CONTENDER MATCH: 3. Inkwell (Chris) 2-0 vs 4. Mr. Mynd 6-0

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Got Life?, Jun 6, 2006.

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  1. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    [​IMG]

    LINE LIMITS:
    No-shows = 4 lines.
    #21-DOWN = 24 lines.
    #11-20 = 36 lines.
    #3-#10 = 44 lines.
    #1-#2 = 62 lines.

    VERSES DUE:
    Friday 11:00pm PST/2:00am EST

    VOTES DUE:
    Sunday 10:00pm PST/1:00am EST

    TOPICS:
    Topics will be provided at the beginning of the week so that everyone has ample time to get involved.

    VOTING:
    You must vote on 4 matches and post URL's on your thread of matches u voted for.

    -You must use the HIDDEN VOTES UBB CODE to conceal your votes. Votes must be hidden! To hide a vote, first thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. The last thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, a backslash “/”, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. Unhidden votes will not count.

    - If you forget to hide your vote you must have one of the moderators hide your vote within an hour of it being cast and the vote will still count as long as no votes had been cast after your vote. Any vote that was editted by anyone other than a moderator will be deemed inadmissable.

    -Votes must be thoroughly explained without any form of biased details.

    -FORMER CHAMPS are allowed to vote for any match (but only 3 matches max).

    -Crew Votes are illegal.

    -1 vote is taken away for each vote you fail to do.

    -1 vote is taken away for each URL you fail to post on your thread.

    -If you win by NS and fail to vote, you do NOT get the win and remain where you are in ranks.

    -Tiebreakers will be determined by the Moderators when the week winds down.

    -Votes must dedicate at least 2 lines of break down for each verse. This means your sentence(s) must reach the end of the screen and wrap around twice, even if only one word is on the third line.

    ALTERNATES:
    If your opponent NO-SHOWS, and you posted a full verse you will be bumped up appropriately to face the next person in the brackets within your range. If no opponent is available such as if you were in the bottom 20 and the next up no show is in the top 10 then you will be given a win for your efforts. You must still vote on 4 matches accordingly as any failure to vote will result in no win and no progress in the ranks. The only event other than this in which you may take the no show win is if you only did post a no-show verse which consists of 4 rhyming lines.

    Topics:
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=989387

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  2. inkwell (chris)

    inkwell (chris) Spontaneous Bop Prosody

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2006
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    Nineteen ninety one… a year ill never forget
    Because that was the year, that I collected my debt
    And no, I’m not talking bout embezzlement checks
    ...I’m talking 3 mil. Fuckin 3 mil!

    In the eighties i was prosperous, riddled with obnoxiousness
    Cuz as the profits sky rocketed, so did my confidence

    I was in the business of gambling..
    Placing bets on the underdogs, paying off the champions

    Basketball was the sport, college, division one...
    I was always droppin paper, my nickname was Litterbug

    Eleven months every year, i was living large sitting pretty
    But the twelfth month, March, yea i spent March getting busy

    It was MADNESS, straight madness the way i ruled that shit
    I wrote a few checks and they missed a few baskets

    If i paid a player fifty, i bet a hundred
    Thousand upon thousand, I kept it coming
    The bread, the mustard, the lettuce, the dough!
    That’s one hell of a cold cut! Oh fuck! Yo!

    ...

    One day, a colleague, said i should move to the pro ranks
    I told him "college is so bank, I’m straight, no thanks"
    But HE said, he had, the pay off of the century
    He just didn’t have the scratch, to pay off the center piece
    He needed a business man that did business sensibly
    He was about to give up, but that’s when he remembered me
    I told him "let me be, forget it-leave, pretty please?"
    And as he did… I yelled "WAIT.. HOOOW many g's?"
    He smiled, replied, "not G's my friend"
    "You must have forgot what league we're in"
    "In the NBA, seven figures, six 0's"
    Told him "man you’re a sick-o", nodded, "let’s go."

    ...

    My colleague arranged a meeting, for me and the star
    The guy was out back of the gym, waiting for me in the car
    So i greeted the star, told him "speak from the heart"
    He ensured me not to worry because he was in charge

    So when the big game came, I was glued to the set
    THE BULLS had the lead, guess MJ wasn’t "just do'in it" yet
    But i guessed he would do it, and he would do it his best
    When the game was on the line he would shoot with his left
    The ball would move to the left, and he'd accuse all the refs
    Of throwing the game.. And they'd say "sorry mike but you got no one to blame.."
    And i would go get my change... but I’m going insane!
    Cuz with 4 seconds left, tied score, he goes to the lane!
    Slam dunk.. MAN FUCK! THERES NO FUCKING WAY!
    I took my kitchen knife and made a hole in my vein!

    ...

