Contenders: 4. Pent Up 35-13 VS 5. Sacrifice 2-0 VS 6. Gotlife? 29-14

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Pent uP, Sep 5, 2006.

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  1. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2001
    Messages:
    14,147
    [​IMG]


    RSTL RULES AND REGULATIONS

    RULES AND REGULATIONS - THERE'S SOME NEW SHIT SO CLICK AND READ


    The Standard League Rules will still be Enforced

    Due Dates

    VERSES DUE: Saturday, 11:59PM PST/2:59AM EST
    Verses posted after the deadline will not count!

    VOTES DUE Monday, 11:59PM PST/2:59 EST
    Votes posted after the deadline will not count!

    • Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.
    • Verses must incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.
    • Anyone who does not post at least 4 rap lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.
    • RECYCLING IS NOT STRICTLY PROHIBITED. You may not use any verse that you have previously used within the league at any time. Whether it was a no show, tournament verse recycled for the league or visa versa or any verse that have ever been used within the league perimeters.
    • During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.
    • Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a “show” but will not result in a match. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent posts between 16-64, you will lose the match but you will remain in the league. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent does not show, you will “Win by no-show”.

    Voting:
    • If you do not show you can still vote and post the links in your match to receive full voting points. In addition, if you do not show, yet vote on at least 4 matches (Or, every match available, should there be less than 4 matches to vote on) you will remain in the league.
    • Votes must be hidden! To hide a vote, first thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. The last thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, a backslash “/”, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. Unhidden votes will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No second chance votes! If your vote has been edited, even it was only to hide it, your vote will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No bias votes! If you have a personal investment in wanting someone to lose, whether because that member voted against you once, or you just don’t like that person, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match. If have a personal investment in wanting someone to win, whether because they’re crew member, or because you want to face that person in the next week’s brackets, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match.
    • ”Bias” must be confirmed by a Moderator.
    • If there is a match which you will not be able to vote on, due to “Bias” of any type, state so within your match prior to Verses Due Deadline. If this reduces the number of matches available for you to vote on to the point where you are unable to vote on at least 4 matches, the point scale will be adjusted according to how many matches you do vote on.
    • 3-ways are inevitable. In order to provide a tie-breaker in a 3-way, you are now required to indicate in what order the contestants finished (1st, 2nd, 3rd).
      anyone who does not show or vote is suspended one week and must sign-in again to be inserted the following week.



    Topics: http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1006008
    test
  2. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 1999
    Messages:
    5,955
    I'm in... good luck fellers.

    Votes:
    [1]http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1007450
    [2]http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1007452
    [3]http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1007445 (champ match)
    [4]http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?p=14016755
    [5]

    test
  3. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 1999
    Messages:
    5,955
    Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
    Scott Adams



    My town, where the sky drowns any thought of pride
    Walking by, all the time, I saw the signs, they caught my eye
    Stalked at night, any light could be cover
    I'd likely discover, an inch in the wrong direction and I might just be supper
    My family, is more than fighting my brother
    He was my only friend from inside of these shutters
    We constantly wondered, if life could be tougher
    We were the vermin, exterminated by the trifling upper (class)
    These soulless citizens, controlled the city's thin-
    population dominated by control and living with
    -My family, scrapping for pennies and nickels
    If life could ever be simple it would render me crippled.
    My town, where the high ground housed unlawful business
    Death in an awful minute was all tradition,
    Most- lost their vision from a strong addiction
    Choked- by the false descriptions from politicians
    On a mission to wait for this promised image
    Of paradise, or at least the basics for proper-living
    My town, where we lie down to sleep
    Listening from across the distance, the sound of street
    -found deceit, criminals that walk around police
    A minimal fight for peace
    When all I needed was a simple life with my civil rights increased.
    A little bite of sweet, but instead
    My life, I paid the price to eat, stayed behind the creek
    Where I would read, making sure my mind's complete.
    But the problem was fine, they had the knowledge designed
    Any knowledge that college defined was "probably lies".
    They said the only knowledge was being honest to God,
    Dividing the time between surviving the crime
    And the constant grind of the nine to the five.
    My life, trying the odds, I usually lost.
    When I was a child, I chose Christ, glued to the cross.
    But my whole life was abused and distraught.
    Then one night I had a beautiful muse, a cumulus thought
    "I love God, but I never do what I'm taught."
    So I chose the option, to break from the church.
    I thought I might be about to meet Satan or worse.
    But after taking my first step without the chains
    I set about my day refreshed around the change
    My soul, after living a life cold was resurrected.
    Despite old messages and Heaven's blessing,
    I took control like I was never destined, a slate clean
    Filled with great dreams, but when it was found out
    That I was trying to break free, they would hate me.
    Became barred in the basement, and out-casted.
    My brother followed around masses without passion.
    Knowing the truth, but he was a weak devout Catholic.
    I couldn't stand that, so many minds warped
    To thinking that time's short, so praying for God's force
    -to help, even through selflessness is more for self...
    Instead of curing the poorer health, enormous wealth.
    Instead of heaven performing miracles they're touring hell.
    The source of spiritual corruption, hearing the blood hit
    When a thug grips up the hip and busts a gun clip.
    I grew up in nothing but chaos and destruction.
    It'll never end, that's why I had to get away
    Had hiphop in record crates and ripped shop with pen and page.
    Now everyday my memories return to the past
    But I've learned to discern from the wrath
    With affirmative acts, the only sermon I ask
    For is heard on the tracks.
    test
  4. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2001
    Messages:
    14,147
    test
  5. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2001
    Messages:
    14,147
    A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
    Ingrid Berdman



