Championship Match: 1. Sacrifice 4-0 VS 2. TheReturn 3-0 VS 3. Thaumaturge 12-0

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Pent uP, Sep 19, 2006.

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  1. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Feb 17, 2001



    The Standard League Rules will still be Enforced

    Due Dates

    VERSES DUE: Saturday, 11:59PM PST/2:59AM EST
    Verses posted after the deadline will not count!

    VOTES DUE Monday, 11:59PM PST/2:59 EST
    Votes posted after the deadline will not count!

    • Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.
    • Verses must incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.
    • Anyone who does not post at least 4 rap lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.
    • RECYCLING IS NOT STRICTLY PROHIBITED. You may not use any verse that you have previously used within the league at any time. Whether it was a no show, tournament verse recycled for the league or visa versa or any verse that have ever been used within the league perimeters.
    • During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.
    • Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a “show” but will not result in a match. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent posts between 16-64, you will lose the match but you will remain in the league. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent does not show, you will “Win by no-show”.

    • If you do not show you can still vote and post the links in your match to receive full voting points. In addition, if you do not show, yet vote on at least 4 matches (Or, every match available, should there be less than 4 matches to vote on) you will remain in the league.
    • Votes must be hidden! To hide a vote, first thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. The last thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, a backslash “/”, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. Unhidden votes will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No second chance votes! If your vote has been edited, even it was only to hide it, your vote will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No bias votes! If you have a personal investment in wanting someone to lose, whether because that member voted against you once, or you just don’t like that person, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match. If have a personal investment in wanting someone to win, whether because they’re crew member, or because you want to face that person in the next week’s brackets, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match.
    • ”Bias” must be confirmed by a Moderator.
    • If there is a match which you will not be able to vote on, due to “Bias” of any type, state so within your match prior to Verses Due Deadline. If this reduces the number of matches available for you to vote on to the point where you are unable to vote on at least 4 matches, the point scale will be adjusted according to how many matches you do vote on.
    • 3-ways are inevitable. In order to provide a tie-breaker in a 3-way, you are now required to indicate in what order the contestants finished (1st, 2nd, 3rd).
      anyone who does not show or vote is suspended one week and must sign-in again to be inserted the following week.

    [*]You will now be required to vote in the Championship and Contender's Match. These are the two matches for every no show winner to vote on and every member of the league to vote on as well. If you don't vote in those matches, you will not advance. You will recieve a win, but your rank will not change.

  2. Thaumaturge

    Thaumaturge New Member

    Jun 11, 2004

    My apologies for last week TheReturn, Great verses by everyone.
  3. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Aug 24, 2006
  4. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Jul 13, 1999
    In as well, it's an honor to be facing you both... I'm a fan of each of you..

    Good luck

  5. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Aug 24, 2006

    The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
    Carl Jung

    If time is the 4th dimension, is the 5th stuck in a dream?
    Parallel universes, is there something to see?
    There must be a key, and I often wonder what could it be?
    Step into my mind, let's look at what's in a dream...

    A key to unlock the deepest of thoughts as Megan dozes to sleep.
    She knows it's a dream, but for some reason she's frozen and weak.
    Looking around at her surroundings, but she can't focus to see
    It's all a blur, then what she sees isn't what she hoped it would be.
    Her motions are fallin to the ocean beneath
    But for unknown reasons she's sinking at the slowest of speeds.
    Like feathers easing down when the breeze is open and free,
    She's forced to ponder death, waiting to hit the floating debris...

    Have you ever had a dream where you stop breathing, Mike has.
    He sees his life pass, dreams he's underwater and he needs a life vest
    But it's pitch black, he's so deep the ocean's free from light's path.
    So he grits his teeth, mustering up his strength to fight back.
    Breathing's got him side tracked, he feels his lungs collapsing
    Kicking, screaming inside but still his arms are thrashing.
    A glimpse at the surface is worthless if he don't start relaxing.
    Death in the hardest fashion, he awaits the start of a harmful passing...

    If time is the 4th dimension, is the 5th stuck in a dream?
    Parallel universes, is there something to see?
    There must be a key, and I often wonder what could it be?
    Step into my mind, let's look at what's in a dream...

