Contership Match: 3. vada (3-0) vs. 4.Got Life (6-2)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by J o o k, Nov 12, 2007.

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  1. J o o k

    J o o k Guest


    [​IMG]

    The New RSTL Rules and Regulations

    VERSES DUE: Thursday 11:59pm PST. NO RECYCLING.

    Verses posted after the deadline will not count! UNLESS you post your verse before mods close threads (for some odd reason), and your opponent agrees to let your verse stand.

    VOTES DUE: Sunday 8 PM PST. 4 votes per participant, POST LINKS in your match. Each link not posted will result in a 1 vote deduction up to 4 votes obviously.

    *Votes posted after deadline will not count in a tie or a close match, thus possibly resulting in a loss. GET YOUR VOTES IN.
    You are also required to vote on the Championship, and Contendership match which will be included in your 4 votes.

    If you are not in the league you cannot vote, unless you are an ex champion. Ex champions must vote on a minimum of 4 battles for their votes to count.

    *Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.

    *Verses MUST incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.

    *Anyone who does not post at least 4 lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.

    *During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.

    *Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a no-show.

    * EXSTENSTIONS will be granted on a case by case basis.

    *If your opponent no shows you will still be held accountable for posting TWO VOTES.

    *Votes must at least be 2 lines in length for each verse.

    NO SHOWS WILL COUNT AS A LOSS.

    Lastly: Moderators have FINAL say over all situations that arise.

    Amendments

    1. Mods can vote.

    2. You're opponent automatically gets the same extension deadline.

    3. You cannot win a championship by no show. You will become the number #1 seed, but you must win by vote to be a champion. This does not apply for defenses.

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  2. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    hi, Godfather.
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  3. vada

    vada New Member

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  4. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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  5. vada

    vada New Member

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    Wake Up In Dream Land
    by Vada

    In this chaotic realm, the autumn smell tarps the ark of a violent haven
    a lot have fell to the golems cell where they wait for anhialation
    Each column well sculpted with statuesque lively paintings
    A common hell full of bottom dwellers preparing the iron maiden
    At the base of this solemn jail a vibrant painting graced the wall
    A fallen male the gods would tell us were tainted by satans laws
    He stood with amazing brawn….his armor was paved in bronze
    450 pounds from the ground he was 8 ft tall
    He wielded the Blades of Klods, one of the seven sacred weapons
    Klods was an archangel that abdicated heaven
    He was never trusted by the gods there was an agitated severance
    Havoc blazed his presence, his evil acts would change the present
    But back to the paintings essence, here stood the picture of Xyith
    A criminal minded guy derived as leviathans hybrid
    See when you were thrown inside of this silent asylum…find it in writing
    You either died or were dying basically you were tied to confinement
    An entire life within this enviroment of excruciating pain
    That never moved or went away it just maneuvered through your veins
    Hallucinations evasively would manuever through your brain
    When you looked into the painting these illusions would invade
    The ruins and the graves, the screams and the tormented souls
    Were the echos that met as a shock wave at the fork in the road
    The chilling breeze, were like killer bees stinging and normally bodes
    The omens approach of a spirits breath as it blows from your nose
    Of course it was cold….but here stood a man sent to do a gods deed
    On his journey he was wished good luck and well... at godspeed
    The thoughts leaked through his mind, he sighed but Klod seemed
    To push aside danger, due to the anger that dropped deep
    Into his mental the fog creeped slow but it sorta paved the way
    To the abyss where Xyith waited for Klod with the sacred blades
    It was this day in age where two biblical evils would face with rage
    Bottled up for centuries two beasts were uncaged today
    A blaze of flames shot in the air from the funnels that steamed below
    The earth as Xyith stepped from the painting an ulcer proceeded slow
    In Klods souring stomach, cause without his blades he seemed to show
    A bit a weakness even though in his veins the evil flowed
    The tension released would grow, Klod saw the beast and froze
    When he seen his foe approach with burnt siena eyes and teeth of stone
    He held the Blades of Klod and possessed his legions souls
    Klod was all alone and yes he wished that he was home
    The demons roamed through the inferno abyss using the powers they had
    Lighting shot up through Xyiths arm and hit Klod in his back
    Tectonic reactions the earth trembled as he walked with impact
    But Klod would get back to his feet with awesome attack
    He called for the axe...stood...and let his arms drop to his side
    Bright lights traveled through his veins and came from the top of the sky
    His eyes turned a pale grey Xyith was tossed to the side
    When Klod went through a transformation like Optimus Prime
    An obvious sigh of releif came to Klod...the sound of ominous thunder
    Howled through the walls of hell as they played tug of war with each other
    But Klod got his blades back and deformed him asunder
    With one swing Xyith fell dead but of course we still wonder
    How the remorse of a blunder, stayed even after his victory
    Then the Gods came to him in awe he was asking them instantly
    Why do I weild the blades in the first place, he had an ephinay
    It must’ve been a thought padlocked in the back of his memory
    He remembered his fate, Why he had the axes for centuries
    And also why they were taking cause he lacked the intensity
    See the gods sent me to fight Xyith to actually injure me
    So I went to Olympus and attacked em intentionly
    It’s too graphic to mention see, I’ll keep it vague but they all died
    By my hand and the two axes but they say that it’s all lies
    See this is the untold story of two blades from a Gods mind
    They call it fate…
    I see it as being in the wrong place at the wrong time









