Contendership: 3. Got Life? (8-3) vs. 4. Nah Son (5-1)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by J o o k, Dec 3, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. J o o k

    J o o k Guest


    [​IMG]

    The New RSTL Rules and Regulations

    VERSES DUE: Thursday 11:59pm PST. NO RECYCLING.

    Verses posted after the deadline will not count! UNLESS you post your verse before mods close threads (for some odd reason), and your opponent agrees to let your verse stand.

    VOTES DUE: Sunday 8 PM PST. 4 votes per participant, POST LINKS in your match. Each link not posted will result in a 1 vote deduction up to 4 votes obviously.

    *Votes posted after deadline will not count in a tie or a close match, thus possibly resulting in a loss. GET YOUR VOTES IN.
    You are also required to vote on the Championship, and Contendership match which will be included in your 4 votes.

    If you are not in the league you cannot vote, unless you are an ex champion. Ex champions must vote on a minimum of 4 battles for their votes to count.

    *Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.

    *Verses MUST incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.

    *Anyone who does not post at least 4 lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.

    *During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.

    *Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a no-show.

    * EXSTENSTIONS will be granted on a case by case basis.

    *If your opponent no shows you will still be held accountable for posting TWO VOTES.

    *Votes must at least be 2 lines in length for each verse.

    NO SHOWS WILL COUNT AS A LOSS.

    Lastly: Moderators have FINAL say over all situations that arise.

    Amendments

    1. Mods can vote.

    2. You're opponent automatically gets the same extension deadline.

    3. You cannot win a championship by no show. You will become the number #1 seed, but you must win by vote to be a champion. This does not apply for defenses.

    test
  2. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    Hey Princess...
    test
  3. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    test
  4. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    Unconditional Love

    [​IMG]

    "Unconditional Love"

    I can still remember the days when Cara loved Unicorns,
    Before she ever pushed and shoved for men in uniforms,
    She was ten in swarms of mirthful laughter and living,
    How she would run, stumble, and chase after me giving-
    The biggest hug and kiss that made me feel like a King,
    Growing with me side by side, so alike that we'd sing-
    The same melody, of how it would be just the two of us,
    Indeed, I knew, I must get through the fuss,
    To provide for her, keep her happy and zestfully clean,
    So that by colleges, she could be successfully seen,
    That was my baby Cara,
    A lavish imagination in which she donned a tiara,
    Sitting consumed by some Saturday morning cartoon,
    Eventually getting up as it reached mid-afternoon,
    She would then help clean the house, my little angel,
    Cara knows Daddy doesn't have a spouse,
    She's heard the story, not the details of the choking,
    But enough to know that there's no provoking-
    The issue of whether Mommy is ever coming home,
    She might as well be asking about every sacred tome-
    Or scripture ever printed and pressed,
    At the same time, she never seemed stressed,
    My care free butterfly that sauntered in the wind,
    Sucking her thumb to a lullaby, she softly grinned.

    I remember when she asked me about God's omnipotence,
    She was a teen amongst the facades and significance,
    To her it seemed odd, all the phony schemes and masks,
    The drunk driving prom queens hidden behind flasks,
    Or the possessed world of warcraft, everday fanatic,
    Consuming their entire lives, it's utterly tragic,
    But these were all things Cara wanted to know about,
    As she'd pout under the sun, although en route-
    It seemed she assumed one of these tolls for herself,
    Knocking the rest from the God forsaken shelf,
    Quivering slowly, as cancer turned her inside out,
    My baby, scared of the chemo and losing the bout,
    All because I didn't catch it early enough,
    Who would have known the timing would be so tough,
    And life was rough, it would punish evey oversight,
    As my pain would grow at night,
    Eating away at me,
    Feasting, fileting me, betraying me,
    Until my brain became a lonely cadaver,
    Taking her body from the morgue, I had to have her,
    Her cold lifeless form burning my skin,
    My mind goes blank as I seep through my sins,
    Pushing forward my painfully numbing catatonic state,
    Where I was put in a strangle hold with fate,
    Eyes locked forward, staring off into that direction,
    The future shows no bright lights or resurrection.

    I just hold her in my arms watching those Unicorns,
    That she loved so much before cupid's swarms,
    As one dvd ends, the next begins,
    Yet it's not much longer, I can hear the violins,
    God's army plays them as the Devil approaches,
    No matter the charms and broaches,
    I'll soon starve here with Cara in my lap,
    My mind, one giant vacant gap,
    Staring off into cartoons, convinced Cara's ten again,
    Alive and well, and i'm petrified truly as to when,
    They'll knock down the door and pry her from my arms,
    Force pills down my throat, IV's in my vein,
    And make me realize all my bottled up pain...