    Lubricated by sweat, pounding as if they hated his bed
    elevated when pelt, LUSHiously, like intoxicated by breath
    or her savory scent; will praised until he felt depredated himself
    moans vacated his head like a load off in condoms aimed at her legs
    In a massive act, playing out an orgasmic "jack..Jack....JACK!"
    as his grasp would clasp the glistening curves her backside had
    Probing with stroke, wincing verbally to prevent him blowing his load
    Lowly he groaned when "take this money shot to the bank" slowly followed
    Going for broke he slapped the girl while expelling 'You dirty whore'
    when a few spurts had soared; she grinned, voicing "thatll cost you thirty more"
    'It was reactional' but arguing was pointless against the factual
    "Never hit or slap at all unless you wanna end up with plastic arms"
    passing with regret beause he's loving the action which he gets
    back in him she's set as both pairs of lips are passionately met
    strutting her mindset, keeping the tongues touchin, loving the quiet
    Gums intertwined wet, another slap metronomes, stunning the wilded

    "I'll Fucking CUT YOU if you dont stop the shadyness!"
    through periled eyes, he replies 'I'm not afraid of death'

    Payments are made alongside apologies for the lay she exchanged
    great scents are sprayed and the cold shoulder answers his gravest mistake
    "stay bent and fade out of my life" she aims at the statements he rained
    basic complaints lead into more apologetic praise that is strained
    the answer is no, phased and disdained, but the lancer has thrown
    the faster she goes, the harder he follows, 'till disaster is grown
    forgetting the thirty, ignoring the pain, and begging for mercy
    attempting to flirt, he stalks her into a setting thats worthy
    She gives him a chance, while talking he's thinking 'a smidgen at last'
    he's skittish at glance but they walk together after finishing snacks
    back to a room where her clothes quickly unravel like news
    saddles this goon and rides until he comes like a savage monsoon
    Bustin his nut and talkin, she uses her tongue to keep shuttin him up
    Hunting for bucks, he comes up empty...
    "you're a constant customer but,

    I'll Fucking CUT YOU if you dont stop the shadyness!"
    through periled eyes, he replies 'I'm not afraid of death'

    He sends this plea: "Please stay the night and I'll pay eventually"
    descending deep, thinking the moneys right she tends the freak
    He gently meets her bossom with a drooling tongue which he treds upstream
    the tempting needs of the dependants meat falls in his weekend routine
    Body language fused with friction among flesh thats hardly sanctioned
    Partly naked, he's awfully shaking and throws a slap so hard it parts her face lift
    startled anguish overcomes her, he's struck with fear as her gaurd is jaded
    Sloppy aim hits Jack in the head with a lamp as ungoldy pain rifts
    Striking the spot where Jacks head meets his body while in distraught
    Mildly in shock from nails piercing his skin, he's trying to talk
    Filings are lodged before shes kicked away by him prying to stop
    slyly she plots a jump to her purse to pick up the knife she had bought
    Licking the blade, then driving it with her pissed off mindstate
    sticking it straight in his liver and making a squiggly shaped J
    incision this way. then kissin the shank and blood with the same precision she gave
    ambigious lays, leaving the hotel to home a stiff in his grave

