Contenders: 4. Brains (2-0) vs. 3. Nique (27-5)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by TaLi RodrigueZ, Dec 26, 2006.

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  1. TaLi RodrigueZ

    TaLi RodrigueZ Washed Up Rapper...

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    The Standard League Rules will still be Enforced

    Due Dates

    VERSES DUE: Sunday12:00am PST/3:00am EST (this means Sunday, early early, start of the morning)
    Verses posted after the deadline will not count!

    VOTES DUE Tuesday: 12:00am EST PACIFIC 3:00am (also meaning early early morning Tuesday for people in the US)
    Votes posted after the deadline will not count!

    • Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.
    • Verses must incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.
    • Anyone who does not post at least 4 rap lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.
    • During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.
    • Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a “show” but will not result in a match. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent posts between 16-64, you will lose the match but you will remain in the league. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent does not show, you will “Win by no-show”.

    Voting:
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    • No bias votes! If you have a personal investment in wanting someone to lose, whether because that member voted against you once, or you just don’t like that person, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match. If have a personal investment in wanting someone to win, whether because they’re crew member, or because you want to face that person in the next week’s brackets, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match.
    • ”Bias” must be confirmed by a Moderator.
    • If there is a match which you will not be able to vote on, due to “Bias” of any type, state so within your match prior to Verses Due Deadline. If this reduces the number of matches available for you to vote on to the point where you are unable to vote on at least 4 matches, the point scale will be adjusted according to how many matches you do vote on.
    • 3-ways are inevitable. In order to provide a tie-breaker in a 3-way, you are now required to indicate in what order the contestants finished (1st, 2nd, 3rd).
      anyone who does not show or vote is suspended one week and must sign-in again to be inserted the following week.



    Topics: http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1026583
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  2. UneekTestimony

    UneekTestimony New Member

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  3. UneekTestimony

    UneekTestimony New Member

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    .
    .
    1933-1953
    A racist quarter,
    Where blatant torture remained; I was raised in Georgia,
    Pain would exchange with horror; Staggering in defeat,
    I was thrown in the ditches, savages in the streets,
    Basking in deceit; Frolicking in its portions,
    Robbing from the rich, pocketing my misfortunes,
    This option was distorted; This force pierced my vision,
    The blur from greed brought the four years of prison,
    This course cleansed my image; I was faced with flaws,
    But my voice carried me, with my faith in God,
    I was placed at odds, but my options opened with,
    My chance to live as a gospel vocalist.
    .
    .
    1953-1958
    The Famous Flames,
    That was us, as we changed our names,
    Now Gospel was the past, we rearranged the game,
    With up tempo beats; We acknowledged the roots,
    With mainstream appeal combining gospel and blues,
    We gained a following youth; Never dreamed this far,
    And I evolved as one; The bands leading star,
    Just at ease, in awe; On the road, in spots,
    While my debut song just rose the charts,
    A molded art; I was anxious, and,
    On the way to stardom,
    I would make some friends,
    Michael Jackson, Aretha; My heart desired,
    Mr. Richard's views;
    His art, retired,
    One of the greatest to live,
    It ended regrets,
    But I stopped my tour,
    Just to give him respect,
    But give it a rest?
    I had a vicious plan,
    So I added new members,
    And picked his band,
    Who would've known,
    That I would actually live to favor,
    My life on the upside, as an innovator.
    .
    .
    1959-2006
    My music became a ritual, bigger,
    Sending a message as a racial political figure,
    Sold out shows, the crowd so ecstatic, and loud,
    Off of the movement that started 'I'm Black and I'm Proud',
    The lavish lifestyles, was just so addictive and such,
    The late nights out, and being a victim of drugs,
    Living it up, my songs now revealed a presence,
    That will stick forever; An appealing legend,
    And built in essence, so real and sacred,
    That I became the one- The billboard's favorite,
    I'm feeling so patient; Through all of the pain,
    Then I was praised; Inducted in the Hall of Fame,
    Though all I gained,
    There still was tears, then hell,
    And curses followed me;
    Bringing six more years of jail.
    .
    .
    1991-2006
    I learned a lot; To model and grow,
    During my time alone, and off of parole,
    Who would've known,

