CHAMPIONSHIP: 2. Mr. Mynd 31-5 vs 1. Street Poet 10-1 (2 Defenses)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by DiC GeTs GuLLy, Dec 19, 2006.

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  1. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

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    The Standard League Rules will still be Enforced

    Due Dates

    VERSES DUE: Sunday12:00am PST/3:00am EST (this means Sunday, early early, start of the morning)
    Verses posted after the deadline will not count!

    VOTES DUE Tuesday: 12:00am EST PACIFIC 3:00am (also meaning early early morning Tuesday for people in the US)
    Votes posted after the deadline will not count!

    • Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.
    • Verses must incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.
    • Anyone who does not post at least 4 rap lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.
    • During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.
    • Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a “show” but will not result in a match. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent posts between 16-64, you will lose the match but you will remain in the league. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent does not show, you will “Win by no-show”.

    Voting:
    • If you do not show you can’t vote in any matches. .

    • No bias votes! If you have a personal investment in wanting someone to lose, whether because that member voted against you once, or you just don’t like that person, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match. If have a personal investment in wanting someone to win, whether because they’re crew member, or because you want to face that person in the next week’s brackets, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match.
    • ”Bias” must be confirmed by a Moderator.
    • If there is a match which you will not be able to vote on, due to “Bias” of any type, state so within your match prior to Verses Due Deadline. If this reduces the number of matches available for you to vote on to the point where you are unable to vote on at least 4 matches, the point scale will be adjusted according to how many matches you do vote on.
    • 3-ways are inevitable. In order to provide a tie-breaker in a 3-way, you are now required to indicate in what order the contestants finished (1st, 2nd, 3rd).
      anyone who does not show or vote is suspended one week and must sign-in again to be inserted the following week.



    Topics: http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1025638
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  2. Mr. Mynd

    Mr. Mynd The British Guy

    Joined:
    May 11, 2004
    Messages:
    602
    Word to your motherboard! :^)
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  3. ConstantFlows

    ConstantFlows New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2001
    Messages:
    4,283
    "I got kinky hoes in skimpy clothes
    With brain powers to crack davinci codes"
    -apathy
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  4. Mr. Mynd

    Mr. Mynd The British Guy

    Joined:
    May 11, 2004
    Messages:
    602
    "Elephants Never Forget - The Elephant Never Forgotten"

    "What a splendid head, yet no brain."
    Aesop


    [​IMG]

    From the age of five,
    My face comprised, of distinct growths that ranged in size ..
    .. and plagued my mind,
    When I’d hear the hateful jibes, my classmates devised.
    The torrential torment was often initiated by,
    Bullies that would take the time ..
    .. To state unkind, spates and lies, until they had made me cry.
    Empty tears cascade the sides, of my craniums strange design ..
    .. And with grace they slide,
    Over my shapeless guises grey confines.
    The great despise I faced at times, would duly strip away my pride ..
    .. But Mother often told me,
    “Beauty’s nothing but a state of mind,”
    And I held her sweet words with me, up until the day she died ..
    .. As they were right,
    And I was stronger than the pain I faced inside.
    My father would later find,
    A stately sprite, to make his wife ..
    .. Who placed her spiteful talons, well in view of his grateful sights.
    Her waves of white,
    And ageing lines, had made her face refined ..
    .. But she was as cold and calculated, as a sculpture made of ice.
    Her severe disgust was noted,
    Through each of her weighted sighs ..
    .. And she’d leave the room at the faintest sight, of my heinous plight.
    For months she gamely tried,
    To exploit this great divide ..
    .. Culminating in the deft ultimatum that came to light,
    “It’s either I go, or he goes!” she’d proclaim with spite ..
    .. And I raged inside,
    When asked to leave our estate that night.
    I found myself out in the cold world,
    With no place to hide.
    Followed by the japes and snipes, of children that raced me by.
    My deformity meant,
    Looking for work was a waste of time ..
    .. As nowhere would accept such a disfigured face as mine.
    Then to my ornate surprise,
    A fly-poster graced my eyes ..
    .. About a travelling freak show that sought my distasteful kind.
    The pay was trite,
    But so were most jobs in these days and times ..
    .. And I felt somewhat insubordinate as they caged my hind.
    The steel curtain was raised in time,
    To meet the publics scathing pries ..
    They never saw me, just the disfigured mask I’m portrayed behind.
    When one day a saintly guide,
    Would enter to change my life ..
    .. “Dr. Treves” he stated quite, profoundly. I remained uptight.
    His gaping eyes,
    Fell on my hideous growths that had stabilized ..
    .. And he informed me,
    He could help to investigate their rise.
    So I moved to Whitechapel Hospital, where I’d the greatest time ..
    .. And Doctor Treves,
    Removed pockets of flesh from my face and spine.
    I yearned to be ‘normal’ again -
    To sleep as I faced the sky ..
    .. A comfort I hadn’t known in years, due to my heads weight and size.
    It was during my attempt in the dawn of one fateful night,
    That upon my own stupidity,
    I would suffocate and die.
    Empty tears cascade the sides, of my craniums strange design ..
    .. And with grace they slide,
    Over my shapeless guises’ grey confines.
    The great despise I’d faced at times, had duly stripped away my pride ..
    .. And Mother had told me,
    Beauty was nothing but a state of mind.
    I held those true words with me, up until the day I’d died ..
    .. But these people never saw me,

    Just the disfigured mask I was portrayed behind.