    Megan's screeching now, unaware of what she screamed about.
    She sees light beaming from her fingers as she reaches out
    The cold mist nipping at her open lips as she's sinking down,
    Approaching death to the ocean's depths, moving in leaps and bounds.
    And she's freaking out, as a light erupts from this devil's sea,
    The brightest white developing, she thinks it must be Heaven's gleam
    Until a face appears, the most handsome face she's ever seen.
    She awakes with a shake, noticing her clock glowing 3:17...

    Moment of truth, Mike and his conscience are in the cruelest debate,
    Cause to give up is suicide, and he'd always been true to his faith.
    Always believed drowning was among the most gruesome of fates.
    And then a light erupted at the surface, he would do what it takes
    A womanly figured suspended in mid-air, she was new to the place,
    Never seen such a beautiful face, as the one in this beaming light.
    But then just as she's in sight, he's in his bed leaned up right.
    Just glad he's breathing right after his dreams in the heat of night...

    If time is the 4th dimension, is the 5th stuck in a dream?
    Parallel universes, is there something to see?
    There must be a key, and I often wonder what could it be?
    Step into my mind, let's look at what's in a dream...

    What if a conscious reality was just the tip of the iceberg?
    What if science was a running joke that left our minds blurred?
    In dreams there's no pain, so in another world would life hurt,
    And death be pleasure, since it's the opposite of our nice Earth?
    What if our universe was actually a dual or a triverse,
    And Megan saw people in another world that was exactly like hers?
    If Mike saw Megan in our life would he even recognize her?
    Would she be his wife, fall in love, or swoon over Mike's words?

    We must embrace the blackness, dreams are the face of action.
    The tickets to another world if you can just evade distractions
    That rise up and take shape out of everyday attractions.
    Look into your deepest thoughts, don't berate the madness.
    You can't look at all the nightmares as innate disasters.
    You gotta break the habits, fight back and make it happen
    Because everything that takes place is just as fate would have it.
    Even dreams of love are a science, you still can't fake reactions...

    If time is the 4th dimension, is the 5th stuck in a dream?
    Parallel universes, is there something to see?
    There must be a key, and I often wonder what could it be?

    I've shared my thoughts, now tell me what's in a dream...

  6. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Jul 13, 1999
    double-post. frustrating as hell.
  7. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Jul 13, 1999
    11:59:59 - 12:00:00 -- passion that lurks

    The darkest path, large and brash.
    Seeming smooth till it reaches through with the harshest wrath.
    Sparking fast... lurking like the pain,
    inside the brain, frantically finding veins.
    Despite the focus the tide will change.
    Inside the locus of life, the hope isn't right.
    Oceans of fright, explosions of emotional blight
    controlling the plight, a moment in time...
    The destination vaguely noticed, then frozen insight.
    Maybe opened the next gate, preying over the templates,
    of normalcy and dead-weight. Forced to breathe the temptations.

    She awoke with the feet of ghosts, breathing slow,
    as the demons she provoked were leaving no trace.
    Speaking perforated, when even she chose faith.
    The evening was cold -wait-, she needed her own space,
    to let her soul break from the demonic advance.
    The problem enhanced, danced in an ominous trance.
    Conglomerates of the bottomless depths, followed her steps,
    spinning the web for the capture, within her inner vision
    the image consisted of limitless vivid laughter.
    Minutes after, she awoke, she provoked
    diminished rapture- even though-she's spinning faster,
    leaving no trace, of the demon's possession.
    Evil progressed within and controlled Faith...
    her soul-shakes.

    A darker path, sparked and flashed
    allowing Faith to see, how proud they made believe
    a cloud of plagues, diseased around the graves of each lost.
    A breached trust, a weak cost for her deep lust-for-evil.
    Destructive, lethal, disgusting, -people were much too feeble.

    She submitted to the minions of infinity,
    In minutes-she became a citizen of the flame,
    the synthesis of the pain, and nemesis of the ways of God.
    When minutes ago she wasn't kicking below the surface.
    Intimate, close, with him and the hatred, she faced it;
    -the purpose, she tasted, the Earth flipped and caved-in,
    any trace of love, she faced above and erased it.
    So abrasive, the power was contagious;
    devoured the cowardice and the brave-less.
    Then she was awakened

    ...created again; the brightest illumination extended,
    her human face was reflected and used her greatness and strength
    and it soon became suggested she knew the way it would end.
    But she fought, exhausted and distraught:
    and the plot thickened and caught visions of lost insanity,
    and supremacy.
    An awful enemy... Faith thought she'd never be,
    made the cause of wrecking peace, and thought it'd never cease...

