CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: 1. Dark Nebula 4-0 -V- 2. Athiest 39-11

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by DiC GeTs GuLLy, Aug 14, 2006.

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  1. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

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    RSTL RULES AND REGULATIONS

    RULES AND REGULATIONS - THERE'S SOME NEW SHIT SO CLICK AND READ


    The Standard League Rules will still be Enforced

    Due Dates

    VERSES DUE: Friday 12:00am PST/3:00am EST
    Verses posted after the deadline will not count!

    VOTES DUE Sunday: 12:00am PACIFIC/3:00 Midnight EST
    Votes posted after the deadline will not count!

    • Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.
    • Verses must incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.
    • Anyone who does not post at least 4 rap lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.
    • During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.
    • Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a “show” but will not result in a match. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent posts between 16-64, you will lose the match but you will remain in the league. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent does not show, you will “Win by no-show”.

    Voting:
    • If you do not show you can still vote and post the links in your match to receive full voting points. In addition, if you do not show, yet vote on at least 4 matches (Or, every match available, should there be less than 4 matches to vote on) you will remain in the league.
    • Votes must be hidden! To hide a vote, first thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. The last thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, a backslash “/”, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. Unhidden votes will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No second chance votes! If your vote has been edited, even it was only to hide it, your vote will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No bias votes! If you have a personal investment in wanting someone to lose, whether because that member voted against you once, or you just don’t like that person, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match. If have a personal investment in wanting someone to win, whether because they’re crew member, or because you want to face that person in the next week’s brackets, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match.
    • ”Bias” must be confirmed by a Moderator.
    • If there is a match which you will not be able to vote on, due to “Bias” of any type, state so within your match prior to Verses Due Deadline. If this reduces the number of matches available for you to vote on to the point where you are unable to vote on at least 4 matches, the point scale will be adjusted according to how many matches you do vote on.
    • 3-ways are inevitable. In order to provide a tie-breaker in a 3-way, you are now required to indicate in what order the contestants finished (1st, 2nd, 3rd).
      anyone who does not show or vote is suspended one week and must sign-in again to be inserted the following week.



    Topics: http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1003478
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  2. Atheist

    Atheist Storyteller

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  3. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

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  4. Atheist

    Atheist Storyteller

    Joined:
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    1,707
    The cold taste of snowflakes begins with the fall of sunshine,
    and soon it’s a white bliss
    as if mother nature turned albino for one night.
    Thick layers of snow carpet the city; the hue is beautiful,
    as silver fingers lick the streets cause the moon is full.
    But don’t be fooled; these icy winds are nothing to trust,
    they’ll leave you shivering…
    a nose redder than Rudolph’s.
    You’ll want to be home, shoes off, beside the furnace,
    maybe a good film, hot cocoa, with closed blinds and curtains.
    It sounds perfect…
    but that’s the scene I wanted to start you with,
    cause there’s a couple braving this cold in a heated argument. (10)

    “WHO WAS SHE!?” she screams,
    still with the vile image festering inside
    of him caressing her thighs and undressing her with his eyes.
    “She was no one,
    I don’t even know her,” he so expectedly replies,
    but deep down he’s disappointed he didn’t get to sex her tonight.

    “I know you’re cheating,” she mumbles, afraid to meet his eyes.
    But she’s already second guessing herself deep inside.
    What if he’s never cheated, she asks herself,
    what if he really loves me?
    But before she knows it, he’s unbuttoning his diamond cufflinks.
    “What are you doing?” she asks, “that was my present to you.”
    He smiles faintly, “I’m done…I can never settle with you,
    You don’t trust me.”

    And she tries to remain level-headed,
    but she’s already caving in to all of her second guessing.
    “I’m sorry,” she wails.
    “Tomorrow’s our anniversary, I’ll make it up at dinner.”
    But he doesn’t reply; he just walks away in the blizzard.
    “You’ll be there if you love me,” she says as if it’s an ultimatum,
    but he just rolls his eyes and grits his teeth...
    “I’ve lost my patience.” (26)​

    She sits at the table, with new earrings and nice clothes,
    holding a white rose. But she’s nervous,
    keeping her eyes closed.
    Hoping, praying that he’ll appear and finally open up,
    but she’s got no idea he has no intention of showing up.
    He’s already at her house, yeah,
    the one I mentioned earlier,
    she’s slipping out of her red dress and unbundling her curly hair.
    Right now he’s pushing inside, her sweat against his stomach,
    telling her, “I love you” when really it’s just tequila talking.
    While at the restaurant, she’s picking up her shawl,
    tears staining her cheek cause she’s knows her lover’s gone. (36)

    He wakes up beside her to the sound of his cellphone ringing,
    and he already knows who’s calling;
    “Bitch, what is it?”
    But all he can hear are soft sobs and heavy breathing.
    There’s only one way to get through to her, so with steady feeling
    he says, “Bitch, we’re over! Stay the hell out of my life!”
    “Don’t...hang...up,” she mumbles, but he’s already deaded the line.

