Contender's Match: 3. Fold 2-0 –vs- 4. Dark Nebula 2-0

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by DiC GeTs GuLLy, Aug 1, 2006.

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  1. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

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    RSTL RULES AND REGULATIONS

    RULES AND REGULATIONS - THERE'S SOME NEW SHIT SO CLICK AND READ


    The Standard League Rules will still be Enforced

    Due Dates

    VERSES DUE: Friday 12:00am PST/3:00am EST
    Verses posted after the deadline will not count!

    VOTES DUE Sunday: 12:00am PACIFIC/3:00 Midnight EST
    Votes posted after the deadline will not count!

    • Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.
    • Verses must incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.
    • Anyone who does not post at least 4 rap lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.
    • During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.
    • Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a “show” but will not result in a match. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent posts between 16-64, you will lose the match but you will remain in the league. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent does not show, you will “Win by no-show”.

    Voting:
    • If you do not show you can still vote and post the links in your match to receive full voting points. In addition, if you do not show, yet vote on at least 4 matches (Or, every match available, should there be less than 4 matches to vote on) you will remain in the league.
    • Votes must be hidden! To hide a vote, first thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. The last thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, a backslash “/”, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. Unhidden votes will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No second chance votes! If your vote has been edited, even it was only to hide it, your vote will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No bias votes! If you have a personal investment in wanting someone to lose, whether because that member voted against you once, or you just don’t like that person, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match. If have a personal investment in wanting someone to win, whether because they’re crew member, or because you want to face that person in the next week’s brackets, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match.
    • ”Bias” must be confirmed by a Moderator.
    • If there is a match which you will not be able to vote on, due to “Bias” of any type, state so within your match prior to Verses Due Deadline. If this reduces the number of matches available for you to vote on to the point where you are unable to vote on at least 4 matches, the point scale will be adjusted according to how many matches you do vote on.
    • 3-ways are inevitable. In order to provide a tie-breaker in a 3-way, you are now required to indicate in what order the contestants finished (1st, 2nd, 3rd).
      anyone who does not show or vote is suspended one week and must sign-in again to be inserted the following week.



    Topics: http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=999699
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  2. Fold

    Fold *NEW* DIC - just add gay!

    Joined:
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    Almost forgot about this. I see this place is under new management. Lol @ the contract. I just finished writing mine so I'll post it after I read over it again. Good luck Dark Nebula
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  3. Fold

    Fold *NEW* DIC - just add gay!

    Joined:
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    The street's breeze is constanly cold as I'm rocking this pose
    Looking for pockets with doe and that plot will unfold
    For probable foes, we lock and unload nonstop til they're ghosts
    Shooting sling shots of rocks and some stones on cops in plain clothes
    Me and some kids from the orphanage live with a little more than shit
    With a forceful grip, our criminal minds explore the oraface.....
    Of the neighborhood, people know we're rotten, but say we're good
    As we force senior citizens to feed us and make their place our hood
    I'm only 7, my older brother is our click's golden torch
    Setting pinpoints on corners to distract owners of open stores
    We travel out of the city with an ounce of some sticky
    Smoking and eating candy for hyperness to drown out our pitty
    Fergason's Market is our next spot for serving a profit
    I bump into a lady and from her purse, my hands submerge for her wallet
    Quickly turning with hot steps, folding cash inserts in my pocket
    "Excuse me maam, you earlier dropped this"
    Her smile is furnished to lock it
    "Thank you sweety! It's nice to see such great manners in youth"
    She gives me $10 not knowing that's just taxes on pandering dues
    Laughing as I skip off to the plan that's in use
    In the back alley, I give my brother the 10 and stand with the crew
    Time to put the scam on these fools as we enter the store
    I'm watching surveliance cameras zoom like we've did this before
    Maybe I'm just paranoid and that's some shit to ignore
    But I load rubberbands with paperclips incase we get in a war
    Jase and Will are on the other end of the floor starting a fight
    Sneaking behind the counter, I see Jason catch it hard to his eye
    He's starting to cry and the fake fight is getting some realness
    The manager and workers are all distracted and I'm in quick for the stealing
    But I see I'm being watched and know snitching will follow
    So I panic and run for the door after I signal muchachos
    The tension is hostile, I grab my sling shot, ready to blaze
    Shoot the manager in his eye, but I'm just testing my range
    My head's in the game and I'm running 'til my legs give away
    But there's nobody behind me, I cry from the stress and the pain
    There's a police baracade that's now surrounding the building
    And I can see my brother inside and know they're trying to kill em
    I'm frozen stiff, from a smart lil girl to not knowing shit
    Then an idea hits me to save my family from blowing it
    Grab M-80s out my hair, I use em for barrets
    Toss a couple under their cars and watch it BOOM em to death
    But the explosion combusted with doors and windshields overflowing with rubbish
    Charlie, my brother didn't cover and gets glass blown through his stomach
    "Noooooo, Charlie I'm coming!!!!" but it's way too late to change his fate
    And my tears fall, soaking my face, on me the blame is placed
    I'm only 7 and I've lost the only family I've known
    I'm the kid growing up too fast with no land to call home
    Now, I randomly roam across the street's that I canvas alone
    Just wishing I had another chance to save my family and folks

