,131
    whoa that was great....

    "And make your zipper jump
    Because you're so excited,
    And you can't hide it...
    Let people look at it
    When they walk by it,
    And get your mind out the gutter--
    I'm not talking bout your dick
    You nasty motherfucker. LOL"


    and then the sudden change full of imagery... wow this was a great piece.
    test
  8. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2003
    Messages:
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    Thanks a lot yall...I'm still not where I wanna be with this "poetry" thing though....still got a ways to go.
    test
  9. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2002
    Messages:
    37,722
    we all do :)

    i was really liking the beginning and the last line......
    "Cop a free feel
    Of my thoughts
    With your heart open
    And your mouth shut,
    And maybe I'll open up
    More often...
    Let your hard image soften,
    And I may be able to mold your
    Worries away like putty
    In my fingertips..."
    ^^^
    that was what i liked a lot.....good piece
    test
  10. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

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    Messages:
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    Thank you...I'm glad you liked it.
    test
  11. ~S*T*A*R*M~

    ~S*T*A*R*M~ Goddess

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    Messages:
    10,138
    [color=ffcc99]mmmmm [​IMG] I loved this!! It was excellent.. simple, yet effective. I loved how free~flowing it was.. and how the focus wasn't cluttered by rhetoric. It felt like a spoken word peice. This was crazy fly. Well done!
    [/color]
    test
  12. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

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    It's intended to be like a spoken word piece....now if only I can find time to try to memorize some of these joints....and go to spoken word....
    test
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