    He looks to the bedside table, reaching for the pack of cigarettes,
    opens it up and grabs his lighter – only one cig is left.
    He inhales its effects, then looks left at his sultry mistress,
    noticing how plain she is and that nothing holds his interest.
    This isn’t the woman for me,
    he mutters in a moment of revelation,
    hopping out of the bed, leaving quicker than when he came in.
    He jumps in his car, grabs his cellphone and dials the number
    he’s had memorized for years.
    Butterflies float in the pit of his stomach.
    But there’s no answer, so he inhales and leaves a message;
    “I’ve made a huge mistake, baby.
    I love you and I need to express it!” (52)

    But when he arrived, yellow tape sealed off her sheltered stoop
    as the police lights painted the snow a hue of red and blue.
    He pushed past the bystanders
    then saw the carcass; her shirt was bloodied,
    her thighs and face were bruised, arms cut, her skirt was crumpled.
    She’d been violently raped and to muffle her screams
    the attacker repeatedly stabbed her till there was nothing to bleed.
    And as he burst through the tape, he felt the pain in his heart
    and he fell to his knees, crying, “I love you…”
    knowing she was dead in his arms. (60)

    He wakes up beside her to the sound of his cellphone ringing,
    and he already knows who’s calling;
    “Bitch, what is it?”
    But all he can hear are soft sobs and heavy breathing.
    There’s only one way to get through to her, so with steady feeling
    he says, “Bitch, we’re over! Stay the hell out of my life!”
    “Don’t...hang...up,” she mumbles, but he’s already deaded the line.


    the last sestet is repeated from early so this is actually only sixty lines in length.
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  5. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Topic: On the Run (Figuratively Speaking)

    Suspended in place, tension embraced as his wheels start to break
    Wind filling his face, swerving through traffic down the hill of his fate
    Saying a prayer, hoping his Lord would please kill him today
    But misery stays and consistently plays the tortures within his brain
    Not feeling his waist or below that, hoping his limbs go away
    Because the idea of them not moving mentally twists him in pain
    A good bye lullaby; eager to pack, move and live in a grave
    But cars miss him and sway to bring death, but his gets to escape
    Arnold shivers and shakes, rolling at high speeds, submissive to crash
    The adrenaline rush in him is plush to be ripped into half
    A Civic that’s black gets in his path and he closes his eyes,
    Opens his arms and hopes that his heart pops out then floats in the sky
    …..Blowing right by, his corner vision sees it skate on the curb
    Hit a kid, skid and flip in traffic, but too late to for the merge
    Awaiting his turn, he impatiently burns for recreation to serge
    And get his wishes of a collision that will take him from Earth
    Filtering screams and hideous scenes that crush his pitiful dreams;
    Cars colliding with charging sirens as bodies spill in the streets
    A radius.... of self hate, disgust and terror is spread
    As several images begin to blend and mix in this mirror of death
    This is the bitch that we call life so can he exist with some rest
    Without ending his breaths? Relieving anguish that’s persistent with stress
    No distance is left, Arnold finally rolls to the right of the road
    So oncoming vehicles will drive through him whole and leave his mind on their chrome
    An Expedition turns left and clips him before the grill of a Hummer
    Fills up his slumbers with life insurance paying bills for their bumper
    Still optimistic of plots in killing as he hovers for blocks
    Over the tops of trucks and vans, thinking he’s done when this stops
    Crashing through a window and landing on an obese couple
    Who fall like bowling pins, lungs implode within their exploding muscles
    Breaking appendages, already useless, his fate’s to live with them
    Because death isn’t a friend of his and has evaded him again



    The Date December 10, 2005…. He awakes from his coma
    Gazes to the corner of his room and it’s waiting there for him
    A love/hate relationship with his wheelchair was built
    Yelling ‘til his face just leaks: more aware of the guilt.
    “Why ME!!!!! Why am I so unworthy to die?!?!?!?!
    With organs burning inside this blood pumping furnace of mine
    I’ve lived too long to still be happy and yearning for life
    Please… just pull the fucking plug, no more surgical knives!!!”