    That I would ever be this,
    Man of high praise,
    Lifetime Achievements,
    And disguised in these gifts,
    They should follow as oath,
    To never forget me,
    The only Godfather of Soul
    ]

    James Joseph Brown, Jr.
    1933-2006


    [​IMG]

    Godfather of Soul
    Living in America


    -Nique.
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  4. Brains

    Brains The Phantom

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2004
    Messages:
    758


    "Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule."
    Friedrich Nietzsche


    He joined the H-J to satisfy his country’s frequent plea
    Body thin and lean because that’s what they seemed to need
    This culture encouraged him to be as arrogant as he could be
    The spitting image of the vision in his charismatic leader’s dream
    Soon to be a soldier of his heinous endeavor
    His able state had made him perfect as they came in that era
    Eyes were ideally blue and hair was fairest as ever
    In Achim’s nation hate was a merit. Stations of terror
    …always recruited heavily, this was a normal tactic
    It was just a formal habit to join with this morbid faction
    which tried to sell genocide as purely a cordial practice
    So swastikas were sewn so deeply into his moral fabric
    He trained in the Hitler Youth, one of the stricter groups
    that kept their perfect posture stiff till the shift was thru
    Everyday from six to two, with a chief like Mister Tooth
    named for the character contradiction his lisp would do

    In less than perfect German parlance he snarled and spat at them all
    As they sat in a lecture hall with a sketched etched on the wall
    “This is the enemy”…preached the hateful teacher
    as he pointed at the picture with exaggerated facial features
    Racial beacons, meaning signals they could use to catch the victims
    …when they failed to wear the Star of David patches they were given
    These Nazi children had yet to become barbarian troopers then
    but eventually they would blossom into “Aryan Supermen”
    Before very long…Achim was in places of extermination
    …concentration stations from which there was no escaping
    Knee-deep in mass slaughter, camps on the afterlife’s border
    He’d keep the corpses in columns, for his master liked order
    At night he was assigned to watch bunk 9 as a shooter
    so the scum would stay in bed or they’d perish a day sooner
    And there were several situations when he had to use the gun and knife
    but whats a few deaths on your chest if they’re only numbers, right?

    He passed months, as part of Satan’s son’s powerful faculty
    This daily routine hardened his young and fragile mentality
    Serving his principality with systematic casualties
    and happily exacting all of Hitler’s rabid savagery
    The malice and wicked fallacies continued to possess him
    Until that fateful night when the hateful venom was lessened
    …because a little girl’s look can penetrate the coldest of spirits
    and that’s just what it did when one approached him and whispered
    Mister, do you know where my mommy is? I miss her.
    The doctor at the gate made her leave me and my sister.
    We can’t go to sleep though…we need her to tuck us in.
    I saw her go in there, that’s the building she must be in

    He almost told her then, that her mother was passed danger
    since the building that she pointed was one of the gas chambers
    Please tell her I’m out here, and I want her to take us home.
    She told me she’d find me later and we’d never be alone.


    On the brink of his first sob since he was probably ten
    He noticed that a hole was in the bottom of the fence
    In back of the bunk he guarded, leading out to the hills
    So he let his patriotic pride get beaten down by his will
    She wasn’t last. Nightly he helped more escape still
    Vowing not to stop till he freed more than he’d killed
    Each evening he’d choose several that were set to incinerate
    and bring them to the back of the bunk, where they would liberate
    Even if they eventually starved out in those fields
    They’d never have to cower to Hitler’s mission and yield
    Achim wielded weapons of mercy to fight malevolence
    which went undetected with the high number of entrants in
    At least until the night that he was spotted by the chain link rip
    and so he tried to slip through it himself…and simply tripped
    He fell by the bullet of a Nazi devil attacker
    …and died a lonley sympathetic rebel detractor
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  5. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    holy shit..


    nique... hands down the best fuckin verse of your time here.... .. read the whole fuckin thing 3x.... ur fuckin articulate... and i was stricken just fresh outta reading BARON MYND's verse right now.. and it vibed to CANT FORGET ABOUT U... by NAS and it depicted a dedicated verse to james brown.. and here i am fuckin reading urs... and shit... this is the fuckin verse of the year... fuck that... never read anything so flawless in this entire fuckin year... (and i been around reading... i just aint been able to show to these fuckin matches).... i wouldnt been able to read anyything more after this..