    "I can't believe you came, are you insane?
    I need the change, release the chains; the beast it made,
    me sustain an evil rage. I didn't breath the same,
    oxygen, I breathed the hate, my speech became
    An astonishing release of phonics and honest defeat.
    So please remain, along the side of me today,
    I know God has promised me a way, as long I can refrain
    from the frequent pain, that creeps my veins."

    The scene; it changed. The minion reigned.
    Any who competed, retreated or were quickly slain.
    Faith was eternally possessed, internally infected,
    by the subversive neglect of the person respected;
    the most. The evil within her rejected utopia.
    Invested in the perpetual rogue, that never revoked.

    Evil is within us,
    the fight is only seconds in length.
    And as evil is with us,
    Take pride in your acceptance and thanks.
    Because in the second it takes,
    to fasten the hurt,
    you'll become the consecutive prey
    of the passion that lurks.
  8. Thaumaturge

    Thaumaturge New Member

    Jun 11, 2004
    Did my verse to the picture topic of the topless girl scratching her back, for some reason it's loading as a red x for the meantime
    A beautiful night---
    The drapes of an open window float in the wind,
    Candle flames blowing as a full moon luminates an oak bed with noone within.
    Below is a bin holding pipes and a wallet with money that's missing,
    And call it a crummy susp.icion, but I think someone's probably buddies with crystal.
    Properly cubbied against it- a drawer with rusty equipment,
    In rotten and musty condition is a card to mom the owner's obviously rushy to finish.
    Outside the room is a shadowed body jogging and running the distance,
    Just below their hand lies a washcloth~~
    to cover the spot of how bloody their wrist is,
    Naked trees sway to her steps, on her chest a moniker plushly is written...
    "Blair"- a gothic druggy who listens to rock and punk in college studyin physics,
    Always hung and got with the sluttiest bitches.
    A paradoxical figure, her hair is soft with a glimmer,
    The air her nostrils deliver contain the scent of angels' breath paired with toxical rivers.
    Parents couldn't bear the thought of her livin,
    Life with an apparent narcotics addiction, staring lost in a prism.
    Needle marks on her skin, you can see the darkness within,
    How could she be a hostage to sin? Only 19 and sodomy's friend.

    The lonely night scene had caused her to spin~out of control,
    The bowels of her soul were infested by neglected flowers of growth.
    Falicy's fantasy became reality, still, she had personality,
    And the biggest loss in life is being consumed by normality.
    Passively, she went to raves in the chamber drinking with anger,
    Erasing the painful strain that had made her a claimed patient of sado.
    But being raped by a stranger one night had changed her in ways of...
    Unaidable rage that built up internally as blades painted her veins with a rainbow.
    Didn't pay mind to the future, in the day time she was used to..
    Cruising wreckless as she'd sip and drink wine with a blank mind to intruders.
    Refused to take time as a tutor..let things flow as they did,
    Her belly now dead weight holdin a abortion's headache told her to quit.
    Most can't relate, a cold absent face tells tales of no happy place,
    Proactive hate from fate's slow hand of chase...
    had her go back to base in nomadic state..fearless, just think...
    The apartment she came home to was run down faster than the tears on her face.
    Careless mistakes purposely made, Life's song a verse full of pain,
    But Blair was too numb from doin drugs to realise the surface was stained..