    ...​
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  6. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
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    Checkmate

    [​IMG]

    John swayed like dead weight encased in barbed wire,
    Engulfing him was the stench of flesh from the fire,
    Which did consume the wound of each digit removed,
    Doomed, somethin each time he'd fidgit he proved,
    Bleeding, each drop creating an echoing splatter,
    Eyes stitched open, awoken for this heckling matter,
    With adrenaline injected, he swung there neglected,
    Yet fully aware, scared, expecting the unexpected,
    Still trying to recollect what had brought him here,
    Victor watched on the camera, he fought his stare.

    After John had given up hope, he stepped into sight,
    First he crept, now he just swept through the night,
    "John, don't be a fool, don't fight," simply listen,
    Enraged, but patient, John let his sweat glisten,
    Hoping that this would lead to the direct vision,
    Towards a means of escape, until he felt the incision,
    The meticulous precision of that 24 inch blade,
    As Victor played, letting it slide as it precisely flayed,
    Across the Achiles heal of John's brutalized form,
    Truly far from his utilized suit and tied norm,

    I'll let you live though John, I'm better than you,
    You left me and mom for dead and then you just flew,
    No I'm better, I'll give you a chance to win life,
    But each minute, I'll take an inch of skin with my knife,
    So what move will you make father, the board is set,
    I used your favorite, the one with the crystal silhouette...
    Don't you appreciate it daddy, I always remembered,
    You're dripping blood on it, hanging dismembered,
    So John clenched his teeth moving his pawn with his feet,
    Marching one step closer to his inevitable defeat,
    His son coughing up chunks of blood on the concrete,
    Slowly dying for the asbestus that did secrete-
    From the home John had built long ago for his family,
    Realizing as he dies, his sun dies, the bitter insanity,
    Where was God, was he lost in the vanity?
    Regardless...

    John twitched,

    Until his cold lifeless form couldn't move or moan,
    Left for the dogs he's nothing but flesh and bone,
    And that's one father who'll never abandon again,
    Although few will call what they found as men,
    All that's left is the morbidity and grand design,
    Of a child driven crazy, becoming a mastermind.
    A mastermind, now well past his time...

    Victor will go on coughing up blood for several years,
    All alone, buried in his own cold, bitter tears,
    God will be blamed, but it's not like he hears.

    ''I had only a little time left and I didn't want to waste it on God.'' - Albert Camus​
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  7. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Joined:
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    vada - The flow in this was beastly, read smooth as hell. The story was pretty cool even though I'm not really a fan of fantasy/demons type shit but I think you did it well. I liked the last few lines, but the few before that it was like "ok no details but here's what happened" without really giving me anything visual or emotional to grasp on to. Overall this piece was pretty solid.

    Got Life? - This could have been really good, I'll say that. I loved the imagery and all the gore, descriptive as fuck, and I was really into the story about mid way through and then it starts to sum it all up. It left me wanting more. I understand the reasoning of the chess moves being insignificant since they are both going to die anyways, but I would have liked to have been told that in the verse with a few more moves, more downward spiraling by both characters to their deaths, and more of God sitting there watching apathetically, instead of it just teasing me and then ending suddenly with a sum up. I think you let the deadline get the best of you on this one, and it's a shame because it was one of the best I've read from you.

    Well, I've read each of these three times now and I'm going back and forth. I think Got Life? had the better idea, but vada dominated in flow and mechanics. Both seemed like they copped out at the end of their verses by summing it up too fast, but I dunno. I felt like I was left wanting more from Got Life's verse and vada's feels alittle bit more complete to me. So, I'm voting for vada.
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  8. S. Issue

    S. Issue Who?

    Joined:
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    908
    vada: this verse was really cool. i like your use of god and supernatural worlds . it makes for a cool read and really shows that fantasy well. your flow was good throughout, but the beginning felt a bit shaken. i dunno, something seemed off in your wording. the other small things i found were grammar mistakes. "seen" used instead of saw, etc.

    Got Life?: this shit was on some sick and twisted saw shit. i liked the gore images and the main idea with the son exacting vengeance, but the flaw for me, as with TheReturn, is that you started to tell us what had happened, instead of showing us. a side note about that is that it is way easier to keep readers into the story in the end if you use some memory or something like that to show what happened, instead of having a soliloquy from the sun. maybe a quick flashback, then back to present? i dunno. but the end deteriorated here.