    [​IMG]
    test
  5. nah son

    nah son the hundredaire

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2005
    Messages:
    1,014

    [​IMG]

    Semen and blood intertwined is the most beautiful pink
    Her sweat mixed with saliva makes for an irrefutable drink
    The vaginas light stench excites my sensory glands
    Which is turn ignites my taste buds more than Listerine can
    Mouth foaming like a rabid mammal, I nearly drool in her eye
    Forcefully ripping her Mermaid panties, and pulled to the side
    So warm blooded, but my dicks near cold
    Blinded by the ecstasy, of a six year old.

    sighs


    Cataclysmic, as I finish, a tear plummets down her cheek
    Then comes suffocation, "don't make a sound or peep"
    A plastic garbage bag is placed over her mouth and nose
    Then gasoline in the tub to douse her clothes
    Some believe it's disgusting, it's just a blatant habit
    Now that you're following along, peep how I bait and grab them

    [​IMG]


    Baskin Robbins, cold stone, playgrounds and any twiddle-bit parlors
    All make it easily accessible to produce little kid martyrs
    Buy them ice cream, and offer a hand after
    To help them find their parents and some graham crackers
    Telling jokes of cartoon characters that demand laughter
    Until they're hog tied in my van .. captured.
    Shrieks and squeals, they are frightened at first
    Then we arrive at my compound where I heighten the burst
    Of adventure with fun to drown out that they're bound to die
    Their eyes light up when they see my play ground inside


    [​IMG]

    The reason? Is American treason, a lesion of war
    The media destroys woman, and all at decent are whores
    I like innocence when intimate, bleeding and more
    The first on course, to leave her not breathing and torn
    I am scared of death, and truly don't need to say
    That getting them before 10 eliminates disease and AIDS
    No condoms needed, no precautions adorned
    Plus it's easy when the child is often scorned
    By their parents', it makes my deceit even more effective
    Plus sustains my health and doesn't leave me whore infested


    The catch is, I am looked up to in the community
    Factually there is really no difference between you and me
    I am a Republican, and speak with renowned fluency
    A school principal, who looks down on truancy
    But you know what's lude to me?
    Is denying who you are not who you prove to be
    I am not a registered sex offender, homeless, or a ravenous beast
    But I must sleep now,
    Because tomorrow I lead first communion, signed - the Catholic Priest



    -nahsy
    test
  6. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2001
    Messages:
    25,850
    nah son, i'll start with you because honestly i was reading GL's verse, then left the thread, then came back and read yours first, completely by accident actually because both had the same picture at the beginning but your flow carried me straight through the story and i never stopped reading, one thing that i would like to point out is the same exact thing that was brought to my attention earlier which is that the extra pictures aren't needed, i can see clearly now the rain is gone, lol, but seriously you explained each picture through words anyway so why post extra pictures, it kind of takes away from the writing and turns it into a story/picture book for children or something, more nursery rhymish, most novels contain absolutely no pictures except the author's and the front cover, besides that the flow was smooth and really pushed this story to the forefront, the ending was also just what a generic piece about child molestation needed, creative take on the topic i suppose although when i really think about it there was no actual connection to the picture other than it being a girl which would lead some to believe that this may have been prewritten with a pathetic tie in to a topic, shorter than it may appear with the influence of pictures, this was actually a nicely done verse that was well written and stayed on topic with well thought out ending, the first stanza was my favorite and the most intriguing with good details and vivid imagery, after the first picture it just stuck to telling the story, overall i dug this piece, good stuff son

    GL, wow, i must say the flow seemed boring at first which is why i left the thread, it just seemed to drag on in no particular direction, but the more and more i read your verses the more i appreciate the fact that you never sacrifice flow for anything whether it be language, structure/form, wording, the storyline, the details/imagery... anything, with that said this was definately a different take on a gory topic, a much better take on the pictures than nah son's and a much more creative take as well which offered more enjoyment to the reader, the ending was perfectly done with no real ending but just painting a picture throughout the story and then leaving it hanging there to leave sort of a subtle yet gruesome vibe to a well written story, i dont know why but i really dug this one, the language was vivid and the flow was good enough to keep reading, in the end this was a good piece, good stuff here life