    Topic: Nothing is forever, Everything ends sooner or later
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  4. DIVINITY FLOWZ

    DIVINITY FLOWZ New Member

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  5. DIVINITY FLOWZ

    DIVINITY FLOWZ New Member

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    One Of My First Aliases
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  6. kid concussion

    kid concussion stork.

    Joined:
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    [hide]
    FOLD Straight Story, but it lacked creativity, in my eyes. The story seemed all too typical. The writing itself was ok, also very bland and maybe a bit predictable due to lack of vocab and word usage.

    example:

    Quickly turning with hot steps, folding cash inserts in my pocket
    "Excuse me maam, you earlier dropped this"

    That section sssmed forced and you tried to rhyme for the sake of rhyming.


    Dark nebula Mechanics were aprtially there. Some ok writing. the word usage lacked and was a very basic rhyme structure. the story itself wasn't bad, yet not entertaining.

    Father Dorian explored the sins of his twisted thoughts
    Without getting caught because his prayers were really submitted to God
    But within his job, he'd often listen too close to confessions
    With no restraint on fellow preachers that were known for molesting


    It seems after thissection i could have predicted what was coming next. Good writing though, but lacked the mechanics of a truely sick verse. A more interesting story that Folds for sure.


    Vote- D.N.

    overall a bit more creative and better writing and word usage. Not as predictable of a story. I could see what direction he was goign with with that pic. decent battle.


    [/hide]
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  7. Atheist

    Atheist Storyteller

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    1,707
    [hide]Fold:
    The flow and rhyme scheme were incredible in this piece. But the content was average at best. The general idea behind your story of "Just wishing I had another chance to save my family and folks" was a nice idea, but you went about it with a story that was very poor. Firstly, there was no character development so that the reader would understand why the did such things. Secondly, the plot was dodgy. You're a seven year old girl using paperclips and rubber bands to rob a store, then all of a sudden you pull m-80's from your hair? I'm sorry, but the story just didn't grab me. As I said, the rhyme scheme and flow were basically impeccable; it would've been nice to see some killer content in there as well though. My favourite part was probably your opener; the description was top notch...

    The street's breeze is constanly cold as I'm rocking this pose
    Looking for pockets with doe and that plot will unfold
    For probable foes, we lock and unload nonstop til they're ghosts
    Shooting sling shots of rocks and some stones on cops in plain clothes
    Me and some kids from the orphanage live with a little more than shit
    With a forceful grip, our criminal minds explore the oraface.....
    Of the neighborhood, people know we're rotten, but say we're good
    As we force senior citizens to feed us and make their place our hood
    I'm only 7, my older brother is our click's golden torch
    Setting pinpoints on corners to distract owners of open stores


    That was great, but after that it fell off, big time.