    Nurses emerge on his sides, restraining Arn with straps to the bed
    Latching his head, arms and even putting leather wraps through his legs
    Forcing some drugs of fake euphoria plunged in his veins
    Cuz he’s insane, in a psych ward where zombies cuddle their pain
    Haunted by wheels, Arnold Stewart would rather crawl through the fields
    Then ever get in that chair again, screaming… “It’s your fault I’m not Killed!!”
    Even after he died, there was no relaxed afterlife
    He took that away from himself by not sitting back through the ride
    Hating his body made him a jockey for the horse of this matrix
    The source of his hatred… a chair that helped him explore where he’d take it
    So hell for him is thinking he’s still alive and bound by dependence
    To that friend/enemy that made a path he thought drowned his existence

    [​IMG]

    When you’re ready for Death, but Death isn’t ready for you
    Are the constant attempts at suicide made more petty than cruel?
    Your body owes you nothing, you’re the one in debt to its rules
    So stop loathing, start growing and then do the best you can do
    Hope yall learned a lesson from dude and found a section of food
    For your thoughts to get to consume and maybe….. rest through it too
    And all of that is to be done without Death as a tool
    Just cuz Sleep’s its cousin, that doesn’t mean it lives with the fool


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  6. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

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    uppin over no shows
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  7. Adderall XR 30

    Adderall XR 30 New Member

    Joined:
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    [hide]

    My vote goes to Mr. Nebula in this match. This was a really solid champ match though. In terms of story, I liked them both in their own ways. Atheist's was more sad/tragic whereas DIC's had somewhat of a harsh/tragic/get over it type of vibe. Atheist, your started out a little bit slow for me, like maybe the first 8 lines plus a few into the next stanza. It wasn't until the girl was at the restaurant that I finally started to feel pulled into the story. The second half of this was superb in terms of capturing the tragedy of it all. DIC, you also started off a little bit slow for me and pick it up like crazy from that point on. The main thing that seperated these two pieces for me was all the technical shit. DIC, as tends to be the case, complete destroyed the rhyming aspect of this battle. It's not like Atheist didn't do a damn nice job as well, but the -com plex it ty- of DIC's rhymes without seeming forced took the cake in that department. Both of the flows were pretty similar in terms of consistency. No complaints there. Overall, this was really close, and I'm sure votes will go both ways, but I take DIC by a hair. [/hide]
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  8. Calloused

    Calloused New Member

    Joined:
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    [hide]Atheist, this verse was outstanding. The ending was touching and the story was very human. The line "This isn't the woman for me" sticks out for reasons other than the obvious italics. You came across with a remarkable sense of purpose, and your story had a great message. The imagery was outstanding. The only area left for you really to improve was the flow. There were several instances where I would have appericiated a slightly smoother rhyme scheme. However, from the storytelling aspect, this verse was almost perfect.

    Dic Gets Gully, your piece was also very nice. You used multiples well, and if flowed quickly, your rhyme scheme works well. The bolded ending was exceptionally well written, with a great sense of clarity. Unfortunately, there were moments in the rest of the story where that sense of clarity didn't exist. The imagery of the street scene was so complex I can imagine it was very tough to write it as well as you did, but even so there were moments where I wasn't exactly sure what was happening. I enjoyed that you made his suicide attempt so original and almost comical, but because that scene was so dense, it didn't fit well into the 30-so lines you gave it. I also did find a few instances of forced rhymes, but they are tough to avoid when you are going for a dense scheme. Overall, I'll say you had very ambitious intentions, and this probably would have been a better verse if it had been longer (albeit it might have drug on too long, as well).

    My vote is going to Atheist. I liked this battle, however, I feel that while Atheist wrote one of his best verses that I've read, Dic's verse was good but not even as good as I remember him being from my last (short) stay in the RSTL.[/hide]
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  9. Urizen

    Urizen I hate humans

    Joined:
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    [HIDE]vote - Dark

    Athiest - again one dope piece. everything was on point and the not rhyming
    was refreshing so that kept me reading. but since you have writing down
    again it comes to just the story.
    while I was hoping to read part 2 of the ho story this was a dope
    concept too. everything was nicely done from beginning to end
    but what ruined it to my opinion was when dude was laying next
    to the chick and then all of a sudden noticed her
    like he didnt notice her before
    no offense but thats bullshit I mean come he went to her
    at least to times meaning he has seen her before so he knows how she looks
    and the sudden guilt like "what have I done"
    came off unbelievable but
    the ending was nice tho real nice even didnt expect that so
    nicely done