    BRAINS - i fuckin didnt wanna read ur verse.... but you know how to utilize vocabs with a strong narration... and that actually kept me fuckin reading this shit... u pretty much closed the margin between u and nique... i wouldve thought 1st hand FUCK THAT THIS MUFUCKA AIN WINNING... but i was fuckin impressed with ur shit.... that 2-0 record wasnt a fluke... u got game to be good in this league... dont fuckin lose ur head if it comes to u losing... i give u props


    vote- nique for fuckin destroying this fuckin verse... daaamn...
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  6. Brains

    Brains The Phantom

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  7. UneekTestimony

    UneekTestimony New Member

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  8. Brains

    Brains The Phantom

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  9. MC4SiGHT

    MC4SiGHT JOE COMMiSSO

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    Nique - I'll be honest i don't know much about James Brown historically I know his music, but reading through this peice it went so smoothly. The word choice was simple & perfect and the imagery just helped it glide by each time period. I know myself writing factual pieces has always been one of my weakest areas so when someone can write a piece about a mans life as well as this I really admire that ability. I felt it was done greatly, and respectfully. A great read!

    Brains- wow this battle is good. ok from start to finish i was intrigued, emotion seeped by this peice, its your good old story of the good guy in a sea who of bad guys whom a certain precense brings out the good in him. You took what could've been a fairly simple story and made it brilliant, I've read up and studied the holocaust many a time and you knew what you were talking about, which is needed in a peice like this you have to have backround knowledge of the subject. The mechanics, flow, emotion all just came through so nicely. The ending an expectation you just wait for but done nicely. Another great peice.

    Hmmmm this is a terribly hard battle to pick a winner. Both of you wrote amazing peices. Two different styles of writing, Nique with a great portrayal of legend thru her own words and Brains with an emotional peice of a story that was probley ever too true a few times back than.

    But when it comes down to me picking, I'm an emotions guy, if you can get me to feel for something by the time I'm done reading you verse than you've got my attention just a little bit more than a verse less emotionally drawing..

    That said my vote must go to

    Brains.

    Amazing battle though, both came with great peices and it was very close.
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  10. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    Nique - while I don't share Tek's sentiments on this being the greatest thing ever written this was a cool piece. The scheme was very solid and of course your flow was on point as always. On the other hand, all it really was, was a depiction of James Brown's life...truth be told I never really listened to his music and while he was a very energetic performer...I didn't feel this verse as being very energetic or even an original approach to this topic. Maybe it's cause i'm tired of reading Baron Mynd doing shit like this week in week out...but outside of this being very technically sound, the piece didn't really do anything for me.

    Brains - I said it from day one...I like your writing...your piece has a natural feel to it where the scheme does not feel forced and this read smoothly. I know there have been a lot of nazi/holocaust verses done throughout the RSTL and such, but this was a cool take. Not one i've read on much with the whole sympathy and from the eyes of a Nazi instead of the struggle of a prisoner...I feel the ending was very fitting to the verse and the emotion and imagery was definitely prevalent.

    Both of you had your strong suits in this battle here and it's definitely going to be a close one at the end of the day...personally I was able to correlate to Brains verse more so than Nique's because the verse just interested me more.

    vote = Brains
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  11. Baron Myzzle

    Baron Myzzle The British Guy

    Joined:
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    This Contendership was tough. Nique came ill with it, smooth flow, great scheme kept it moving, i loved the insight into Browns life, probably appreciated the difficulty involved with the piece more cos the Biopic pieces are my domain. Lol.

    Brains is a fucking champ in the making. The guy is dope, no question, ive read him over the past few weeks and his narration and writers voice is superb. I loved the spitting image line, there were some great quoteables in the piece, and it took something special to tackle that subject with, and he brought flames too. Really hard choice, and this one is gonna come down to personal preference.