    But i survived, and I’m alive, 15 years past.
    And I’m bout to get revenge on Michael Jordan at last.

    I got him in my scope.. if i shot him in the throat
    He could have an open casket so the nozzles at his nose

    My sniper rifles led slammed through, his head and tooth
    Now America’s youth is in a Dead Man's Shoe



    TOPIC: Dead Man's Shoe


    whoo... add one to the archives...
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  3. Mr. Mynd

    Mr. Mynd The British Guy

    Joined:
    May 11, 2004
    Messages:
    602
    One Unforgettable Summer

    The sharp snap of our bubblegum, announced the summer’d begun!
    Our brows heavy with sweat, as we cleverly set…
    …about making this THE summer we`d never forget.
    “Let`s ride up to Lake Freeman!” - Joey had said it in jest,
    Not expecting the medley of “Yeah’s!”’ that had led to our quest.
    Tall shadows leisurely swept, by as we endeavoured the stretch ..
    .. down to the lake, our bicycle spokes humming aloud as we raced.

    Surrounding the gates were “Private Property, No Trespassing!” signs -
    But the adrenaline rush, proved plenty too much, for any of us, to of kept it in mind!
    We fretfully climbed the fence, each of us scaling its face ..
    .. before breaking away, with tapering pace, and heading straight for the lake.
    The suns belated repraise, came as we played at the waters edge ..
    .. when “Who’s up for skinny dipping!”, and “Did he just say what I thought he said?!”
    Turned the topic of conversation. I discarded my garments and ran,
    Cradling my limp package within the palm of my hand.
    Part of the gang followed my lead, me and Aimee frolicked and toyed ..
    .. as she called “Come on Sara, jump in- You’re one of the boys!”
    Sara seemed slightly reluctant, but regardless she joined ..
    .. though her teeth were clenched, as she waded in over at the deepest end, to greet her friends.

    The look on Sara’s face suddenly became staunch and nervous ..
    .. as she was struggling to keep her head up and above the waters surface.
    Her legs flailing outward wildly, she kicked up with a passion ..
    .. attempting to gain some propulsion, but alas- Nothing would happen.
    We weren’t aware she couldn’t swim, so when we saw her waving arms ..
    .. We callously waved back - with no idea of her state of alarm.
    We weren’t aware she couldn’t swim.
    Weren’t aware these events would unfurl…
    …and inevitably, it was our ignorance that killed that young girl.

    Rest In Peace
    Sara Parkes
    20/07/1981 - 06/06/2006


    It was certainly one summer I`LL never forget…
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  4. 2Xtreme

    2Xtreme a.k.a. Mad Static 4:14

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2004
    Messages:
    1,231
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    wow....amazed by both pieces.

    Inkwell- what did it for this piece was the humor and punchlines.

    "If i paid a player fifty, i bet a hundred
    Thousand upon thousand, I kept it coming
    The bread, the mustard, the lettuce, the dough!
    That’s one hell of a cold cut! Oh fuck! Yo!"

    great one there. Also, you kept the story spaced out so that it would give it room to go back and catch up if we got lost. it kept me reading throughout the entire time without getting bored and anything, and the last line...

    "My sniper rifles led slammed through, his head and tooth
    Now America’s youth is in a Dead Man's Shoe"

    the icing on the cake....


    Mr. Mynd- for the piece, I do think more than a couple lines could've been done without, or became overwhelming due to them being stretched out a little too much. Despite that, the storyline was very unexpecting, turning something joyful and bright into something dark and horrific with the death turn at the end.


    This was pretty much neck to neck, but in the end, I'd have to say Inkwell gets this one, due to the good structure and punchlines and metaphors being brought together very well to give it a humorous taste to the piece.
    [/hide]
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  5. HellRzah

    HellRzah PurE EviL

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2001
    Messages:
    8,824
    [hide]nice and close battle, aiight here it goes:

    inkwell: Nice verse son, I liked the idea of paying off games..haven't seen it yet so you came with an original approuch..I like that, your flow was on point and you had an ok finisher..good writing

    best lines:
    "In the eighties i was prosperous, riddled with obnoxiousness
    Cuz as the profits sky rocketed, so did my confidence"
    "It was MADNESS, straight madness the way i ruled that shit
    I wrote a few checks and they missed a few baskets"--> liked this one very much

    points: 80/100

    Mynd: Hella nice rhyming here..fantastic rhymescheme and a captivating content..I felt it..this was some deep ish especially the plot..I enjoyed this one very much (more than Inkwell's)..good piece

