COME WITH THE PAIN(LOVE IT) GIVE FEEDBACK PLZ

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by Malawi Dawi, Jun 23, 2013.

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WHAT DO YOU THINK

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  1. Malawi Dawi

    Malawi Dawi New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2013
    Messages:
    7
    endure the GAMES TORMENT/FAME FORTUNE/
    FLAWLESS PIPE DREAMS what this LIFE BRINGS,
    SHIESTY
    niggas jus LIKE ME,
    HUNGRY, overwhelm with bein broke, HOMIES,
    hit LICKS,PIMPS chase the same things, CRIPS,
    bloods, BANDANAS,BANANA CLIPS/WHIPS IMPRESSIVE
    EXPRESSIONS in her face show strong AFFECTION,
    REVEALING a FEELING of not havin whats quite APPEALING
    ADLIB(WE ALL WANT THAT SHIT)
    its a mirage to live STAR LIKE,BAR FIGHTS, cop the ENTOURAGE ICE,
    shine like a face on PROM NIGHT,
    SMALL TYPE,
    petite model chick WRONG WIFE,
    happy home broken the bride GROOM SHAME FACE,
    no sex in the champagne ROOM GAME FACE,
    DICKIN HER OUT,
    DICK IN HER MOUTH,
    no LOYALTY, the dog in you, the dog IN ME,
    quick to bark on a bitch,give a FORE-WARNIN
    put the PAWS ON HER,
    got my dogs, stuck in the KENNEL,
    its a REYNOLDS,
    she even told whats in the RENTAL,
    she even swore to testify, POTENTIAL witness OFFICIAL nigga,
    shot her down,the ACQUITTAL,my man walked away wit his MIDDLE,
    finger in the AIR, DA(district attorney) scream nigga still ringin in my EAR,
    EMOTIONS, can't break a real nigga HOPELESS,BROKEN PROMISES,
    street niggas chase COMMON SENSE,only REASON of DREAMIN,
    DOLLARS,DIAMONDS, BITCHES, gold DIGGERS and DOMINANCE.

    HOOK

    YOU GOTTA LOVE IT,
    EVERYTHING BROUGHT TO THE GAME,
    AD LIB (YOU GOT)
    MANY THINGS LOST, AND IT CAME,
    AD LIB (YOU GOT)
    GET YA MONEY COME WIT THE PAIN
    THE PAIN IT COME WITH THE PAIN...
    HEAR THE SONG
    • Hot Thread Hot Thread x 1
    test
  2. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2012
    Messages:
    204
    As I was typing a response I suddenly realised what the christ the still image was on the video. At least 3 or 4 of my colleagues would have seen that.

    But yeah, this was fairly generic piece with generic genericness and I hated the fact you caps-locked everything like we don't know words rhyme. Pretty insulting actually. Fuck you.
    test
  3. Malawi Dawi

    Malawi Dawi New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2013
    Messages:
    7
    First time on this site so, i was unsure how to go about typing it, mrsfluxu, but I do appreciate the realness of the feedback, and can u elaborate on what made it generic.
    test
  4. Malawi Dawi

    Malawi Dawi New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2013
    Messages:
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    Elaborate on the generic of genericness
    test
  5. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    204
    To be fair, I'm just listening to the song now as i'm home and I really enjoyed it. The whole shit felt like a throw back to the mid 90's with some guy in a baggy white suit and oversized sunglasses singing at the end. You have an aura of G-Funk. I liked the production, the sax was implemented effortlessly, the snap snares, guitar riff hiding in the background, really nicely done. Feel like busting out my Tha Dogg Pound cassettes now.

    Regardless, the lyrics aren't that impressive or innovative for me, they don't inspire me to write because I want to better what you've posted. The lyrics just sound like everything i've heard before but reworded.

    However, despite the above, you have a recorded song to show for it and that's what matters. Ultimately that's what you want to show people, not the standalone lyrics.

    Keep posting.
    test
  6. mr.redeyez

    mr.redeyez Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2007
    Messages:
    838
    that was some real raw shit,from beginning to end respect my dude, i can relate, where you from?
    test
  7. Malawi Dawi

    Malawi Dawi New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2013
    Messages:
    7
    Good looks bro, I'm from jersey city, u make music? And where u from g?
    test
  8. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    lol

    Imma leave soem feed once my mind is in da mood for writing....ILL BE BACK
    test
  9. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    man, your really went in hard on that first verse...the pace never let up...I didn't listen to the audio yet cos I'm about to fall asleep at the desk, but the read through was well structured and delivered seamlessly.

    the content was an abomination, typical of the world....rise up homie...do better. (id be a hypocrite if i said I never wrote evil lyrics...I try hard to never again).
    test
  10. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2001
    Messages:
    29,663
    It was real hard to capture the flow in the text part. using caps lock on every rhyme isn't necessary. We're not retarded. Lyrically this was not a strong piece. Content was elementary.

    When I played the audio, and ignore the video and the fact that you didn't mute the video when you recorded, I found your flow to be pretty unique. Work on your production, though. Your voice overs rarely matched up, and it sounded terrible. The beat was mediocre.

    Keep elevating, though
    test

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