    Working restless to prepare her thesis paper on Socrates,
    Blair was always on the paraplegics playin monoply.
    The professor was amazed by her rough draft she submitted in..
    Could've excelled, but decided she'd get smashed with friends rather than finish it.
    That night she met a man out of prison with muscles and strong features,
    His touch was a god's finger making her quiver and blush when he got near her.
    As the story goes, they started romantically dating and kissing,
    But past the glory road, her heart has a tragically tainted addiction.
    He only used her for sex and she knew it, abused her in bed when they'd do it,
    Whisperin love's sonnet as she's unconcious in a hallucinate, gellid confusion.
    She was off on the deep~ end of sense ~ walking the streets,
    No socks on her feet, barefoot scared shook of rotting beneath.
    Humming songs of the beast, puffing dust while calm and released,
    Thoughts were discreet from any prophecy's reach, a promise she'd keep...
    To always be free..Stopping her speech, were raw dogs drawin their heat,
    Caught in their reach they called for her "please, coffee on me!"
    She started to freeze, denying their offer with small talk,
    That's when things became trife in the spot and she got shot...

    5 years later...

    The scene is a dusty shack, rust and ash cover it front to back,
    Inside lies a figure with crutches packed next to the matress she suffers at.
    Wants another chance, married to a man that molests her,
    Buried in the sands of a desert of regrets carried in the glands where her breasts are.
    Looking behind in a frame of glass from a famished heart,
    Reaching back to change the past, but her past is scarred.
    Now wishing she had that baby, stayed clean, and was committed to school,
    Fresh blood leaks from the old scars for the resonant affliction that grew...
  9. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Feb 17, 2001
    Upping, damn what a battle
  10. Ron Deau

    Ron Deau New Member

    Aug 25, 2006
    [hide]OK, since it's a 3 way, I'll type this up as I read so I don't forget anything...

    The Return: OK, notes... 1- Dozes is to fall asleep, so dozes to sleep is repetitive...Other than that though, this was pretty clean... flow was sick... kinda reminded me of Rikoshay... held onto rhymes for quite a few lines, but didn't stretch to reach them... interesting little riff on dreams... nice little verse there... some interesting imagery.

    Sacrifice: Locus... you mean locust? Locust of life... hmm... nah, that doesn't make entire sense either... hmm... The first stanza sounds cool, but the way it's broken up, and it just doesn't really say a whole lot... some interesting images, but nothing too substantial, or congruent, especially since we aren't grounded yet, and really have no clue what's going on. Leaving no trace repitition... that creeps my veins is awkward... improper semicolin use... it's supposed to be only for 2 seperate, complete clauses... like Kurt Vonnegut said, a semi colon is like a transvestite hermaphrodite, and all they do is show you've been to college... of course, he was talking about properly used semicolins. Then the ending was kinda... eh... didn't wow me... lotta rhyming in there, good rhyming... however, I've neer been a fan of the stop and go rhymes... kinda chant-y I guess, but not terribly fluid, because you're pausing every line... sometimes twice, which interrupts the flow quite literally.

    Thaumaturge: Toxical is an obscure as shit word. haha. I liked the bloody her wrist is line though... not sure why, just liked the flow of it...sodomy's friend, so... she likes it in the bum? Not necessarily a bad thing... haha... fallacy... not sure where the chamber is, or why they're having raves there... sado doesn't make sense... you mean sadistic? like, sado-masochistic? an abortion's headache told her to quit? The drugs? sex? having abortions? That's not explained... if they're mistakes, they can't be purposely made, that's inherently contradictive... bah, similies... submitted in is repetitive... I have no clue what gellid means... the line about sands and desert... it's confusing... if you meant her heart, it'd be a muscle, not a gland first off, and it'd be behind where her breasts are... just a little rewording would clear up the confusion there, if its refering to the heart that is of course. The ending is very abrupt also... I see pent up edited it... did he take out the end, or was that it?

    overall-- ok, those are my basic notes... haha, basically, I really liked the rhythms and plainspokenness of TheReturn, also it was an interesting verse, I actually wanted to finish it, then read it again, and did so not because I felt I owed it to give a fair vote... Sacrifice, some sweet multi/polysyllabic rhyming, but the style was too choppy for me, and the content was ... well, ok, but just didn't wow me... kinda similar to hellrzah's verse, though, written much better mechanically. Thaumaturge, kind of a boring story written quite well... the girl who keeps lapsing into drugs and sex and looks back all sad wishing she hadn't... almost as familiar as like, the little girl abused by her father who commits suicide... though, Eyedea pulled it off in his song... it's difficult to take such a familiar story and make it fresh enough...