    With an innocent face, she lifts up his waist and searches for cash
    This greedy asshole has a wad of bills incerted and stashed
    In folds of his suburban rich flabs, more happy that she murdered his ass
    Then stole his watch, then took his clothes and burned them to ash;
    Wanting him to suffer the pain even after his death
    Of being embarrassed like he did to her with slaps through each step
    Like it wasn't enough for her to be a tool for abuse
    Through sexual means, it's respect that she fiends to consume through this fool
    Enjoying every second as she regained all control
    Cleaned the spermicide out her pussy and then changed all her clothes
    Needing that position of power in turning him victum from coward
    Changing the roles, exchanging blows and not submissive, she towers
    From an indignant ass flower, she's grown out of the prison she's scoured
    And into a shower, although in blood, she'll be distilled in an hour



    I'm not afraid of death, but dying scares the hell out of me.
    Jack Cleary
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  6. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    Brotherly Love

    I sat back thinking, "What is it about a full moon?",
    As I fell deeper into swoon, hoping death comes soon,
    You see my life of zest & zeal, of having sex appeal,
    Turned out to be surreal, indeed my achilles' heel,
    Is the lust or moreso thirst as I yearned to burst,
    Head first, as if rehearsed, and be her very first,
    To lay claim to her, never letting anyone deter,
    Me from taking her cherry as a queen to my lucifer...

    "John wake up"
    "Huh everything seems a blur."
    "Well maybe you should stop drinking sir."
    "Bitch moan, Bitch Moan, You're being a nag."
    "John, don't forget your bag."​

    That back there's my brother who set out to smother,
    Every gripe I've held, since the death of our mother,
    Regardless of which I still reside within a gory side,
    Allowing the shock to subside of seeing people fried,
    Indeed it seemed I'd salivate as I went to accumulate,
    Crime scene evidence, from those that met a gory fate,
    And whenever it was a nubile girl who they lacerated,
    I'd pop tranq after tranq to keep my bulge sedated,
    See I got off on the shit,
    I didn't need my badge confiscated,
    It was torture to though, cause my mind was bated,
    By gaping girls, left raped, their curls,
    Still intact, their face caked in pearls,
    Well not exactly pearls, but you know what I mean,
    Call me sick, but blood and semen is quite the cuisine...

    I kept these desires within the confines of my mind,
    After all as a cop, i'm here for the good of mankind,
    But work today seemed like it was going to drag along,
    Low and behold...never before had I been so wrong.​

    "John, that bastard is at it again."
    The words striking me out of my moment of zen,
    I knew right there and right then,
    That another girl fell victim to the myspace comedian,
    You see this freak had been at this for weeks,
    Kidnapping girls by using romantic, comedic techniques,
    Playing games with their innocent heads,
    Until one night, they're gone from their beds,
    No body, no sign of struggle, it seems perfect,
    I've seen the pictures, they're all worth it.

    "John did you hear me, he left a clue for you."
    I grabbed it, giving the others a quick adieu,
    I never even read it... ​

    Everything just seemed to click,
    It seemed like the clock didn't tick,
    Indeed time froze as I arrived at the door,
    Oh the splendor, the gore, the bloody decor,
    It was perfect, and there tapping his foot,
    Looking at me like what took you so long,
    Was my beloved brother,
    He truly knew me like no other...

    "I brought them here for you to enjoy,
    I know you desire a virgin to search and deploy,
    Your seed into her,
    Watching her bleed on your dick,
    So get on with it slick."​

    My brother truly did bring Christmas early this year,
    Their bodies still warm, faces covered in fear,
    I would maul them and fuck them harder than possible,
    Cleaning the scene seemed improbable,
    But my cannibal brother would devour flesh and bone,
    Leaving our sins up to God to atone.

    When love is not madness, it's not love.
    Pedro Calderon ​
    test
  7. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    votes:

    1.
    2.
    3.
    4.
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  8. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    6,893
    [hide]Not sure why this doesn't have any votes yet, guess voting is kinda slow this week. Anyways, this was a nice battle. Sac, you got a sick flow man, had the multis rolling. Concept was good, not really stand outish I don't think, but it was good nonetheless. Structured well, like I said the rhymes were nice, just a solid verse overall. Pent up, dope story. I enjoyed the read, character development was good, imagery was good, was easy to follow, and well structured. Another good overall verse. Got Life?, man you disgust me. Two weeks in a row you've written some fucked up stuff. It's well written fucked up stuff though, I'll give you that. Flow is there, story is easy to follow, and I haven't read any story with a concept like that one. Cool verse.