    Dark Nebula:
    This was an enjoyable verse. I found it quite humourous; a deranged priest who is so fully committed to God that he punishes those who sin, even though he is a complete sinner himself. I said I found this humourous, and I did so because the way you wrote this was just brilliant. You described all these acts in such a way that it seemed comedic. Similarly to Fold, you had a great rhyme scheme and your flow was on point for the majority fo the verse. There was jsut bits and there were it faultered. The difference between these two verses though was that you had a great content; it was an interesting story and you told it brilliant. I really enjoyed reading this verse. My favourite part was towards the end;

    Sunday was the following day and he was ready to preach
    Stress was released when he got on the mic and blessed all the peeps
    But this was decreased as the congregation disrespected his speech
    Which affected his glee and made a bad intercepting mood swing
    Gritting his teeth as he saw people in aisles drifting to sleep
    Or watching NFL games on portable mini TVs
    His neck felt a spree of tight tension returning, affecting his peace
    He started stuttering and mumbling to himself.... this was hectic to see


    You had a great rhyme scheme and flow, but you also kept the content on point as well. A difficult skill to master.

    So I think it's safe to say that, following my breakdown, I'm ready to vote.

    Vote: Dark Nebula.

    Overall, he had the better story and the more enjoyable read.

    Good match up, people.[/hide]
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  8. OperaToonist

    OperaToonist symphony of destruction

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Fold:

    Solid verse, the rhyme scheme was tight with alot of multis and the flow was consistent throughout it, the vocab and imagery was impressive and contextually it was well used. The story itself built up well, enumerating various incidents of successful theft and their plight as orphans, right to the point where they try to steal from that last store, then things went downhill, mainly because the plausibility of the outcome and the reasons behind it were inconsistent with the rest of the verse and didn't make sense.

    Why would there be a police barricade over a bunch of little kids who didn't even rob the place, how would they get there so fast, who carries M-80's in their hair, and how the hell would those things blow up a vehicle, which then causes collateral damage killing her brother, and why would the police want to kill her brother? It doesn't add up or make any sense, and if it did somehow make sense, it wasn't explained well in the verse.

    Overall, I felt like it was a very anti-climatic ending to what I thought was a really well written and tight verse with good emotional content and great mechanics that had me hooked.


    DIC:

    I really enjoyed reading this the whole way through, this had to be one of the more stylish verses I've ever read in the RSTL, really fit in with the topical picture well. The scheme and flow were there the entire way.

    The Priest's dichotomy reverberated magnificently across the entire verse, as the pent up rage filled faster than his release in executing sinners, eventually building up into the climax at the end. Very well developed, and the choice of vocabulary and imagery fit the bill perfectly.

    Overall, a tightly wound script, interesting, mechanically apt and creative.



    Vote: Dark Nebula

    [/hide]
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  9. Adderall XR 30

    Adderall XR 30 New Member

    Joined:
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    [hide]Creativity/Content:

    You both came with something worth reading. Fold's was a little more realistic in terms of that situation presented. It's pretty much something that could have happened. Have you been watching City of God lately? This reminds me of those little kids running around causing problems everywhere they went. There was a innocence about them but also a ruthlessness. So even though the kids in this story were up to no good, you did a fairly good job of presenting them in a way that elicits some level of sympathy for them. Dark Nebula, yours was a little more out there, although, it's not COMPLETELY beyond the realm of possibility I suppose. This was actually pretty fucked up come to think of it. You did a pretty good job of setting up why the Priest was so agitated overall, which in turn, led to the main climax toward the end. I don't really have any complaints about how either of you approached these in terms of creativity.

    Rhymes/Flow:

    Now, this is just my opinion, but I feel like both of you over-did the rhymes a little bit on this. There were segments of both pieces where the rhymes were strung together in spectacular fashion. At the same time, there were also parts where cramming in a string of rhymes took away from what were otherwise, 2 well-worded pieces. I felt this way a little bit more about Fold's rhyme, although, like I said, for the most part, these were both pretty high quality. I'm just more a fan of very well-worded pieces where the rhymes compliment the content rather than overshadowing it. I think Fold had an ever so slight advantage regarding the overall flow of the piece because his lines were a bit shorter. Nebula's was solid as well, I just felt like a few of the lines drug on a little bit.

    When It's All Said And Done

    This was a really nice match to judge because both of you strutted yall's stuff. There were parts where Fold had a slight advantage and parts where Nebula had the same. That said, I have to reluctantly hand this one to Dark Nebula (Reluctant because these were both two pretty even competitors). In the end, I just felt a little more engaged by Dark Nebula's story, particularly the way it developed. This one could really go either way though. I can't wait to see how other people voted on this.[/hide]
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  10. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    Fold...what the fuck was all that...talk about some jumbled nonsensical shit...how's a 7 year old doing all this bullshit and blowing shit up...get the fuck outta here with m 80s...that was some of the most random shit i've ever read...