    Imma have to go with Nique on this one, I just found it the more entertaining verse of the two, maybe because it was wrote in the same vein as my own pieces I appreciated that bit more. Sick, sick battle there. Brains is a champ in the making, trust me. Nique edged this by the slightest of margins

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  12. TaLi RodrigueZ

    TaLi RodrigueZ Washed Up Rapper...

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    Say whatever you wish Brains. I'm not fooled. That's all I'm saying bro lol. I think Brains edged this out and I'll sketch out my process for yall.

    Nique,

    This was well-written, which is pretty much what I'd expect out of you. I can't stress how important that is. In terms of your rhymes, they were pretty dope in comparison to league standards, but, at least in my opinion, not up to your usual level. Having written as much as I have, I can venture to guess that it's because you were more focused on getting the content the way you wanted it and then worried about the complex rhyme shit second. I'll tell you something though, I think this particular style is much more enjoyable to read than the whole, cramming as many big word rhymes as we can into 30 lines type of stuff you pull out every so often (most anybody who can rhyme good does occasionally lol). This has a much smoother narration than a lot of your stuff. My biggest issue with this piece really isn't anything I should be complaining about, and really i'm not complaining so to speak. These sort of pieces are sort of a dime a dozen. James Brown died, and everybody decided to write a biography of him. Yours is one of the better renditions, but at the end of the day, it gets lumped right in with about 4 other pieces I've read this week.

    'Brains,'

    I like the way your word shit. Always have lol. Real matter of factly and the rhymes are respectable enough to add to the narrative rather than take away from it. From the outset, I was a bit worried that this was going to go down the same route as the 20,000 holocaust era themed rhymes generally. You know, a lot of manufactured sympathizing and what not (not that the people in the era didn't deserve sympathy, I'm just saying that most people who write about it do a pretty shit job at really capturing it). This didn't feel false and I was pleasantly surprised that you hit a different angle on the whole thing. Not so much surprised, just happy, because there are so many opportunities for that to happen.

    In a perfect world, this match would end up a tie and we could all be happy and deserving of the outcome, but, I'm not about to vote a tie lol. Nique had the slight edge in terms of mechanics. Brains pretty easily took the creativity part of the equation, one because he took a stale topic and presented a fresh perspective, and two because if it was a biography of someone who actually existed, I don't know who dude is and the story hasn't been told enough. Nique is a hell of a writer, but the piece seemed a little flat overall, at least to me, whereas Brain's drew me in more and left me feeling a bit more fufilled in the end.
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  13. Dreamcaster

    Dreamcaster Welcome to My Mind

    Joined:
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    Nique, this was a very nice detailed outline of James Brown's life... you could of expanded on his addiction to coke and his troubled life that got him wanting a better life and gone a lil more in details on how that addiction grew after he got famous and got in more trouble... but all in all, I liked this alot. Since emotion is driven in the league now, I thought that this should of had a lil more of an emotional voice because James Brown was a very emotional man in and out of his music. Some imagery of his onstage performances would of helped too. Great flow from sequence to sequence as usual and this was a great piece to outline his life for people that don't know much about him. Loved reading this..... from start to finish.

    Brains, simply fantastic narration throughout the entire story. Some lines seemed a lil stretched, but understandibly and didn't take away from the smooth essenence of the story much. The character development was just perfect as Achim grew up to be a Nazi rebel and tool of Hitler, very bold subject matter btw, then grew a sympathetic heart down the lines, which was also important because I was having a bit of difficulty enjoying the praise of a savage Nazi killer and thought he was gonna kill the little girl or something like that. The story went full circle and the ending made me embrace the topic after not really liking the start to begin with. A great way to manipulate your audience and draw them in with your content then completely turn it around at the end. It reminds me of America History X, but of course much more in depth to the Nazi lifestyle as this is taking place during Hitler's duration.

    Vote Brains
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  14. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
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    Nique:
    Beautifully written piece. I can tell you know your stuff, on top of all of that, you are a really efficient writer. Word's exactly where they need to be to create a naturally flowing piece of work. Your rhyming is a strong point, as it brings your ideas to life, like the words are animated, and the story is more than just text. Out of all the Brown pieces this week, yours slightly edged Mynd's I think.