    best lines:
    "Surrounding the gates were “Private Property, No Trespassing!” signs -
    But the adrenaline rush, proved plenty too much, for any of us, to of kept it in mind!
    We fretfully climbed the fence, each of us scaling its face ..
    .. before breaking away, with tapering pace, and heading straight for the lake."
    "Her legs flailing outward wildly, she kicked up with a passion ..
    .. attempting to gain some propulsion, but alas- Nothing would happen."
    "Weren’t aware these events would unfurl…
    …and inevitably, it was our ignorance that killed that young girl."--> deep ender, good ish

    points 87/100

    so vote= Mr. Mynd

    pz![/hide]
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  6. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    Ink...ooh shit...that ending was dope..."now america's youth is in a dead man's shoes"...outside of that though...I didn't like the way your formatted this and a lot of the wording could have been a lot better...sometimes you shouldn't just throw rhymes in for the sake of rhyming...you have to actually develop the writing man...this could have been so much iller...but yea...killer concept...just wish you developed upon it better...

    Mynd...the imagery in this was very elaborate and the writing was rather polished... something I haven't seen to much of in recent weeks...beyond that your story was very realistic...unfortunately I felt it began almost as soon as it ended and I would have like there to be more to it....

    so to vote on this is a tough call...on the one hand Ink had a more complete story, but Mr. Mynd was polished through and through and his story was written much better...

    vote = Inkwell for the better all around story...by a hair...

    [/hide]
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  7. Insense

    Insense take one...

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    2,893
    mag business
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  8. idolz

    idolz New Member

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    Props to both Inkwell and Mynd. Both had nice stories. But i was definately blown away by Baron. He had more realism with his characters and dialouge than Inkwell and thats something i really liked and admired. Baron didnt have no type of twist just told a story with a dramatic and heart crushing ending and i respect that alot. His verse was extremly well polished and put together. As much as i enjoyed Inkwells i think Baron topped it with how well written his verse was. Nice job guys. Stellar

    vote Baron
    [/hide]

    insufficient breakdown...
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  9. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Joined:
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    5,344
    [hide]Inkwell...

    somewhat creative, flow was ok, i didn't really like the stop and flow feel of it, but for the most part it was nice, well written, however, the piece just didn't have that appeal that i personally look for in a verse, i didn't feel satisfied at the end, although it was a good verse, it wasn't one of my favorites

    baron...

    like the multi's the flow was off in some points, but it still managed to go oh so rather smoothly, huh?, anyway, the part i liked about this was of course the way it was written but also the choice of words the way you displayed it with a touch of imagery gave it a good feel, it was rather abrupt though in my opinion, not much detail, just hey this was a summer i cant forget b/c we watched our freind drown, but all in all this was still written well, short, but i lliked it


    overall...

    inkwell's approach to inside gambling on the old mj days was creative in itself but not my cup of tea, baron had a very direct approach to the quickest summer i'll never forget theme, i dont it may just come down to personal preference and based on what i've already wrote it's clear that i would have to lean towards Baron, so with that said my vote goes to BARON[/hide]
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  10. Juked

    Juked like 20 of the Lions.

    Joined:
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    [HIDE]ink- yo dawg your a pretty good story teller...this shit flowed well and held my attention the whole way...I was feelin the creativity and the occasional word play. However i didnt really liek the ending...i felt you had a good story goin and the ending was too extreme.

    mynd- your verse had a good rhyme scheme and flowed very well from beginning to end...you were very descriptive at times and had good imagery. I personally can relate to this story and that also helped my decision...

    v- mynd for having a more polished and relatable story that held through from beginning to end.[/HIDE]
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  11. inkwell (chris)

    inkwell (chris) Spontaneous Bop Prosody

    Joined:
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  12. UneekTestimony

    UneekTestimony New Member

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    [hide]Eh. This is a tough one. Basically because although I didn't like one story the other didn't seemed to end a lot more abruptly and underdeveloped. The story I didn't like was inkwell's simply because it was a story that lacked anything compelling besides the dangerous passion of gambling and him killing Michael Jordan. I couldn't really picture anything because of your lack of figurative language, BUT you story did have a compelling ending. Didn't really expect it. Baron, it's obvious you're the better writer. You had all of the components, but yours ended so abruptly that it didn't give me enough time to grasp the concept in the first place. It was short and sweet, but almost too short. Feel me? Was this a true story? I don't know. This is hard. I'ma have to go with inkwell just because of developmental strategy ONLY. i don't feel like baron had the time (he didn't even vote) to finish his story seems like.
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  13. Dicnyaeye

    Dicnyaeye N CuM oN Ya BrAiN

    Joined:
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    [HIDE]

    Inkwell, this was well portayed in the narration and the flow was cool and on point throughout. The voice of the narration in the book keeper was cool too and as the content opened up more it got more detailed and opened
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  14. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    Inkwell wins 3-0
    Mr. Mynd loses 6-1

    Mynd didn't vote...
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