    Vote:1-The Return, 2- Thaumaturge, 3- Sacrifice. [/hide]
  11. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Oct 10, 2001
    just checking
  12. Mr. Mynd

    Mr. Mynd The British Guy

    May 11, 2004
    [hide]FUCK - Match of the week without contest here!

    TheReturn, great verse man. Awesome way to open it up, you drew the reader right into this whole little world you concucted, and especially the whole Megan side to it. Id of possibly preffered it if you'd of just took hers and ran away with it more instead of introducing Mike too... too many cooks spoil the broth so to speak, not that i thought it took away from your verse, just a suggestion you may want to take on board for future use. Also, I see a lots made of character development here, Ive had the same brought up in some of my matches, but I must admit- I actually prefer to leave the minor details out and let the reader paint their own image of what the characters are like. But hey- that all depends on personal preference, and personally - I like it! Sick scheme and flow throughout man... our styles are a LOT alike, haha. Nice read bruh...

    Sacrifice, you left me with a feeling of incompleteness. Like I was still waiitng for the whole story to wrap up and it didnt come, I dunno... While the multies and scheme are there, and pretty damn nice actually, when you compare them to what TheReturn and Thauma pulled out of the ass this week- It just falls a little short. You would of probably beat a lot of the league with that verse there, and Im not trying to say it was bad by any means, because it wasnt, but these guys threw their all in to this match-up this week man, and as a writer- I expect even you see that. You had a pretty nice verse here, but you were unlucky to find two of the leagues in-form writers up against you this week, man. Good idea, good execution, but you just lacked that little spark to bag you the win! Im sure you'll be back though...

    Thauma - Woah man, I underestimated you a LOT when we were matched up. Sick as fuck verse again... I saw you mentioning your flow being the best in the league somewhere, and while I agree for the most part, there are times when you carry a line out too long. Only slightly, like a syllable or so, but it still makes the flow a little choppy in places. That said, I loved the imagery used here... especially towards the beginning of the verse, man. That scheme was fucking FLAMES! Again, we have a similar style, and this for me was a battle between you and TheReturn, both had sick drops, BUT I have to pick one of you, and by persoinal preference... imma have to go with Return! Just the overall more enjoyable read in my eyes, while I liked the scheme you used, at times you seemed to sacrifice content for flow (No pun intended to the other dude!) lol. Tough choice here man, I really didnt wanna have to vote on this but rules are rules...

    TheReturn got it for me. Bad luck Sack!

    1 - TheReturn, 2 - Thaumathurge, 3- Sacrifice[/hide]
  13. Mr. Mynd

    Mr. Mynd The British Guy

    May 11, 2004
    Hey Vern, I dont think you can do that now, cos you'll of been able to see who me and Ron Deau voted for. :^/
  14. TaLi RodrigueZ

    TaLi RodrigueZ Washed Up Rapper...

    Apr 5, 2002

    Ok so, this was probably the best champ match since, oh, I don't know, Richard Corey and I (haha). I have to go with The Return on this one. Second and Third place is basically a toss up. Everybody excelled at different things. SacriFICE took shit in terms of sheer number of well-worded rhymes. The flow was quite nice too. Thaumaturge had some good rhymes as well, although I wasn't really feeling the flow as much. I loved the vividness of Thaumaturge's piece. The imagery and general storytelling was top notch. TheReturn's piece was so nice to me because it had the rhymes, but they were more like how I'd write them in the sense that they were very well thought out and they didn't steer the focus away from the content, which is something that I found with both SacriFICE and Thauma's. His flow was very smooth as well. The transition between parts was very fluid and allowed for an easily read piece. Above all else, I just found The Return's the most interesting. Maybe it's because I've studied Jung and all of the stuff that he is eluding to. I don't know, but this, to me, is a case where a combination of story/topical beat out two straight up stories even though they were of a high quality. That's the style that I've pretty much ridden to success and I don't see any reason why that formula won't continue to work for The Return. [/hide]
  15. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Aug 3, 2005
    Due to my current discrepancy with Thau i'll respectfully decline to vote on this...
  16. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Feb 26, 2005
  17. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Feb 26, 2005
    The Return 5-0

    Thaumaturge 12-1
    Sacrifice 5-1
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