    Brains:
    You have the ability to create stories that a lot of people don't have. You sacrifice the •••••••••• of some of your rhymes to finish a clearer line, but it doesn't make the line seem diminished like in some writing in the league. You create images so vivid that it almost feels like I'm not reading a 'rhyme' anymore, and just a story. My only issue with this piece is some of the words chosen, while they all seem to fit, they read awkward in some spots...

    This is a really difficult battle to vote on, my preferences aside, both writers really showed their abilities. I'm literally hard pressed to vote on either of you because you both really showed strength in two different styles of writing. While Brains piece was filled to the brim with content, longer lines, more description, Nique's piece was just as packed with really profound ideas, making the shorter lines carry as much weight as a longer line with more words would. Because of that, preference does prevail in my vote... Nique.

    Great battle.
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  15. Para Bellum

    Para Bellum si vis pacem

    Joined:
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    nique - of all the james brown verses posted this week, i personally think this one is the best. i loved how you broke it down by era and told a story. your flow was on point and your usage of words was top notch. i didnt sense any awkward or forced rhymes. i can tell you did alot of research before writing this and i believe it really paid off for you, very well written

    brains - another great read from you, a very well told story. your flow was solid but i would say nique edged on that simply cause her verse had a more unique flow where as you were a bit more conservative. also, whereas she had a very keen sense of what words to use and how to use them, there were parts in your verse that just didnt fit right together. like the way the lines panned out, it didnt flow as good as they could of. very dope read tho, when i look at both verses tho and overall what they brought, i would have to say nique edged this one. good match


    vote - nique
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  16. Para Bellum

    Para Bellum si vis pacem

    Joined:
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    nique - of all the james brown verses posted this week, i personally think this one is the best. i loved how you broke it down by era and told a story. your flow was on point and your usage of words was top notch. i didnt sense any awkward or forced rhymes. i can tell you did alot of research before writing this and i believe it really paid off for you, very well written

    brains - another great read from you, a very well told story. your flow was solid but i would say nique edged on that simply cause her verse had a more unique flow where as you were a bit more conservative. also, whereas she had a very keen sense of what words to use and how to use them, there were parts in your verse that just didnt fit right together. like the way the lines panned out, it didnt flow as good as they could of. very dope read tho, when i look at both verses tho and overall what they brought, i would have to say nique edged this one. good match


    vote - nique
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  17. Anaphora

    Anaphora was here

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    Vote: Brains

    There, now the suspense is gone. Haha, ok, Nique, this was pretty sound fundamentally, there were a few places like: we gained a following youth... that should be youth following. The fragmented half lines really don't help the flow, also, in the first stanza or whatever, where it says "I was thrown in the ditches, savages in the streets" a very similar, but smoother way to word this line would be "Was thrown in the ditches by savages in the streets," or if you wanna keep the half line choppy flow thing going, it'd be more congruous if you had 'ravaged in the streets," because then it'd be 2 actions, instead of being a verb then a noun, if that makes sense... Also, Michael Jackson wasn't born til 58, which is out of the time period that he's mentioned in... just small things. Other than that, this just was a bit boring. Not a whole lot happened, I mean, it did, but even that wasn't terribly interesting. I'd rather read a single scene of something that happened to Jimmy that really affected his life, and maybe a few lines about how it changed him in the end... just my two cents.

    Brains: This was way longer than it needed to be. Or, there should've been more concrete details instead of meditating on how crazy and mean Hitler was. That said, this was pretty sweet. I like the narrative, and other then getting sidetracked a lot rehashing "Hitler Bad!" it was pretty entertaining. I would've liked to see him getting caught in the act, and being faced with the decision of what to do. Kill a fellow guard, perhaps a friend, to save a stranger he feels bad for, take off as well and try to hide, or pretend he caught the jew trying to escape and hope the other guard believed him... there was only one place really that I stopped, which was the heinous endeavor, and part of that was pronoun confusion... he is Achim, and Hitler at the same time... but also it's just kind of awkward wording. But overall, I felt your piece was stronger.
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  18. UneekTestimony

    UneekTestimony New Member

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    Heh, I'm never surprised when Anaphora votes.
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