    Dark - this was a nice piece the beginning lines were really setting the mood
    but then when he rolled onto the streets it became kinda chaotic
    but I could still follow what happened in the big lines
    and how you made tother people die instead of him
    how death would come to all but him was nicely done
    kinda extreme but nicely done
    and how you gave him a motive was nice as well
    I mean hating his wheelchair as a meta for actually hating himself
    was just dope but the streets piece did kinda mess it up for me but for the rest
    your flow and wordplay were all on point

    so all in all this was a dope battle
    both writers are dope and both came nice
    so on a writing level both are the same so it just comes
    down to the story and to me it feels like
    Dark came just a little but nicer with the concept and all
    but damn this was a dope battle tho
    good job from both of you [/HIDE]
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  10. Atheist

    Atheist Storyteller

    Joined:
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    championship match with only three votes?

    come on, folks.
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  11. Vigil

    Vigil Im infinite consciousness

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    884
    [hide]Damn, those two verse were so sick. Best champ match since the rstl renewal.

    Atheist - You're of the most complete writers I've ever read, you remind me alot of Richard Corey. Anyways, I loved this verse cause it was so entertaining, I was actually anxious to read ahead, unlike some other verses I've read this week. The first stanza was needed, and I thought the imagery was pretty nice, the description was above par. You're a really good storyteller, the verse was long but it read like a breeze and you're wording was so concise and crisp. The story played out in a perfect pace, you didn't rush it but you didn't progress slowly either. And the ending was unexpected, and that last stanza had a big, big effect cause the wording in that section was dope, like 'deaded the line'. I was like oh shit, this guy really spend some time on this, cause the verse was constructed so well. This verse had so many qoutables, and all the sections were strong but this was the most effective by far,

    "He wakes up beside her to the sound of his cellphone ringing,
    and he already knows who’s calling;
    “Bitch, what is it?”
    But all he can hear are soft sobs and heavy breathing.
    There’s only one way to get through to her, so with steady feeling
    he says, “Bitch, we’re over! Stay the hell out of my life!”
    “Don’t...hang...up,” she mumbles, but he’s already deaded the line."



    D.I.C - Your veres are always fun to read, cause the multis are dope, the flow is dope and the message you present is dope. Like Atheist's verse, this verse read like a breeze, and this verse was even more entertaining. You did the pic justice in my opinion, cause the pic is so crazy and your style of writing complimented it well. I liked the inner struggle the character had, and the vocab you used was perfect. I think you did everything well, so it made my deicision so much harder cause after reading Atheist I thought he had this easy.

    This was my favorite section cause I think it explained the character the best.

    The Date December 10, 2005…. He awakes from his coma
    Gazes to the corner of his room and it’s waiting there for him
    A love/hate relationship with his wheelchair was built
    Yelling ‘til his face just leaks: more aware of the guilt.
    “Why ME!!!!! Why am I so unworthy to die?!?!?!?!
    With organs burning inside this blood pumping furnace of mine
    I’ve lived too long to still be happy and yearning for life
    Please… just pull the fucking plug, no more surgical knives!!!”



    First off, these two verses should definitely be in the top 5. Alright, after giving this some thought I'm gonna vote for Atheis cause his verse had the bigger effect and left me thinking about it more after I read it. His ending was one of the best ending's I've read cause it had the emotional and shock effect, shit was brilliant. D.I.C's verse would've beaten most verses in any week but I guess Atheist really wanted this title. Best battle of the week.

    vote - Atheist[/hide]
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  12. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    [hide]

    Atheist...So I actually read through this piece twice because I happened to have read it a few days ago when you posted it...I love the imagery you bring out in everything you write...The perfection of a snowy winter enveloping around and the inferno of passion between the couple...the fight between them was very naturally scripted and I love how she was second guessing herself right as the words left the tip of her lips because it happens so often. The character development was very on point too, and I love how the mistress he goes to isn't developed because she's better left as an empty shell instead of a person that you can actually get into feeling for. I don't know if rape would be the choice ending I would have gone with. I feel like a mugging would have been enough and possibly a contrast of the dark crimson contrast with the white of the snow, but regardless I loved the piece...the repetition was also very on point if you ask me.

    D.I.C...ok so I saw that twist coming because I've done a piece like this before where you keep reliving that day you died, but yea...I liked the concept of the guy in a wheelchair, but I feel that his pain and struggle would be seen much more clearly through a first person depiction instead of some random narrator discussing it. The flow and scheme were top notch...I can't say anything bad about them at all. The closing segment was very much on point as well, but I feel your character lacked depth entirely. All we know about him is the day he tried to kill himself by rolling down a hill through traffic trying to get hit by a car and while the imagery is diverse, what happened to him that made him lose the ability to use his legs because seemingly he can use his arms...why choose this method then instead of just getting a hold of a gun and ending his life that way...of course you made the story exciting with your imagery, but the character was a hollow shell...