    Man this is a hard ass battle to vote on. Obviously all three are skilled writers, and three well told stories. Got Life showed the most creativity, even though it was thoroughly disgusting haha. Pent told the best story and took a dope approach to the topic, don't know how often someone writes about a quote as the person who said the quote, that was real nice. Sac had the best writing structure in my opinion, but lacked the creativity of the other verses. Basically it comes down to personal preference. So, my personal preference:

    1. Pent Up
    2. SacriFICE
    3. Got Life?
    [/hide]
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  9. Thaumaturge

    Thaumaturge New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2004
    Messages:
    389
    [hide]Sacrifice:::Nice verse, was really feeling this, real hip hop topical. The flow was real nice, and you said a lot in this piece. There were a lot of lines I liked in this. Really enjoyed this a lot, good verse.

    Pent Up::: What can I say, you followed the topic. I really didn't like how the whole story had to deal with a bunch of sexual acts until the end where she kills him and then takes his money blah blah blah. Just wasn't feeling it at all. Now it was written pretty well to an extent, but the actual story and content of it just isn't my taste. Pretty off-setting to be honest. I did however like how you made the person's name Jack which is the name of the person the quote is done by, not that that had much to do with anything.
    I just thought overall the severe repetition was unnescessary. You should've dwelled deeper into her personal feelings and how ashamed it made her feel but she had to do it cus she need the money that bad rather than just consume 2 whole verses with sexual acts they were doing which didn't so much progress the story at all after we heard how rough he was to her the first time.

    Gotlife?::: Haha, wow man, this was funny to me. This was so sick and twisted it's not funny. Who would write something like this? geez...haha, but anyways onto the story...It wasn't written incredibly well, flow was decent, but it seemed a bit rushed, i guess not only because the content leaves me in a "are you joking?" reaction, but you also repeated words a little bit within paragraphs and the whole conversation between you and your brother didn't transition good back into your original writing point-of-view. Either way I have to tell you it was very entertaining and made me laugh, whether that was your goal or not, I don't know.
    Well not exactly pearls, but you know what I mean,
    Call me sick, but blood and semen is quite the cuisine...

    ...ha, funny

    Vote=Sacrifice. I just felt he had the best verse overall, I found no major flaws and had no major complaints with it like I did with Gotlife and Pent Up's. Well Gotlife's I don't necessarily have major complaints with, the writing just isn't that good and I can't really take it serious personally. Good job by all though.[/hide]
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  10. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2005
    Messages:
    2,962
    [HIDE]
    Sacrifice, damn man, the narration on this with the flow and depth in the topical subject you chose. Family, religion and societal descrepencies all wrapped in one and well done. The voice of this very sympathetic as it conveyed things that a majority of us may have experienced at one point or another. The flow of this impressed me the most as it kept a nice pace from start to finish. As you built your character pretty well, I was hoping that you would also develop your brother as a character nicely too. You actually did pretty nicely with both to get a clear understanding of what was going on. Good shit man.

    Pent, lol, this was some of the most twisted shit I've ever read from you. The narration was dope and clearly developed both characters within the same frame of the story, which I find a difficult task that you pulled off. Ok, the freaky guy that likes to fuck and slap hooker, off the fuckin hook. The character development was desperate like he really needed her to fulfil this fetish of his and it seemed very solid. The hooker that was like, you gotta pay more for that and don't push it or I'll cut your ass was also done really nicely with her leaving then him convincng her t come back afterwards. The ending scene was nice as fuck with the imagery of him getting stabbed the fuck up and the closer wrapped it up nicely too. This is definately one of the better pieces I've read from you man. Nice shit...

    Gotlife, interesting story of the necrophilliac cop, I've actually written a story covering this exact same subject matter before. It didn't really go into the grewsome part in much depth, which pretty much takes away from it cuz that where the intrigueing gorey part would be. The character development was okay, but the narration wasn't very well put together - The flow was simple, mostly one syllable rhymes through it all, the dialogues were eehhh, nothing really interesting and that made this hard to get into this piece, which I wanted to do when I saw the subject you were covering cuz as I stated, I've written on this exact same subject before. So it goes without saying, the idea was good, but the structure of it could use some improvement.

    Vote
    1. Pent
    2. Sacrifice
    3. Gotlife
    [/HIDE]
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  11. Thaumaturge

    Thaumaturge New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2004
    Messages:
    389
    [hide] forgot to list order, so....