    Dic...I didn't really enjoy this either...you really didn't do much with the picture at all...nothing really creative here, but the flow was smooth and at least the storyline was consistent...

    vote = Dic...much better piece...

    [/hide]
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  11. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

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    Upping over no shows
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  12. Profit C

    Profit C New Member

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    [hide]two dope stories....but I'm giving it to Dark Nebula because I just liked it more...imagery was even on both sides....flow was better with Fold but this won't give him the win in this case because Dark Nebula's lesson had more of an impact me....Fold was like whoa.....Dark Nebula was like whoaaaaaaaa.....more's a's gives him the ok....nah but Dark Nebula was just better in my opinion.[/hide]
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  13. Urizen

    Urizen I hate humans

    Joined:
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    [HIDE]vote - Dark

    Fold - ok this started off nice flw was ok
    ya words were kinda weird to my opinion but I still liked it
    so that didnt really bother me
    I liked how the kid had a certain innocence with the slingshot and all
    but did dirt that was funny
    I could even appreciate the giving back the wallet thing
    but the ending ... FUCKED IT UP sorry
    shit made it mad unbelieveable sorry all in all nice story
    could have been done better and you could have watched
    ya wordplay a little more but nice story
    but dont do 007 movie shit no more

    Dark - wordplay was nice ya vocab was nice ya flow was nice
    shit I even liked the concept you took
    a priest killing cus he can
    a priest killing cus he sees the wicked in man shit homey nice concept
    made me chuckle when he did the dance of joy after he killed dude
    that was coo and the shooting into the crowd made it kinda ....
    but ok I can see why you did that
    but those last 2 lines kinda fucked it up for me

    but all in all Dark took this one easy ... he kinda outshined fold in every aspect
    so he gets my vote [/HIDE]
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  14. UneekTestimony

    UneekTestimony New Member

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    [hide]Cool showing for both writers. Uh, with Fold's verse. I read that exact same verse last week in another battle. The only difference this week is that you didn't provide us with the picture, but with a 'new' topic from this week's topic thread. If you aren't able to write a new verse, sign out or at least recycle an older verse. Who uses the same verse for consecutive weeks in a league. All and all, I enjoyed the verse, but I also enjoyed it a lot more last week. On the other hand, Dark came with a very refreshing content (no sex, thank goodness), but still the same ole twisted mindset. The flow was ridiculously smooth, even though you fell off a few spots. The storyline progressed very rapidly and kept me interested throughout. The only part I didn't particularly like was your description of a congregation full of mini portable televisions and beer. That's kind of unbelievable. Some churches are a bit ridiculous, but not that extreme. Anyway, speaking of your imagery it was on point. Very imaginative and your diction went along with the substance perfect. This was good.


    Both dropped good, but due to Fold dropping the same exact verse as last week.. I'll have to go with Dark Nebula[/hide]
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  15. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

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    [Hide]fold - dope flow, it made the read fluid something you NEED against nebula, howver there were instances when ur lines were forced like when u said
    'Looking for pockets with doe AND THAT PLOT WILL UNFOLD' which doesn't sound right tho I could see wut u mean, or
    'Sling shots of rocks and some stones' that's the same shit twice; and there's other examples I'm jus saying u should take time a day or so after u wrote it to see wassup
    The other thing that bugs me on this is that u had 7yr olds (orphans or not) pzzing out of the city like adults don't notice that shit, I mean smoking weed is semi plausible but where are the adult? Anyways that fact aside as well the verse was random and it kinda jus went from here to there with that, iu kno? From one perspective it was coo but not developed enough

    Nebs -- straight forward verse, a touch of forced rhyme toward the end, maybe u were rushing iono....the story itself was dope, kinda like boondock saints but holy-er, it was a quick read for me, imagery dope as fuck and you had a dope balance of that and dialogue, overall a complete piece

    Vote nebs[/hide]
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  16. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

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    Winner dark nebula 3-0

    Loser Fold 2-1
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