    - Joseph Carey Merrick
    5th August 1862 – 11th April, 1890

    [​IMG]

    TOPICS: "Human Freakshow"

    "Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in."
    Amy Lowell
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  5. Mr. Mynd

    Mr. Mynd The British Guy

    Joined:
    May 11, 2004
    Messages:
    602
    "Elephants Never Forget - The Elephant Never Forgotten"

    My votes shall go here. :^)

    Good luck my man, you'll need it!
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  6. ConstantFlows

    ConstantFlows New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2001
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    4,283
    Lazy Winter Nights
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  7. Baron Myzzle

    Baron Myzzle The British Guy

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2006
    Messages:
    48
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  8. UneekTestimony

    UneekTestimony New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2003
    Messages:
    8,857
    This is going to be quick because I really have no internet access. I'm on my grandmother's dial up and it's terribly slow. Anyway, Baron you pretty much jacked my topic man lol, but it's all gravy. The flow was tremendous..on some Rikoshay stuff because you managed to maintain the same rhyme scheme consistently throughout your verse. The portrayal of this disfigured man was profound, and vividly uncomfortable. The emotion was also present. Your writer's voice allowed me to actually feel for this man. Feeling it. On the other hand, Pent also wrote about a human freak show. Now, I know I was the first person to drop, so I hope everyone didn't write about it. Anyway, this was an interesting story about a bearded woman and S.Claus with a weird love twist, but it was long and exaggerated for no reason. There were lines that weren't necessarily needed and you could've been more concise in others. Also, some lines were stretched. As far as interest/entertainment/imagery: those all were present, but i felt like baron's was a lot more mature.

    v/baron
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  9. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2005
    Messages:
    2,962
    thanks for showing... getcha vote on and Happy Holidays. I guess that's the PC term to use incase there's Jews and Muslims in the league.
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  10. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 1999
    Messages:
    5,955
    CHAMPIONSHIP: 2. Mr. Mynd 31-5 vs 1. Street Poet 10-1 (2 Defenses)
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1025821

    Mynd: Absolutely flawless... my favorite part was the part you chose to repeat at the end, which really gave the piece an emotional edge:

    "Empty tears cascade the sides, of my craniums strange design ..
    .. And with grace they slide,
    Over my shapeless guises’ grey confines.
    The great despise I’d faced at times, had duly stripped away my pride ..
    .. And Mother had told me,
    Beauty was nothing but a state of mind.
    I held those true words with me, up until the day I’d died ..
    .. But these people never saw me,
    Just the disfigured mask I was portrayed behind."

    I really couldn't believe I was reading something this dope...haha. Once again you showed a vast vocabulary, rhyming the scheme throughout the entire piece... and as usual I couldn't find a place where the scheme misplaced content, as each word seemed to fit. The story was written so nicely, and once I got over the fact that your rhyming was so dope, I focused in on the content to find that it really couldn't get much better than this... Your scheme was dope all the way through, and you did it well, but I think you should try sometimes to develop the scheme even more... because with your vocabulary you could create some pretty indepth schemes... anyway, dope shit... One of your better pieces in my opinion.

    Pent: This was dope as well... lots of cool rhyming and description, and a very interestingly unexpected ending... Creativity factor would have to go to you this time around... however, in some places I found myself cringing at word usage, most of the time a rhyme or near rhyme used just to continue a scheme, and kind of finishing in an awkward way... It didn't happen TOO often, but when it did, it stuck out like a sore thumb, usually the case had been a differing syllable count disrupting the flow of the line. In a champ match I'm looking at flaws, and not strengths, because you both are dope writers. Getting away from that aspect of this piece, I thought you brought the end with description and a strangely interesting story.. Another issue I had in the end was.. basically I think you might have OVERwritten this piece... Had the lines been broken where the capitalizations were, you would've had a billion lines... because of this I think there were some lines that lost strength in the grand scheme of the piece. my favorite part:

    "Yet still she showed no hatred at all, it wasn't her Way
    Jessica just stopped taking the Calls from those bums on display
    Not the kind of bums that hides in Slums and lived in grunge and in waste
    Bad attitudes saddened her mood despite of money they made"

    Showed dope rhyming and flow...

    Overall: this battle is tough to call, but I have to give this to Baron Mynd. I thought strength to strength Mynd did a lot in this battle to take it... Pent, brought the damn heat and made this a match up to be remembered... It came down to the more concise and developed piece... and Mynd didn't lack in that category.
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  11. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    Fuckin Baron - I hate you...I'm going to hate facing you...lol...only a sick motherfucker like yourself would tell the story of the Elephant man making him seem more human than that fucker really was. While the story not quite as accurate, it was a refreshing piece and your flow/scheme were on a whole different level.