    1.Sacrifice
    2.Pent Up
    3.Got Life
    [/hide]
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  12. Adderall XR 30

    Adderall XR 30 New Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2005
    Messages:
    80
    [hide]

    Ok well, this is pretty much what I expected to see. I think SacriFICE won this. SacriFICE came with a personal piece, sort of a half topical/half story thing. Pent uP dropped a semi-horror/crazy hooker sort of story and Got Life? took that whole horror thing a radical step further. Personally, I preferred SacriFICE's more because one, I related to it more being that I've had similar sorts of feelings about religion growing up, and two, because I'm not a huge fan of sexual depictions in writing unless it's done in an extremely original and non-pornlike way. Pent uP's was interesting in that it focused more on the increasingly psycho behavior of the female. Seems like at least two or three people in the past few weeks have written about hookers lol. Got Life, the plot itself was straight until the ending. The end was completely out of nowhere and not really in a good way to me. Up to that point, I could believe what was happening, but then for the brother to just eat a body away seems like a shocking twist for the sake of it rather than because it really added that much to the story. In terms of the actual writing, again, I'd have to say that SacriFICE had a fairly convincing edge over his counterparts. His rhymes were considerably more advanced and better executed in my opinion. His flow was very easy to pick up and it was a consistent read from beginning to end. Pent's would be a good some lines and then seem a little stretched in others. Got Life's was ok but didn't really compare well to SacriFICE's. In terms of clarity of writing, again, I'm going with SacriFICE. There was awkward wording scattered throughout the other two pieces that sort of make for a choppy read as I would have to stop and figure out what was meant. Anyways, to me, it was fairly obvious which of these was the better written rhyme. Aside from that, it was just a matter of which subject matter I liked more and that is pretty much that.

    SacriFICE
    Pent Up
    Got Life
    [/hide]
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  13. Fold

    Fold *NEW* DIC - just add gay!

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2005
    Messages:
    269
    [HIDE]
    Sacrifice, this had some really nice flow to it. Some cool emotional type stuff with family and how that effects you and some religion too. Not really one for religious topics much, but this was cool. Some parts weren't really clear to me like some details on what your brother was doing woulda helped.

    Pent up, this was really nice. The flow was fire with some complex rhymes in there that made me reread em. I liked the story too, pretty amuzing. A hooker that kills a dud fa slappin her around, but the way you did the descriptions were nice. Full of imagery that gave it a better read.
    Got life, this kinda confused me because the cop was a serial killer/rapist, but his family was provided him with victums? I was trippin of that. The flow wasn't that cool, but the story was interesting. Some better details of the killer/rapist shit would of made this sicker though.

    Vote 1 Pent Up, 2 Sacrifice, 3 Got life

    [/HIDE]
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  14. Shrug

    Shrug Street Poet

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2005
    Messages:
    158
    [hide]my vote goes to Sacrifice. mostly because i enjoyed your utilization of the topic the most. your piece had a great flow and was easily readable.

    Pent uP is second up with a twisted ass take on the topics. I felt that the piece more correlated with the last topic quote as a whole, but you did use both of them. Im voting sacrifice over you cause I couldnt find a consistant rhythm to the entire piece with all those crazy ass multis and Sacrifice's was more fluent with rhyme and rhythm, and feel that he put more of a twist that perfectly connected the rest of the piece and the conclusion with the topic.

    I feel Gotlife didnt utilize the topic he chose as well as the others. He had some dope multis inside but his over all piece didnt live up to the others in the battle.

    vote
    1. Sacrifice
    2. Pent Up
    3. Gotlife?

    [/hide]
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  15. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2001
    Messages:
    14,147
    FUCKING TIE
    I HATE FUCKING TIES
    I DONT WORK WITH A TIE
    I DONT GET TIED UP IN BED, unless u mean figuratively
    I DONT TIE THE KNOT
    I DONT LIKE TIES!

    fucking Pent uP and Sacrifice ADVANCE
    got life loses
    hah
    haha
    i can say that, and u cant respond, because im closing this thread

    and the sad part is only you're gonna read it, because everyone else is cool enough to wait for the ranks to figure out the outcomes of the matches
    so ha
    haha
    yeah i know, ppl read votes
    but still
    ha
    haha
    i ohpe that wasnt the 100% garuntee verse
    because if it was
    double-haha
    FOOL!
    test
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