    overall, this was a pretty good battle and somewhat evenly matched, in one corner you had a somewhat generic topic being that catholic's raping little girls is a wide known subject and has been covered in verses before, i remember one specifically by alias2 in the tournament that touched on it, but either way it was a topic well known and i feel that he didnt do much with it but describe a typical child molestor and the climax was that it was a priest which would have been more compelling had we never seen/heard stories of priest's actually raping little girls, with that said it didnt bring anything new to the table really but new pictures and a weak tie into the unicorn pic, a better topic would have been the unconditional love, still a good verse and a good read but it fell short in comparison to the opposition

    in the other corner we had a somewhat gruesome but touching story that was well written with a much more creative take on 2 pictures and offered much more to the reader, the imagery and details were nicely done and gripping in the end which really pushed this verse for me, in the end you never really know who the protagonist and antagonist of the plot really are which is also nicely done and left to the imagination of the reader, for some reason i really dug this piece

    with that said, and taking nothing away from nah son as i did enjoy his verse and felt that the first stanza and even the second were really outstanding in gripping and morbid details and painting a picture, but my vote is for - Got Life? once again being good enough to tackle the competition

    wow, now i really hope lucifa and you win so i can read next week's champ match
    test
  7. Condescending

    Condescending New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2007
    Messages:
    138
    Nah son: I don't know where you got your idea to write about what you did I didn't like the way you wrote it and found it disturbing, almost offensive.The idea of a girl sitting on a unicorn you could have come up with anything, I don't where you get ya ideas from but whatever floats ya boat. Your flow was ok,got a bit boring half way through but you definetley can paint a picture with words.

    Got Life:)I liked your story, I didn't really know what you was getting at until you mentioned the cancer then I saw how it all tied in. I like your writing man, it's easy to read, has a good flow to it and you have good imagery.Clear winner in my opinion.

    Vote= got life
    test
  8. nah son

    nah son the hundredaire

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2005
    Messages:
    1,014
    ay jookie can you clean this bitch^ out my thread, him and his hate votes and shit talking are not welcomed, i just want to write, i'm not up for his bullshit

    votes:
    test
  9. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2001
    Messages:
    25,850
    lol, hate voting?
    why would i even hate you? i dont get it
    but i'll clean it up myself, i was only giving you a chance to fix what i thought was a mistake on your part, which i now see that you fixed
    and my vote stands, but nice try
    i think its clear that ive had more beef with GL than ive ever had with you, hell, i didnt even know we had beef but oh well
    test
  10. Condescending

    Condescending New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2007
    Messages:
    138
    nah I think he's refering to me homie......
    test
  11. J o o k

    J o o k Guest

    Nah he was talking to Q, q deleted his post to clean up the thread a little.
    test
  12. LDogg The King

    LDogg The King The High Life

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2000
    Messages:
    16,941
    gotlife.. the story was cool for the most part.. I liked how you put the pictures together even though things needed to be included that wernt. The story progressed well, but the way it was transitioning in parts could have been done better... I also think you could have added some more detail about the daughters life in her older faze being that she looks a lot older then the days of ten when he is thinking back to her on the unicorn and we dont get to know much about her.... not to mention that guy looks hella young to be the dad of that woman sitting on him..plus I dont remember reading anything about him being sexual with his daughter in your story, but in the pic he is holding her boob... more like a girlfriend type.. but I still enjoyed the idea and stuff.. loved how he chose to take her out of the grave an shit an go sit with her in his place.. nice drop

    Nah son.. Im not sure I liked the fact you chose to write about what you did.. makes me wonder what the heck you be plotting in your days with how specific his daily details got.. but I think the topic was done pretty good and the pictures just added to the imaginary so you can put yourself on the eyes of the rapist. The whole church an raping kids thing is kinda played, but it was still told with great detail. The flow was really nice too.. I do end bar rhyme schemes like that, only better : ) but the flow, story-line, the wording of the piece was all better in your verse than GL's.. gotlife had more creativity but there was a couple things missing or that didnt fit right with me which I explained in his section.. I didnt find anything questionable about nah sons verse to counter that in favor of GL.. in the end nah sons was just a bit better to me overall

    good match
    vote nah son
    test
  13. Dougie G

    Dougie G New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2007
    Messages:
    309
    This was yet another good match, but can anyone tell me why everyone is doing the uncoditional love topic

    Got life: Ok well this was a pretty interesting verse, I mean it flowed nicely and was easy to read. I love the way you connected the first pic, and the pic at the end you put a awesome twist on it.