    Pent - this piece was cool...a different approach than what Baron and Nique did to the same topic, giving more of a broad scope...at the same time I felt like there was just to much going on throughout the piece and the focus faltered.

    vote = Baron, his writing was more concise and better scripted
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  12. Dreamcaster

    Dreamcaster Welcome to My Mind

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2006
    Messages:
    83
    Baron, very nice scheme.... I see you've tried to connect the same rhyme scheme all the way through, which was pretty nice, but it was only a 3 syllable rhyme scheme, which isn't that hard with an A and I rhyme pattern and then you repeated some of the rhymes so you could have done this a bit better I think. The flow was still nicely done and the character development was the strongest element of this. I guess you did research to develop this character, which is nice too, but I actually wish you would expand with your creative thoughts instead. It takes more work to develop a character you've created than it does to research one that already has lived the life you're displaying. I give much respect for the rhyme scheme though and your use of the Freak Show and his struggles with a nice portrayal of this. Great piece

    Pent, Very funny and loved the imagery you used in this. Nice flow with inners and multies throughout too and great character development on top of all those elements to add to a veryt fulfilling read and covering all these elements..... to add to that though, you made it about Christmas with a surprise ending that was really nice in a love story with a bearded lady and santa. That's creativity at it's prime to me and I have to respect that. Made me feel all Christmassy too to read this Christmas morning. Nice display and great twist at the end..... Didn't see that coming with her falling in love with Santa and becoming mrs claus with him loving her beard, which made her a freak in the first place. The whole story went full circle from the beard being a bad thing into it being a great quality for gettin her man.

    Vote Pent, more creative and a very Christmas approach that I was feeling.
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  13. Urizen

    Urizen I hate humans

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2004
    Messages:
    6,700
    OK Im gonna keep this short and sweet

    Baron - your scheme was just sick I liked how you told the story
    from beginning you was just nice and you kept it up all the way till the end
    this was again one of you dope pieces worthy of a champ

    Street - this was nice man it read away easy as hell and the way you told the story was nice as well. it was something you shine in and do well
    I liked the rhyme scheme as well

    this was a dope champ battle ... in a way they both took a similar topic
    but baron just went ALL out with scheme and writers voice
    he just took this one eventho street came on point
    so Baron gets my vote
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  14. A.S.K

    A.S.K ...

    Joined:
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    baron: god im glad your from the UK. the second I started reading this piece i loved the scheme and the way you carried on the use of one simple descirptive word. Very nice piece, ive seen the elephant man done before but this was just refreshing. wasnt to into the story but simply loved this piece because of the way you told it. fantastic and unique style

    street poet - unless your an alias i havent read your stuff before but i was very impressed. when i first looked at the lines before i started reading i thought they would be really stretched, but the words you used made it flow perfectly. however because of the use of words and large desacriptions i kinda of just got lost in the piece and couldnt follow it and enojy it as well

    and for this reason i give it to BARON, both pieces were amazing and i will be checking you both out again, but i just loved barons piece for its style

    x
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  15. Brains

    Brains The Phantom

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2004
    Messages:
    758
    baron- I didn't know much about dude so I hit up good ol wikipedia and you definitely followed the story well while maintaining that rhyme scheme throughout. Your piece was the more focused than pent's.

    sp- I never wanted to see santa clause portrayed in such a fashion. It hurt. Other than that, I thought it was effective and a very creative story. Some of the bars were crunched, way to many syllables on a few lines I thought. I dunno. I'ma give it mynd because he had the better ryming, both came strong though.

    Vote- Mynd
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  16. Anaphora

    Anaphora was here

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    1,729
    Wait, no more hiding votes? Haha. OK, well

    Baron: This was on some Riko shit right here, keeping the assonance scheme the whole verse. Very impressive. The end was very clipped, and could've used more explaining on just how he suffocated, but it was pretty sweet, tons of rhyming. One small formatting thing, it'd read smoother if you didn't use all the unnecessary commas at rhymes... anyone with half a brain will catch the rhymes, and the comma pauses break up the flow where it shouldn't be broken, I had to just start ignoring them after the first handful of lines, but it can be distracting.

    Street Poet: This was pretty coo too. The lines were a bit long, and even the inner rhyming didn't save it in some places... but, I've seen way shorter lines seem stretched, so it wasn't terrible by any means. There were some misused words, or, moreso, just kind of poor word choices... like: malnourished didn't fit with the phrasing, if that makes sense, and was just kinda there for the rhyme...

    Street's verse was pretty coo, liked the christmas theme, but Baron's was supa dupa fly.

    Vote: Baron Mynd
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  17. Shrug

    Shrug Street Poet

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    158
    Baron what the fuck is up with you and holding multis for dayssss. lol crazy ass. ill piece tho homie. very impressive, the only thing i woudl say for con feed is the opposite im goign to give pent. the small as well as varying lines take away from the readability and overall flow of the piece for a first time reader. crazy shit tho. Pent, FUCKING FIRE. you took this one. the story made me crack the fuck up numberous times. I had a wonderful time reading this. the story was original, the rhyme scheme was consistant for the most part. the bars were a little stretched but still i could follow, you took this for the hilarious, genius concept twist, enjoyability and overall dopeness.
    V:street
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