    Vote: vada...because he carried the story with a good flow and although the ending kind of crept up on me, i still felt more ready to end there than with what GL? had given me...

    though, both of you brought it this week. congrats. and goodluck.
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  9. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
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    5,954
    Vote: Vada

    Vada, paste your verses in a spellcheck PLEASE...

    and thats my only qualm with your piece, cause other than the bhad spelding n teh vurze, it was incredibly detailed with insane imagery... It kept me captivated the entire time, to the very end, which wasn't what I thought it was going to be. Dope shit... again I stress, SPELL CHECKER!... thanks.

    GL: Man, I wasn't really feeling this at all, for WHATEVER reason, maybe after reading Vada's I was caught up and couldn't see your verse for it's true nature... but I read it three times, and each time I kept coming to the same conclusion, good start, bad finish, decent writing, moderate rhyming and basic flow... The IDEA seemed great, but the execution seemed rushed to me. Didn't hold any weight to Vada's piece, not by a long shot.

    Stay up my dudes.

    peace.
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  10. Strike2

    Strike2 Man Meets Creator

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    Vada...yer verse read like a incredibly well painted picture... somethin too look at and admire... the mechanics were great flow everything... but like a picture its something you look at... not so much somethin you get into.. I dunno if you have any room to improve that would be it.. but this will undoubtedly be amongst this week

    GL After readin Vada I was pretty sure you lost... but you surprised me at the start.. the flow the tone of the way you wrote it.. everything startin real promising.. it was a bit simpler in terms of vocabulary and rhymescheme... but I got what I was feelin I missed with vada... bein there with you on that scene...
    You were always gonna lose on writing mechanics.. not that yours were bad but vadas were great... But you coulda won if your verse had stayed consistent...however the turns in the story dont seem logical or even understandable at the end... so I get the idea you rushed towards the deadline.. too bad but I enjoyed the effort..

    vote vada
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  11. Pious

    Pious LET ME LEAD YOU......

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    vada - this was an unbelievable piece of writing, I love the way you stayed on topic as i read i had the whole picture painted in my mind, the figures mentioned in the story were described very well, the wepon sounds furious, and the fight was all described very well with excellent vocabulary.

    Got Life - i thought the vocab was not on a level as that of vada's, the writing within itself was nice and pieced together well, however you were just outdone this week. I don't think you had a bad verse by no means, it was nice. This was a hard battle to vote on in my opinion, and i had to read each verse twice. At this point i realized vada just had a more complex piece of writing and this intrigues me the most.

    vote - vada
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  12. Robin Banks!

    Robin Banks! The All American Ape

    Joined:
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    Yowzer!

    Im not usually a fan of these fantasy type pieces, but Vadas piece was wrote really well with some great mechanics and rhymeschemes used throughout that really formed the spine of this piece and allowed the skeleton to be fleshed out. The spellings a minor issue to me in all honesty, and you wrote your ass off on this one. It shows. Nice piece.


    Got Life? I actually think this is one of your better verses too, I thought the flow was better than Vada had, mainly due to the shorter lines used, and I think your style is most effective when used in pieces like this because you delivered the gory imagery in a very blunt, straight forward, and to the point matter of factly way but that works really well in these type joints. Definatly felt, but Im afraid I have to go with the majority here...

    Vada got it in a tight match. Good showing, both of you.
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  13. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    *groooans*

    I have no idea what I'm criteeking on in this ... while vada has the mechanics down in all categories.... got life's piece was more to my preference... readability and narrative was more my type of stuff to wanna read...

    in order for me to enjoy a verse... i have to know which particular topic interests me moreover.... got life is more to my liking..... while vada wins in mechanics.... the storytelling favors got life....

    was not too into vada's story despite that storytelling while DESCRIBED well... the tale was something i can care less about...

    that saying....

    vada - 77
    got life - 78
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  14. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    not taking anything away from vada, but in all fairness had I not fallen asleep and had to rush my ending I would have beat that ass...
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  15. vada

    vada New Member

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    yea me too...but whatever
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  16. J o o k

    J o o k Guest

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  17. 3-Planes

    3-Planes Cruel... and unusual

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    v:
    mechanically this was niceness (some wording issues here and there, nothing major...) - rhyme scheme and imagery were the main attractions here, as i found the storyline itself to be a bit corny (i mean if you work without a moral or device, you need to make it exceptionally entertaining... which this wasn't to me)

    overall well written with great fluidity to it, no doubt about it

    gl:
    a bit of the god ol' ultraviolence here... in terms of plot this felt weak, like you threw something together that would support gory-type imagery, never really got into your story either... in terms of description you set a good tone for this story - i was left with a feeling that this could've been so much more

    it's so much smoother a read when you use the odd transitional multi or inner... one syllable endrhymes feels so "eh" (no matter how tight and even your lines are)

    well above average, but without that wow-factor

    vote: vada

    not by very much... primarily because he developed his shit better, also because he had..uhm i won't say 'better flow', but the more interesting rhyme scheme
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