    Nah Son: At first before I read your verse, I did not think having so many pics was a good idea, but it actually worked out nicely you connected all the pics beautifully to make a very sick and disturbing verse. But I am sorry to say but I liked it.

    Vote: Nah Son. I just think he had a better verse all together, I just liked the way he started it off dark and it stayed that way. I think this is one of the hardest matches to vote on for this week
    test
  14. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2005
    Messages:
    2,962
    test
  15. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2005
    Messages:
    2,962
    I'm going to vote anyway though... just because I'm such a good sport

    GL., decent start of ur verse... very emotional narration, but as the plot unfold with the details of this melodrama, the flow got very simple. The story unfolded okay though with the cancer and tragic story like all ur stories have with this sacrifice of relationships theme u always use. decent scope of the plot and storyline. narration wasn't that well done throughout...... ending was pretty sappy, could of kept some flow instead of using such simple rhymes.

    Nah Son, honestly... .I found this kind of gross to write about and it's more than likely cuz I have a daughter. With that being said, this was narrated very well as nasty as the subject matter was. u actually had me likin it until u said she was 6. The way this unfolded was nicely done as far as writing goes. Flow was steady and smooth to follow... the subject matter was the only thing that I found tough about followin it. The ending made me feel better about it though, but it's supposed to be lil boys that priests go after right? not my thing I guess, but good narrating

    Vote Nah Son
    test
  16. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    ^ that vote doesn't stand for shit ever, mods let me know what ya'll want to do regarding the recycling issue.
    test
  17. .ApoGee.

    .ApoGee. Keep The Peace.

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2007
    Messages:
    162
    GotLife?- This was a Nice verse. The story was good and the build up was good too. I've read your pieces and they do have alot in common, blood, gore, sacrafice, I.E. mystery. Don't you ever want to write out of that element?..Anywho, the verse was emotional and the ending was predictable, so I wasn't that entertained..But overall, Nice drop.

    Nah Son- Wow, very detailed. I would wish you could've came at a different angle to the Topic, cause the approach you took all made it very predictable. I love straight-foward pieces but the thing is it didn't had that much 'support' that I thought it would have. Good write though.

    V/ GotLife?..For a very more entertained piece. 1luv.
    test
  18. Bonnie Bathory

    Bonnie Bathory New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 1999
    Messages:
    13,374
    GL? Nice heartfelt piece... well written... I like how you used two pictures for your topic... my dad died this year of cancer so that topic will always read as a good one to me... nice flow, choice of words, structure, interest, etc...

    Nah... gross, funny take on the topic tho, made me laugh... written well... i liked the twist at the end... it didnt read like much of a story though, there was some action and character development but not a whole lot... other than that, flawless piece

    V> GL? for the story... he went start to finish and told us a story, Nah started a story and drifted off more into a self-reflection, somethin like that, he just kinda went nowhere with it, tho it ended with a cool twist I didn't think there was enough story to match GL?... you both got brownie points in my book tho usin the unicorn pic =D <3
    test
  19. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

    Joined:
    May 3, 1999
    Messages:
    27,824
    good gosh does it get any more boring than this ...

    what a friggin waste of time reading two assimilated verses.. one telling a fable which i HAD to read on... against another who brought out the poetical esence of a story... more in tune to a wordy introduction to the topic...

    to put it brief... this was very drowsy to read.. but if i had to set aside hate.... GOT LIFE takes the cake ... even tho ihate this fat ass... he came more towards my interest...


    vote - gl


    GL - 78%
    NAH - 74%
    test
  20. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    6,893
    GL? - It was nice to finally read a story without rape or murder or fucking dead people or anything like that. Even though the girl still died of cancer, the fact that her father digs her up to hold her again was pretty emotional in a very disturbing way and I think it's safe to say it's a concept that hasn't been done before. Nice take on the topic, and a good verse as well.

    Nah son - To me, you didn't really write to a topic, just happened to see a young girl riding a unicorn and wrote about molesting girls. The priest ending, I didn't see coming, but when it did come it was actually disappointing because I think that's the most played way to take any child molesting story. However, I will say that the descriptions in the first part of the story were so well done that it made me want to stop reading, and that takes alot of talent to pull off, so major props on that.

    However, even though it won't really mean anything, I'm giving my vote to Got Life? for the better story and concept and more enjoyable piece overall.
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)