    I have to give my vote to Atheist because his piece brought more elements to the table in a consistent manner, but this was a very good read...

    [/hide]
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  13. Annihilation

    Annihilation CLAUS HOUSE

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    [hide]
    Atheist:

    Nice verse, at first I thought the ending was pretty dope, but it wore off with a bit more afterthought in the sense that it doesn't bring the story full-circle, mainly because the guy suddenly feeling remorse and wanting her back doesn't make much sense after building him up as this apathetic asshole looking for his next fuck, and telling her off while she's dying in her last breaths is deep and a well done effect, but overall his wanting her back left me uneasy and I didn't think it fit, it was almost like it was written simply to have that cool ending, almost a deus ex machina ending.

    the writing itself was fantastic, the conversation pieces and the thoughts of the characters were realistic, probing and provided a gorgeous sub-text that constasts against the dialogue masterfully. the scheme and flow were nice, nothing overly ambitious but kept a nice slow flow to it to tell the story.


    Dark Nebula:

    Twisted ending, that shit was fucking dope. The only flaw in this entire verse was the god damn spelling and a bit of grammar, which bordered on grade school. The fact that he actually died totally got to me that was brilliant, the projection of his negative mental emotions into external physical pain of others on the road was, thematically, well done and the fast flow and sick scheme helped keep the ride really fast paced, while the latter part of the verse helped this piece transcend a simple joyride and entered a deeper more pertinent territory in terms of dealing with disability and on top of that the sick ending and the good use of the picture.

    Overall, I feel like both were great verses, but Dark Nebula won this for me with a sick rhyme scheme, well written tale that evolved into a great ending alongside an interesting theme of living with disability.
    [/hide]
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  14. JBB Sports Man

    JBB Sports Man New Member

    Joined:
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    [hide] Good battle between both. I liked reading both verses but I feel that Atheist's was the better one, if by slight. I liked the imagery and I thought the flow and rhythm was perfect. Every instance was detailed and nothing was left out. I thought the opening stanza was a perfect set-up and really set the tone for a strong piece.

    =
    The cold taste of snowflakes begins with the fall of sunshine,
    and soon it’s a white bliss
    as if mother nature turned albino for one night.
    Thick layers of snow carpet the city; the hue is beautiful,
    as silver fingers lick the streets cause the moon is full.
    But don’t be fooled; these icy winds are nothing to trust,
    they’ll leave you shivering…
    a nose redder than Rudolph’s.
    You’ll want to be home, shoes off, beside the furnace,
    maybe a good film, hot cocoa, with closed blinds and curtains.
    It sounds perfect…
    but that’s the scene I wanted to start you with,
    cause there’s a couple braving this cold in a heated argument.
    =============

    DN, your piece was solid but, to be honest, I felt it got stale halfway through. I thought you tackled a difficult topic and did wonders with it, but the verse lacked in terms of imagery and creativity.

    Nice battle from both but my vote goes to Atheist. [/hide]
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  15. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

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    [Hide]ath - this verse was pretty eh until the ending (comparitvely to YOUR other work not everyone elses or ur opponents (yet)). Ill get to the rest of ur verse in a minute what bugs the shit out of me initially is the repeated sestet(sp?) almost implies that she was being held hostage moreso than it was suicde, and since u left it upto the reader its mind fucking me. ok technical standpoint....rhymes felt like u were trying to be crisp rather than rhyme hard, and having yet read nebulas verse that could cost u in this situation, considering the fact that the story was cliche up until the twist where I couldn't tell how she died....the flow from line to line was natural though I didn't catch any inners this time which was saddening. You should have (in my opinion at thise point in time) continued the story of the hooker, of course the imagery was dope and the story was told 'maturely'

    Dark nebula -- chea, that's what I'm talkin about, dope story with a 'moral' (woohoo) as opposed torall story or all topical, a nice balance of the two. Also as the rhyme was constant from line and the flow was smooth as hell....I loved imagery always constant not 'this and that happened' (jus read gl's verse) and everything was coming at me, I saw the cars, I felt the wind of the downhill (sounded like it would happen in frisco with all the kooks over there). Its a very nice balance of thought /emotion with narrative imagery

    I've almost done in this six pack so to keep it short
    Vote, nebula [/hide]
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  16. TaLi RodrigueZ

    TaLi RodrigueZ Washed Up Rapper...

    Joined:
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    Looks like a 4-4 tie to me...

    I'm sure shit isn't ideal, but whatever, it is the way it is...

    Atheist ties Mr. Nebula, which of course gives us co-champs...

    Nebula (5-0)
    Atheist (40-11)
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