Check Yes or No?

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by nathedawg, Jan 21, 2005.

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  1. nathedawg

    nathedawg New Member

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    Im going to say this has more of a comedy tone to it... so dont take it too seriously, its actually one of the only comedy poems Ive done...
    tell me what you think...tooshort





    You ask do I love you?
    Honestly there's something there but Im afraid to love you
    Ive seen what you can do and undo

    Im afraid to commit myself to someone that is crazier than myself
    Im scared that you might get mad off some petty shit all the damn time
    Ive seen the way your temper has an influence on certain people
    Shit, honestly I can say you are fixin to get hit by one of the chicas down the road!

    You ask do I love you?
    There's something there, its just that.....

    everytime I get close to you
    It seems I cant breathe, its as if I go through an anxiety attack when we touch...
    When we kiss its as if the whole world is at a stop just to watch us in our comfortable bliss

    I do love the way you smile and the way you run your fingers through hair

    There's something there....

    but my heart has been down this road before a few too many times
    and the hurt is too much to bear
    Its been real.......
    Im showing you the door​
    test
  2. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

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    woooord up

    Tooshort your humor is hidden in a few of your other poems....dancing erotic to your reflection in the river...lol....but yo this piece was str8....I've seen you flip the script better though....this was cool...the title caught my interest....the tone of this poem was cool and relaxed....like whatever....almost turning your back on love doing the unexpected....very original...sorta personal....but I think you can do better

    Holla

    PEACE AND GODBLESS
    test
  3. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

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    I remember we used to pass those torn pieces of paper to eachother in class with the question, do you like me, and the box where you'd check yes or no. One time I checked no and on the playground it became a battleground which kinda sucked, but good times. My runts sealed in the truce lol.
    This poem brought back those elementary days, but I don't think this was about back in the gap lol. It seemed pretty simple as far as what you wanted to say, and the chica line gave me a quick laugh. It was an easy read, and that's all I have to say!
    -Much Love
    test
  4. Madnick

    Madnick Modern Laureate

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    UFO explained it perfectly the humor is hidden and i think the last line brings it out. You did a nice job and some parst I was laughing, nice job tooshort.
    test
  5. THE TAURUS

    THE TAURUS NOTHING BUT RAGE

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    Jan 24, 2005
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    Damn

    Yo I like how you have a person thinking
    the ending is going to be one way. And then it ends up all the
    way in left field.

    "I'm showing you the door"

    Was not expecting that line.
    But good work kept me want to read more.
    Keep them coming.
    test
  6. TrueEmcee

    TrueEmcee Run.

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    "ive seen what you can do and undo" sets the poem up awesomely (Got my own word)then.. talking about her kiss, the anxiety attacks (lol not literally), shit leads you to believe you love her right?
    i love the ending, fricken dropped my jaw nearly, didnt see it coming but i liked it.
    i agree wit what UFO said, a cool and relaxed tone, it's like ya mature to the situations of heartbreak and falling hard and you handle it betta
    good work
    test
  7. Poetickz

    Poetickz The Humble One

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    ok im feelin this, it could be looked at both ways, as a comdey piece or a serious piece from my perspective...at one of those situations where "where are we in the relationship type conversations" and you jus spit it out...

    lmao i know people like this...weirds me out when im around em and shit, and they out there throwin bows, and talkin shit to others like it aint nothin....nice piece man keep doin you.
    one
    test
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